Chapter 14: The Last Romanov Waltz

    It had been a week since Minka had last seen the Romanov Family. She knew where they were residing, as did Konstanin, who was currently a Bolshevik soldier. Minka was still the lowly notetaker at the side of her twin, the Deputy Commissioner. She was writing something. It was something that was not approved of. She was writing a letter to the Romanov family, the letter she feared would be the last one. She looked through the pad, seeing the list of the Romanovs, followed by the order. The list was seen as:

Alexei Romanov

Nicholas ii

Tatiana Romanov

Maria Romanov

Olga Romanov

Alexandra Feodorovna

Anastasia Romanov

       She sighed, shaking her head. It was her suggestion that Alexei be the first. She didn't want him to be frightened more than necessary. We're killing a child, she thought to herself. We're killing five children. Is there nothing wrong with that? "Minka!" Minka jumped at Konstanin's loud, booming voice. "Yes, Father?" Minka murmured quietly.

    "Do you think you can bring a blank notepad? I have an important job for you," Konstanin spoke up. "Yes, of course, what is it?" Minka pondered as she searched for her blank notepad. "I'll need you to take notes as the Romanovs are executed. This will be going in papers all across Russia as well as parts of France." Minka nodded. "And thank you for suggesting that the boy be first. You've told us of his condition and I'm thanking you because you know that he's suffering until tonight. No more will they be safe and warm, their bodies burning through this storm. No more will they dance gracefully, Petersburg is a memory!" Minka joined, "Flames will rise, freedom rings. Equality is what we bring. Keep it close and keep it dear, for fate has brought them here! Farewell Alexei, farewell Tsar, good by all that I knew. No more will you be known, for now we forget you!"

        "When is this taking place, Father?" Minka questioned, searching for the blank pad she had bought a few days before. "Now. Get your notepad, let's go." "I... seem to have misplaced it. Just a second, it might be in this drawer." Konstanin rolled his eyes and whacked Minka's injured shoulder. She gasped in pain. "Father, that's my injured shoulder," Minka whimpered. "I'm not stupid," he glared at her. "Find it and let's go!"

    Minka's hands went through the drawer and instinctively grabbed her pen and notepad and went to her father's side. She was unaware that Gleb would be going as well. She had a gut feeling she knew why. Their father would need a witness or two, and of course someone to take over in case he were to pass. Minka went to their side, straightening the collar of her uniform and pulling on her coat. Softly she sang, "No one holds you safe and warm, princess this is your last storm. Your figure will dance gracefully in Russia's memory."

         She went and stood by Gleb, watching their father as he loaded his pistol. She looked to her brother, whose face was expressionless. Minka felt a sinking feeling in her chest as Gleb walked over and pulled Alexei to the front. Minka's chest rose and fell. She glanced over to her father, who lifted the pistol and aimed. Minka seemed to stop breathing as he pulled the trigger. Anastasia and Alexandra screamed. Minka closed her eyes and started to write, trying to take her mind off of it. Their father gestured for Gleb to bring the next victim up. He sighed as he grabbed the Tsar's wrist and pulled him forward. Minka started to shake.

    She saw the Tsar's horrified face as Alexei was on the ground, dying. She started to speak, stepping forward. "There is a way you can still live. I hate doing this, but I have done this to common criminals in the past, and you are no different. You can apologize. I will use your dying son as an example. There are tens of thousands people dying of famine in Ufa. Do you know who caused it? No. I'll tell you anyway. It was you. You starved out my home town. It was your fault I was locked in a closet. It was your fault I showed up in Russia in front of your palace absolutely frozen and near death! You have put my family on death row for too long. What do you have to say for yourself!?!"

         "I apologize. I never meant for something like that to happen." The Tsar stared at Alexei. He swallowed and sniffed. Gleb hit Minka's arm, giving her a look that said "what are you doing?". "Shut it, Minka," Konstantin growled. Minka gulped and nodded. He lifted the pistol and pulled the trigger. The girls all huddled together, screaming. "Oh my God, I'm going to be ill," Minka whispered. "Why do you care so much about them?" Gleb whispered in her ear. "They're people, Gleb. They have feelings too."

    "And now you will see the blood shed. This must be done for the new Russia," Gleb spoke. Minka felt a knot in her stomach. She could taste and smell the blood. It permeated the stuffy air of the Ipatiev House. She continued to write everything down, mass discomfort going through the girl's body. She was becoming unwell. It was getting to be too much for her. She couldn't watch. She felt pain for the family. She heard the shots, the sound of a girl hitting the floor and the sound of their father running to her aid. She wrote down that they had all died. She was sure of it... at least, she thought she was sure. "Gleb," Minka started, "I'm going to be ill..." Gleb didn't hear her, he was lost in the moment. "Minka, welcome to the new Russia. Welcome to Leningrad!" Minka felt a twinge of horror. She was a part of the senseless murder of innocent people. Five children. Two parents. Her best friend. She could hear Alexei's laughter in her head. She could hear the Tsar and Tsarina's concerned voices as she closed her eyes. She could see their faces. She felt... cold.

           "Minka... Minka!" Gleb had turned to his sister, who started to sway. She collapsed, and he caught her before she had the chance to hit her head on the floor. "Oh my God..." he whispered. "Get her out of here," Konstantin whispered. Gleb nodded, scooping Minka up in his arms and carrying her out of the Ipatiev House. He knelt beside the gate and gently slapped her cheek. "Wake up, Minka!" He did it again, a little more force added to it.

    Minka blinked in surprise. "I'll take you home so you can get some rest. You look like you need it," Gleb told her, later kissing the cheek he had slapped. Minka shook her head, she knew what she would see. She knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep that night. She was about to protest until Gleb had stopped her.

          "Minka, you need to rest. Do you understand me?" Gleb whispered, helping her to her feet. "But Gleb—" "No buts, Minka," he rubbed his thumb across her cheek and sighed. "Let's get you home. That's probably best." Minka reluctantly nodded. "Come on."

    Minka turned her head back on last time, looking at the Ipatiev House. She saw the bodies being dragged out. She saw flames. Soon enough the air was smelling like burning flesh. She gagged in her mouth. It was unbearable. She followed Gleb as they headed to the flat. She shook violently upon entering. Gleb pulled a chair out, letting Minka sit. Minka closed her eyes and for the first time, she had a nightmare that wasn't related to what had happened to her in the past at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The Nightmare: Minka's Guilt~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          "I thought you said you loved me, Minka," Alexei tugged at the hem of her shirt. "Why didn't you save me?" "I couldn't, Alexei," Minka whispered. "I just couldn't." "Why?" The little boy looked up at her with curious eyes.

       "I couldn't let you suffer anymore. I couldn't do anything. An order is an order. I had to obey it," a frightened Minka spoke. "We thought you were family, Minkalina," a man and woman, no, the Tsar and Tsarina uttered.

        Tears blurred Minka's vision. "I-I did the wrong thing," she cried. "I'm so sorry." "Being sorry isn't going to bring us back, Minkalina." Tatiana appeared beside her. "I thought you loved us, Minka." Olga appeared next. "Minkalina, why'd you help him?" Anastasia appeared directly in front of her. Minka fell to her knees, keeping her head down. "I can't disobey him," Minka whispered. "Why not?" Maria's voice pierced the silence from the Romanov family.

       "He's my higher up. I can't break an order from him or else I would be like you," she sobbed. "Better than us," remarked Olga. 

          "I know," Minka sighed. "I... I don't know... somehow he convinced me I was wrong about you, and I believed he was doing the right thing. I believed it until I was forced to be a witness. I'm so sorry." Minka covered her face with her hands, tears dripping off of her chin. "I was so stupid," she whispered.

        "We shouldn't have taken you in as a servant. We should've known better," Alexandra remarked. "I should've never said you were a Romanov," Nicholas scolded himself. "We should've left you in the cold," Anastasia's haunting voice echoed.

        Soon they were all speaking at once, saying different things that made Minka feel awful. Minka's chest heaved up and down as she sobbed, her mumbling, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," over and over again. "Please, leave me alone!" Alexei walked up to her. "Minkalina, you lied to me," His voice quivered as he spoke. "You told me you'd love me forever."

    Minka looked at the child, "That's why I asked for you to be first. I didn't want you to suffer anymore. I couldn't let it happen." Nicholas stared at the girl, eyes piercing through her's, "If we had known, you would've been known as a traitor, a common criminal on Petersburg's streets!" Minka cried, "I'm sorry!" "There are no more 'sorry's. You let us die. Soon you'll die with us," Tatiana spoke. "Papa, remember that time Minka hurt me while she was helping me get ready for the winter ball five years ago?" Alexei inquired, the words eerie, yet true. Minka gulped.

         "That wasn't intentional, I swear," Minka looked up at them. They glared at her, even Anastasia and Alexei, the ones she trusted the most. Minka's breathing became rapid. "Alexei, I never meant to hurt you," she whimpered. "I—" "No, let the boy talk," Olga's voice drowned Minka's.

    Minka didn't want to hear a word of any of it. She was too wrapped up in her guilt. How could she have let this happen? "My poor Alexei... I love you. I love you more than anything," Minka choked. "Then why did you hurt me? Why did you let me die?" Alexei inquired. His voice became warped, almost as if there were five of him speaking at once. She was crying. "I never meant to---" Minka spoke. "Enough, Minkalina! Alexei, how did she hurt you?" Nicholas asked his son, becoming protective.

         Minka's breathing became ragged. What have I done? she thought. "Don't you remember?" Alexei looked up at Nicholas. Nicholas shook his head. "She hit me, Papa. I had a bruise for a few days." Minka stopped breathing. Make it stop, she pleaded silently. Please, make it stop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Minka shot awake. She was panting, sweat on her forehead. She felt so guilty. Seeing that Gleb was nearby, watching her, she bolted over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck, burying her head into his shoulder. "Shh... shh... I have someone coming over. I know what you just witnessed was terrible and I'm sorry we dragged you into that, but it was your duty to write the information," Gleb hushed, stroking her hair back. "It'll be alright. This person will help you."

         Minka couldn't seem to breathe correctly. Gleb noticed this, but he didn't say a word. He rubbed her back, trying to get her to calm down. Tears now stained Gleb's shirt, but he didn't care. Minka's hands clenched the fabric of his shirt. "Minka, calm down," he whispered. "I can't," she whimpered.

    Gleb sighed, "Minka, look at me." Minka looked up, her lips quivering. "There she is," Gleb smiled. Minka didn't say a word after a while. She was locked in shame. Her breathing was growing even more ragged. "My God, Minka. You need to relax. You need me right now. Normally you take care of me, now I need to take care of you," Gleb told her, his voice gentle and calm.

         "How can you be so calm? We just murdered seven people, Gleb," Minka choked out. Gleb didn't answer her. Instead, he picked her up and carried her to the bed. "I need you to calm down." Gleb placed her on the bed and sat down in front of her. Minka looked at her brother with tear filled eyes. "I can't, Gleb," she whispered.

    "Minka, you'll have to. Lay down, this is an order," Gleb spoke, hoping she'd listen. She didn't say a word. She didn't want to. She couldn't. How could she live with herself? "We murdered innocent people," Minka choked, refusing to lay down. "Minka, they starved out our home town. You were suffering. All of us were, don't feel ashamed. We did everyone a favor."

         "Lay down, Minka," Gleb murmured. Minka looked up at him. "Lay down, that's an order." She flinched at the demanding tone his voice possessed. She laid down, tears still falling from her eyes. She stared at the ceiling. "Minka," he sighed, "we did the right thing." "We murdered seven innocent people, Gleb. Why didn't we just put them in exile?" "Because that wouldn't work and you know it." "We could have tried! We murdered a child, Gleb!"

    "We ended the child's suffering. You knew he was in pain!" Gleb spoke, raising his voice. "He was screaming," Minka sobbed, choking on her tears. Gleb shook his head, "They all were, you need to stop worrying. They caused us to starve, they caused everything that happened to us." Minka, still in tears, murmured, "They couldn't have known that ahead of time."

          Gleb was starting to lose his temper. "Minka, they did nothing to try to solve it!" "You don't know that, Gleb! What I do know is that we murdered innocent people. We murdered people that did nothing wrong!" Minka's voice became shrill. "We did the right thing," Gleb argued. "We murdered five children, Gleb!" "Why do you care so much?!"

    "They were people, Gleb. They had a heart, just like us. They had feelings. They are just like us," Minka sobbed. Gleb pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to contain himself. "Breathe, you'll make yourself sick," Gleb remarked. Minka lay her head back, her mind wandering, the voices of her former employers echoing in her mind. She couldn't hide her feelings. She still cried. "Minka, breathe!" Gleb barked, the same tone he used when giving her orders.

          She couldn't. She didn't want to. "Minka, breathe!" She continued to cry. Gleb pulled her up to a sitting position. "Breathe, Minka!" Minka's eyes met his. He could see the pain and sorrow she felt. He could see the guilt she felt. "Minka, breathe," Gleb pleaded with her. "I-I can't."

    Gleb pulled his sister against him, "Shh, shh... it's over now. You'll be okay. I'll take care of you. You have to breathe, okay?" Minka nodded, trying to calm herself. "Good girl. Now just relax. I can't have an ill note taker," Gleb whispered, trying to keep his sister calm. "I know you can't," Minka spoke, trying not to choke on her tears.

         "Don't talk. Breathe." Minka took ragged breaths. Her lungs and throat burned. "I'll go get you some water, okay?" She nodded. Minka pulled her shirt up over her face and used it to wipe her tears. Gleb returned a second later with a glass of water. "Drink this, Minka."

    Minka nodded and took the glass that Gleb had given her. She sipped it, coughing a bit later as she was breathing while drinking. Gleb sighed and removed the glass from her lips. He patted his sister's back, rubbing it shortly after, unaware of the pain she was in. "Easy. I'll help you next time. I can't have you choking, now can I?" Gleb inquired. Minka shook her head.

        Minka went to take another sip of water, but instead dropped the glass and drenched herself. Gleb sighed and picked the glass up, setting it on the table that was beside the bed. "Come on, Minka," he spoke softly and gently. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. "It's alright. You'll get ill if you don't change, though."

    "I deserve to fall ill. I don't deserve any kindness," Minka whispered. That's right, you don't, Alexei's haunting voice echoed through her mind. You deserve to freeze much like we burned, Nicholas's voice rang. Minka, still feeling the pain of being a part of the events of this fateful December night, broke down. She crumpled into a ball, rocking herself back and forth.

          Gleb didn't know what to do. He stood up, then bit his lip. "Minka, get up." "No." "Minka—" "It's my life, Gleb." "Minka, you're going to get ill!" "I don't care!" Gleb took a step back, his eyes never leaving his sister. "I don't care if I get ill! I don't care!" "Minka..." he whispered. "Leave me alone," she whimpered.

    Gleb, not going to leave her, glared at her. His tone became authoritative, "Minka Viktoriya Vaganov, this is an order, change into something dry at once!" Minka whimpered. "I said this is an order!" She ignored him. She wouldn't budge. "Minka! Now!" Minka started to protest, "But---" "No buts, just do it!" Gleb repeated.

         She turned away from him. "I will not," she mumbled. "Yes, you will. If I have to do it myself, you will change into something dry!" "Just leave me alone, Gleb!" Minka shouted. "I won't," he spoke. "I'm not going to sit here while you try to get yourself killed."

    Minka didn't budge. She refused to move as she was shaking. She shook her head as Gleb continued to fight with her, trying to move her from the ground. "You are going to make yourself sick. It seems as though I'll have to do it myself," Gleb uttered, glaring at his sister. Minka rolled her eyes, "Don't you dare." Gleb grinned, starting to become similar to a parent, getting the idea to baby her, "Oh, I dare. I dare, Minka. You need to be taken care of and you need proper guidance."

         He walked over to where she kept her clothes and pulled out her nightgown. "Get up." "I will not!" Gleb rolled his eyes, putting the fabric over his shoulder before pulling Minka to her feet. "Gleb, stop!" Minka was getting irritated. "No. I'm not going to let you make yourself sick."

    Minka began to cough, "I think it's too late to warn me about that." Gleb sighed, "Minka. I warned you. Do I need to act like a parent to you?" Minka shook her head again. Gleb stared at her and chuckled, "I'm afraid it's too late. I fear I have to. Now, put your nightgown on and lay down so I can take care of you."

         Minka glared at him. "I'm giving you two minutes to change, Minka." He grabbed the glass and walked out of the room. Minka huffed a sigh and changed. As he said, he gave her precisely two minutes to change. "Lay down, Minka." She shook her head. "Minka—" "I changed, isn't that good enough?"

    Gleb shook his head, a thermometer in his hand. Minka huffed a sigh and lay down, head against the pillow. "Good girl, now open," Gleb smiled. Minka shook her head, "I don't want to---" She felt the thermometer go under her tongue mid sentence. Gleb chuckled, "Did you really think I wouldn't use the fact that you can be a chatterbox against you?" Minka started to speak, to which Gleb hushed her, "Don't speak. You need to keep yourself from getting worked up."

         She huffed and crossed her arms. He chuckled. "You know I'm right." He checked the thermometer after a few minutes. "Well, you don't have a fever." Minka raised a brow. She then sneezed. "Gesundheit." "Thank you," Minka grumbled. "Oh, stop being so grumpy, Minka," Gleb sighed. "I'm just trying to take care of you."

    Minka continued to grumble in annoyance. "Gleb, stop it," she growled angrily. Gleb stared, "Minka, I may have to check again, just to be safe. You're getting crankier by the minute. You only get like this when you aren't feeling well." Gleb started to put his hand to his sister's forehead, only to have her swat it away. "Hey, hey, that isn't polite. I'm trying to help you," Gleb scolded. Minka, still annoyed, glared and stared at him. Her voice was getting to the point where it would be deafening, "I don't care!"

          "Minka—" "I don't care, Gleb! I don't care!" Gleb sighed, sitting down beside her. "Minka, I'm worried about you," he mumbled, taking her hand. Minka jerked her hand back. "Minka—" "Leave me alone," she grumbled. "Minka, I swear, if you don't let me care for you, I'll call Father and he can do it."

    Minka, not listening, rolled her eyes. She wasn't going to listen. "I didn't ask to be babied. I'm not a child in need of your..." her voice fell short as she heard a voice in her head. You were our child, the voice of the Tsar rang. We took care of you while you were ill. We fed you, we clothed you, we put a roof over your head for eight years, the Tsarina's voice cooed. Minka didn't realize it, but just hearing their voices caused her discomfort. Her heart quickened. Her temperature rose.

         "Minka?" Gleb's brows furrowed in concern. "I'm alright," she shook her head. "Stop babying me." "I'm just trying to help you, Minka," Gleb sighed. Minka turned on her side to where her back faced him. "Minka—" "Just leave me alone, Gleb." He closed his eyes and shook his head. What was he supposed to do? He always did his best, and when it came to something like this, he was clueless. "Minka, if you don't let me care for you, I swear you're going to a doctor." "I will not." "You will not do what?" "Either." "Minka, Just let me take care of you this once." "I am a grown woman, Gleb. I can take care of myself."

    Gleb eyed her, "So you call fainting taking care of yourself?" Minka glared at him, annoyed. "I didn't think so," Gleb spoke, grinning and turning his sister to where she was laying on her back. "Gleb, this is highly unfa---" once again she felt the thermometer go under her tongue. "Now stop acting like a baby and let me do this." "I hate you." "I love you, too, Minka."

         "I didn't say that I loved you." "I know you love me," he smiled. Minka huffed and crossed her arms. "You can't prove it," Mink grumbled. "I will once you feel better. For now, hush and let me take care of you." He tapped her nose. It was a few seconds after that Minka sneezed. Gleb laughed, then kissed her forehead. "Why'd you slap me earlier?" Minka murmured. "I couldn't get you to wake up. I didn't have a bucket of water to dump on your head, so I went with the simplest thing. I didn't hurt you did I?" She shook her head.

    "Good," Gleb smiled, slowly removing the thermometer from his sister's mouth. He shook his head and sighed, "Tsk, tsk, tsk. You shouldn't let yourself get all worked up. I thought it was suspicious the first time when you didn't have a temperature. I fear you have a fever. You won't be working for a while, and I will talk to Gorlinsky to make sure it's alright if I stay and care for you. Family is more important than my work for now. I would rather see you resting and getting well under proper care and in this flat, not in a hospital with doctors who will constantly pry for you to mention your symptoms, which I know you don't want to do."

        She turned over, looking up at him. "You know, I still hate it when you're right," she sighed, closing her eyes. She shot them back open when she saw Alexei. "You need to rest." "I can't rest, Gleb. All I see when I close my eyes are the people that were killed in front of me." "Father shouldn't have made you stand there through that," he sighed, brushing her hair off of her face. "I'm sure someone else would have gladly stood there and wrote whatever it was he had you write." Minka grabbed his hand. "I don't see how anyone could stand there and watch," she whispered.

    "Neither do I. Now you lay down. You don't have to close your eyes right now, but you are running a fever. When father gets back, I'll alert him," Gleb spoke. He heard a knock on the door. It was their mother. Gleb widened his eyes as he recognized the knock. "I will be right back," Gleb assured, kissing his ailing sister's forehead, then heading out of the room, closing the bedroom door and opening the door to the flat. He took in the words that Viktoriya was saying. It was then Gleb realized his father was ashamed. That night not only did the Romanov family perish, but the only authority that loomed over the Vaganov name had also died. "Gleb, you have to be the one in charge now. Take the name of Gleb Konstanin Vaganov with pride," Viktoriya whispered, kissing her son's cheek.

        "Yes, Mother," he mumbled. "Where's your sister?" Viktoriya inquired. "Sleeping," Gleb lied. Well, it's not far from the truth. She is a bit dazed. "Oh. Tell her I stopped by, would you?" Gleb nodded. "I don't want to tell her anything other than the fact you stopped by. She watched seven people die," he sighed. "She'll be alright. She's strong." "Being strong has nothing to do with emotional torment," Gleb mumbled.

    Viktoriya nodded and walked away, her head hanging low. Gleb was in shock. His father had passed the same night the Romanovs had. "Welcome to the new Russia where everyone is equal and a Deputy Commissioner and his note taker witnessed the murder of seven people," Gleb whispered, heading back into the room his sister was laying in after he shut and locked the front door. He smoothed Minka's hair back, "Shh... it's over now. It's okay. We no longer have to starve. Think of that. No one will be poor. Everyone is equal, professors will push brooms as well."

          "Who was that, Gleb?" Minka murmured sleepily. "Mother." "What did she want?" "Uh... she just stopped by," Gleb stammered. Please don't ask, please don't ask. "Why are you lying to me?" Minka looked up at him, unmasked hurt shining in her eyes. "Because you've suffered enough today." "What do you mean?" Her brows furrowed. "Don't worry about it." Gleb kissed her forehead. "Gleb," Minka began, but started to cough. "I want to know."

    Gleb glared at his sister, his voice became more authoritative than before, "You need to rest! You aren't going to know until I'm ready to tell you! You've suffered enough tonight! Listen when I tell you something. This is your final order for tonight, you are to let me take care of you until you feel better. Do you understand?" Minka didn't answer. "I said 'Do you understand, comrade?'" Gleb queried, treating her like everyone else. Minka nodded, "Yes, Deputy Commissioner." "Good, now keep your head against that pillow. I am not letting you leave this building or this room until you've recovered."

          Minka turned over, tucking her left arm under her pillow. Did he have to be so harsh? Minka sniffed and closed her eyes. Even though the Romanovs seemed to haunt her, it was better than being yelled at. "Minka, I didn't mean—" "It's alright," she cut him off. "No, it's not. I shouldn't have been so harsh. I know you're curious," he mumbled. "Does it have to do with Father?" "Yes." "Oh. Don't tell me tonight, then." "I wasn't going to anyway," Gleb sighed. "I'll see you in the morning, alright?" "Yes. Good night, Gleb."