I Loved You But Lost You

I never knew

Loving someone could hurt so much.

One thing could go wrong and break my

Vacant seizing heart.

Enough times I've cried; building this

Dam that I've seen in silent dreams.

You thought we could go back to normal,

Over and over I told you nothing could

Unload my grief and pain.

Because of that, I can't stand to see you.

Under all this pressure, I can't think.

True feelings overwhelm my pulsing mind.

Losing her was one of the hardest things I've been through.

Only a few have seen what I've seen. I'm having to

Sew my heart back into my chest;

Thinking 'How could I let go of her?'

You forced me to say goodbye. You forced me to forever remember her

Ongoing pleas that drown my ears.

Ultimatums you shouted at us that day haunt my nights, so, no I won't see you.

You took my Heaven away.

Leona

I rarely thought about my mother, but tonight was just one of those nights. It had been four days since my panic attack at school. I hadn't planned on anyone seeing my break down. My failed attempt to make it to the bathroom stall was the reason for staying home this week. I wanted everyone to forget what they had seen and move on with their lives.

Surely someone would have cheated on their boyfriend or drank so much at some party that I was no longer the talk of the school. I would go back then.

Receiving permission to take a break from school was easy since I had a few months worth of school work completed for my main classes. I would still have to make up for it in piano class, but that would be the easy portion of my return. The physical return would be the hardest part.

I had been texting Greyson as if nothing had happened as to not alarm him.

I needed to tell him. The longer I waited, the worse it would be.

If I told him, then I would have no one. My father was in prison and my mother was dead. My aunt was a cashier at some liquor store during the night, so she was asleep during the day and away at night.

For the first time in four years, I felt the weight of my solitude crash down on me. I needed a distraction and my poetry hadn't helped the slightest.

I opened the messenger app on my phone to send a text over to Greyson.

Me: Is it just me

Grey: yes

Me: lol, shut up.

Me: Is it just me..... OR did they nerf the Grim Patron deck and now it sucks.

Grey: it was too strong before. You would just demolish everyone.

Me: That was the point.

Grey: You just need to learn how to build a better deck.

Me: ..... I need to

Me: I need to build a better deck!? Who just demolished you last night.

Grey: I don't know. I'm thinkin you have someone else playing for you and thats how you win all the time.

Me: I'm offended.

I laughed into the screen on my phone as I argued with Greyson over text.

Grey: im sorry.

I was about to type back when I received another text from him.

Grey: That you can't win by yourself.

I decided not to text him back. I didn't want him to receive the satisfaction of getting a rise out of me.

Grey: Valeera?

Grey: Oh, you're gonna play me like that?

Grey: I can ignore you too.

I snickered as my head fell back into my pillow. I loved how playful he was and how he always knew how to make me laugh.

Me: I don't think you can.

Grey: Woah cocky much? I mean thats something I would say... but you? I didnt expect that.

Me: Haha, well you don't even know me.

I regretted it as soon as I had sent it.

Grey: Then lets meet up.