potion panic

tw/ mentions of child abuse

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"-and this time Potter just flat out-"

"Draco!" Pansy shouted, cutting him off, "I really do not care about what Potter did in potions today. Alright? Go talk to someone who gives a damn or maybe grow enough balls to tell Potter how you really feel about him."

Everyone sat around them at the Slytherin table just froze. Everyone was growing old of Draco's constant talk of the Boy Who Lived. But no one had the nerve to say something about it, no one except Pansy Parkinson.

Draco's face went pale, "Wh-What?! How I really feel?! He knows how I feel! I hate him! You're ridiculous!" He crossed his arms and looked away from them, now his cheeks turning slightly pink.

Pansy nodded, "Yeah, sure. And I'm a bloody hippogriff. Just go be gay somewhere else," She rolled her eyes and looked back at her book.

Draco looked at her, "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I like Potter!" It was a few moments before what he had said really sunk in, "Oh god..." He stood and ran out of the Great Hall.

He had just accidentally come out as gay to everyone in earshot. This was bad. Very bad.

He ran down an empty corridor, wanting to escape everyone. Once he decided he was safe, he leaned against a wall with a sigh. "Draco, you bloody idiot," He grumbled to himself.

But then he heard a strange sound, one that he could only describe as a soft whimper. It sounded like it came from a human, a frightened one.

"Hello?" Draco asked softly, walking further down the corridor, "Anybody there?"

He then heard the whimpering again and saw a pair of feet peeking out from behind a pillar, someone was hiding there.

Draco started to approach the person slowly, "It's alright, I won't hurt you.. Though if you recognize my voice that may be a bit difficult to believe..." He sighed but continued speaking, stopping right before the person came into view, "Did someone hurt you? Is that why you're hiding here?"

After only hearing some shuffling and more whimpers in response, Draco walked to see who it was, "Do you need to go to the hospit- Potter?!" Draco had honestly expected to see a poor first year hiding from bullies. Not the Boy Wonder hiding in a corner with his legs pulled up to his chest.

Harry saw Draco and tried to back away, but his back was already against the wall. He looked up at the blonde, his eyes wide with fear and starting to fill with tears. But he didn't speak, just let out a small high pitched sound of fear.

Draco stood still for a moment, not sure what to do. But it didn't take a genius to figure out that something about Harry's behavior was very wrong. "Are you under a spell? Drink a bad potion maybe?" He asked softly, seeing his fear and not wanting to make it worse.

Harry looked him over, deciding if he should trust him or not. He stayed tensed up and backed away, but he nodded to answer the question.

Draco sat down in front of him, but not too close, "I thought so. Which one was it? Spell or potion?"

Harry bit his lower lip before hiding his face in his hands, whimpering again. His body started to shake a bit.

"Okay, okay... Calm down," Draco said softly, trying to comfort the brunette, "You don't have to tell me."

Harry peeked out from behind his hands before holding up two fingers. He kept trembling, like a scared puppy

Draco looked at the fingers, a confused expression on his face, "Two?" he thought for a moment before a look of realization passed over him, "Oh, you mean second! The second thing I said was potion. You're like this because of a potion. Am I right?"

Harry nodded slightly in response, putting his fingers down. He now just hugged his knees, his trembling starting to subside.

Draco tilted his head a bit, "So it's not that you don't want me to know, you just aren't speaking at all..." Harry nodded in response, so Draco continued, "Well, we should probably get you sorted out. Do you want me to take you to the Great Hall? I saw your friends in there a little bit ago."

Harry started shaking his head quickly, whimpering again. His grip on his legs tightened.

"You don't want your friends?" Draco asked, Harry responding with a small sound of disagreement, "So you do want your friends?"

Harry then just started crying without any warning. His bottom lip trembled for a split second before he broke out in sobs, putting his hands over his face again.

Draco's eyes widened, he didn't know what to do. He'd never comforted a crying person before, especially one under an unknown potion. But Harry's behavior reminded him of a lost child. So Draco thought back to the time he got lost in muggle London as a child and a nice muggle woman calmed him and took him back to his mother. He remembered how she handled his tears.

Draco scooted over slowly, making sure not to scare Harry again, "Hey, you're okay. You don't have to cry. No one is going to hurt you. I won't let them." he watched as Harry's sobs started to subside, so he moved a bit closer, "You're okay. I've got you. I'll take care of you until we get this worked out, I promise."

Harry looked over at Draco, his sobbing calmed to slight sniffles. Draco was now within arms reach so Harry reached over and started clinging to the sleeve of Draco's robes.

Draco smiled and scooted a bit closer, watching as Harry wrapped his thin arms around his upper arm. "Do you want me to take you somewhere safe?"

Harry nodded slowly, gripping on to him tightly. He made a quiet sound of approval.

Draco stood up, pulling Harry up with him, "I know just where to go. Don't worry," He started to lead Harry down the empty corridors. It was dinner time so most students were in the Great Hall, "So, Potter. Are you not speaking by choice? Or has the potion made you mute?"

Harry continued to cling to Draco's arm as they walked along. He responded with a frustrated whimper, not giving a solid answer.

Draco thought, "No to both?" Harry responded with a nod so Draco thought of what else could've reduced Harry to just whimpers and hand gestures, "Hm... Both maybe? You have the ability to speak, but whimpers are easier than words?"

Harry nodded slightly, "Mhm..." That was the closest he'd made it to a real word since Draco found him.

Draco stopped in front of the Room of Requirement, it starting to open up for them, "We can stay in here until you're back to normal. If you want to, that is," He walked in with Harry once the doors opened.

Harry followed him, looking around. He hadn't been in there since it had gone up in flames during the battle. It looked just like before the fire, all the mountains of various objects at every turn. It was as if the fire never touched it. He looked up at Draco sadly, remembering he had lost a friend that day.

Draco didn't notice his expression and walked back to where things looked a bit neater. There was a nice couch with a table in front of it. Both of them cleared off. Draco looked down at Harry, "I come here to be alone. But I guess I'll share it with you today. You seem like you need it."

Draco couldn't deny that it felt strange to be so kind to Harry. Their previous years of schooling consisted of them constantly hexing each other around every turn. But their sixth year is when things started to change, that's when Draco got his task and had no time for petty bullying. Nor did he have the interest. Then the war happened, and Harry got to see a different side to him. After the war came the trial, where Harry spoke in favor of Draco and their other classmates. Thanks to Harry, the Slytherin students who faced severe punishment were just on probation and confined to Hogwarts for another school year. They all had a bit more respect for him after that. But none of them would go this far for anyone, not even Potter. Well, that apparently excluded Draco who was now pulling Harry to the couch to sit with him.

"Was the potion meant to do this to you? Or did it go horribly wrong?" Draco asked. He didn't put it past his fellow Slytherin to do this to Potter as a prank.

Harry held up two fingers, letting Draco know things had gone wrong. He had let Draco go at this point and curled up in the corner of the couch. Draco nodded before asking another question, "Were you the one brewing it?"

Harry nodded slowly, "Boom," He mumbled, making the gesture of an explosion with his hands.

Draco laughed softly at the childishness of it, "That bad, huh?" he stood up, "Wait here, let me grab something. It might help."

Harry nodded, watching as Draco walked away. He wrapped his arms around himself and looked around at everything. This room held many memories for him. His time with Dumbledore's Army was his favorite. Not even the kiss he shared with Cho in here during his fifth year could compare, or the kiss he had shared with Ginny in here during his sixth year. Helping the members of DA learn how to defend themselves beat everything. Because he knew the things he taught them later saved their lives in the war.

Draco walked back over with a potions textbook, "I saw this laying around a few days ago and thought it could help me figure out what's wrong with you and how to help get you back to normal."

Harry looked at the book and recognized it instantly, his eyes widening. "No!!" he shook his head quickly.

That was the textbook he had hidden in here with Ginny. The textbook that used to belong to Snape, the Half-Blood Prince.

Draco was confused by Harry's reaction, "What's wrong? It's just a ratty, old book," He started flipping through the pages, seeing the notes written in it, "A heavily used one at that.." Then he stopped and actually read one page, something had caught his eye, "Wait... It can't be," He looked at Harry's nervous expression then back at the page, whispering something so softly that Harry barely heard it.

"Sectumsempra. For enemies."

Harry froze when he heard the name of that horrid curse spoken again, especially from the person he had used it on back in their sixth year. He felt tears prick his eyes as he watched Draco continue to flip through the pages.

"I get it now..." Draco said, looking up at Harry, "You didn't have your textbook on the first day of class and this is the one you got from the cupboard. Your grades in potions that year were so great because of these notes, and now you're struggling without it. That's why the potion you did today backfired. You had no idea what this curse would do to me, did you? It just says 'for enemies'."

Harry nodded, impressed Draco was able to put the pieces together so effortlessly. But his impression didn't show past the guilt that painted over his expression.

Draco walked back to the couch and sat down, "I see levicorpus is written in here as well, you probably thought sectumsempra would be a similar spell. A funny one. You had no idea. Did you?" he looked at Harry again.

"I-I... I didn't.." Harry wanted to explain but he just could will the words to come. His efforts to produce an apology only produced tears, he soon found himself crying his eyes out again.

Draco set the book down and reached over to hold Harry's hand, "Shush, don't cry. It's alright. Snape was able to fix me, I'm good as new." Harry yanked his hand away and kept crying, shaking his head slightly and pulling at his hair.

"This is exactly what I was trying to get away from when I brewed that potion but it just had to blow up in my face figuratively and literally!!" Harry thought to himself as he desperately tried to control his emotions.

Draco didn't know what to do. He just sat there, "Come on, Potter. It's okay. Really. Look, I'll even show you," He took off his sweater and started to unbutton his shirt, showing Harry his chest. There were some scars but not many, "None of these are from you. Snape knew how to reverse the curse you cast and prevent any scarring. These scars aren't from you, I promise."

Harry looked Draco's chest over, seeing the scars. It did help to know that he wasn't the cause of them. He was able to calm himself down enough that he was now just sniffling softly.

Draco smiled, "There we go. That's it," He buttoned his shirt back up, "Now, let's see if we can get you sorted out," he reached for the textbook again, "We're going to pretend this page doesn't exist," he flipped past the page with sectumsempra written in it, "Was the potion you attempted in one of these textbooks?"

Harry nodded and took the book, flipping to the back. That's where the more advanced potions were, the whole book was advanced but they got more difficult the further in you got. He stopped on the page with the right potion and handed it back to Draco.

Draco read it over carefully, a sad look crossing his expression, "Draught of Peace... They use this potion on patients at St Mungo's who have severe anxiety and panic disorders," he looked over at Harry, "You're dealing with that, Potter?"

Harry nodded slightly, looking down at his hands. He fidgeted with the hem of his sweater, Molly had knitted it for him so it was his favorite.

Draco sighed, leaning back, "The war was a rough time for all of us. But you definitely got the blunt end of it it all. I'd be surprised if you told me you didn't get bad anxiety. Especially being here, where the final battle went down. I'm sure it's hard," he looked over at Harry, "I'll make the potion for you."

Harry looked up at him, very shocked. He didn't expect the one person in this school he got along with the least to do this for him.

Draco smiled and looked back at the book, "The ingredients aren't hard to come by, nor does it take long to brew. It just requires a high level of precision and attention to detail. One little slip-up and, well..." he gestured to Harry, "You've figured that out on your own. It's had an absolute reverse effect on you."

Harry nodded and scooted a bit closer to him, pointing to a line in the book. Draco looked and read it out loud, "When brewed and administered correctly it can alleviate the drinker of the worst of panic disorder symptoms for twenty-four hours. This includes flashbacks, panic attacks, and nightmares," he looked back at Harry, "That's the line that caught your attention, is it?"

Harry nodded again, "Can't eat in the Great Hall anymore," he mumbled, it becoming easier to make himself speak, "I see it every time. Misery. War. Death," Tears started to prick his eyes.

Draco sighed and closed the book and set it on the table, turning to face Harry easier, "It was hard for me to come in here at first. One of my friends died here and all I could do was watch. I couldn't save him if I tried. It was difficult, to say the least. But that's why I did it. It's not easy, nor does it happen overnight. But once you finally overcome something like this, it's the most liberating feeling you could ever imagine. It's better than flying a broomstick for the first time, and that's coming from another seeker."

Harry listened carefully, nodding. He kept fiddling with the hem of his sweater but kept his eyes in Draco, "Why are you being so kind?"

Draco laughed, "You kept me and all my friends out if Azkaban and on probation instead. The least I can do in return is help you when I find you crying in the corner after your potion went wrong," He just smiled at him now, "The effects seem to be wearing off, that's good. I was afraid it'd take the night, maybe longer."

Harry smiled back, "You'll really brew that potion for me?"

"Of course I will. I'm not about to go back on a promise five bloody minutes after I've made it," Draco chuckled, "I'll have the first batch ready for you by Friday. It should only take an hour to brew but I have to make sure I have the proper ingredients. I'll teach you how to brew it properly if you'd like, I have no plans this Saturday if you want to meet in the potions classroom and brew some together."

Harry couldn't help but blush a bit at his last offer, "Alright. I have nothing better to do on Saturday," he looked down at his hands again, "Maybe we can eat meals together too? I just... I can't eat in the hall, not yet. I don't like eating in the courtyard alone but I made Ron and Hermione stop eating with me. They spent the whole time trying to convince me to go inside with them. They don't get flashbacks as I do. They have their fair share of nightmares and other symptoms. But the flashbacks... That's all me."

Draco nodded, understanding. "I'll gladly eat in the courtyard with you. We can start eating inside when you are ready. Preferably, you'll be ready before winter but I'll practice my warming charms just in case," He smiled at him. He waited until Harry raised his head again and their eyes met before speaking again too, "I get flashbacks too."

Harry glanced at Draco's now clothed chest before meeting his eyes again, "The scars you have... Are they involved in that?"

Draco nodded, "Yes. I got them from my father during the war. Actually, this one is from during the trials. The day he got sent to Azkaban," He lifted his pant leg a bit to show one scar going from his ankle to above his knee, but he didn't pull his pants up enough to show the whole thing. "He was particularly angry that day. I couldn't walk properly for two weeks." he lowered his pant leg again and looked at Harry.

"That's horrible," Harry mumbled, his eyes wet.

Draco shrugged, "I hear you didn't have an ideal home life either, Potter. Or were those rumors about the broom cupboard all rubbish."

Harry looked down, "They're true," his voice was barely above a whisper.

"And that is why I believe we are at the beginning of a wonderful relationship, Potter," He stood and looked at Harry with a smile, "We get each other in ways we never knew before, in ways others can't understand. We fit," he held his hand out to Harry, "But we can talk more about that tomorrow at breakfast. It's nearly curfew and I can't be caught out while in probation."

Harry was shocked by Draco's words, even more shocked by how casually he said them. But once it sunk in, he smiled back and took his hand, "I'll walk you back, I'm sure they'll excuse you if you were with me."

Draco chuckled, "Very true. They wouldn't dare give detention to their Golden Boy and his friends," he pulled Harry out of his seat and started walking out with him, still holding his hand.

Harry smirked at their hands, "If you're going to hold my hand and call yourself my friend, Draco, then you bloody well can use my first name."

"And somebody is feeling better." Draco laughed, "I don't know what I'd do if you lost your iconic sass permanently," he pulled Harry out of the Room of Requirement, the two heading down to the dungeons.

Harry shrugged, "I'm sure you'd just start making a fuss and threaten to sue me until I came up with another witty insult."

Draco put his free hand over his chest, feigning offense, "Ouch, two in a row!"

Harry chuckled and pushed against Draco playfully, "You're incorrigible."

"At least I can successfully brew a potion and don't need you to come to my rescue because I was crying in a bloody empty corridor," Draco teased.

"It was advanced! Back of the book! Those are the hardest!" Harry said in his defense but no offense showed in his voice, his expression softening moments after he finished speaking, "Besides, I'm glad it went wrong. Because you came and saved me and we were able to have that talk."

Draco smiled at him, holding his hand a bit tighter, "Yeah... Me too," they walked in silence until they reached the Slytherin dormitories. Draco turned to face Harry again, "I'll see you tomorrow for breakfast. You said you eat in the courtyard, right?"

Harry nodded, "Yes, by that old tree you climbed while insulting me in our fourth year. Remember? When you climbed a bloody tree just so you could look all cool when you jumped out of it mid-insult?" Harry smirked at him.

Draco's eyes widened before he burst out laughing, "Of course you saw right through that."

Harry laughed with him, "Not at first, I was too pissed at Ron to care why you were in a tree. But later that day it dawned on me."

"Well, either way. I'll meet you there in the morning. I wake up pretty early so I might be there before you," Draco smiled at him again.

Harry smiled back, growing very fond of Draco's genuine smiles, "Alright. Tomorrow..."

"Tomorrow..." Draco looked at Harry a moment longer before letting his hand go, "Goodnight." he said as he quickly retreated to his common room.

"Night," Harry gave a slight wave, sad from the loss of Draco's hand in his. He started walking back to Gryffindor tower, holding his hands to his chest, "Ron's anger over the tournament is going to seem like nothing once I tell him this..." Harry bit his lip, "I think I fancy Draco Malfoy..." He had to say it out loud, he had to head himself say it. He thought saying it out loud would make him realize how ridiculous it was. But all it did was make him smile more, "Nope, I know I fancy Draco Malfoy."

♥-..•'๑~ ¦ ~๑ ̀•..-♥

"There you are, Potter!" Draco shouted as he watched Harry walk over to meet him under the snow-covered tree for breakfast, "We've been meeting here for three months, you'd think you'd be on time by now!"

Harry rolled his eyes and sat beside him, sitting as close as he could as Draco recast a heat charm, "And you'd think you'd actually start calling your boyfriend by his first name by now."

Draco shrugged, pulling Harry closer and kissed the top of his head, "When you're annoying, it's back to Potter."

Harry smiled at him, "And when you're being a prat, it's bad to Malfoy."

Draco looked down at him and noticed the lack of food, "Did you forget to bring your breakfast."

Harry sighed and sat up straight, "No, actually..." he adjusted his cost nervously, "I was thinking it's pretty silly to eat all our meals outside in the middle of January. Maybe we should start eating in the Great Hall."

Draco sat up a bit straighter, knowing how serious it was for Harry, "Do you think you can handle that? I know you've been taking smaller doses of that potion lately and you've been fine so far. But are you really ready to go back in there?"

Harry let out a shaky breath, "Yes. I have to overcome this. I haven't so much as looked in there since September. It's getting ridiculous. I have to start eating inside again. You were able to get over going back in the Room of Requirement. I need to do this."

Draco sighed but nodded, "Alright, it's your call... But if I see you starting to panic I will pull you out straight away."

"I'd expect you too." Harry stood, holding his hand out to Draco, "Come on. We can find Ron and Hermione. It'll be best if we sit with them."

Draco took his hand and pulled himself up, "Okay. I suppose it's alright now that Ron has gotten over the initial shock of our relationship."

Harry smiled, "Yeah, I knew he'd come around. He always does. Even our worsts arguments didn't put a permanent strain on our friendship. He had no issue with me being into blokes, he just didn't want me to get hurt given our history."

"Yeah, I'd react the same way if I were in his shoes," Draco wrapped his arm around Harry's waist and they started to walk inside together.

Harry nodded, "He still has a bit more warming up to do but that's fine. Eating with them should help you two get along better. That's what I want more than anything. Luckily, Hermione has already come to terms with it completely. Didn't take her long at all. She looked at it logically and saw the improvement in my mental health fit in with when I started eating with you. That's what she said anyway," Harry spoke of his friends the whole way to the Great Hall. Only stopping when he saw a majority of Hogwarts' students inside eating and conversing happily. For a moment he didn't see the four tables, he saw rows of injured and dead. He saw those he cared for suffering.

Draco noticed Harry's breathing quicken slightly, even if Harry didn't notice it himself. "Hey, sweetheart. Calm down," He whispered to him, bringing him away from the door. He made sure it was still in sight, but not right in front of them.

Harry looked in the Great Hall still, watching as the vision faded and he saw the tables of happy students again. He calmed down slightly and gripped on to Draco's sleeve, just looking in on the hall.

Draco let Harry hold his sleeve, using his other hand to caress Harry's hair gently, "You're okay. We don't have to go in until you're ready. I promise."

Harry nodded just slightly, focusing on the hall and keeping the flashbacks at bay. "J-Just don't let me go. I need to do this. But I need you to keep me distracted."

"Harry, darling, you don't need to do anything. We can go back outside, I'll cast another warming charm. You're not ready for this. You're just not," Draco pulled him into a hug, blocking his view of the Great Hall, "You need more time and that's okay. You don't have to rush it."

Harry hugged Draco back tightly, realizing the truth to his words. Tears came to his eyes and he buried his face in Draco's shoulder, "This place is my only home... And now I can't even eat breakfast without being reminded of the horrible things that happened here. He took everything. He started by taking my parents and now he's taken away the only place I've ever felt at home," he felt his heart rate speeding up and his breathing getting away from him.

Draco recognized the signs Harry was about to have a panic attack, having helped him through several over the past few months. He quickly pulled Harry away from the Great Hall and down the corridor, sitting down with him in an empty area. "I've got you, no one is going to hurt you while I'm here. No one is trying to hurt you. You're safe. I promise. Everyone is safe," he whispered to him softly, holding him close, "I've got you, sweetheart. You're okay."

It took at least five minutes for Harry to push the flashbacks out of his mind and calm himself down. He let Draco hold him even after that, needing comfort. No, craving it. Craving the gentle touch of someone who loves you, something he never knew until quite recently. It was another five minutes before he sat up and wiped his tears away, having not realized he'd been crying until that moment.

Draco looked at him sadly, rubbing his back, "You're not ready, Harry... You're just not. And that's okay. You'll get there in your own time."

Harry nodded, "Maybe... We can start eating in the corridor. Right outside the Great Hall."

Draco hesitated, "Alright, we can try that. But not today. You've pushed yourself too much already."

Harry sighed, "You're right.. But I definitely don't want to go back outside. It's too cold. Let's eat right here."

Draco nodded, "Okay. You wait here while I'll get you something to eat," he kissed Harry's forehead before heading to the great hall.

Harry leaned back on the bench, pulling his knees up to his chest. He hated people seeing him vulnerable, but curling up was comforting to him.

"And that's when I told him- Harry?" Hermione and Ron had been passing by and she spotted him, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, you don't look too good, mate." Rom frowned.

Harry looked at the ground, "I tried to eat in the Great Hall today... Needless to say, it didn't go well.. I had another panic attack. But Draco was with me and calmed me down, he's getting me some food right now."

Hermione sighed, "Well, we'll stay with you until he gets back. You shouldn't have to be alone." she sat down next to him.

Ron leaned against the wall, "He just left you here? Some boyfriend he is."

Harry rolled his eyes, "Well he couldn't have taken me into the Great Hall with him, could he? He's just getting me breakfast, then he'll be right back. He made sure I was calmed down before he left."

Hermione frowned, "You still seem tense to me."

"Well, that's just the way it works. The panic attacks only last for a few minutes, but such a high state of anxiety is hard to come down from. After the first few minutes it reduces significantly, but for the next hour or so I'm still on edge... Happens every time."

Ron frowned, "I didn't realize that... Must be horrible."

"Yeah. It is," Harry said bluntly.

Draco walked back over with Harry's food, "Granger, Weasley, good morning."

Hermione smiled, "Good morning, Malfoy," she stood so Draco could sit next to Harry, "Well, we're off to get breakfast ourselves. You two enjoy your morning."

Draco smiled, "Thank you, to you as well."

Hermione started to walk away but Ron stayed put, "Um, Malfoy?"

"Yes?"

"I just wanted to say... Thank you.. For taking care of Harry. Obviously we couldn't give him the help he needed.. And you did... So thank you.." Ron then walked away before Draco could respond.

"I told you he was coming around," Harry smiled, starting to eat.

Draco had the biggest smile on his face, approval from Harry's friends meant a lot to him, "And Granger was so nice too. Her smile looked genuine. It wasn't fake like it used to be."

Harry chuckled, "You'll be on a first-name basis with her too before you know it."

Draco leaned over and kissed his cheek, "As long as I have you, that's all that matters."

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