A/N: I performed this scene with a girl named Savanna. I was Beth while she was Viola.

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A Light Lunch

by A. R. Gurney

Comic

Beth, thirties

Viola, twenties

Beth, a young attorney from Texas, has arrived at a restaurant in the New York City theater district for a power lunch with the playwright A. R. Gurney's agent, who hasn't arrived yet. She represents a Texas tycoon who wants to option Gurney's latest play. The tycoon hasn't read the play, but he knows it's about President George W. Bush. Viola, an aspiring actor, is Beth's waitress.

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(Beth enters briskly. She is wearing a stylish suit and carrying a classy briefcase. She is followed by Viola, wearing an apron and holding a couple of well-used menus)

Beth: (Surveying the area.) This will do.

Viola: You asked to be off in a corner.

Beth: We don't want to disturb other people.

Viola: And you don't want other people to disturb you.

Beth: Exactly.

Viola: May I ask ... will this be a ... well, a romantic meeting?

Beth: Oh no, no, no, no.

Viola: I could easily put fresh flowers on the table.

Beth: Don't bother. This is strictly a working lunch. All business, from the get-go.

Viola: Gotcha (Distributing menus.) I'm Viola, by the way. I'll be serving you today.

Beth: Hi Viola. (Looking off.) Will there be people at those tables nearby?

Viola: Not these days.

Beth: Why not these days?

Viola: The recession and all.

Beth: Oh that.

Viola: More and more people are settling for sandwiches at their desks. If they still have desks.

Beth: Yes, well, the reason I'm being a stickler is that we'll probably be tossing some familiar names around the infield and I don't want strangers listening in.

Viola: Are you in the theater?

Beth: No, no. I'm just a lowly lawyer. But I'll be meeting with a theater person. About theater things. He recommended this restaurant.

Viola: That's because theater people come here all the time. Lauren Bacall ate a mushroom omelet here. Alec Baldwin sat at this very table.

Beth: Oh well. We're hardly in that category.

Viola: I'm in show business myself.

Beth: Are you really?

Viola: Oh yes. I act. I wait to act. Get it?

Beth: I do. And your names is, again?

Viola: Viola.

Beth: Viola's a pretty name.

Viola: I took it from the character in Twelfth Night. I played her in high school.

Beth: Interesting.

Viola: My real name is Mildred, but I don't broadcast it. In high school they called me Mildewed.

Beth: Oh dear.

Viola: You can see why I had to change it.

Beth: I do, I do.

Viola: (Reciting) "I prithee, and I'll pay thee bounteously, Coceal me what I am, and be my aid..."

Beth: I won't tell a soul, Viola. But since you're an actress...

Viola: Actor. Actresses are actors now.

Beth: All right. Since you're an actor, may I ask a quick question about the theater?

Viola: Go ahead.

Beth: Have you ever heard of a playwright named Gurney?

Viola: Who?

Beth: Gurney.

Viola: Now wait. I'm thinking. I believe my boyfriend knows more about him. He teaches theater.

Beth: Gurney?

Viola: No, my boyfriend.

Beth: What does he say about Gurney?

Viola: Let's see. Gurney. Hmmm. Is he the one who's been around, like, forever?

Beth: I believe so. Yes.

Viola: And he writes play about Wasps?

Beth: Apparently, yes.

Viola: But not just Wasps. I think my boyfriend said that some of Gurney's plays now have Jewish people in them.

Beth: I should hope so.

Viola: Is Gurney the person you're meeting with today?

Beth: Good God no. Just with his agent.

Viola: His agent? Oh hey! Does his agent handle actors?

Beth: That I wouldn't know.

Viola: Would you mind if I slipped my headshot and resume into his dessert menu?

Beth: Up to you.

Viola: As Shakespeare says in Twelfth Night, "Some are born great, some achieve greatness, but agents have greatness thrust upon them."

Beth: Very good, Viola. (Glancing off.) It's hard to see the door from here. Will you be keeping an eye out for him?

Viola: Oh sure. I'll do it now.

(Starts off.)

Beth: I have no idea what he looks like. We've only talked on the telephone.

Viola: No problem. I can spot an agent from a mile away.