A/N: Here it is…the really long chapter that took me two days to perfect. Be prepared to bawl you eyes out…I sure did while writing this. Comment, Vote, & Love.

Draco’s POV

I didn’t smirk at all as Aunt Bellatrix and the rest of the deatheaters came into the room. They all looked at me with eagerness and anticipation, each one of them excited for the approaching battle. I felt like the only one that was out of place. It was like I no longer belonged in that group, not that I ever fully did to begin with them. I had always felt like the little kid; the one that was picked last. Being a deatheater may have been in my blood, but it wasn’t who I was.

“Draco, dear,” Aunt Bellatrix laughed. “You have done well. Now, let’s go find that old bag of bones.”

I curtly nodded to her out of respect, but what I really wanted to do was punch her right in the nose. I bet that would set her straight…or turn her into even more of a stark raving lunatic. She was out of her mind, and I was ashamed to be related to her. I just had to let her lead me around. I just had to do it until it was over.

“Astoria?” I asked, noticing her at the end of the line. “What are you doing here?”

She sighed. “I was forced to come,” she rubbed the inside of her arm. “I was made to do more than this.”

“I’m so sorry,” I wanted to reach out to her and wrap her in my arms; she looked so sad, but we were rushed out of the Room of Requirement and straight into Professor McGonagall, who looked upon me with sad eyes.

“Expel-“

“Barmbartum!” Bellatrix cackled as the old woman was thrown through the wall in front of us causing the explosion to sound throughout the castle. “Well, everyone knows we’re here now,” Aunt Bellatrix smirked in delight. “Time to go put the Dark Mark over the castle to get him back here!”

Astoria and I followed the rest of the deatheaters through the castle. I then realized that I had overheard that Harry was taking a class from Dumbledore in which they had to apparate to get to. If they were to apparate somewhere in the castle, where would it be? The easiest place to take the spell off within the castle would be…the Astronomy tower. That had to be where they were at! I ditched the deatheaters and Astoria and headed in the opposite direction from Dumbledore’s tower. I stepped over a body, but I wasn’t sure who it was. It was for the other side though…Courtney’s side.

Time seemed to slow as I made the familiar path up to the tower. I had been there just this morning. I had been there with the love of my life. It was the last place that Courtney and I had been together. Her scent filled my nostrils and her laugh filled my ears, drowning out the battle below me. I loved her so much, and I was about to soil the place where we had been together for the last time. Tears pricked my eyes as I made my way up. How could I do this to her? She had told me that I didn’t have to go through with this. Thanks to her I do know that I have a choice in my life. I needed to finally decide what I chose.

My heart thundered in my ear with every step closer. Thump. Step. Thump. Step. Thump. Step. I was scared out of my mind at the thought of what I was expected to do. If I went with the mission, I would be murdering someone who has been there for me whether I knew it or not. If I went with Courtney, then I would be spared from the agonizing hardship of knowing that I took the life away of one of the greatest wizards of all time.

Which side did I choose?

Which side did I belong on?

I made it to the top, but I then began to tremble. There he was, looking like he was at his weakest and completely alone. It was all set up perfectly – and too easily. It was a creepy feeling that this could have been set up. Did Dumbledore know about my plan? No, he couldn’t have. I was stealthy with my plans, and the only ones who knew where the ones that were supposed to – except for Courtney. She found out by accident, something that I had never meant to happen.

“Expelliarmus!” I yelled, his wand flying from his limp hand.

He smiled up at me. “Good Evening, Draco.”

I then thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye, but it appeared to be nothing. You could never be sure though. “Who else is here?”

“A question I might ask you. Or are you acting alone?”

Well, I thought to myself, he just was a rather stupid question, especially coming from Dumbledore. “No, I said. “I’ve got backup. There are Deatheaters here in your school tonight.”

“Well, well,” he acted as though I was showing him an ambitious homework project, which I knew it was far from it. “Very good indeed. You found a way to let them in did you?”

“Yeah,” I said, still panting. Why couldn’t I stop? I just had run up those stairs, but it was getting rather annoying. “Right under your nose and you never realized!”

I know. I was acting like a git, but I was just acting the part. I was acting the part that Dumbledore knew I had. I didn’t want to let my guard down even for a second. Besides, who knew when Aunt Bellatrix and the others would just waltz right in? I needed to be in character at all times. No matter what.

“Ingenious. Yet…forgive me…where are they now? You seem unsupported.”

He did have a point. Where were they? I know I had ditched them, but you would’ve figured they were smart enough to figure it out by now or at least find me by accident. That really bothered me. Was it another sign that I never belonged with them? I was beginning to think not…

“They met some of your guards. They’ve having a fight down below. They won’t be long,” I had hoped. “I came on ahead. I,” I swallowed hard, “I’ve got a job to do.”

“Well, then, you must get on and do it, my dear boy,” he said softly.

He knew. He had to of known for him to be up there, unprotected and out in the open. He was just testing me, and I was failing. I knew what I had to do, but my wand just trembled in my hand as it was pointed directly at its target. I needed to do it. If I didn’t, what would become of me? What would become of my family?

What would become of Courtney?

“Draco, Draco, you are not a killer.”

“How do you know?” I said at once, realizing how childish that it sounded.

That was just it though. I was still a child. I shouldn’t have had to kill a man. I was only sixteen and not due to become of age for a little over six months. He shouldn’t be pushing children to handle such dark tasks, but apparently he has no heart. What happened to make him such a bastard anyway? Who gave him the right to ruin me before I was given the choice to even have myself ruined?

“You don’t know what I’m capable of,” I told him, sounding even more childish. “You don’t know what I’ve done!” My voice cracked as I yelled the last bit. What was happening to me?

“Oh, yes, I do,” Dumbledore said, sending a shock of fear through my heart. “You almost killed Katie Bell and Ronald Weasley. You have been trying, with desperation, to kill me all year. Forgive me, Draco, but they have been feeble attempts…So feeble, to be honest, that I wonder whether your heart had been really in it.”

“It has been in it!” I yelled, wanting to cry but wanting to be seen as the man that I was. “I’ve been working on it all year and tonight-“

Somewhere in the depths of the castle below I heard a muffled yell. Terror struck me, and my eyes widened. Why did that yell sound familiar? I hoped that it wouldn’t be Courtney. She had promised me that she would stay safe…but she didn’t promise that she would stay up in the Gryffindor tower. If that was really her, I could never forgive myself for putting her in danger. Never.

“Somebody is putting up a good fight,” said Dumbledore, conversationally. “But you were saying…Yes, you have managed to introduce Deatheaters into my school, which, I admit, I thought impossible…How did you do it?”

I couldn’t bring myself to move or answer his simple question. I just stood there, ears craned, waiting for that muffled yell. I was waiting for anything that would prove to me that it wasn’t Courtney. She couldn’t have been hurt…or worse. I wanted to push the thought out of my mind, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t possible. I loved her so much. I think my heart broke in two at the sound of that shriek.

“Perhaps you best out to get on with the job alone,” the old man suggested. “What if your backup has been thwarted by my guard? As you have perhaps realized, there are members of the Order of the Phoenix here tonight too. And after all, you don’t really need help…I have no wand at the moment…I cannot defend myself.”

I just blinked at him. My mind was no longer working properly. The only thing I was able to think about was that scream. Was it Courtney or wasn’t it? The love of my life could have been in danger in that moment, and I wasn’t there to protect her. I was standing with my wand pointed at a man that didn’t deserve to die. He was completely innocent.

“I see,” said Dumbledore kindly. “You are afraid to act until they join you.”

For some odd reason, that made me angry. I didn’t want to be clumped up with them, let alone be thought of as a coward. Was I a coward? “I’m not a coward!” I yelled, but I didn’t move my wand from position. “It’s you who should be scared!”

“But why? I don’t think you will kill me, Draco. Killing is not nearly as easy as the innocent believe…So tell me, while we wait for your friend…how did you smuggle them in here? It seems to have taken you a long time to work out how to do it.”

They’re not my friends. I wanted to say it, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. What if Aunt Bellatrix walked up there and heard me? What if she really knew that I wanted to just abort the mission and head for cover? I would give anything to have been anywhere else. Anywhere else but here.

“I had to mend that Vanishing Cabinet that no one’s used in years,” I answered shortly, trying to prepare myself. Could I force myself to go through with it?

“Aaaah,” Dumbledore sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. “That was clever…There is a pair, I take it?”

“In Borgin and Burkes, and they make a kind of passage between them,” I answered, keeping my responses short. I wasn’t sure I could handle more than just a sentence or two at a time. Courtney could be out there…and in trouble.

“Very good. So the Deatheaters were able to pass from Borgin and Burkes into the school to help you…A clever plan, a very clever plan…and as you say, right under my nose.”

“Yeah,” I said, my mind still not entirely on our conversation. “Yeah, it was!”

“But there were times,” he went on, “weren’t there, when you weren’t sure you would be able to succeed in mending the cabinet? And you restored to crude and badly judged measures such as sending me a cursed necklace that was bound to reach the wrong hands…poisoned mead there was only the slightest chance I might drink…”

“Yeah, well,” I had no idea what exactly I was thinking, but I knew that I had to choose. “You still didn’t realize who was behind that stuff, did you?”

Dumbledore then slid down the wall a little. I hadn’t realized exactly how weak he looked. He was thinning right before my very eyes. What had he been doing out with Potter to make him appear like that? It couldn’t have been anything good, and just made my job loads easier.

But Courtney…

I had to choose.

“As a matter of fact, I do. I was sure it was you,” Dumbledore said.

“Why didn’t you stop me then?” I asked without thinking. Perhaps if he did stop me, I wouldn’t be so torn up and less of a person.

“I tried, Draco. Professor Snape has been keeping watch over you on my orders-“

“He hasn’t been doing your orders,” I said, shocked. “He promised my mother-“

“Of course the is what he would tell you, Draco, but-“

“He’s a double agent, you stupid old man!” I yelled, getting a little angry. Why must Snape play Dumbledore like that? I knew where his real loyalty lied. “He isn’t working for you, you just think he is!”

“We must agree to differ on that, Draco. It so happens that I trust Professor Snape-“

“Well, you’re losing your grip, then!” I sneered, not being able to take it anymore. “He’s been offering me plenty of help – wanting all the glory for himself – wanting a bit of the action – ‘What are you doing?’ ‘Did you do the necklace, that was stupid, it could have blown everything – But I haven’t told him what I’ve been doing in the Room of Requirement, he’s going to wake up tomorrow and it’ll all be over and he won’t be the Dark Lord’s favorite anymore, he’ll be nothing compared to me, nothing!”

I knew that that whole speech was rubbish just as much as he did. I didn’t mean a single word of it. Most of it was what my father had told me, not that I believe that load of shit. If I didn’t believe it, then what was I doing going around and spouting it off to Dumbledore, the only man who could have been capable of defeating… I should get used to saying it. If he was my employer, then… I could say his name, right?

Okay.

Voldemort.

I didn’t want him to continue the reign of the world. It wouldn’t be the same… I wouldn’t have Courtney. How could I live without her? The answer was simple: I couldn’t. I could not live without Courtney. It would rather die.

“Very gratifying,” Dumbledore said mildly. “We all like appreciation for our own hard work of course. But you must have had an accomplice, all the same…someone in Hogsmeade, someone who was able to slip Katie the –ahhh…”

“No,” I shook my head. “I had no one help me. I slipped her the necklace all by myself!”

“You didn’t use Madame Rosmerta to send the posined mead to Professor Slughorn?” he asked, his eyebrows raised.

I shook my head again. “No, I did my own work on both of those tasks.”

“You had no help whatsoever?”

I smirked. “Just that mudblood Granger, who deciphered the instruction manual for the Vanishing Cupboard. She had no idea what so ever.”

 “Please do not use that offensive word in front of me,” said Dumbledore.

I gave out a harsh laugh, but inside I was all nerves. Was that scream really Courtney? “You care about me saying ‘Mudblood’ when I’m about to kill you?” Was I? I wasn’t sure anymore…

“Yes, I do,” he replied. “But as for being about to kill me, Draco, you have had several long minutes now, we are quite alone, I am more defenseless than you can have dreamed of finding me, and still you have not acted…”

My mouth contorted involuntarily. Yes, I hadn’t acted yet. I was still trying to make up my bloody mind about what I truly wanted – needed – to do. Can’t he tell that I’m all torn up inside? He probably could, seeing as though he knew everything up to that point already.

“Now, about tonight,” he went on once more, “I am a little puzzled about how it happened…You knew  that I had left the school?”

I nodded. “Potter should really watch his mouth when speaks in public.”

I was beginning to grow nervous. What the hell was taking so long?! I needed to make sure that Courtney was alright. I needed to make sure that she wasn’t hurt. I could never live with myself if she was hurt because of me. Why did I have to do this to her?

“I see, but as you can tell, I did come back. So, you decided to spring a trap for me?”

“We decided to put the Dark Mark over the castle and get you to hurry up to see who had been killed,” I smirked, but not feeling it. “And it worked!”

“Well, yes…and no…” Dumbledore said. “But am I to take it, then, that nobody has been murdered?”

“Someone’s dead,” I said, remembering that I stepped over the body before rushing up there. “One of your people…I don’t know who, it was dark…I stepped over the body…”

My breathing became more ragged as the battle raged on more down below us. What was I supposed to do? I had Dumbledore right where I had worked so hard to get him, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to do it. What would happen if I didn’t? What would happen if I did? I was frightened, and not just for my own life.

“There is a little time, one way or another,” said Dumbledore, weakly. “So let us discuss your options, Draco.”

I looked at him oddly, wand still pointed at him. “My options? I’m standing her with a wand – I’m about to kill you –“

“My dear boy, let us have no more pretense about that. If you were going to kill me, you would have done it when you first disarmed me, you would not have stopped for this pleasant chat about ways and means.”

“I haven’t any options!” I yelled, my breath catching in my throat and tears pricking the corners of my eyes. “I’ve got to do it! He’ll kill me! He’ll kill my whole family!”

This couldn’t be happening. I was about to break down in front of Dumbledore. I had never told anyone the motivation behind what I did. Courtney got that I had no choice in the matter, and perhaps Snape did too, but no one else understood what was expected of me. It was all too hard, and I’d rather just opt out, but it couldn’t be done. Dumbledore was just getting more senile by the minute.

“I appreciate the difficulty of your position with which I knew you had been entrusted, in case he used Legilimency against you,” so he also knew about that, huh? “But now at least we can speak plainly to each other….No harm has been done, you have hurt nobody, though you are very lucky that your unintentional victims survived…I can help you, Draco.”

“No, you can’t,” I said as I tried to tame my hand, which was shaking so badly that it had almost caused me to drop my wand. “Nobody can. He told me that I had to do it or he’ll kill me. I’ve got no choice.”

“He cannot kill you if you are already dead. Come over to the right side, Draco, and we can hid you more completely than you can possibly imagine. What is more, we can send members of the Order to your mother tonight to hide her likewise. Nobody would be surprised that you had died in your attempt to kill me – forgive me, but Voldemort expects it,” he sighed. “We can also protect her. No harm will come to her as long as you choose the right side, Draco.”

My eyes widened at him. He knew about Courtney? Well, I guess it wasn’t that much of a surprise because he seemed to know everything else as well, except for the fact that he could hide my mother, Courtney, and me. I was in that mess, and I couldn’t get out of it.

But I wanted out of it.

Which side did I belong on?

Did I belong with Deatheaters?

Did I belong with the Order?

“But I got this far, didn’t I?” I said slowly, and more to myself than him. “They thought I’d die in the attempt, but I’m here…and you’re in my power…I’m the one with the wand…You’re at my mercy…” I was really not feeling it. I did not want to murder him. At all.

“No, Draco,” he said quietly. “It is my mercy, and not yours that matters now.”

What made him care so bloody much about me anyway? I wasn’t his child. I wasn’t really anything to him. Why would he want to save me? It didn’t make any sense whatsoever. It was nice though. He was offering me a way out, even if it wasn’t possible. He was trying, and that was all that mattered.

Another scream pierced the air, and that time I was positive that it was Courtney’s. It sounded so close. I didn’t want to think about it. My wand fumbled for a moment before I had it pointed back at Dumbledore. I wanted to run to her, but I couldn’t leave Dumbledore, who was offering me a choice.

Could I really have a choice?

“Dumbledore corned!” someone yelled at made me jump. “Dumbledore wandless, Dumbledore alone! Well, done, Draco, well done!”

“Good evening, Amycus,” said Dumbledore, calmly. “And you’ve brought Alecto too…Charming…”

There was an angry little titter from behind me. “Think your little jokes’ll help you on your deathbed then?”

“Jokes? No, no, these are just manners,” replied Dumbledore.

“Do it,” a gruff voice commanded of me.

“Is that you, Fenrir?” Dumbledore asked.

“That’s right,” the gruff voice answered. “Pleased to see me, Dumbledore?”

“I can’t say that I am.”

“But you know how much I love kids, Dumbledore.”

I gulped the fear down that was rising up in my throat. All I could do was continue to stand there with all those people coming up behind me. It was rather embarrassing but frightening all at the same time. How could I think with all of them there? What was I supposed to do?

I still had a choice to make.

Which side do I truly belong to?

“Am I to take it that you are attacking even without the full moon now? This is most unusual… You have developed a taste for human flesh that cannot be satisfied once a month?” Dumbledore asked Fenrir.

“That’s right,” Fenrir chuckled. “Shocks you that, does it, Dumbledore? Frightens you?”

“Well, I cannot pretend that it does not disgust me a little, and yes, I am a little chocked that Draco here invited you, of all people, into the school where his friends live…” Dumbledore said, which I replied to immediately.

“I didn’t. I didn’t know he was going to come-“

“I wouldn’t miss a trip to Hogwarts, Dumbledore,” Fenrir interrupted me. “Not when there are little throats to rip out. Delicious, delicious...”

“No,” said another. “We’ve got orders. Draco’s got to do it. Now, Draco, and quickly.”

Everyone was expecting me to go through with it right there in front of them. What was I supposed to do then? I couldn’t very well just decide with all of them there in that room. I had to do it. I had absolutely no choice but to go through with it. I had lost my chance at saving myself…at saving Courtney.

“He’s not long for this world anyway!” shouted another. “Look at him – what’s happened to you then, Dumby?”

“Oh, weaker resistance, slower reflexes, Amycus,” said Dumbledore. “Old age in short…one day, perhaps, it will happen to you…if you are lucky…”

“What’s that mean?” yelled Amycus. “Always the same, weren’t yeh, Dumby, talking and doing nothing, nothing. I don’t even know why the Dark Lord’s bothering to kill yer! Come on, Draco, do it!”

I heard shouts about having the steps blocked off from down below. I had to do it – and quick or I would soon be in the same boat. Was that a clue? Did I not belong with the Deatheaters because they would turn on me at a moment’s notice?

“Now, Draco, quickly!” yelled another.

My hand was shaking so badly at that point that I could barely aim let alone concentrate on the damn spell. Why couldn’t everyone just shut up so I could think of what exactly I had to do? It wasn’t fair to me. I should’ve made my choice while everything was remotely calm.

“Draco, do it or stand aside so one of us-“ screeched a woman but stopped.

I then felt a presence at my right hand side. I looked up to see that Snape was standing there, looking down at Dumbledore. He could help me, right? He had promised my mother right? Did I really have to do it? Was he my option? Was Courtney my option?

His side?

Order’s side?

I had to hurry and make a decision before it was too late. I had to choose between him and her. That was the simple solution. If I chose Courtney, then I could be on the Order’s side. I wouldn’t have to fight. I couldn’t have to be beaten down until I no longer felt happiness. What side did I belong on?

Courtney’s side.

I choose her.

“Severus…” called Dumbledore.

I lowered my wand as Snape raised his. He gazed at him for a moment, there was a revulsion and hatred etched in the harsh lines of his face. I had never seen Snape look like that before. I had been right though…Snape was on his side.

“Severus…please…”

Dumbledore believed that Snape was loyal to him and not…Voldemort. He thought that he could trust him, but could he really when he had a wand pointed directly at his heart and no quiver in his hand at all? Was I putting the trigger in Snape’s hand by choosing against him? Snape had been so good to me. What was I supposed to do?

I was not going back. I had made my choice, and I was sticking to it.

“Avada Kedavra!” Snape yelled and a jet of green shot from the tip of his want and hit Dumbledore, who fell over the edge of the balcony and out of sight.