My, uh, my good boi Cooper died today. I miss him so much.

The vet thought he might have cancer. Him being 14, there wasn't much they could do anyway. And he wasn't eating either.

He was such a good boy though... I love him so much.

The worst thing is my way of coping with loss is trying to find the good things, and I try to share these good things with everyone else to cheer them up. Everyone else just sees this as me not caring though, and it hurts because that's how I cope with loss.

Like we planned to get another cat when my good boy passed... I point this out as a good thing as my family sees this as me wanting to replace him. That's not it though. And I hate that everyone sees it that way because I just want to make the sad go away because I don't like being sad and everyone just thinks I don't care.

I miss Cooper so much. I can't remember a time without him. Of all the pets I've ever had he's always been my favorite. He was such a good boy and I miss him

And we just moved too. October 26th. From an apartment to a house with a huge yard. He always loved walks and he would have loved the yard but he wasn't even here a week before this and...

I really want him back. I miss him so much.

He was a rescue dog. Would have gone to a shelter if we hadn't taken him. He was one when we got him.

Weren't sure of his breed. Appenzeler or Aussie Shepard were our guesses.

He may have been old, but he acted like a puppy. He would run around and play, and he would always bark at other dogs. We couldn't take him to the dog park because he would bark at other dogs.

He was a snuggler. He'd put his head on your lap and butt his head up against your legs until you pet him. He'd start rolling on the ground and you'd always join him. Then he'd start coughing so badly he'd stand up and nearly vomit. But then he'd do it again. Because he loved you.

You could sit in front of him and make kissy faces to get licks. He'd lick your face with his slobbery tongue.

When he first met the cat, she swiped at his nose. But after a while she started nuzzling him, sitting by the window with him, and even playing with his tail. He didn't like that last one much, but he dealt with it for her.

Whenever my dad got home from somewhere he'd bark like crazy from sheer joy. No one else. Just my dad.

He and Piper(cat) would always sit by the sliding glass door at the apartment and watch for everyone to come home.

He'd follow my dad everywhere. That's one of the things I know about the new house, he'd follow my dad with his claws clacking against the hardwood floor and keeping me up at night. He'd get in the way when my dad was cooking.

He was a picky eater when he started getting sick. He only ate soft foods, wouldn't eat his normal foods. It was probably because of pain, now that I think about it.

We used to have a dog named Vinny(he died a few summers ago), and Vinny was a silky terrier. We still get sad every time we see a dog that looks like him. Vinny was a mean old dog that had been abused, and he was very protective of his tiny Squeaky toy. Cooper would always steal Vinny's toy and we'd have fun chasing him around before giving it back to Vinny.

Vinny died first, I think. A month or two after, Oscar(Golden Retriever, 13 years old) went too. All three dogs were rescues.

I'm trying to remember everything I can about my good boy. I'm writing it all here, too.

One time my Good Boi climbed up on the sofa(where he is not supposed to be) and sat on my dad's lap. (Keep in mind that he's about the size of a Golden Retriever, so not a small dog).

Cooper and the other dogs would always sleep on my dad's bed at night. Until Oscar's hips got bad enough that he couldn't anymore. My dad would have to carry Oscar up the stairs and down to the basement those days. (We had a basement that let out into the backyard, the dog's bathroom).

One time Vinny peed on this chair and we had to get rid of it because it stank of dog pee.

One of my sharpest memories of Vinny was one time I was leaning over my Uncle's shoulder to look at a picture of his dog Charlie. I accidentally stepped on Vinny and he bit my foot. I remember thinking that I'd betrayed his trust and he wouldn't love me anymore. (He still loved me).

Back to Cooper, when we got him a dog bed this week my Dad had to drag him onto it because he didn't know he was allowed to be on it. He probably thought it was human furniture.

A long time ago, whenever I was sad, I'd sleep on the floor that night and have Cooper snuggle with me. I don't remember much about this except for one time he barfed.

Cooper's food bowl was closest to the pantry, in my first home. Oscar's was under the island and Vinny's under the counter near the sliding glass door. Cooper and Vinny would eat from the other dog's bowls. I remember me and my sister would fight over who got to feed them.

My final moments with Oscar and Vinny were in what we dubbed 'the play room'. It was a room where we kept all our toys, and I remember sitting there hugging them while my mom took photos to remember them by. We expected it with them. We knew what was happening.

With Cooper, we knew he wasn't doing well. Knew he was sick. But we thought he was healthy, we even took him to the vet earlier this week(Tuesday, I think. 29th). We thought he was healthy. So when my grandparents picked me up from school today and told me I cried so much. My last moments with Cooper was telling him he couldn't come to school with me. I wish it had been something different. I wish it wasn't so normal and in routine. I wish I'd given him kisses and snuggles and he'd given me his slobbery dog kisses.

He had the softest fur on his ear tips. He'd let me rub the tips of his ears with my fingers while he head butted my legs in a way of snuggling.

He had a growth on his eye a year ago. It wasn't dangerous, but we had it removed anyway. It would always make his eyes get goopy and would tear and bleed easily, so we had to stop him from nuzzling us with his head or he'd tear it.

When I was little me and my sister would dress him up in costumes and he'd just let us do it. I've got pictures somewhere. We'd put skirts around his neck, tutu like ones, and wend pretend he was a circus animal.

He'd wake my dad up at five in the morning to go to the bathroom.

I want all my good bois back. They were such good bois.

I'm sorry for the sad vent but I miss my good boy. I really do. I miss him so much. I just want him back so much.

| November 1st, 2019 |