You will get your worst bruises
from people
who literally didn't touch you
~ Hedonist Poet

Song of the chapter - Say Something by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera.

***Hriday***

I'm sitting alone in the office drafting a document when there's a knock on the door.

"This better be something important Prerna" I tell my secretary who pokes her head inside.

I've told her so many times to not disturb me when I'm in the process of drafting.

"Sir a guy came to me right now, shoved this letter in my hands and pleaded me to give it to you saying it's urgent. 'Zindagi aur maut ka sawaal hai' were his exact words" she says showing me the letter.

"The fuck!" I curse under my breath.

"Kaha hai vo?" I ask.

"Sir, just a second, I'll call him" she says and turns. She then goes away and comes back after almost two minutes.

Does she not know how much I charge for 2 minutes?

"Sir vo toh chala gaya" she tells me.

I groan in frustration. "Just keep the letter and leave" I say in irritation.

When she leaves, I continue my work but my eyes keep moving towards that stupid letter.

I tear the envelope open angrily.

Kya faaltu mazak hai ye?

Hey there Dicku bhai,

"WHAT THE FUCK" I exclaim.

There's only one person who can call me that and get away with it safely.

Ekansh.

Mai usse pussy bulata hu aur vo mujhe dick. Dicku bhai to be precise.

Kon ye aisa ghinona mazak kar raha hai mere saath?!

Ho gayi gaaliya deke? Mai hi hu bhai. Sach me. Nahi believe ho raha hoga obviously. Aap thehre lawyer. Proofs pe duniya chalti hai. Ok so I'll give you one.

I know you've always had a huge crush on Avni.

I quickly fold the paper and look left and right to see if someone is looking. Is this a joke?

Shravni hi toh nahi kar rahi ye sab?

Ha ye ho sakta hai. Ekansh usse waise bhi sab batata tha. But..

I open the letter again and take a deep breath.

Ho gaya Avni pe shak kar ke? Mai hi hu bhai usse kuch nahi pata.

Bhai, I know aap usse bahot hate kar rahe honge iss wakt. Because I am dieing. By the time you get this letter, obviously I'll be gone. Ek mahina ho gaya hoga.

Ab bahot ho gaya gussa bhai. Avni ek bahot achhi ladki hai. Aap usse ek chance toh do. Please mere liye. Let her in.

There are so many people who love you bhai. You have our whole family. Aapne mujhe khoya hai but there's still people who care about you left. She has nobody. Mai jaaunga aur uski life chali jaayegi. She never had anyone to care about her, to love her. I want you to do it. I know you already do. I know what you've felt for her is more than just attraction. It's not just liking.

Uske paas koi nahi hai bhai. I know you hate me for making you two marry each other. But mujhe sirf aur sirf uspe bharosa hai. Vohi ye family ko jod ke khush rakh sakti hai. Vohi aapko khush rakh sakti hai. And she will. Aap bass usse chance do.

Aur bhi letters hai jo aap tak sahi time pe pahoch jaayenge. Tab tak please consider what I said.

Until next time.

Your baby brother,
Pussy.

PS - Kya aap mujhe blame karte ho mom ki death ke liye? Agar nahi toh you have no right to blame Avni for my death.

The last line brings tears to my eyes.

Jab maa Ekansh ko leke pregnant thi tab miscarriage ke wajah se doctors ne kaha that they can save only one of them. Baby ya fir mom.

Mom was adamant on saving Ekansh.

I remember her last words to me.

"Hriday bachha. Ye tumhara chhota bhai hai. Ekansh. Iska bahot achhe se khayal rakhna ha. Kabhi isse kuch mat hone dena. Mere liye itna karoge na bachha"

I was just three years then when she placed his little form on my lap. Jab uske chhote se haath ne meri ungli ko kass ke pakdaa, tab khud se aur maa se promise kiya ke khud se jyada Ekansh ka khayal rakhunga. Agar aisa time aaye ke mujhe meri life sacrifice karni pade toh vo bhi kar lunga.

That day when I saw Ekansh's lifeless form on the road, all I could think of was this promise. How could I have let this happen.

I felt like I had betrayed myself. Betrayed my mother.

But it happened.

Ek chiz maangi thi maa ne mujhse. Bass ek chiz. Vo bhi mai puri nahi kar paaya.

Fir dad ne wapas shaadi kar li for our sake. And Mugdha mummy has been nothing less than a real mother to us. I never felt ke vo meri sauteli mom hai. She has always loved us both like her own sons. Vohi meri mummy hai. I love her like my own mom. I always will. She is my own mom.

But I don't have it in me to call her maa. I'm just not able to. I can't.

I look up at the ceiling and close my eyes as a tear rolls down my eye.

'Kya aap mujhe blame karte ho mom ki death ke liye?'

Those lines play on a repeat in my head.

I've never blamed Ekansh for it. He was not the reason. He was just a baby. Aur maa ki choice thi apni jaan sacrifice kar ke Ekansh ki bachaane ki.

'Agar nahi toh you have no right to blame Avni for my death.'

How can I not blame her. Uske carelessness ke wajah se hua ye sab.

But Ekansh decided to save her life. And I'm just killing her each day.

I look at the letter again. Read it again. And again. And keep reading it. The only thing he's asked me to do throughout is for me to let Avni in and give her a chance.

I can't forgive her. Ever. But the least I can do is stay a little.. I don't know.. civil with her.

"Ab ye bhi kar leta hu tere liye" I shake my head taking Ekansh's small photo frame in my hand. "Saala pussy".

I keep it back on my table with a smile on my face.

I can't help but feel like ye Ekansh hi hai. I can feel that connection. The words are something Ekansh would say. But the handwriting is different. Jaani pehchaani.

The next second I figure out that it is daadu and daadi. Unhe usne pehle bulaya tha tab. It all falls into place now.

So I guess they have the rest of the letters. Jab tak vo khud se nahi acknowledge karte ye topic, mai bhi nahi karunga.

But wait a minute. This means that they wrote and know about my crush on-

No.

First of all vo jhut hai. Pata nahi Ekansh ko hamesha hi aise kyu lagta tha ke mujhe Shravni pasand hai.

'Bhai hu tera. Tujhe bhi jo nahi pata khud ke baare me, vo tujhse pehle mujhe pata chal jaata hai'.

Ekansh's words ring in my ear. I don't remember when he said it. I just remember the words.

But those words are true.

I'm tired of this stupid inner voice!

Those words are NOT true!

I don't have a crush on Shravni. Never had. Baat khatam.

I fold the letter and keep it in my wallet safely.

I'm going to listen to what Ekansh said and give her a chance. Waise bhi uske saath puri life guzaarni hi hai.

Puri life Shravni ke saath..

Shut the fuck up inner voice!

I shake my head.

I should start by going to pick her up from her chindi cafe.

I remember the last time I called her cafe chindi. She wrote those stupid application letters. Kya ladki hai vo!

Those application letters were so dumb and stupid and immature and... Funny.

Ok enough!

I call her driver. "Shravni ko leke ghar gaye tum?" I ask him as soon as he picks up.

"Nahi. Madam ab tak cafe me hai" he tells me.

"Mai aa raha hu waha. Mere aane tak kahi mat jaana" I tell him and hang up.

I look at the clock. It's not even 7pm. I don't remember a day when I've left the office so early. Actually, I never have.

Prerna is shocked to see me leaving with my bag.

"Postpone my rest of the meetings for tomorrow. I'm leaving" I tell her.

"Sir.. did you just say that you're.. leaving?" She asks in bewilderment.

"Do you need hearing aids?" I ask her sharply and she closes her mouth shut,  shaking her head.

Better.

I leave the building noticing all the weird and surprised glances I get.

Ghar hi toh jaa raha hu kameeno. Pink frock pehen ke naach thodi raha hu.

First I go to buy that infuriating woman a phone. Kaise jeeti hai phone ke bina kya pata.

Aur uske paas jo tha vo bhi konse sadi ka tha kya pata. Asli phone ab mai deta hu usse.

Then, when my driver takes me to the cafe, I tell Shravni's driver to go back home and take my driver with him.

Mere car se mai Shravni ko le jaaunga. Saath me jaayenge.

The realisation hits me that I've actually decided to behave a little nicely towards her.

What if she thinks I'm some kind of creep?

Tu apni biwi ko uske kaam se pick up kar ke ghar le jaa raha hai. Isme kya creepy idiot?!

Why the hell am I, Hriday Rajput, wasting time on some idiotic thoughts. Why am I even thinking so much about it.

Dammit!

I take deep breaths and start walking towards her front door, when my eyes fall on her from the window.

My feet get rooted to the spot and I whip my head to look at her.

Is she-

My hands ball into fists when I look at her form. The buttons of her kurti are open and she's not even having her dupatta. She is touching a guy inappropriately and giggling. By the looks of it, flirting.

I hide a little more behind so that she doesn't see me.

What the fuck!

For a few moments I just can't believe that it's her. But it's all happening before me. In clear view.

This is so unlike her.

Or maybe it is like her. Shayad vo aisi hi hai aur maine hi pehchaanne me galti ki.

Aur Ekansh ne bhi.

She's married for fucks sake!

How could she?

Mai yaha usse ek chance dene ka soch raha tha. Soch raha tha ke Ekansh ne jo bhi kiya hoga soch samajh ke kiya hoga.

Ye ladki ne shaayad usse bhi dhoka diya. All the while she has just been fake. Because I know agar Ekansh ne uska ye roop dekha hota toh he would not let a characterless girl like her stay in his life.

I see that guy grasping her hand and her smiling seductively at her.

Bass bahot ho gaya!

If I don't get away from here this very second, mai vo ladke ko maar daalunga.

Lekin usske pehle Shravni ko.

I don't care that she's a girl. Dhoka dhoka hota hai. Koi bhi de.

Vo meri biwi hai. Vo shadishuda hai. Dusra koi flirt kare toh bhi isme akkal honi chahiye na.

I seriously feel like going there and slapping her.

I don't know what to do as my brain stops working completely and the feeling of anger is the only thing inside me right now.

This is the first time I can't think of what to do next.

I've never felt so angry.

So hurt.

I see a little fire lit nearby to burn dried leaves. I go and throw the mobile in it. Then I get in the car and leave.

***

What the fuck is taking her so long?

Kahi vo uss ladke ke saath toh nahi-

Bass kar Hriday! Tu lawyer hai. Itne saalo me ek baat toh mujhe pata chali hai ke jo hamesha hum aankho se dekhte hai vohi sach nahi hota.

There might be something that I missed.

Please let there be.

I'm going to ask her as soon as she's back. Itna late kar kya rahi hai vo?

Just then the door opens and Shravni enters the room in a really happy mood. I've never seen her this happy.

Fire rises inside me and I grab her hand and shove her in, closing the door shut.

No getting away now.

"Aap kya-"

"What the fuck were you doing in that cafe of yours today. Ye sab karne jaati ho tum? Isliye nahi chhodna tha vo job?" I ask directly.

Baate ghumaane ki mujhe waise bhi aadat nahi.

"Aapne dekha" is the first thing she says.

No denying. No explanation. No nothing.

Bolegi bhi kya? Vo khud ladki hi aisi hai.

"Sharam nahi na bilkul muh pe? Deny bhi nahi kar rahi. Ha maine dekha. Jyada dekh nahi paaya itni ghin aa gayi mujhe" I say as my voice gets higher.

I look of panic crosses her face.

"Vo mai.. vo.. actually" she starts. Nothing comes out after that.

"Kuch nahi hai bolne ke liye?" I ask grabbing her shoulders and pinning her against the wall.

I don't like doing such kind of stuff but I can't control myself right now.

"Your mom was right. Tum ek characterless aur giri hui ladki ho" I say and she flinches like I just slapped her.

"Aisa nahi hai" she whispers as her eyes become glassy.

I wait for her to explain but she doesn't. And that's when I lose my shit. I can't bear to be in the same room as her.

And I just can't help but blame Ekansh for this hellhole I'm stuck in.

"Ekansh kyu tune aisa kiya" I shout in frustration looking up. "Meri life barbaad kar diya tu".

I leave the room and rush inside the room besides this one. Where nobody except me enters.

This room is my personal space. This place always seemed like my safe haven. Today it doesn't help me in calming down.

I punch the wall angrily as my breathing gets shallow.

Shravni, I'll throw you out of this house and my life real soon.

***

A little insight on the enigma that is Hriday Rajput. Aaj bahot kuch pata chala about his side of the story and his life.. I hope you guys have a better idea now in understanding why is he like this.. ok toh aaj ke liye itna hi. Ily:)