Chapter One

Lucy looked away from her shocked teammates. "I want to leave. Temporarily."She stressed. "I want to get my mind straight, to relax and to—to take a break from all of this."She exhaled, "I've already made my mind up—."

"Then I'll be coming with you."Natsu intervened. "We can take a break together, Lucy. You don't have to do any of this alone."

Gray nodded. "I can come with you too. I know this was hard, possibly the toughest mission we've had, you were close to death. And honestly I feel like I want a break too—."

"No, you're not listening. I want to be alone. I want to go far away, I appreciate your concern. But I will be doing this on my own."She looked sharply at Erza who was ready to interrupt her. "I will come back, this is my home. Will always be my home no matter where I am. I want you to understand. Please."She looked pleadingly at all of them.

"No!"Gray snapped, Erza glared at him, effectively shutting him up whilst Natsu stared down at the floor. Confused, and hurt..? His chest burned, he was used to the hot but this was different..

"Take the time you need Lucy. I know this must have been a traumatic experience for you."Said Erza. "I understand on my part. You will always be welcomed back. But I do beg of you to rethink this decision you've made. You still have a few days of recovery, I'm sure you can come to change your mind."

"I doubt it."Said Lucy. "But thank you, for everything. I'm sure if you hadn't gotten there right on time, then I wouldn't be speaking to any of you right—."

"Don't come back."

Lucy's eyes widened as she turned to face Natsu. His face shadowed, he didn't look up as he spoke. "Don't come back until you can finally understand you are not a liability. Never were, never will be."He stormed out of the room, not glancing back as Lucy tried reaching out for him.

"Natsu!"She called out.

"Don't expect me to accept this."Gray glared softly, he still couldn't quite figure out why the things she tended to do never bothered him. "I will be leaving on a mission now."He nodded at Erza before leaving the room. Lucy's throat constricting, her eyes darted from the door to Erza twice, hoping they'd turn back.

"You weren't the only one that suffered that day Lucy. We care for you more than you can think of."Erza gave a tight lipped smile and stood tall. "I don't think I'll be able to say goodbye properly when you leave. I have an emergency mission to tend to. So..."She sighed and leaned down to give Lucy a hug. "Take care wherever you decide to leave to."

Lucy sniffled and hugged the redhead back. "I will. You take care as well. I'll be back before you know it."

Erza nodded slowly and reluctantly turning to the door. She gripped the doorknob, she had become too accustomed to the blonde and their dysfunctional team. She was the glue, ever since she joined they'd become a team. She remembered those lonely missions she'd take to fill the gap, when she finally felt like she was living again, it was taken away from her. Now she'd revert back to that lifestyle, that vacant feeling returning to her chest. Lucy was doing more damage than she knew, while she was trying to help herself, she was hurting them too.

A small bubble of hate erupted in her. She hadn't been the only one to have to deal with that sudden blow, Erza hadn't left the guild since they arrived from that mission. Gray and Natsu had slept right outside the infirmary doors, but she hadn't asked that. She hadn't worried about what they had gone through, the thoughts that swirled in their minds at seeing the pale body in Natsu's arms back in that forest. Erza had never felt that way before, it was like reliving the pain she'd felt at the loss of Simon all over again.

Except she felt like they had lost Lucy back in that forest. Her usual bubbly and confident self was gone, that she knew. Because when she had entered through this same door, she had met the dim brown and suddenly boring eyes of her friend. And she opened the door, leaving Lucy behind.

She met silence as hundreds of eyes turned to face her expectantly, all wanting to know how the blonde was. She suddenly wanted to punch herself, why had she even accepted to allow her to leave? Couldn't she see that she had all the love here? Why did she suddenly make the decision to leave and all on her own? This was a guild, this was her family and all the help she could ever ask for was here in Fairy Tail.

Natsu and Gray sat in front of the other not far from the bar, for once they weren't arguing. Or even talking to each other. This team dynamic they had going on, was over. She bit her lip as Master Makarov neared her.

"Well? How is she?"He asked.

"She's fine."Porlyusica snapped as she too stood and neared the infirmary door. "All she needs is a bit of resting and she'll be as good as new. She shouldn't toss her life like that you know!? This is why I dislike your reckless children. She could have run away, though I hardly believe that was ever a choice in her mind."

"She's a bright fight filled spirit."A smile tugged at Makarov's lips. "I'll be talking to her."

"She's leaving."Erza voice sharp and loud enough for others to hear. It hadn't been for her to say, but better to let everyone know. The guild went eerily silent. "She's leaving us."She repeated.

"Well,"Makarov grew grim, looking older as a frown stretched on his face. "I'm sure she has her reasons for it. I will be talking to her. Privately."He added as he could see Levy and Mirajane running up the stairs. "Do not let anyone in."He told Erza. She nodded and held the girls back as Makarov disappeared into the infirmary door.

"What do you mean she's leaving!?"Levy demanded as she tried pushing through. "I can talk her out of it! I'm sure of it. She's been here for a short time, she needs to cool off and think things throughly!"

"You need to cool off. She's made her mind up, Levy. She's leaving, and we must respect her wishes."Damn that honorable woman that resided within her, she wished to be selfish and simply tie the blonde woman down and never allow her to leave. That spark that she had brought with her eight years ago, she was going to leave with it.

"She can't leave."Mirajane said softly. "She can't. After everything we went through so she could be apart of us. She can't just leave like that."

"Mirajane, you and I both know that some people deal with traumatizing events differently than others."Meaning to the time Mirajane had dealt with Lisanna's 'death', when she suddenly tucked in the 'bad' Mirajane—as she liked to refer her as—to this 'good' Mira. And the time she chose to wear this armor, to protect herself, to feel more secure after everything that had gone on in her childhood as a slave to the Tower Of Heaven. Now it was Lucy's turn, she had been on the brink of death, and if leaving would help her. There was no other way than to accept it, even if it was selfish of her.

Mira flinched and submerged back to the first floor without another word. Levy was tugged into the arms of Gajeel, who in turn scowled at the door of the infirmary.

"She's a self centered woman."He jeered at Erza. "No...she's a coward."Fury lapping into his chest as he could smell the waves of sadness that Levy emitted.

"I'd watch my words if I were you."A threat flashing in her eyes as her gaze on him hardened.

"Good thing you're not me then."He said as he softly gathered Levy's hand into his and dragged her down to the first floor.

"They're angry aren't they?"Was the first question that Lucy had as Makarov stepped in. Erza had gotten ahead of her, she couldn't decide whether she was relieved or angry herself. Relieved that she hadn't have to tell them herself now, or angry because that hadn't been for Erza to reveal.

"I'm afraid they are,"Makarov mused as he sat comfortably on a chair beside the bed. "With reason."He added.

"As I have my reason for leaving."Said Lucy.

"That I know. I'm still trying to figure out what that reason is—let me finish,"He brought his hand up to stop Lucy from speaking. "Is it because of the fact that you almost died? Because in this specific field you have decided to work in, there are plenty of risks one takes on a daily as a wizard. And I am sure you have gone through these exposures, if I can even call it that, so why now? Why do you need to leave Lucy?"

"Because the lid screwed open and everything toppled out and now I am a mess."Lucy looked crestfallen. She sighed as Makarov stared at her quizzically, she spoke in riddles so it appeared. "I have been suppressing every scare, Master. Since I joined I became a part of something big, working together with strong wizards. Strong known wizards. I have been so focused on trying to keep up with them and their strength, that I haven't bothered to keep up with myself. Now this is me trying to reconnect with myself Master. I am weak, that is who I am. I am my definition of weak, from the inside out. I've been scared senseless and I don't have the power to help me feel protected, to help others feel protected. And I will be leaving until I can be my own definition of strong. Until I don't have these sickening thoughts of wanting to be someone else, I want to be happy of being who I am. To be proud of myself. That is why I am leaving."

"Child, you have so many people here who can support you. You can become one's apprentice, perhaps Erza's or even Gildarts can you help you. Even I if you wish so. You don't have to leave, you have everything here."Makarov felt as desperate at this moment, a type of raw fear eating up at him. Laxus had left, he barely made any appearances since the tournament. And now Lucy, a dear girl he had come to consider her own was leaving. For how long?

"Master, I appreciate it, really. But I feel disgusted being here at this moment, not because of any of you or the place. But because of me. So just please, let me go."She breathed out, she felt exhausted even if she had only been awake for a couple of hours. "I want to become someone my teammates can turn to and hand a task without them worrying ever again I might die."

"Then at least let me do this one thing for you."Makarov nodded at her as he jumped down from the chair. "If you wish to train, Gildarts knows many people who are as strong as him or even stronger. I am sure he can get someone whom can teach you. In a far away place, until you feel ready to come back."

"Thank you."She smiled at him, and now that he really paid attention to her. She looked tired, not physically but her eyes looked droopy and simply not as bright. He sighed yet again and exited, there really wasn't anyone who could change her mind at this point. Everyone quickly turned to face him as he stepped out and closed the door behind him. He simply shook his head; he hadn't been able to change her mind.

They visibly dropped their hopeful stares. Gray stormed out of the guild with Juvia in tow. Natsu hunched over and lay his head on his forearms. He felt terrible having told her to not come back when he didn't even want her to leave. But he wouldn't go back on it because that is what his heart told him, to keep her far away because she had damaged it too much with few words.

Damn her.