a/n i love jamia dw

Frank didn't know what to do anymore, he had tried everything, but nothing seemed to work. He and Jamia had divorced several years ago, right before he turned 30. Their last times together had been turbulent and he felt like he didn't have any other choice but to leave. The breakup was brutal.

Frank had been so mentally and emotionally exhausted, he decided to go back to Jersey, leaving Jamia back in Florida their teenage daughter and son, two amazing and wonderful kids that he loves very much. Frank wanted to keep the conflict level to a minimum, not fighting for having the kids live with him permanently, just letting Jamia do what she wanted to, but that resulted in the cooperation between the two about the kids getting more difficult. He had told Jamia from the start that he would do whatever she thought was best for the kids and he would pay for as much as possible. Of course situations occurred, like that time when Jamia had pathologised their youngest child, Miles, complaining about how he was too fat in front of him and his sister.

But things got worse. In the beginning, things went okay, Lily and Miles visited his new apartment in Jersey for a week or two every month, though that soon started to change. First they wouldn't tell him how they were doing, but eventually their lack of replies evolved into telling him he was evil and "why are you asking that, you don't even care?". It still happened to this day.

It didn't take him long to figure out that Jamia had been telling Lily that Frank had been mean to her while they were married and that he was sick. When Frank was 16 he had been diagnosed with anxiety and had went to see a therapist for several years, but he knew that that had in no way inflicted his personality or the way he treated people. Yet, it led to Lily refusing to visit Frank anymore. Miles had continued for a few more years, before that ended too.

Frank had been told on several occasions to not care about what his kids wanted or needed. The sorrow and desperation have been so big that Frank's life in longer periods have felt unbearable. Some times he just barely makes it through the days and he has contemplated suicide several times. A few times this frustration has been expressed by accident and of course it has been used against him, fueling Lily's belief that Frank is "sick".

But Frank wasn't worrying about himself at all, he never did. He was petrified, thinking about how his kids, his children were doing, what has happened to them and what they are learning from this. They are being taught how to bury trust instead of building it, they are learning how to lie and they are learning to hate instead of how to love.

No matter what he does, Frank can't seem to reach out to Lily and Miles. When he tries to tell them how he is doing and that he is worried about them, he's told that he's stupid, evil and manipulative. If he just sends them short messages with love declarations and saying that he's here for them, he's spamming.
He has been told that he has himself to blame every time he treats his kids "badly".
Has has been told that he's ruining the kids education and school day.
He has been told that everything is his fault and he deserves everything that's happening to him.
He is told that this is purely just the kids' opinions and that this is only them not wanting to deal with Frank.

But Frank knows better, and he feels powerless.

-

It had been one of many dark days that Frank again, for probably the hundredth time, found himself on Mikey Way's old, battered couch. Mikey had inherited the house after his parents died shortly after each other, and his brother had fucked off to New York ages ago.
Everyone had told Mikey to sell the god forsaken house, or at least tear it down to the earth, building a new one, but he refused. Maybe he had a small hope that his parents had turned into ghosts after their departure from the living world and decided to haunt the house.

Frank had made his way to Mikey's place right after Jamia had called him, just to yell at him for being "a pathetic excuse for a human being and a pain in the ass" for about 5 minutes before hanging up (Frank hadn't even spoken a single word), and he didn't feel like spending the night alone.
After sobbing into Mikey's shoulder for a good 15 minutes, and a few episodes of Firefly later, he was starting to feel a little better. He was beyond the stage of being ashamed for crying into his best friend's shoulder at age 35.

"I don't understand why ever married her in the first place." Mikey said when the 3rd episode ended, Netflix telling you that the next episode starts in 10 seconds.

"I don't know I-... I guess I felt like I had to prove the people that said high school relationships never last wrong, y'know? Look how that went! Wasted 18-fucking-years on that bitch."

Mikey nodded, the next episode already starting and Frank was humming the intro, "I could tell from the start that weren't happy with her."

"Honestly, I thought I was for a long time," Frank shifted uncomfortably on the couch, pulling his knees up to his chest, "can we not talk about this right now?"

"Yeah." Mikey went to turn up the volume again.

-

Mikey had offered Frank to stay and he had accepted right away, not ready to head back home to a dark, cold, depressing apartment yet. He had managed to grab his toothbrush before leaving the knows, already knowing he would be staying over anyway.

When Frank stood in the small bathroom right next to the kitchen, Mikey knocked on the bathroom door, "I forgot to warn you earlier that my brother is here, so if you hear any noises, don't freak out and call the cops."

Frank was speechless for a second, "your brother? Gerard?" He hadn't seen Gerard in about 16 (or was it 17?) years. You would have thought Frank would've forgotten the greasy basement geek after all these years, but Frank could never forget Gerard.

"No, my twin sister, Bob. Yes, of course it's Gerard."
Even though Frank and Jamia were a thing back in high school, it didn't mean he didn't have a small crush on Gerard Way, Mikey Way's older, cooler and interesting big brother. Gerard was only a year older, so Frank didn't get to see him in class. Gerard hung out with this extremely cool punk-rock gang so Frank didn't see him much during lunch or recess either. The only times Frank actually saw Gerard was in the school hallways and a few times when he was hanging out at Mikey's house and Gerard would sometimes come out of his bat cave to grab a can of diet coke, and maybe play a game of whatever video game Frank and Mikey were playing.

"He's just visiting, y'know, 'cuz our parents left? I think he's scared I'll get rid of the house or something and is trying to spend as much time as possible here before that's gone too."

Frank understood and after he was done getting ready for bed, he lurked back in to the living room and jumped on to the couch, wrapping the thin grid blanket that was right next to him around himself, ready to fall asleep.
But Frank found it hard to sleep, there was just too much on his mind and he just couldn't calm them down so that sleep could come to him.
He was just going to go get a glass of water, but that ended with him sitting by the small kitchen table that was against the wall, crouched over the hard, light wood, sobbing into his wrapped arms.

He didn't know what had come over him, he just suddenly broke down. He thought everything was fine for tonight, having Mikey there and calming down. He was wrong, as everything came crashing down on him. He had a sinking feeling that it was the reminder of Gerard existing that brought shit back. What if he had ended up with Gerard instead of Jamia? Would he be where he was now, sobbing in the middle of the night in Mikey Way's dark kitchen or would he be in a roomy apartment in New York or California, snuggled up to Gerard's side? He didn't want to think about it, but he still did, he couldn't help himself. He wondered why he ended up like this, what he had done wrong. He wasn't complaining, he had two kids that he loved so incredibly much, two beautiful kids that didn't even want to talk to him, who hated him-

"Frank?"

Frank ignored it, his mind telling him it was just something he was imagining.

"Frankie?"

The hand on his shoulder felt very real, and Frank shot up in surprise, panic churning in his stomach. He quickly turned around to face the second last face he wanted to see (the first being Jamia).
"Oh my god," Frank whispered, suddenly embarrassed and blushing, wiping the tears away from his face, not wanting Gerard to see, "I am so sorry, fuck-"

"Why are you apologizing?" Gerard asked, taking a seat next to Frank. He noticed that Gerard hadn't changed much. Frank would have found it funny that a 37 year old man still dyed his hair black, but he couldn't focus on that right now.

"I don't know I'm just... It's all I know what to say these day; sorry, sorry, I'm sorry." Frank sighed and laced his head back in his palms. He was so vulnerable and embarrassed right now, nobody enjoys crying while there is another person there, especially not when it's a person you haven't seen in 16 years and is the brother of your best friend and former crush. It was just a mess and Frank regretted leaving the couch in the first place. If he had just stayed there, staring up at the wooden ceiling, wallowing in toxic thoughts, everything would have been fine and this wouldn't have happened.

"I was just up drawing and shit, and I was hearing noises from upstairs so I was gonna turn on some music, but I realized that it was sobbing that I heard," Frank didn't reply, "Mikey told me what had happened."

Frank looked back at Gerard, finally controlling his breathing, "how much?" He whispered, squinting his eyes.

Gerard was silent for a moment, "everything." He whispered back.
Frank let out a long breath. He was offended and felt betrayed by Mikey. How could Mikey expose Frank's private life like that? How many more had he told? It made Frank feel weird knowing that Gerard knew everything about him, but he knew nothing about Gerard.

"It's okay, I understand." Gerard placed his hand on Frank's shoulder.

"How?" He couldn't possibly understand how Gerard knew how he felt.

"When I moved to New York I met this amazing woman. I thought I loved her, but I realized I was just trying to hide who I really was."

Frank was confused.

"I... I am gay. I don't even know... Like, I think I just always knew. I mean, I went to art school for hell's sake!" Gerard laughed awkwardly, and there was a pause in their conversation for a while. Frank had to admit that he didn't think Gerard's situation could be compared to Frank's, but whatever.

"I just want it all to be over," Frank sniffled, "like a magic spell."

Gerard started stroking Frank's shoulder in a totally hetero way, "I think that when a relationship is breaking, it's better to tear it all down yourself, before you can build it up. You can't build up a building that's already breaking and falling."

Frank felt like the weird metaphor kind of made sense in some crazy way, "so you're saying that... Jamia and I need to talk it out and then we will be back together?"

A loud huff left Gerard's mouth and he shook his head, "fuck no! That woman better stay out of your life. I'm talking about your kids. They still love you, even if they say they hate you, but they're children, they don't know any better.'

When Frank just sighed, rubbing his face, Gerard hugged him, "I believe in you dude. You need to create contact and there needs to be trust."
When Gerard pulled away, Frank noticed that he didn't pull back all the way, making them closer to each other's faces. The look in Gerard eyes almost had Frank stuttering out the truth, that even if had been decades since their last meeting,mine teeny tiny high school crush hadn't faded, but the opposite.

Frank wanted to kiss him, but he knew this was the worst time they could kiss on. And even though Gerard was gay, it did not mean he liked Frank in that way. All Frank was was that man who happened to be his baby brother's friend that he could vaguely remember from before art school.
Frank felt kinda lost, but he knew he wanted to kiss Gerard. So he did. It was the only thing right know he knew how to do.

At first nothing happened. Frank just kept his lips on Gerard's, waiting for him to react. When the older man still hadn't made a move, Frank made a small move with his lips, and that seemed to wake Gerard up.

Soon enough, they were making out, neither of them sure of what it meant. A few minutes later of body part stroking and hair grabbing, their lips left each other. In between their pants and gasps for air, Frank said, "God... Shit, I'm sorry. I've liked you for so long I just had to-"
"Shut the hell up, Frank." Gerard growled and grabbed the back of Frank's and bringing them together.

And maybe Frank could finally start making his life better, with his own bare hands and a broken building. With Gerard's help of course.

a/n idek I felt like leaving it there. Only edited halfway but I've worked on this for only 3 days which makes me kinda proud bcus usually it takes 3 months. This one shot is inspired/based on an article I read in a magazine and some personal things.

Peace, love, suck a dick
- zoo