"You can't be serious," Max said. "That guy's like the opposite of a pussy magnet. He's like a pussy deflector."

"Maybe he's just got his female repulsor ray turned on," Zeke said. "I hear that sort of thing is known to happen."

"Eh, whatever," Max said. "This place is going to be packed. We'll ditch him in the crowd somewhere. No big deal. The important thing is, do we have the door that's programmed to take us to the strip club?"

"Dr. Octavius programmed it last night," Maurice said. "I've got it right here. It should be ready to go."

"Excellent," Max said. "So here's the plan. After all of us have gone through the door, Sarah's going to close it from this side and put it away. We don't want a big open doorway standing in the middle of the strip club that could alert the bouncers that we didn't pay the cover fee. Also we don't want the kind of weirdos that hang out in strip clubs to wander through the door and end up here in the lab. At the end of the night, we'll walk out the front door of the strip club and catch the Roto-Bus home."

"Right on, daddy-o," Sweaty Jim said and attempted to give Max a high five. "Come on, don't leave me hanging, bro."

"Yeah, I don't know where that hand's been," Max said. "A lot of people may find me disgusting, but even I have my limits." He looked at the door for a moment then turned to Zeke. "You know what? I don't think your stupid 'Z' door was a random door. I think it was a programmed door. 'Z' for Zyvax the Intergalactic Destroyer of Worlds. Not Zeke."

"Oh yeah," Zeke said. "Maybe you're right. Sorry. I'm still kind of new to this whole door thing."

"Cuthbert just got here," Timmy said. "We're all ready to go."

"Hey Cuthbert, what's up?" Sweaty Jim said.

"My man, Sweaty Jim," Cuthbert said as he gave him a fist bump.

"Have fun guys," Sarah called out. "Don't get into too much trouble."

"Since when do I ever get into trouble?" Max asked. "Trust me, this is going to be a smooth night of harmless fun for all involved. Now let's sneak into this strip club."

"You know, I haven't been to a strip club since the last time you took me to one," Zeke said. "Which, come to think of it, didn't turn out so well."

"Just relax," Max said. "Have I ever steered you wrong? I mean, other than the last time I took you to a strip club?"

They walked through the door and found themselves in the middle of a dark, crowded room. Cuthbert was the last one through the door and it disappeared into thin air behind him.

There was loud music blasting as a large grizzly bear swung around a pole on the main stage. There were two smaller stages on either side with go-go dancers bouncing around.

"Oh my," Bobby said as he watched the dancing bear. "She's gorgeous."

"You sure you're ready to get married, big guy?" Max asked.

"I'm sure," Bobby said. "She's very pretty. But nobody's as pretty as my Cindy."

"That's cute," Max said. "Now the first order of business is we all need to get plastered. I mean like six sheets to the wind fucked up. Maurice, you're good at fetching stuff. Go get us a round of drinks from the bar. Make sure they're strong. And don't order any of that milk crap for yourself. You're drinking with the big boys now and you're getting hammered like the rest of us, even if I have to pour it down your throat myself. You got that?"

"Well, in the spirit of the occasion, I suppose one alcoholic beverage couldn't hurt," Maurice said as he made his way to the bar.

"All right, Bobby," Max said. "As the man of the hour, you are required to get no less than three lap dances. Choose wisely. This might just be your last chance to get giant fake breasts mashed in your face. So soak it in, man. Savor every minute."

"Okay," Bobby said as he scanned the room. He noticed a stripper who looked a little like a bright pink teddy bear. "Oh, I think I want my first lap dance from her."

Maurice returned a moment later with an armful of drinks. "I hope you guys don't mind, I got the house special. The bartender said they're guaranteed to give you a night to remember. They're apparently called Bad Decisions."

"A toast to Bobby's last night of freedom," Max said holding up his glass.

"Cheers to Bobby," Zeke said. Everyone clinked their glasses together and drank them down.

"Damn, that was tasty," Max said as he wiped his lips and dropped the empty glass on the floor. "Maurice, go get us another round of those, would you?"

"Uh, yes sir," Maurice said as he walked back to the bar.

"So you see anything you like so far?" Max asked as he threw an arm around Zeke.

An alligator was currently writhing around suggestively on the main stage. "Not really," Zeke said. "Reptiles don't really do it for me."

"Well don't worry. I'm sure they've got some strippers around here that are at least somewhat related to your species. What are you again? Some kind of hairless pink monkey?"

"Also known as human," Zeke said.

"Oh right, right," Max said. "Monkey. Human. Pretty much the same thing, right?"

"Yeah," Zeke said. "Kind of like frogs and toads are pretty much the same thing."

"Well, that's just ridiculous. Frogs and toads are nothing alike. And don't give me that whole 'toads are really a subset of frogs' business, because that's just an unabashed lie."

Maurice came back with another load of drinks and handed one to everyone.

Max raised his glass in the air again. "All right this time I'm toasting to young girls with low self-esteem and daddy issues. God bless 'em. Each and every one."

Zeke finished his drink in one gulp. "What's in these things anyway? I'm starting to get a pretty serious buzz going here."

"That means you need another one," Max said. "Maurice! Go fetch us another round."

"Right away, sir," Maurice said. He went back to the bar again, looking a bit unsteady on his feet this time.

"Is going to wander around a little," Milosh said to Zeke. "Going to go this way. Other Milosh is going the other way. Cover more ground that way. Is going to be okay here with friend Max?"

"Uh, yeah, I'll be fine. Go have fun, Milosh."

Sweaty Jim cracked his knuckles as he surveyed the room. "Time to get down to business. You coming, Cuthbert?"

"Let's tear this place up," Cuthbert said as he ran after Sweaty Jim.

Bobby had wandered off to talk to the pink teddy bear and Timmy had disappeared somewhere with a shih tzu that was wearing heavy eyeliner. Max and Zeke were standing on their own by the time Maurice returned with the next round of drinks.

"Hey, where'd everybody go?" Maurice asked.

"Who cares?" Max asked. "This just leaves more drinks for the three of us. Drink up, my friends."

They each took a glass in each hand and drank them down.

"Who turned the spinny function on in the room?" Maurice hiccupped. "I'm getting dizzy."

"Hey! No getting dizzy!" Max said. "You've still got to make it back to that bar and get us more drinks. You got that?"

"Yes, sir," Maurice said as he stumbled back in the direction of the bar.

"Now we're getting somewhere," Max said. "We're probably going to have to go for some lap dances pretty soon. Especially if we can find some ladies that strike our fancy. I'm especially partial to the amphibians myself."

"Gross," Zeke said. "That's all you, man. Honestly I don't think I really need to get a lap dance. I'm cool with just drinking and hanging out."

"Well, that's a bunch of nonsense," Max said. "In fact, I believe back in my old neighborhood growing up we'd refer to that as some 'jive-ass turkey.'  All these poor young ladies want is to grind on you in exchange for a small portion of your floss. Are you going to deny them that? Okay, maybe it's not a small portion of your floss. They're definitely going to spot you for the sucker you obviously are and take you for all you're worth. But the point is, they've got bills to pay. Some unfortunate stripper isn't going to be able to pay her electric bill this month because you think you don't need a lap dance. Is that what you want?"

"No, but I'm not getting shanghaied by some disgusting beast again," Zeke said. "I don't even want a lap dance from some cute little bunny rabbit or something. That shit's weird. No, it's going to be an attractive human stripper or nothing."

"Fair enough," Max said as he held his hands up in the air. "I'll keep my eyes out for something that's your speed."

"Yeah, whatever," Zeke said. "I'll do the same for you. Speaking of which, it looks like there's a toad stripper giving you the eye. Or is it a frog? I really can't tell."

"Where?" Max said as he looked across the room. "Oh. She's definitely a frog. You can tell by the shape of the nose. Although her nose isn't the part of her shape that interests me right now. She's pretty damn sexy though. I'll give her that. On the other hand, she is a frog. Not to mention a stripper. That's a double whammy of untrustworthiness. Here, I'd better give you this for safe keeping." He whipped out his flask and handed it to Zeke.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" Zeke asked as he stared at the flask.

"Hang on to it for me while I go try to get a lap dance. She looks like the type that would rob me blind given the chance. Actually most of these broads do. Keep that flask well-hidden for me, will you? Shove it in your sock or something."

"Okay, okay," Zeke said as he put the flask away. "Wouldn't want anything to happen to your precious flask."

Zeke watched as Max crossed the room and tapped the frog on the shoulder. A few words were exchanged and then Max walked back with a sheepish look on his face.

"What the hell happened?" Zeke asked.

"Turns out she's not a stripper," Max shrugged. "She said she's just here offering moral support to one of her guy friends who's getting married."

"Oh yeah?" Zeke asked. "Then why is she giving a lap dance to that gerbil right now?"

"What?" Max said. "Why that lying, no-good, harlot! If I didn't know better, I'd think she just didn't want to give me a lap dance. Oh well. The night's still young and there are plenty of other strippers in this joint. In fact, I think I might have just spotted your lucky young lady. Don't look now, but there's a sexy blonde heading right towards you."

Zeke turned around to see a very pretty woman in a sparkly dress staring him right in the eyes. She certainly looked like a human. If she wasn't, she was close enough to pass for one. "Hi," Zeke gulped.

"Hey there, handsome," she said. "My name's Sapphire. I was across the room and I couldn't help but notice you. It seemed like you came out of nowhere in a flash of light. How did you get in here anyway?"

"Oh, I used the new V.I.P. entrance," Zeke said. "You know, for V.I.P.'s. Because I'm totally a V.I.P. Can't be using the normal entrance. That's for the riffraff. Which I am not. Did I mention I'm a V.I.P.?"

"That might have come up in passing," Sapphire said. "What are you drinking?"

Zeke looked at the empty glass in his hand. "Um. Bad Decisions."

"Those are my favorites," Sapphire said. "What do you say? Would you like to buy a girl one?"

Maurice came back again with another round of drinks. "I got a drink for everyone in case they came back. But it doesn't look like they did. More drinks for us again, right?"

"That is absolutely correct, my man," Max said.

"Hey give me one of those extras," Zeke said. "Here you go. I got this just for you." He handed the drink to Sapphire.

"Thanks, hot stuff," she said as she sipped the glass and licked her lips. "Say, it's pretty loud in here. How would you like to go somewhere quiet where we can talk?"

"I'd like that a lot," Zeke said. She took his hand and led him away,

"All right!" Max said as he shot Zeke a thumbs up sign. "She's taking him to the back room. Even Zeke can't screw this up. Can he?"

"I'm not feeling so good," Maurice said as he held his tummy.

Max looked around and noticed a fake plant in a pot sitting in a dark corner. "If you've got to puke, aim for that plant. If you ralph on the floor you're going to attract unwanted attention."

"Unwanted attention like that?" Maurice asked as he pointed over Max's shoulder.

Max turned around to see some sort of a commotion had broken out around Sweaty Jim.

"What kind of trouble did that idiot get himself into?" Max asked.

"I don't know," Maurice said. "But he appears to be pointing right at us."

"Aw, crap," Max said as he started walking across the room. "I'd better go deal with this. Go get us some more drinks from the bar while you're waiting."

"Okay, sir," Maurice said as he slumped to the floor. "Not sure which way the bar is, since they decided to make it spin around the room for some reason. But I'll try my best."