You smiled and waved at your friends as they left, the little picnic party you planned having come to an end. The BAU team had just finished a three-year long case where the unsub had eluded them for far too long. Thanks to persistence and a few life threatening baiting, you all got them. Therefore it was only fitting to throw a party to relieve the stress and revel in well-deserved success and happiness.

Turning you trudged up the little hill to where Spencer sat on the picnic blanket, picking at what remaining food there was. The golden hour had come and gone, the setting sun casting a warm dimming glow around you and made Spencer look like he was a lounging Lord of the land. You smirked before sitting down, leaning back on your hands and closing your eyes as you let out a sigh.

"Is it bad I suddenly feel like I have no purpose in life anymore?"

You heard a chuckle and the sound of fabric moving as you felt Spencer scoot closer. "Well, there are still over 200,000 unsolved murder cases all around the U.S. dating back to the 60's so I'm sure you can find something to do with your free time."

You laughed, peeking an eye open to see him laying on his side, leaning on his arm and facing you, his face smiling as he messed with pulled up blades of grass. Heavens, he looked good. Especially with his newly cut hair tussling in the wind as his dark eyes glowed with mirth. You smiled back, a feeling of belonging settling around the two of you.

"Thanks, Spence, I'll keep that in mind as we work the hundreds of current cases we get already."

Smiling, he shrugged one shoulder and tossed the grass blades to the side. "It is pretty interesting you happened to join us when we get this case and then leave us once we solved it."

Suddenly the chill mood immediately dropped and the warmth you felt turned numb. You could hear the expectancy in his voice. You knew you had to talk about this and you knew he was going to bring it up, being Spencer and all, but you weren't ready for it. You cleared your throat, moving from leaning back on your hands to leaning back on your elbows, keeping your eyes averted from his.

"You know I can't talk about this, Spencer." you whispered.

"Can't or won't?"

You let out a breath, looking up at the darkening sky. For three years you tried to keep your heart from forming too close of an attachment to the BAU but by the end of the year, you could have sworn you had been with them for at least five. You and Spencer grew close fast, despite your efforts to ward him off, you always found yourself yearning to be anywhere near him. Right now wasn't any different, except you wished there was some way for you to leave your past in the past.

You felt a soft pressure on your hand and your head snapped to attention, looking down at Spencer's hand covering yours. You turned your hand up so his fingers would fall in-between yours. You were suddenly aware of how close the two of you were. With a deep breath, you let out all your worries, closing your eyes to focus on his thumb rubbing your hand as you spoke.

"Working for the CIA isn't, wasn't, easy but it had its perks. Like finding the man who was responsible for your sister's death."

You looked up to gauge his response and wasn't surprised to see his slightly shocked face knowing you just confirmed his theory of you being related to the second of the twelve victims. You pressed on.

"I told the director of both the CIA and FBI that I was going to track him down and take care of his own corpse with or without their permission. Being an invaluable member of their teams they were quick to draw me up a new identity to track down this monster. It's just-" your voice failed you but Spencer spoke up.

"You didn't plan on becoming a part of this little family of ours."

You nodded mutely, your eyes watering as you subconsciously felt your body start to lean toward his. Spencer tightened his grip on your hand, sending a wave of warmth up your arm. You looked at him and he gave you a small smile.

You blinked back the moisture and sniffed. "But now I'm no longer needed here. I am needed back in my other position. I can function in peace now knowing he's gone. But Spencer," you looked up at him, pushing yourself up a bit so you too were on your side, facing him, your hands intertwined, "you can't breathe a word of this to anyone."

He nodded solemnly, his eyes never straying from your own. "But what about the others and how they will feel about this?"

You shrugged one shoulder. "They will forget all about me, in time."

"But what if some of us don't want to forget?"

"Then I guess I better leave soon. No sense in prolonging the inevitable."

He leaned in slightly, his breath brushing some of your loose hair. "You could stay. Ask to be reassigned. You fit right. You love it here," he whispered, the hope in his voice making your heart ping with regret.

You looked into his eyes and nearly lost your breath at the intensity of his stare. That feeling of comfort and warmth returned, your mind suddenly filling with other ideas and desires, all of which involving staying here and being with the young doctor. But you had reasons you couldn't start anything, let alone make anything of great worth sustainable.

You blinked, lowering your voice as well, hoping to sound stern but not overly condescending. "I already have a whole life of lies and I don't think adding one more will make the stay any easier."

Spencer's face looked hurt as you said that, but that only hardened your resolve to cut ties and move on. Fast. You pulled away from him, turning to the rest of the picnic supplies and putting them away. But you were soon left with nothing to do to distract yourself. It wasn't like you could get in your car and leave; the two of you had carpooled.

Neither of you spoke for a few moment before Spencer lightly cleared his throat.

"So, I take it you haven't thought much about it."

You turned to look at him, your hair dancing gently with the wind. "About what?"

Spencer shook his head, a sad smile pulling his face tight as he whispered under his breath. "This is almost worst than Mamihlapinatapai."

"Bless you," you giggled.

He chuckled, shaking his head again as he looked over the dark scenery, lights of night life brightening the area. "Mamihapitnatipai; a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something that they both desire but which neither wants to begin."

Your eyes widened at the implication of his explanation. Your heart racked against your ribs and your neck and ears started to feel warm. You looked away from him and bit your lip, thinking about what to say but all that came out was, "Oh."

Spencer sat up and sighed. You sat up too, running your hand through your hair. Park lights flipped on and you tried not to look at him as he all but sulked. You knew what he was talking about, but you kind of wanted to hear him say it.

"What haven't I thought of?"

He turned and looked at you, his face on the cusp of pleading. "Us."

You felt winded. You loved it when he spoke like that. You loved the ideas that flew through your mind at the thought of being able to explore what possibilities that opened up if you stayed in the BAU. Stayed with Spencer.

"It was one date Spencer and I thought we both had an unsaid understanding that all those 'what if's were just that, imaginary and not plausible. We never spoke of them again so I assumed you didn't think anything of it."

He shook his head, turning his back to you. "No, (Y/n), if that's even your name. There was ever rarely a moment when I hadn't thought of that night. I couldn't ignore the querencia of our friendship."

You chuckled, scooting up so you sat next to him, your shoulders touching. "You and your big words. And yes," you nudged his shoulder, "that is my name."

He turned to you, his eyebrows furrowed. "Are you at all the woman I know as (Y/n) (L/n)?"

You bit your cheek and glanced around. "I hope you know not all of it all was a lie. Most were half truths."

Spencer shook his head. "That still doesn't change things. I don't even know if I can trust you anymore."

You let out a breath and nodded. "I deserve that. And more." Then all the hesitation you had before in keeping your past in the past faded away and you smiled. "How about I tell you all you want to know, within reason, and then you can decide to trust me to be the friend I know  you saw me as."

He turned to you, his eyes searching your face as you held your breath. He reached over, ticking a loose hair behind your ear. "Alright. And you have to tell me everything truthfully."

You smiled wide and your heart felt light. "Absolutely. As long as you keep the questions to me and not government stuff. Oh, and I get to ask you questions too."

He chuckled. "Fine. I go first."

~

The both of you were laying down on your backs now, hands behind head and ankles crossed as you stared up at the sky and the stars littering the black void. Smiles plastered on the both of your faces as aches in your sides ebbed away from all the laughter.

You weren't sure how long the two of you had talked but it didn't take long for the querencia to return and for something a bit more to spark back to life. Especially when the both of you were shamelessly creating moments to touch, brush against one another, and to lean close. You moved your arm closest to him down to your side from behind your head. Sure enough, he dropped his on arm, his hand finding yours in the dark.

Thankful for the mask of the night to hide your blush, you risked scooting closer to him, feeling his warmth. You could smell him and your stomach did flips, his breathing making your heart quicken. Maybe the dark wasn't helping

You felt him shift closer, his shoulder touching yours as he moved your clasped hands to his chest. "Why did you assume I didn't want anything to come from that date?" His voice was quiet but you could feel the vibrations in his chest with your hand.

"I'm scared."

From what little light the park laps could provide you could see him turn his head to you. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"But others can use me to get to you or use you to get to me. Or-"

He stopped you with his other hand, the tips of his fingers pressing lightly against your lips. "Don't. Don't think like that. Please."

You closed your eyes and nodded, but his fingers didn't leave your face. His hand moved from your mouth to cup your cheek. He turned to you, his other hand still holding yours close to him. You too turned onto your side and looked at him, his hand warm on your cheek. He gave you a small smile that you matched.

"Are you familiar with basorexia?" You whispered.

His eyes twinkled as his smiled widened. "Bless you."

YOu both laughed but drew closer at the same time, as if it were possible. Your eyes flickered to his lips as you whispered, "If there's going to be an 'us' there is going to be a lot of basorexia."

The word hadn't fully left your lips before it was covered with his own, his arms pulling you as you willingly relaxed and sighed against him. It didn't take long for your mind to be made up in staying in the BAU and for your heart to be made up in falling in love with your best friend.

Ok, my lovelies I apologize for not having this up sooner, life takes control sometimes haha that being said sorry if this one sucked. I love you all and the love and attention this book gets, THANK YOU! See ya next Monday ;)