Y'all I am SO BEYOND SORRY for not updating when i promised I would! That was really fucked up and i cant apologize enough. I was stressing over finals and shit but that was no excuse, i gave myself a deadline and i should have met it. I haven't written much, but i will publish what i have and work on it! Again, i'm so sorry.

Harry is panicking and very possibly gay.

Everything could have been fine if Blaise Zabini hadn't gotten so hot over the summer.

And if Neville didn't have abs. 

And if Draco would stop smiling so much.

And if Seamus would stop flirting with him.

Harry buries his face in his hands as Draco brightly smiles and laughs at something Blaise says. Both of them have wide, gorgeous smiles on their perfect faces.

"What's the matter, Harry?" Dean asks from his spot next to him.

"Boys!" Harry shouts, muffled by his hands. "Boys are the problem!"

"Ah." Dean nods. "I remember the panicking 'am I gay' stage."

Harry whips his head up quickly. "You're gay?"

Dean gives him a strange look. "I'm dating Seamus, and last I checked, he had a dick."

"Last you checked was last night," Seamus says with a wink, sitting across from him. "What are we discussing?"

"Harry's having his gay panic stage."

Seamus raises his eyebrows in mild surprise. "Hm."

"But Seamus always flirts with me?" Harry says, confused.

"Seamus flirts with everyone," Dean laughs. "But he know's he's mine."

"Ownership." Seamus gives Dean a predatory grin. "I like it."

Dean leans forward, a matching grin on your face. "Oh, do you?"

"Guys!" Harry shouts. "Crisis over here!"

"Sorry." Dean immediately snaps his attention back to him, although his hand drifts across the table to hold Seamus'. "Have you considered bisexuality?"

Seamus starts giggling, hard.

"What? It's a viable option," Dean says, a slight irritable look on his face.

"No, it's not that, it's just," Seamus cuts himself off with giggles. "You're the Bi Who Lived."

Despite his crisis, Harry breaks into laughter, and Dean soon follows.

"What's so funny?" Hermione asks, sitting down. 

"My ever-changing sexuality," Harry answers.

"The Bi Who Lived," Dean snickers under his breath.

Hermione's eyes go wide, and she bursts into laughter.

"Who came up with that?" she asks, giggling.

Seamus grins at her, and she dissolves back into giggles.

"Creative," a smooth voice says, before Draco and Blaise sit down.

"Thank you," Seamus replies, a bright grin directed at Draco. "Why are you at the Gryffindor table?"

"The Bi Who Lived is much more interesting than Pansy being pansexual," Blaise replies calmly, stealing Hermione's orange juice. Hermione shouts and attempts to grab it back.

"And here I thought I was clever," Pansy says smoothly, sitting between Blaise and Hermione, and stealing the orange juice from Blaise. She takes a sip and passes the glass to Hermione. "But the Bi Who Lived surpasses me once again."

Harry cracks a grin. She winks at him, eyes sparkling with humor.

"Pansy," Draco says dramatically. "What did I say about winking at Potter?"

"Only you're allowed to," Pansy says cheekily, before winking at Harry dramatically. "But he's so attractive."

"And available," Blaise finishes, grinning at Harry. "So I'm not allowed to wink at him. Can I flirt with him?"

Harry's head is spinning.

"No!" Draco says, fake pouting. 

"Hey Potter, you're hotter than me, and that's saying a lot," Blaise says, ignoring Draco's protests and flashing a grin at Harry.

"Thank you?" Harry says, 'panicking and gay' starting to resurface.

 Draco smiles his damn smile and says "I wrote you the poem in second year."

"That means nothing!" Blaise protests. "A stupid Valentine's Day poem six years ago has nothing on my gay charm."

"Pansexual beats gay. Harry, go out with me," Pansy says calmly. 

"What's happening?" Harry asks, his voice high and squeaky.

"I believe you have three Slytherins hitting on you, and you're panicking and bisexual," Dean replies calmly.

"This isn't rock paper scissors!" Blaise protests. "You can't just beat gay!"

"Yes I can! Pansexual beats gay, gay beats bisexual, bisexual beats pansexual!" Pansy argues stubbornly.

"She's right," Draco says, sipping tea.

"Where did you get tea?" Harry asks.

"We live in Britain, Potter. Tea is our religion."

"Well if gay beats bi, then at least I beat Draco!" Blaise argues.

"No!" Draco shouts. "I'm bi, and bi beats pan. And since pan beats gay, logically, I beat you."

"The hell kinda logic is that?" Blaise argues.

"You don't beat me!" Pansy yells.

"Yes I do!"

"Well at least I call Harry by his first name! Who the hell calls him Potter anymore?"

"It's our special thing! It shows our bond!"

"Bull fucking shit!"

"Fight me!"

Blaise leans across the table. "Harry, date me," he whispers.

"Where the hell did gummy bears come from- hey, Blaise is trying to steal Harry!" Pansy shouts.

Three pairs of eyes turn to Harry, all hopeful.

Suddenly, Seamus starts bouncing in his seat. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" he squeals. "It's the Bachelor!"

"What?" Dean asks, frowning.

"We should have a competition to see who wins your heart!" Seamus squeals. "Three seperate challenges, and whoever Harry likes best at the end wins!"

Harry raises an eyebrow. "You're not serious."

"Dead serious."

(Dead Sirius)

((I'll leave))

(((I've been waiting to make that joke since i started this book)))

****************************

"Challenge number one!" Seamus shouts brightly. "A test on how well you know Harry!"

Harry blinks. "I was gone for ten minutes, how did you manage to set this up so fast?"

In front of him, where the teacher's dining table used to be, a huge stage, complete with three chairs and microphones, sits. In front of the stage is a large red and gold throne facing the stage, which Seamus forces Harry to sit in.

Behind him is several rows of seats, filled with various students. Harry's friends sit in the front row.

"Welcome to our first, and hopefully last, Harry Potter test! Each contestant will answer a series of questions themed around our dear Harry," Seamus says. He walks up to the stage, smiling at the trio in front of him. "Contestant number one, Blaise Zabini!"

Blaise winks, and smiles, waving. The crowd cheers.

"Contestant number two, Draco Malfoy!"

Draco smirks, waving. The crowd cheers again.

"Contestant number three, Pansy Parkinson!"

Pansy blows kisses. Yet again, the crowd cheers.

"Question number one! What is Harry's favorite color? Contestant number one?"

"Gryffindor red," Blaise says, grinning.

"Contestant number two?"

"Potter is a basic bitch. It's blue," Draco replies.

"Contestant number three?"

"Slytherin green." Pansy winks at Harry.

Seamus turns to Harry. "Harry?"

Harry hold up his whiteboard, which simply says BLUE.

Draco cheers. Seamus grins.

"Question number two! Is Harry a virgin?"

"SEAMUS!" Harry shouts.

"No," Blaise says.

"Not for long," Draco replies, winking.

"Absolutely," Pansy laughs.

"Two and three, you were both correct! Harry is, indeed, a pure and innocent virgin!"

"Not for long!" Pansy yells.

*************************

Harry sighs. The stupid test has been going on for over an hour.

"Now, for our three questions based on your personal opinion. Contestant number one, what are three words you would use to describe Harry?"

"Sexy, brave, heroic."

"Contestant number two?"

"Courgeous, hot, amazing."

"Contestant number three?"

"Adorable, funny, selfless."

"Wonderful! Now, contestant number one, what is your favorite thing about Harry?"

"He's really, really, attractive, and he doesn't even realize it, which is super adorable."

"Contestant number two?"

"He's always there for everyone around him, and he never gives up on his friends."

"Contestant number three?"

"His abs."

"Oooooookay! Final question, and you will be taking Veritaserum for this one."

Draco stares distastefully at the clear liquid, but meets Harry's eye and downs the shot glass. Pansy has no hesitation, nothing to hide. Blaise studies the glass for a moment before carefuly drinking it.

"When did you first realize you liked Harry?"

"Third year, when he rode the hippogriff. He looked so bright and happy, and in that moment, I realized I felt differently towards him," Blaise answers calmly.

"Contestant number two?"

"Fourth year, when he saved Fleur's sister from the second trial. And later in the year, it really hit me when I saw his pain over Cedric and all I wanted to do was hug him."

"Contestant number three?"

"Also fourth year, when he took off his shirt to dive into the water."

Seamus grins brightly at Harry. "Do you have all this in mind?"

Harry nods.

"Great! Now we need a private room. Don't give me that look, Harry, you're remaining a virgin. For now. Contestants, Harry, follow me please."

They end up in front of the Room of Requirement, and Seamus looks proud of himself.

"Harry, you're going to go in the room with each person, and you're going to kiss them."

Harry blinks several times. "Oh."

"Which do you wanna kiss first?"

Harry pauses, studying the trio before him. "Pansy," he says decidedly.

She smiles brightly, and follows him into the room.

The second the door is shut, she has him against the wall, kissing him with so much passion Harry has to physically focus on not getting hard.

"Fuck the contest," Pansy says breathlessly. "Fuck your virginity."

Harry is murmuring in agreement before he even realizes what he's saying. Somewhere along the line, he had switched their positions, and now Pansy is against the wall, kissing him hungrily.

"Fuck," he murmurs as she moves her kisses to his neck, kissing lightly, and attempting to remove his shirt.

Harry is completely ready to say fuck the contest, when he is suddenly pulled back.

"Now, now, we still have two more contestants!" Seamus says cheerfully. "Pansy,come along. Harry, I'll give you a minute to get your shit together."

They leave the room, and Harry leans against the wall, willing himself to breath, and fixes his shirt.

A minute later, when he is more put together, the door opens again, and Blaise steps in.

"Harry," he greets him. "How are you?"

Harry rolls his eyes, before grabbing the front of Blaise's shirt and pulling him into a kiss.

Blaise immediately gives in to Harry's kiss, loosely wrapping his arms around Harry's neck and pulling him impossibly closer. It feels incredibly intimate and romantic, as opposed to Pansy's entirely sexual approach.

He tugs on Harry's bottom lip gently with his teeth, and Harry whimpers softly. Blaise is a bloody amazing kisser, and he makes the whole situation feel romantic, rather than strange and awkward. 

Blaise gently pulls away, smiling. He walks out the door, and Harry feels slightly dizzy.

A minute later, Draco walks in the room, messing with his sleeves.

Harry smiles. "Hello."

"I've never kissed anyone before," Draco replies quietly.

"Really?" Harry asks, surprised. "We don't have to if you don't want to-"

Draco shakes his head, smiling sweetly. "I'm glad you'll be my first."

He walks toward Harry, looking nervous.

"Sorry if I'm bad at it," he murmurs.

"What happened to powerful, sarcastic Draco?" Harry laughs.

"He's turned into a shaking, stuttering mess thanks to Harry Potter," Draco replies, smirking shyly.

Harry grins at that. Draco places his hands on his shoulders, and leans forward, kissing him gently.

The competition goes to hell immediately. Pansy's sexual, incredibly hot kisses and Blaise's passionate slow kisses are nothing compared to the feeling in Harry's heart when Draco's soft lips touch his.

Draco pulls away after a couple seconds, and smiles shyly. Harry blinks about nine thousand times before calling out to Seamus that he's ready to make his decision.

Seamus, Pansy, and Blaise all step in the room with interested looks on their faces.

"Draco," Harry says without hesitation. "I want Draco."

Pansy sighs, looking mildly upset, and Blaise looks down at the floor in disappointment. Seamus beams.

"Lovely. Have fun, you two!" Seamus drags Pansy and Blaise out the door, slamming it shut behind him with a wink.

Harry turns back to Draco, a bright smile on his face.

Draco answers with a kiss.

They don't leave the room for a while.