I was once asked if I wanted to play a game. So I asked what it was called.

They said, "Life and Death."

And I replied, "Let's roll the dice."

Chapter Three

CARMEN

A knock on the door in the early morning. Carmen had been pacing for around an hour now, ever since she had finished getting ready. Just going around the apartment, checking again if she had locked all the windows and taken out all the food she had, so it wouldn't spoil. She didn't have many valuables, but they were already secured on her body for two reasons: if thieves tried to break into the apartment, and if she could not return to Ketterdam.

Peering through the peephole on her door, Carmen looked down to see a waiting Jesper. Unlatching the multitude of locks, she stepped out holding a folder of paper.

"My stock certificates," she said, noticing Jesper's curious look, and holding up the papers. "I was wondering if there was a safe spot in the Crow Club where I could keep them." They would also be a great collateral in Kaz Brekker's possession, proving to him her loyalty to the group. Ketterdam did have a saying, after all: 'money speaks louder than words.'

"Of course," Jesper replied, nodding in understanding. "We'll head there first, where everyone's waiting, then off to the docks."

The morning air was crisp, both with tension and the sea breeze as they walked downtown. The cobblestone streets were quiet as the city began to wake up.

"Look," Jesper started, then paused, and Carmen looked to him. "I'm sorry for how you were treated last night. Y'know, with the tying your hands, knocking you out kinda thing, I think it was wrong of us," You think?

"Is that how they do it in the Barrel, with climbing into my four story window and knocking me out?"

"That's just the Inej way of doing things, promise. It could've been worse! It's just, Kaz only just met you. He doesn't trust you, and the fact you're from the Upper districts doesn't help. Actually, I think he trusts people from the Barrel even less-"

"Jesper, stop. I understand. Not that I would've done the same if I needed information, but it's alright. If the information you have is true, then I think it's only right I go with you." She held up the folder, "Besides, this should help Brekker trust me."

"Yeah, if there's anything Kaz loves more than his cane, it's cold hard cash."

"This isn't cash though, they're certificates." Carmen smiled.

Jesper laughed, relieved. "You know what I mean."

–

Carmen had never been to the Barrel this early in the day, and it was odd to see the Crow Club so calm and quiet. Carmen found herself appreciating the cozy interior, cloudy with sunlight. The empty tables and the latent employees (who she figured were low-ranking gang members, and not really employees) cleaning up from the night before were a nice change of pace from when she was here just hours ago, stolen from her kitchen.

The upstairs door opened, and Carmen was beckoned up by Jesper. Inside, Kaz and Inej were discussing plans along with a fidgety man, who looked as out of place as she was, if not more so.

She went to Kaz and thrust the folder she held towards him. He took and opened it with one swift motion, raising a brow at her as he leafed through the pages.

"My shares in the sugar, jurda, and steel industry. I trust you have a place where I can keep them safe when we are away?"

Kaz nodded, lifting a portrait that hung behind the desk, and unlocking a hidden safe. He placed the folder inside, shutting it again. He turned to her. "An expensive collateral. What's to say I won't kill you now and keep your money?"

"Your greed for more, I assume." Kaz scoffed. Then she turned and walked to the rest of the group.

"Who is he?" She asked of the stranger.

"Our way through the Fold," Jesper replied.

The man cleared his throat, struggling to look dignified, "I am The Conductor."

"His name is Arken," Inej corrected, and Carmen sent a pointed look.

"I'm Carmen." She wondered what the man could be threatened with to shuttle them across the border. Everyone had their price. Hers, it seemed, was for an old friendship.

Kaz stepped around them and then opened the office door. "The ship to Novokribirsk leaves in fifteen minutes. It would be a shame to miss it and end this excursion without even getting out of Ketterdam. You can finish your introductions on transit."

The walk to the docks was short, and with a curt nod to Dreesen's men manning the ship, they entered and sat down on a few crates above deck. The boat was a sail soon after, and the slight rocking did nothing to quell Carmen's soon approaching anticipation.

It had been almost two years since she had last set foot in Ravka, and suffice to say, she hadn't much entertained the idea of going back to visit. At least, not so soon. And never had she thought it would be like this, alongside a pack of criminals. Though, she realized, she was to be considered one of those criminals now.

She thought of the orphanage at Keramzin. Of days spent studying and reading until her eyes blurred. Of hiding with Alina and Mal in the fields. Dreaming of a place where she didn't feel so trapped.

Ana Kuya had always told her to study harder, to practice her arithmetic, sharpen her mind. Because if you don't get a ticket elsewhere, Ana Kuya had said, you will be stuck in Ravka when the draft comes, preying on little girls like you. Even without the mention of her slight build, the Army did not think well of Shu girls.

Unlike Alina, Carmen didn't have the benefit of only being half Shu. Ana Kuya had set out to make the girl a cartographer, and the other a scholar. So while Alina sat in the library to sketch and draw and reference, Carmen had sat with her, to learn, and solve and research.

She had sent letters of inquiry and applications in the dozens to universities, schools, and merchants abroad, hoping for a ticket out. And it came in the form of a sponsorship to a Kerch university.

The terms were, however, that after graduating from the business program, she would owe the school a percentage of her income after graduation. A give and take, but Carmen was forever grateful for an evasion from the military, and an escape from a country that would never accept her as one of its own.

She thought of how relieved Alina was to have been placed in the cartography division instead of the front lines. Carmen wondered how she could have gotten herself tangled into being the Sun Summoner from a simple mapmaker, but Alina was always getting into trouble. Maybe it did make sense, somehow.

But Mal– usually he kept her safe. What was he thinking about all of this? Carmen made note to send him a letter once they passed the Ravkan border.

And what would Ana Kuya say of her now? After all that hard work of leaving, Carmen was returning to Ravka.

–

Having just gotten off the ship, their little group sat snug in a carriage, headed for Novokribirsk.

"I didn't hire you simply to get us across the Fold," Kaz started, Arken listening rapt. "You're with us because you smuggle Grisha out of the Little Palace, and that's the location of our target."

"My friend." Carmen supplied, while Inej also said, "Sun Summoner."

"Alleged." Kaz said to her, stern. And, "Are you sure she will choose to stay friends with you after this?"

"What do you know of friends, Brekker, everyone here is being paid to coerce with you."

But it was Inej's turn to argue, "They wouldn't keep a fraud in the most secure location in all of Ravka."

Except they would keep radicals, as Arken described the Heartrender that was to be helping them, Nina. She seemed like an interesting person, not that Grisha could really be trusted to go against their own lot.

And it seemed true, when they arrived at the Inn Arken directed them too, her lodging empty. While everyone perused the room (Jesper even ate one of the tea cakes on the nightstand), Kaz remarked, "She isn't late, she's gone."

Carmen doubted it, though when they moved the trunk left on the bed, a druskelle pin, wolf teeth bared, sat waiting.

"They are ruthless Grisha hunters," Arken exclaimed, picking the symbol off the bed.

"Explains the Fjerdan krydda the innkeeper was counting when we arrived." Was the first thing Brekker noticed always money? "It's likely he ratted her out."

Arken let out a sound of discontent. "She's probably captive on a ship to Fjerda right now."

Done with her own assessment of the room, Inej added, "They had a clear line of attack." She stood by the open window, and Carmen was glad she had checked her own at the flat to make sure no one could enter.

"Take a look. Make sure there aren't any surprises," Kaz ushered, Inej leaving through the window. That really was her preferred method of transportation, it seemed.

Arken huffed and sat down on the bed, defeated, "We've lost our way to the Little Palace."

Carmen stood watching the full exchange, posture straight. It was interesting to see the Crows do their work. She imagined Kaz already had a backup plan. Where there's a will, there's a way; and when there's money involved, Kaz Brekker was the way.

Leaving the inn, Inej joined them from the roof, relaying her information to Kaz.

"Seems like a reasonable juncture to abandon this whole...Sun Summoner plan." Arken started, he was clearly very upset since now he had to find another Grisha to help him with his smuggling endeavors.

Carmen scoffed. They had already arrived in Ravka, with a clear path through the Fold. If the Arken of the Crows decided to back out, Carmen was prepared to carve a way to the Little Palace herself. It would probably even be easier, right, with just one person, who had a personal connection to the Saint?

She doubted they would let mail in to the Palace, but if Carmen could send a letter, arrange a meeting, something of the sort–

"Abandon?" Kaz whirled to Darken, Jesper and Inej also looked at him incredulously. "We're in this now. And I know what a million kruge means to me. What does it mean to you?" He turned to his Crows.

"Freedom." Inej stated, her eyes earnest. Carmen glanced to her wrist, thinking of what could be found under the sleeve of Inej's jacket.

"Fun," Jesper responded, "Like, at least a few months." Cheeky as always, a small smile spreading on Carmen's face.

And now Brekker turned to her, she was not being paid for this trip. "Friendship," she replied, though her eyes clouded over like that of a stormy day.

Satisfied, Kaz turned again to Arken. "Retirement," The man gulped.

"Right," Kaz nodded. "So we press on. You get us across the Fold and I'll figure out the rest on the other side." He sounded so assured Carmen almost trusted him.

"Fine." Reluctance still laced Arken's speech, but he picked up his carpetbag, turned to the group, and took out a notebook. "I'll need twenty pounds of alabaster coal," he wrote, "a pack of Majdaloun jurda." He lifted his pen, "Not from Kerch, it's too weak."

Jesper was expectant, standing next to Arken. "And, uh," Arken looked up, seeing the tall sharpshooter, "a goat." Confusion scrunched up Jesper's face, a goat pulled carriage through the Fold?

"We meet in the dead of night," the Conductor continued. "There's a wreckage of a skiff northeast, on the edge of town." Kaz looked at him, calculating. "So," Arken waved the notepad around, "who gets what?"

"Inej, jurda." She nodded at Kaz's words. "I'll get the goat." Carmen entertained the thought of stone faced-Brekker wrangling a goat.

"And Jesper," he continued, stepping towards him with the paper, "Just the goat. No detours. Take the girl with you, she'll keep you on track." And he looked towards Carmen, imposing.

In the market, Carmen nudged Jesper. "When he said 'no detours' it was only a loose instruction, right?"

Jesper nodded, eyes wandering over the many stalls and not paying her much attention.

"Alright then. I'm just going to check out something over there," She pointed to a restaurant in the distance, "but I'll be right back."

"Yeah, sure," Jesper absentmindedly responded, turning to his left only to find her long gone. "Good for me then," he laughed, giddily eyeing an alley where a few men sat playing cards.

–

Night had long since fell, enveloping the city of Novokribirsk in darkness. It seemed a precursor to what it would be like inside the Shadow Fold, and Carmen found herself wrought with not just a few nerves. She had failed to find Jesper in the market after leaving on her own, and since it was already the meeting time, she assumed he had made his way over here already.

Walking through the evening mist, she eyed a torch in the distance. Finding it illuminated by Arken, Inej, and Kaz, she waved to join them.

They started walking towards the wreckage Arken had pointed out to them earlier.

"Where the hell is Jesper?" Kaz questioned Carmen.

"I thought he was with you," she responded, honest.

He turned to her exasperated, "I specifically told you, no detours."

"I'm not a part of your gang," she supplied, "I wasn't aware those orders applied to me."

"They apply to you unless you'd like to get us all killed."

"I don't gamble with death lightly. I'm sure he will be here soon."

"Just a little further." Arken said, and they passed a sign that read "Danger: Landmines" in bright Ravkan lettering. Leftover from the war, no doubt.

Or perhaps they were put to prevent people from entering the Fold? Or if something chose to leave?

Kaz turned to Arken, "We'll wait. Follow the path that you carve."

"Oh," Arken said, flustered, "that sign, that was my idea to keep people away. Can't be too careful. Come." He nodded at the group to follow, and with caution, they did.

As they neared the abomination, Inej exclaimed, "It's one thing hearing about it, but this is..." She trailed off, raising her head to the tall expanse of writhing shadow.

"Nothing, compared to what lies within," Arken finished.

Carmen wanted to respond, but she found her throat caught. Her eyes flickered from the shadows, to the sky, to the gray sand underfoot. The light emanating from the torch Arken carried did nothing to alleviate her worries.

She all but snatched it from his hand, trying to give an impassive look, though she knew everyone could see the fear in her eyes. Her skin took on a pallid likeness, and she tried to keep her hands steady, though they trembled holding the torch. If this was how she acted before even entering the Fold, how would she face...

She was weak in the likeness of the dark and she hated herself for it. Just a moment ago she had been alright, talking with Brekker about Jesper, and Saints he had better get here soon.

The cranking of a lever by Arken helped her focus a little, as a cab was introduced from the mist. "Goat, jurda," he counted. "We're just waiting on-"

A shot pierced the air, along with a shout of "Wait for me!" as Jesper appeared through the night. Carmen couldn't help but admit she was grateful for the light of multiple appearing torches, but she quickly knelt to the ground to cover herself from the shots.

"They can't see the train!" Arken hurriedly took the light from Carmen's hands, dousing it. She swore under her breath, but quickly climbed on, along with Kaz and Inej.

More gunshots followed, as Jesper finally made it onto the contraption, a sack of coal slung over his shoulder.

As Inej closed the great metal door, Carmen retired to one of the benches, breathing hard. They were going into the Fold, and the coarse shouting of the men behind did nothing to alleviate her fear.

"Please tell me you have twenty pounds of alabaster coal." Arken hurriedly asked.

"Slight snag in the plan," Jesper sheepishly answered, and Carmen spun her head to look at him, eyes wide. "Turns out the kid who was helping me buy coal, didn't exactly know how to buy coal?" Carmen almost cried.

"We know you gambled it away," Kaz answered, and glared at Carmen. "And you were supposed to be helping him!" She looked away from Kaz.

"I managed to steal twenty pounds of alabaster coal, at least." Jesper responded, handing the sack off to Arken.

"No, there's sixteen pounds of alabaster coal." Arken stuttered, weighing the bag in his hands.

"Can we do it on sixteen pounds?" Kaz asked, matter of fact.

"Never been done before," but the Conductor looked determined to do it. It was life or death, after all. Life waging on four lost pounds of alabaster coal. This was not how Carmen ever imagined the end would be.

A bullet ricocheted off the wall of the train car and they set to work.

"Never shift your weight," Arken directed, placing them around the car. Carmen didn't plan on it, not that she thought she could move her limbs at all.

He rolled up his sleeves, revealing a set of tallies etched into his skin. "You've crossed that many times?" Inej asked.

Carmen spared a glance at them. "It's a numbers game. Cross this often and you get nightmares."

Inej lifted one of her blades, reciting a quick prayer. Carmen wanted to do the same, not that the Saints had ever been in her favor. At the orphanage they were taught stories of the Saints, and now she feared she would become like them: dead; though not in the face of a larger ideal.

A blast was heard outside. "Landmines!" Jesper worriedly said.

Kaz glared at Arken, "I thought you said they weren't real."

The man scratched his face, caught. "I said nothing of the sort. I just said I put up the sign myself."

–

As they shot through the phantom night, a clang on the side of the cabin happened every so often to mark their passage. Arken explained the quirks of his invention, though talk of luck made Carmen reach for the back of her neck in comfort and fidget her fingers. She might have listened to them more aptly, interested in the building of such a machine and engine (she had studied physics, after all), if it were not for the frantic beating of her heart and jittering of the car.

More talk of volcra had her stomach rolling. "We'll be fine, so long as they haven't attacked us in," Arken looked at his pocket watch, just as a screech was heard overhead.

The hideous sound of claws scraping the steel exterior had Carmen clamp her hands over her ears, eyes wide. She couldn't understand what the others were saying, just see Arken frantically move things around in the front, and Jesper look at her apologetically.

Kaz was shouting at Arken over something and Inej was gripping at her knives. The train car rocked and leered to the side, her hands leaving her head to steady herself on the train, as something latched on to the top. From the roof, it bled something dark into the car.

"The stupid thing impaled itself on a spike!"

Carmen felt the drops on the top of her head as the liquid fell through, it hit her cheek and fell down to her lap, a pool of darkness and disgust. It felt warm against her skin, and then she couldn't feel anything at all.

--

author's note

sorry for the delay with this chapter! this week and last i've been pretty busy and haven't had time to write. we also just hit 300 reads, and 300 for chapter 3 is pretty neat! i hope you guys are interested, i know i copied a lot of dialogue from the show but things are just getting started (evil smile)