Chapter 10
Leona
My breath evaded my chest as the never-ending pendulum swings near my constricted throat. My thoughts lost to my emotions.
Grey had the poem I so desperately wanted to keep hidden. I had been so shaken that day that I hadn't realized that I had dropped the torn piece of paper.
How did he get it and why did it take him weeks to see it? Who else read it?
I hadn't signed it, because who would have signed something they wanted to keep hidden? How did he know it was a girl that wrote it unless someone knew who it was and they told him.
I needed to be more careful with my work.
I tried to remember what I had written. I desperately tried to picture the words. If there was something to give away my identity, he would have said something to me on the phone.
My phone.
He never tried calling me back, and he never texted me.
He hated me.
Well, he hated Val. He didn't hate Leona...yet.
I said it as if it were two separate entities.
As I laid down in bed, I was surprised when I didn't have a second panic attack of the evening.
My eyelids grew heavy and impending darkness took over my sight.
The next day, everything was going as I had expected. People whispered as I passed in the hallways. Rumor had it that I was away on a cruise with some hot college boy.
I smiled inwardly to myself until I was met face to face with an odd sight.
James Greyson was walking straight towards me with an expression I had never seen before; Determination mixed with longing.
I turned to go into my classroom, but an arm shot out to stop me. I followed the muscular forearm to meet the eyes of it's brooding owner.
"We need to talk." I opened my mouth, but he cut me off before I could ask why. I needed to act as if I had no idea why.
"Not now, but after class." Without waiting for my response, he motioned for me to step into the classroom before him.
Class couldn't have gone by any slower. Every now and then I could feel Grey's eyes on me- studying me.
I could always just hide out in Mr. Han's office all day, but I had already missed a week's worth of school.
The bell rung which was my queue to leave. I darted to the door and prepared myself for him to grab my hand just as he had last week, but he called out my name instead.
"Leona!" His voice faded into the distance as I entered the kid littered hallway. He was still calling after me when suddenly, I felt an arm hook in mine.
"So, glad you're here! Let's go to class!" A voice I had never heard before boldly shouted in my ear. I glanced in her direction to see a beautiful girl with long black curly hair with burgundy tips, flawless black skin, and perfect eye brows. Seriously though, she walked right out of a magazine and was roaming the halls of my high school.
Her radiant smile lit up the dark hallway and for the first time in a week, I felt comfort.
Without a word, I followed her outside.
"What's his deal!? He was practically hunting you down! I'm Gracie." She finally said as we rounded the corner. I turned to look at my savior and smiled.
"Leona."
"Leona." She repeated.
"Thanks, thank you," I said as she nodded at me.
"Well, you seemed like you needed help. And you seemed nice on the bus. I saw you thank the driver as you got off this morning. No one does that anymore." She grinned as we continued to walk along the sidewalk outside.
"Oh. Are you new?" I asked, trying not to be awkward.
"Yeah, today's my first day." I took in her dark skin tone and black curly hair. She was beautiful and belonged in the most popular group.
"Oh, where's your next class? I could show you." I surprised myself when I offered to help.
"Actually, it's Bio, so I think that's here." She pointed at a door behind me.
"Well, it was nice meeting you, and thank you, again."
"Anytime! We all need a few allies in this life. I'll see you around!" She gave me a quick hug before turning into her class.
I stood there, stunned as I replayed my scene with Gracie. That was the complete opposite of everyone here. She reminded me of my mother; warm and fun.
The late bell rung one more time as I made my way to my art class located on the second floor.
I turned the corner about twenty feet from the doorway of the art room to be met with Grey's stormy gold expecting eyes.
I slowed down and took just two more steps.
Act natural.
"What's going on?" I asked with a tooth-filled smile.
Subtle...
"Can we talk? I already told your art teacher where you'll be."
That little... Why'd she agree to let me be late?
I nodded and turned away from him. I motioned for him to lead the way which is what he did.
We walked to a bench located on a small balcony outside. My finger drummed nervously on my thighs as I waited for him to speak. I glanced up to see him studying me.
My breath hitched in my throat when I realized how much I was allowing for him to see. I straightened my back and turned to him.
"I'm sorry about giving you a panic attack... I didn't..." His broken voice trailed off.
That was what he wanted to talk about?
"You didn't give me a panic attack. I just wasn't prepared for you to touch me. You could touch my hand now and I'd be fine."
He glanced down at my hand as if he was contemplating actually doing it. We both stared at my hand until his eyes shot up to look me in the eyes.
"Thank you for being there while it happened...everyone usually ignores me."
"I couldn't ignore you." A laugh bubbled out of me, but Greyson's face fell as he looked to the concrete below us. He fished around his front left pocket and my heart hammered to escape my current predicament.
"Ms. Farr gave me this." He offered me the torn page that I had lost.
I took it in my trembling hands and unfolded it. The familiar words I had written were filling the lines.
"I write about everyone," I blurted out, hoping he would just accept it and move on.
"How'd you know about Julie... or my parent's finances?"
"I didn't. Who's Julie?" I asked him as if I wasn't Val. Valeera was someone he would have told this to, not Leona.
"My twin sister. She disappeared a few years ago," He said quietly towards the ground. I didn't know any of this. We hadn't really spoken about our past that much. My heart ached over his loss.
I had no words of my own, so I filled the silence with the only thing I could think of.
"If we are fortunate,
we are given a warning.
If not,
there is only the sudden horror,
the wrench of being torn apart;
of being reminded
that nothing is permanent,
not even the ones we love,
the ones our lives revolve around.
Life is a fragile affair.
We are all dancing
on the edge of a precipice,
a dizzying cliff so high
we can't see the bottom.
One by one,
we lose those we love most
into the dark ravine.
So we must cherish them
without reservation.
Now.
Today.
This minute.
We will lose them
or they will lose us
someday.
This is certain.
There is no time for bickering.
And their loss
will leave a great pit in our hearts;
a pit we struggle to avoid
during the day
and fall into at night.
Some,
unable to accept this loss,
unable to determine
the worth of life without them,
jump into that black pit
spiritually or physically,
hoping to find them there.
And some survive
the shock,
the denial,
the horror,
the bargaining,
the barren, empty aching,
the unanswered prayers,
the sleepless nights
when their breath is crushed
under the weight of silence
and all that it means.
Somehow, some survive all that and,
like a flower opening after a storm,
they slowly begin to remember
the one they lost
in a different way...
The laughter,
the irrepressible spirit,
the generous heart,
the way their smile made them feel,
the encouragement they gave
even as their own dreams were dying.
And in time, they fill the pit
with other memories
the only memories that really matter.
We will still cry.
We will always cry.
But with loving reflection
more than hopeless longing.
And that is how we survive.
That is how the story should end.
That is how they would want it to be." I quoted How We Survive by Mark Rickerby.
My words hung in the air and I wasn't quite sure either of us was breathing. Greyson stood up and walked away without a word, leaving me in the wake of our silence.
I was about to get up from the bench when I witnessed Greyson stop suddenly and turn on his right foot. He walked towards me with an unreadable expression.
"Are you Valeera?" My knees felt weak as I plastered a confused expression on my face.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I lied. Grey's eyes bounced back and forth between mine for what seemed like forever before turning away. Without a word, he left me standing alone with my condemning thoughts.
What did I just do?
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