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Nicole's POVHerDream/Nightmare)

I'm in this house. And I wake up half naked. Roc is looking at me pissed.

Roc: you Lil hoe

Me: .......

R: you dont even have nun to say.

Me: I di.. (GCO)

Roc: just shut the fuck up. You don't deserve Prod. I don't know what he sees in a Lil bitch like YOU.

He's right I Begin to think. He slaps me.

I begin to scream.

ahh Stop Get away from me.

No don't Please. AhHHHHH!!!No!!!

He's beating me. And I'm not doing anything.

GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME. No

This goes on a Lil while longer.

Then I hear a faint voice.

?:Baby WAKE UP.

Owh fuck it's Prod I try but I can't I'm lost and deeply dissolved into this dream. I really should be calling it a nightmare.

I feel pain on my cheek my eyes open and I sit up. I'm awake but I'm To mesmerized to come fully back to actuality. Then I begin to stutter out the words slowly I'm sorry Prod.

Fully Awake.

When the images and voices slowly vanish. I take a deep breath of relief. I realize that Craig's holding me in his arms tight. I think he was barely on the verge of crying. It made me wanna cry even more than I already was knowing that he was like this because of me.

Me: I'm sorry Prod

P: I forgive you.

Shanell's POV

*Sighs* I'm walking home when suddenly I hear some dude.

?: Heye shawty cum here

I ignore him and keep walking.

Then I feel this grip on me. This sleaze bag pulls me into him I can tell he's drunk. Ugh dudes make me sick

?: I was talkin to ya.

Me: uhm yea I have somewhere to be.

He kisses me on the cheek and before he does anything else. I kick him in the groin. He knelt over in pain. I begin to run home.

?: I'll get you. U Lil whore.

Whore. That word pierces through my ears; making them begin to ring then travels to my brain, where it is defined giving me a headache then a message is sent to the rest of my body. My eyes turn red and begin to water my throat begins to sting and feels as if it is dry then my stomach begins to cramp up. I also feel my legs becoming weak. I make it home run straight to my personal bathroom upstairs. Finally the pain begins to circulate my entire body and I calaps on the floor.

What the man did and said didn't affect me because he meant nothing to mean. He was relevant. The word Whore. Is what hurt me. I was tired of hearing it. And the rumors people spread because of it. I've never done anything inappropriate HONEST. I' am a 100% virgin I've never even kissed a boy on the lips maybe once on the cheek. And to think all I want is real friends a happy peaceful home and an honest relationship.

Some of my friends dipped after the rumors started. Others moved or their parents disapproved of them associating with me.

A happy peaceful home I sometimes have that. Mom and dad argued a lot my dad would leave and my mom beat me when he left. every time he left one day he left for good. Then she started getting drunk and things got worse. The rumors got worse too I couldn't go home so i tried my best to stay out if kids saw me out late next thing I know there's a rumor saying I've been whoring around again.

*Sighs* I'll never be able to get married or have a good life Ever!! Most boys that talk to me are only interested in what they think I can do. But they're all lies.

Other good guys. Like Jacob won't even look at me because of what they hear. They're looking for a good girl. I could be that girl. I Try to keep my grades up but my mom keeps my spare time occupied with her BS. However I always maintain A's and maybe a B because I still somewhat see a Lil bit of hope for a better life in my future.

But then again maybe I am a hoe. I might even be a Bitch trying to blackmail Jacob WTH was I thinking. I'll fix it Monday. *Sighs*

I feel a little better then I stand up and see myself in the mirror..... Tears flow down my face like a stream.

Flashback

Me= M (Shanell) T= Trey her Ex

M: *Sighs* IDK Trey I can't

T: shh.

He puts his arms around me as I'm looking at myself.. Well ... Us in his bedroom mirror.

I'm wearing a tank top which shows my somewhat figure I guess.

T: look at you. Shanell.. You are *GCO*

M: I'm not pretty I'm average.

T: You're right. You're not pretty

M: ......

I think I might cry.. He freakin agrees wit me. Ughh

T: and you're not beautiful either.

Me still being silent I begin to think.

Just kill me now

M:Bitch!! Are you try'na make me feel better or worse..?!

T: *Laughs* Shanell You are GORGEOUS.

He tries to.Kiss me but I reject him. Already knowing where he plans to end up

M: I'm not Ready

T: *Sighs* Then when.

I get a bit hostile and say

Me: when I graduate high school almost finished with college and you put an engagement ring on my finger.

T: calm down

Me: no you calm down I'm tired of u pressuring me.

I sit on the edge of his bed arms folded. He seriously pisses me off sometimes

I begin to cry tears of Hurt and anger I'm not the type of girl to stay in a relationship that I know isn't right.

T: I'm so sorry Shanell

He tries to put his arms around me but I brush him of

Me: save it.

I get up and begin to whisper

M: Trey.. I-I.......I'm .... Done

T: what?

M: ( Louder with more confidence in what I'm saying) Im Done with you

T: so what are u saying Shanell

I'm pretty sure I made myself clear.

M:I'm saying I'm done we're done.... Us.... There is no more we..

As I head out his room and down the stairs. I hear trey close behind.

T: Shanell. Don't do this come back im sorry. Please

I feel a tug on my wrist..

T: you walk out that door and you'll regret it.

He releases my arm and I begin to head home.

Flashback over

I look at myself in the mirror and sarcastically smile at myself. I open the cabinet grab my razor close the cabinet back and reach for my washcloth.

I'm face to face with my mirror again.

Hurtful words quickly flash through my head.

"She's a hoe"

"Jump off"

"Shes been with every boy in school"

"Slut, Skank , man stealer"

"WHORE"

"Whore"

"WHORREE!!!""

Whore continuously echoes through my head.

I scream to myself...

That's when I "SnAp" I slice my arm in multiple areas.

Pretty huh..

*Slices wrists and smiles*

Beautiful

*slices wrists, silently squeal and slices wrist again.

HA.. I look in the mirror. and slowly utter the words... Gooorgeousss (Gorgeous) dragging along the S

*slices upper Arm three times*

I begin to smile wince and laugh as the pain begins to really kick in.

I let out a breath of relief. "AHh". I grab the cloth and press it hard against my arm. I put everything back and make sure my razor is well hidden. I pop a few pain pills drink two bottles of water lay on my bed and before I know it I'm passed out.

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Discussion Time

Shanell isn't a whore like everyone believes. Her life is really rough and she is barely holding on to a strand of hope and Possibilities. She can't find peace at home, school or in public. She's a sweet intelligent girl but based on rumors no one will give her a chance. She lost her friends, and is basically outcasted.

Oh am I forgetting something. Oh yeah She CUTS HERSELF!!! it's the only way she can get her pain anger and hurt out.

This part was basically an introduction to Shanell so umm that's it.

Comment share Vote

Oh. And the one question for this chapter is.

Did Shanell's ex trey spread the rumor. ??