⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊✩°｡⋆˚⁺
asked me to hold you

"MMM, SOUNDS PERFECT."

Iris takes a bite of her bacon. "And so is this bacon."

Glenn licks his lips, and smiles. "Thanks for the compliment."

He reaches over and kisses her, through the smile on his face, and—

Iris lifts her head, massaging the crook in her neck, groaning in confusion. Carl was asleep on the bed that Iris was resting her head and shoulders on. She must've fallen asleep at some point while she was sitting with him. She rubbed her eyes, looking at the clock as soon as her vision cleared. It was midday, which meant she'd been napping for about two hours without realising it.

Carl had stabilised since Hershel had completed his operation yesterday. He was going to pull through, but he was still weak and spent most of his time sleeping and recovering from the severe trauma that had happened to his body. The others had driven to the farm early that morning, with preparations to go back out there and keep looking for Sophia in the woods. Iris was pretty sure they were all going to be meeting to discuss their plan soon, and she hoped she hadn't missed it.

They held a funeral for Otis that morning. Iris never got the chance to meet him, but the Greene family had spoken very kind words about him, and Shane had recounted his bravery in his final moments. It was a very nice service.

Iris figured she was so tired because she hadn't really slept at all last night. She dozed in and out, but the fear and the adrenaline from everything that had happened was keeping her up. That, and The Dream. The weird, recurring dream that had taken over her subconscious mind in ways that she couldn't explain. She'd taken to calling it The Dream, because ever since the CDC, it happened every time she fell asleep. Without fail. The exact same dream, down to every word, up until the kiss, which is when she'd wake up.

Every single time.

It meant something. She knew it had to mean something, but she just couldn't focus her energy on it right now. There was too damn much going on, and she hadn't even had time to breathe, let alone ponder a dream that kept popping up in her mind, that was confusing and strange and scary all at once. Iris was pretty sick of feeling afraid. All she had felt in the last few days was fear. Hell, all she had felt in the last few months was fear. Pure, unbridling, inextinguishable fear. In truth, she hadn't allowed herself to feel anything but fear since Rick had been shot. It was there, in the background, through everything that she did. Through every smile, every laugh. Fear for Rick, for Lori, for Shane, and then for Glenn, for T-Dog, for Dale, for Andrea, for Carol, for Daryl. For herself. She'd bitten her nails down to nothing, picked her lips until they were chapped and sore, and it did nothing to ease the fear that had become a weight on her chest.

The Dream was too perfect. That's how she knew that it wasn't real, that it would never be real. She had crafted some sort of false reality in her head, where nothing was broken, no one was lost, where she was safe and she never felt any fear. Maybe she was protecting herself, maybe she was subconsciously allowing herself to feel something, anything other than the fear that controlled her.

Right now, for the first time in months, as she stared at Carl's sleeping form, all of her fear disappeared. It evaporates from her like water turned to steam. She couldn't lose Carl, she couldn't lose anyone. If she did, she didn't know how she would handle it. Things tended to boil over, when Iris didn't know how to handle something.

And right now, the only thing running through her veins was anger.

A hot, burning anger, a passion that she had refused to let herself feel for so long. It wasn't Otis' fault, but Carl had been shot. He almost died, because there are no hospitals anymore. He could've just as easily been bitten, or starved, or gotten an infection, or, hell, even a common cold in this environment could wreck your body. There was no protection anymore. There was nothing she could've done to help Carl, and without Hershel, he would've died.

She didn't want to lose anyone else.

Iris looks up at the clock. 12:27. She sighs. She can push the anger down, just as she had been doing, all of these months, with her fear. There was more to focus on. If Iris didn't want to lose anyone, that started with finding Sophia.

She stands up, gives Carl one final hair stroke, rubs her eyes, and walks outside.

The sun was raised even higher than it was in the early hours of this morning, hurting her eyes for a moment as she walked to where some of the others were gathered around one of the cars. Rick had a map spread out against the bonnet, and he was about to begin a discussion with Hershel, Daryl, Andrea, Shane and Maggie.

She took a moment to observe before she made any move to announce her presence. Rick's face was a display of determination, something that she saw mirrored in Daryl, which, if you asked her a week ago, would've been surprising, but after Daryl had gone out of his way to save her and T-Dog from the herd of walkers on the highway, Iris realised that he really did care. Especially about that little girl. Hershel was a fair man, and he was hearing Rick out and providing them with the resources they needed for both Carl and Sophia. His daughter, Maggie, was on the outskirts, like she was trying to keep her distance, but she couldn't stop herself from being involved. Andrea had her hands on her hips, her fingers grazing over her gun like she was gearing up to play the defence, like she was struggling with trust. It reflected in Shane's face; lack of trust coupled with severe doubt.

Iris takes a breath and starts towards them, getting the attention of Rick, who gives her a small nod. It was possible he was waiting for her arrival, since he knew she would want to be involved in the discussion.

"How long has this girl been lost?" Hershel asks, bringing himself closer to the map that was laid out.

"This'll be day three." Rick says. Iris bites her lip. Three days was a long time for a child to be out there alone, even without the threat of walkers looming over them.

"County survey map." Maggie says, pointing to some of the markings on the map. "Shows terrain and elevations."

"So we could identify the hotspots, see where Sophia would've most likely ended up." Iris says.

"This is perfect. We can finally get this thing organised. We'll grid the whole area, start searching in teams." Shane says, holding his hands out.

Hershel shakes his head, looking at Rick. "Not you. Not today. You gave three units of blood. You wouldn't be hiking five minutes in this heat before passing out." He switches his gaze to Shane, raising his eyebrow. "And your ankle. Push it now, you'll be laid up a month, no good to anybody."

"Guess it's just me. I'm gonna head back to the creek, work my way from there." Daryl says. Iris was right, he was determined to find Sophia no matter what, even if he had to do it alone.

"I can still be useful. I'll drive up to the interstate, see if Sophia wandered back." Shane pipes up.

Rick nods. "All right, tomorrow then. We'll start doing this right."

"That means we can't have our people out there with just knives." Shane says, adjusting the gun on his belt. "They need the gun training we've been promising them. That you too, Iris. You may have learned to shoot tin cans as a kid but you've gotta learn to shoot a moving target."

Iris nods.

Hershel sighs, shaking his head. "I'd prefer you not carrying guns on my property. We've managed so far without turning this into an armed camp."

Shane raises his eyebrows, and in line, so did his voice. "All due respect, you get a crowd of those things wandering in here-"

Rick holds up a hand. "Look, we're guests here. This is your property, and we will respect that."

Like he was extending the first olive branch, Rick unhooks his gun from the belt, placing it on top of the car. Shane lets out a heavy breath, clearly displaying his approval. However, with a stern look from Rick, Shane puts his gun down. Iris takes Opal's gun from her belt, feeling its weight in her hands for a moment before she carefully places it on the car.It felt a little weird, wearing her belt without her gun, like she'd lost a part of herself, of her new self. Hershel nods in appreciation.

"First things first: Set camp, find Sophia." Rick says assertively.

"I hate to be the one to ask, but somebody's got to. What happens if we find her and she's bit?" Shane asks. Iris closes her eyes, the thought of any of them having to put Sophia down made her see red. "I think we should all be clear on how we handle that."

Rick pauses, looking at Hershel as if he was testing his reaction. "You do what has to be done."

"And her mother?" Maggie asks, holding onto her shoulders. "What do you tell her?"

"The truth." Andrea says.

"Carol would understand." Iris adds, in a low tone.

"I'll gather and secure all the weapons. Make sure no one's carrying till we're at a practice range off site." Shane says. "I do request one rifleman on lookout. Dale's got experience."

Hershel looks like he was about to protest, but Rick clears his throat. "Our people would feel safer, less inclined to carry a gun." At his words, Hershel gives a small nod, which Rick returns. "Thank you."

"That stuff you brought, got more antibiotics, bandages, anything like that?" Maggie asks, squinting her eyes as she sun shone through the trees.

"Just what you've seen." Andrea says.

"I found that first aid kit on the highway." Iris adds. "But most people don't carry them in their cars."

"We're running short already. I should make a run into town." Maggie offers up, looking at her dad.

Rick raises a protective eyebrow. "Not the place Shane went?"

"No, there's a pharmacy just a mile down the road. I've done it before."

Rick nods, turning Maggie's attention towards Glenn, which got Iris' attention. "See our man there in the baseball cap? That's Glenn, our go-to-town expert. I'd ask him along just to be cautious."

Maggie nods, and she walks away from the group. The others kept talking, kept making plans, but Iris turned her head and watched Maggie approach Glenn.

Glenn was looking at her in a mixture of shock and intrigue, nodding his head at her as she talked. Maggie tucks a piece of short hair behind her ears, and Glenn follows her movement with his eyes, looking at her with that stupid look on his face. She said something else and he nodded again, fiddling with his baseball hat. She can't hear their words, and honestly, she doesn't wanna know what Maggie was saying to Glenn. Sure, Glenn was their supply guy, but that didn't mean Rick had to offer him up to do this one, without even consulting him.

She bites her lip in frustration, turning around to give Rick a piece of her mind, but when she did, the whole group was gone. They must've cleared out while she was... distracted. She sighs. Giving Glenn and Maggie one final look, Iris stalks off.

One thing that Iris still hadn't gotten used to since society collapsed was exactly how many hours there were in a day. All she had now was time, and it made the days drag. Glenn and Maggie still hadn't gone out on their run, still supposedly preparing. Not that Iris paid them any attention. Glenn could do what he wanted, and if he wanted to do a supply run with Maggie, then that was his prerogative.

Iris walks back towards the house, seeing Daryl head out, crossbow in hand, ready to try and find Sophia. Iris could only hope that he'd find her.

Rick was sitting by himself on the porch, and for a moment, Iris considered walking over there, hot on her tails, to ask him what he was playing at volunteering Glenn without even consulting him, but something else was swirling in her stomach, and Iris couldn't pass up the opportunity to have Rick alone, for once at least.

Iris approaches slowly, sitting next to her brother, who smiles at her. "You okay? You seem... different."

Iris nods. "Different how?"

Rick shrugs. "Remember when you were nine, and that boy in your class stole your pencil case, and you came home and broke the fridge because you slammed it so hard?"

"Yeah." Iris can't fight a smile. "That made me really mad. I can't even remember that kid's name, but the next day he gave it back, with a little note asking me out. I said no."

"Of course you did." Rick laughs, and then his face falls again. "But that wasn't exactly my point. Things happen, and you get mad. You don't let yourself feel it, and then it explodes. So that's how you're acting differently. You're not letting yourself feel whatever it is you need to feel."

Iris scoffs, burying her face in her hands. She doesn't reply right away. There were a lot of things that she wasn't feeling right now, but she didn't think it was just her that was doing this: they'd all lost so much and suffered so much, that despite all of the hours in the day, there wasn't enough time to process it all. "It's not just me."

"Maybe not. But I know how to read you. Who's the pencil case stealer today, then?"

"What? No one." Iris rolls her eyes. "Or everyone. And everything. Maybe life is my pencil case stealer."

After another beat, Iris lifts up her head. "Do you think dreams mean anything?"

Rick lits a brow. "They could. I think dreams could be a sign of many things. What dream did you have?"

Iris coughs a couple times, cringing. "That's not the point."

"Okay. Okay." Rick holds up his hands. "Well, whatever you're dreaming about, maybe it's your subconscious mind trying to tell you something? Hopefully, something you'll figure out before you get to the breaking fridges phase, huh?"

Iris exhales deeply. Rick pats her on the shoulder, as Hershel exits the house, and he stands up to go and speak with him. Iris stays where she is, holding the back of her neck, willing away the pit in her stomach.

𖤓𖤓𖤓

There was a walker in one of the wells.

It had probably been there for a while, based on how bloated it's body was, expanding probably two times it's original size as a result of being submerged in the water for months and months. If it wasn't already unrecognisable from being a walker, it was definitely unrecognisable now. It snarled and grabbed at them as they stared at it from the ground, completely at a loss as to what to do.

Iris held a hand to her hips, frowning as she stared at the disgusting creature that polluted the supply of the water. Even by walker standards, this one made her feel like belching. At least if she threw up in the well, she couldn't pollute the water any more than it already was.

Shane, T-Dog, Dale, Lori and Andrea were crowded around the well, to Iris' left. To her right, were Glenn and Maggie, who had walked over together when they heard the commotion. Still planning the run, apparently.

"Looks like we've got us a swimmer." Dale comments.

"Swimmer?" Iris snorts, looking at Dale with her face still scrunched up. "More like one of those recovered bodies they find in the rivers after years."

Everyone looks at her.

"Sorry. Too dark?"

"How long do you think it has been down there?" Glenn asks.

"Long enough to grow gills." Andrea says.

"We can't leave it in there. God knows what it's doing to the water." Lori crouches down, resting her arms against her knees.

"We got to get it out." Shane says.

"How could we possibly do that?" Iris asks, crouching next to Lori. "It's a big well, and... not exactly a little walker."

"Easy. Put a bullet in its head." T-Dog says simply. "I'll get a rope."

Maggie makes a sound of surprise. "Whoa whoa, guys. No."

"Why not? It's a good plan." Glenn asks, frowning.

"It's a stupid plan." Andrea rolls her eyes, her ponytail swinging behind her. "If that thing hasn't contaminated the water yet, blowing its brains out will finish the job."

"Still, I don't know if I'd want to drink this water." Iris turns up her nose. "Even if I was desperate."

Shane shakes his head. "Andrea's right. Can't risk it."

"So it has to come out alive?" T-Dog asks.

"So to speak." Shane mutters.

"How do we do that?" Glenn purses his lips, looking at each of them with concern.

For a moment, all of them just stare at the walker in silence. This was tricky, and any solution they could think of came with a multitude of problems.

"Hey, Maggie, have you got any fresh meat?" Iris asks, standing up and facing Maggie. The farm girl was taller than her, by a couple of inches, and the hat she was wearing on her head made her look even taller.

"Uh, yeah. We've still got a block of ham let over. We were gonna use it to fix up dinner." Maggie says, looking at her with curiosity.

Iris sucks on her teeth. "You might have to go for the vegetarian option."

Once Maggie ran inside to get the block of meat, it didn't take long to fashion a kind of fishing rod out of rope. Shane held it over the well, lowering it carefully until it reached the walker.

The walker reaches its arms up, trying to reach for the meat, but it wasn't bothered when it couldn't. Iris swallows, the disappointment rising in his chest.

"He's not going for it." Dale says.

"Maybe 'cause a canned ham don't kick and scream when you try to eat it." T-Dog comments, looking unimpressed.

"He's right. There's a reason the dead didn't come back to life and start raiding our cupboards." Lori adds.

"What do we do, then?" Iris cuts in, holding her hands to her hips.

"We need live bait." Andrea suggests. She goes quiet, and Iris raises her head to try and figure out her problem.

She was looking at Glenn.

They were all looking at Glenn.

Iris feels her heart speed up. "Guys. No. No."

Shane sighs heavily, looking at her with frustrated, dark eyes. "Iris, don't make a problem where there's not."

"You can't be serious." Iris replies, stepping back, away from him. She shakes her head, her eyes hardening. "You can't ask him to do that. You can't... ask him to do that."

"Iris..." T-Dog interjects, his eyes looking a little less firm than Shane's but just as intent.

Iris scoffs, looking away. She almost walks away completely, but she turns back around at the last minute. "Really? All of you? You've gotta be kidding me. Do you think he wants to do that, go down that death trap?"

"Iris, come on-" Andrea starts, but she is interrupted.

"I'll do it."

Iris turns around to face Glenn, her face falling in shock. "No. Don't do this just 'cause they want you to. They can do it themselves if they're so damn-"

"Iris!" Glenn exclaims. "I can do it. It has to come out, right?"

Iris blinks away the tears. No, she wouldn't let herself cry right now. Glenn was staring at her with conviction, and Iris knew it was a lost cause. "Fine. Do what you want."

She walks further away, still in sight of the well, and crossed her arms.

Shane ties the rope around Glenn's torso as Glenn sits down, dangling his legs over the well. Now he was actually about to go down, Iris could see the fear and reservation in his eyes. She bitterly shakes her head.

"Have I mentioned that I really like your new haircut?" Glenn says to Shane as he tightens the rope. "You have a nice shaped head."

"Don't worry about it, bud." Shane pats Glenn's shoulder. "We're gonna get you out of here in one piece."

"Living piece. That living part is important." Glenn adds, sighing nervously.

Shane, T-Dog, Andrea, Lori and Dale all hold onto the rope, which was also tied around the hydrant that was in the ground, for extra support.

"Nice and slow, please." Glenn adds, just before they start to lower him down.

"We got you." Maggie says, and she spares a look at Iris, shaking her head. "Oh, you people are crazy."

"You want to get it out of your well or not?" Shane practically spat. Iris shot daggers into the back of his head.

"Give us an eye there, Maggie." Dale says, and Maggie walks over to the well, staring at Glenn. Iris glares at him, too.

"Iris, do you wanna hold onto the rope?" Dale turns around, looking at her. "I think you're going to want to."

Iris bites her cheek, but she moves towards the rope and picks it up anyway.

Glenn gently lowers himself down the well, and Iris feels the tug on the rope as they take on his bodyweight.

"Doing okay?" Maggie asks him.

From the back of the line, Iris feels a pang of regret. She suddenly wishes she was in Maggie's place, being the face that he saw as he did the terrifying stunt, and voice that he hears as he goes down. She wished she'd hugged him goodbye, like she had everytime he went on a run back at the Quarry. She felt such a disconnect to that girl, to the girl she was before, but Iris doesn't know if she could get her back.

"Yup, doing great. Living the dream." Glenn mutters.

Maggie looks back at the others. "Little lower. Little more."

The sounds of the walker snarling as it was finally given what it needed made Iris' stomach hurt. She couldn't watch, she could barely even hear it without wanting to run home. Wherever home was. Her hands were starting to ache from the pull of the rope, which just made her head spin worse with anxiety and-

The hydrant rips from the floor.

The rope tugs out of her grip. Out of all of their grips, and the weight slips thrugh her fingers.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Every inch of fear that Iris had ever felt in her life tripled and rushed into her system all at once. Someone yells, telling them to grab the rope. Glenn was screaming, and maybe Iris was too, but she couldn't focus on anything other than the feeling of a bomb going off in her head, amplifying the thump thump thump of her heart and twisting her stomach until she felt like vomiting her guts out.

"Get me out of here!" Glenn's desperate, pleading, terrified voice pulls her away from her stupor.

T-Dog and Shane both run fo the hydrant at once, but T-Dog gets their first, falling to the ground and holding onto it for dear life. Iris grabs her portion of the rope, screaming in determination as she pulls, the burning in her hands almost overtaking the burning in her heart.

"Get it off. Get off. Get off! Get me out!" Glenn screams, unaware of the combined efforts to pull him out. "Oh my God. Oh my God. Guys, get me out! Come on, you guys. Get me out! Oh God. Oh God. Oh my God!Get me out of here!"

She couldn't lose him. She couldn't lose him.

She couldn't she couldn't she couldn'tshecouldn't.

"Pull!" Someone yells.

"Pull! Pull!"

"Pull! Pull!"

"Let's go, pull."

"Get me out. Get me out." Glenn yells again, whimpering and screaming.

"Come on. Come on. Glenn!"

"Glenn!" Iris shrieks, hot tears running uncontrollably down her cheeks.

The seven of them manage to get a good grip of the rope and they slowly start lifting Glenn up, his whimpers and shouts getting louder as he gets closer.

"Pull him up. Pull him up." Shane breathes.

Finally, finally, Glenn's dark hair comes into view, and Iris can't help but give a heavy laugh, as Glenn collapses onto the floor, holding his head to the ground as he catches his breath.

Lori holds a hand to his back. "Are you okay?"

Glenn pants again, but he sits up, looking between Lori and Andrea, who were crowding him, and nods.

"Back to the drawing board." Dale winces.

"Says you." Glenn speaks, and he stands up, putting the rope in Dale's hands.

He'd done it. He'd attached the rope to thre walker.

Iris wipes her tears, unable to stop staring at his face. God, his beautiful, familiar, and damn stupid face.

Glenn was okay.

Her fear evapourates.

And boils into red hot steam.

As the others pull of the rope, bringing up the walker so they could dispose of it. Glenn made a beeline for her, approaching her with a smile.

"Well, well, well-" He starts, smirking and reaching out to touch her arm.

Iris scoffs, jerking her arm away from him violently, pushing him off of her. "Don't you dare, you ass."

Glenn's smile drops, but Iris could feel the bomb that was ticking in her head, and so she just scoffs, walking away from him. She clenches her fists as she walks through the grass, wiping her eyes and feeling the breath in her chest tighten.

His footsteps were catching up to her, but she just walked faster, trying to outrun him.

"Iris! Hey!" Glenn yells, running after her now, until he gets in front of her, cutting her path off. Iris sighs, not looking at him. "What's wrong?"

"You are unbelievable." Iris spits, dodging past him and walking again.

Glenn grabs her wrist, twisting her around. "Iris! Stop! Stop walking. Just talk to me!"

Iris takes another heavy breath, yanking her arm away from his hand and holding it to her head. "What the hell is your problem? You could've died! Do you understand that? You could've died!"

"I didn't." Glenn says, looking her up and down in surprise. "I didn't die."

Iris shakes her head harshly. "God, you just can't get it, can you?"

"Get what?" Glenn's own voice was raising now. "You're not making sense!"

Iris shoves her finger into his chest, poking him with every word she spat. "You do stupid, reckless things! This isn't a video game, or some kind of simulation, this is real life. Okay? And maybe I could excuse it when you ran to the city alone, week after week, but I can't excuse this. When you do stupid things, it actually affects the people around you, and if you die, that's it! No do overs, you got that?"

"I-I know that. God, iris. Stop yelling!" Glenn replies, holding his hands out passively.

"No!" Iris yells back. "I won't stop yelling. You think I want to worry about losing people all the time? Carl's been shot, Rick's back from the freaking dead, Sophia is missing, I don't have time to worry about you and your stupid decisions!"

"Why do you care!" Glenn yells back, taking Iris off guard enough to stop talking and breathe through her rage. "Why are you so mad, Iris? Tell me that!?"

Iris grunts, closing her eyes and opening them, unable to contain herself. Glenn was staring at her, his eyes were still so damn calm and worried even though she was yelling in his face and he was yelling back and she was so angry at the whole damn world that she-

That the explosion goes off in her head.

She grabs him by the collar, smashing her lips against his in a stunning loss of control. He felt like coming home from a long day at work, like the anticipation you feel when you're about to board a plane for the first time, like finally finishing your favourite book of all time, like fireworks were being set off behind her. Like it was just him and her, in this moment, forever. It felt exhilerating, like she'd opened herself up, cracking into a million different pieces as she finally let herself feel.

Like she was opening herself up to something other than fear, than anger. Something that could lead to everything she couldn't risk feeling. Vulnerability. Connection. Trust. Comfort.

Love.

Grief. Possibility of grief.

She pulls away forcibly, stepping back with her mouth hanging wide open.

Glenn's face softens, and he takes a step closer, the corners of his lips turning upwards as he reaches out for her.

Iris brings a shaky hand to her lips, meeting his eyes.

Then she turns around and runs, as fast as she possibly can. 

AUTHORS NOTE

❥ Welcome back to Doomsday!
❥ IT FINALLY HAPPENED!!!
❥ I have been SO excited to write this chapter, you guys have no idea oh my god
❥ Iris is definitely struggling right now, her tendency to bottle things up and let them explode is definitely a running theme with her, but she'll get there eventually.
❥ Next chapter is gonna be great :)
❥ Please vote and comment if you liked <3