Brendon stared at the paper in his hands, rereading it over and over again. He stopped on the line about eighth grade.

He remembered saving the bags of chips he got with his meals in order to trade off for the juice pouch of Ryan's home brought meal, as they always did, but Ryan never came. For a week, chip bags accumulated in Brendon's backpack until the day his friend had finally returned to school. He came with bags under his eyes, and an overall sadness surrounding him, but he always smiled when Brendon tried to ask what was wrong.

"I was just out for a funeral. Long nights and not a lot of sleep."

Brendon didn't press the issue, but maybe he should have.

The freshman year incident happened after school. Brendon had questioned Ryan's long sleeved fashion choice during the heat of the oncoming summer, but the other boy never would give a straight answer. Brendon found out while on a mission to relieve his bladder after a slushie drinking contest.

That was when he caught Ryan without his sleeves down.

They talked. It continued to happen, but it eventually began to become less persistent. It was a process.

Brendon remembered Ryan's fearful expression whenever Brendon found fresh scars. As he looked back at those memories, he also noticed the flinch that came right before whispered apologies.

Was that from?..

Brendon had never really interacted with Ryan's dad. Many of the times that he went over, the man was away on business. His mother was a quiet woman who always seemed nice...

Why didn't he press more about Ryan's life? Maybe if they had been able to talk more in depth about what was happening to him... Ryan always pushed the subject away. He was charismatic and ready to make a subtle (or not so subtle) joke to lift the spirit of the others around him. He wrote in his notebook, always teasing Brendon whenever he asked what he was planning. Why didn't he ask when Ryan was planning this?

He should have noticed the changes in Ryan, but his heart was clouding his mind over a past relationship. He just couldn't move on, and his friend suffered more than he needed to because of it.

Tears brimmed in Brendon's eyes as the note slipped from between his fingers.

I care about you so much

He remembered their first kiss. It was at a movie theater their sophomore year. Pete sat with Patrick a few rows ahead of them, casually draping an arm around the shorter boy. Josh, Tyler, and Hayley had run off for a popcorn refill. Brendon and Ryan sat on the top row, directly under the projector.

The two had shared an arm rest between them, with the occasional playful shove and takeover of the shared space. The movie had reached a slow point, and Brendon had turned to Ryan, ready to make a comment about refilling their own popcorn, when he caught the other boy's gaze. Both just stared at each other for a moment, before Ryan made the move to lean in and connect their lips.

It wasn't like Brendon hadn't settled into his own sexuality, but it was something Ryan had never fully come out with. Showing must have been his way to do it.

Brendon harshly wiped the tears from his eyes. He needed to make things better, if there was a way to fix things at all.

He didn't get up right away. He debated ditching, despite the risk of campus security. Maybe if he showed up earlier than usual, they would let him in to see Ryan. He could retrieve his backpack from the drama room later; his class was fairly trustworthy.

He picked the paper up from where it had fallen on the floor. He carefully folded it before sliding it into his pants pocket. He was going to see Ryan if he had to sneak through a damn window.

---

Turns out, it was more a task of sneaking out through a window. To avoid the campus security that was patrolling the halls, Brendon had to wiggle his way through the bathroom's narrow window and slip out. The outer security was nowhere to be seen, allowing him to run off campus without much struggle.

Once he was off campus and around a corner, he stopped to catch his breath. Though the coast had been clear, he had run to his current point, just to be on the safe side. Now, however, he had to figure out just how to get to the place Ryan was being held.

Walking was the only option he really had, at the moment... So, that's what he did.

He wound up at the facility around the time he would have if someone had dropped him off after classes, but at least he was here. He swiped sweat away from his face, embracing the cool air that greeted him as he entered the glass doors of the lobby.

The area was bright with a faux, cheery air about it. In reality, it was the entrance to a crappy rehab center that the city barely funded. At least Ryan was in a newer section with slight priority because he was a minor. It still didn't make this situation any better.

Brendon attempted to casually stroll past the woman at the secretary desk, since she didn't seem to be paying him any mind, but she was rather quick to hold up her hand and gesture him over. Crap.

"Mr. Urie." She looked up without a smile, "Back again?"

Brendon nodded.

"Same patient?"

Another nod.

"Visitors besides councilors and family are not allowed in."

"Please, I really need to see him." Brendon finally spoke. He stepped towards the counter, gripping the edge closest to him. "Just a minute, can't I have that? Swear I'll be quick!"

She shook her head, however. "I'm sorry, but policy is policy." She said before looking back down at whatever was on her side of the desk.

Brendon felt his heart sink. He was determined to see Ryan, but he didn't even know what room he was in. How was he supposed to find him on his own?

He sighed, letting his arms drop to his sides. He turned away from the reception desk, unsure what to really do, when a familiar figure emerged from the hallway. Brendon turned completely towards him with surprise.

"Tyler?"