***Hriday***

It's been twelve days since we came to Mumbai. Twelve haunting, devastating days.

Shravni's mom died due to drug overdose.

I remember the first time I had met her mom when I'd gone to bring Shravni home. She was so drunk she couldn't even walk straight. She was so abusive towards Shravni.

Toh ab tum apne customers ko ghar laane lagi.

How could a woman talk like that to her own daughter? Khud ke beti ko slut samajhti thi vo. I was so disgusted by those words even though I hated Shravni at that time.

Tujh jaise manhoos se kon shaadi karega, she had said. Manhoos? How did Shravni spend all those years with her is beyond me. She was a monstrous woman from what I saw. Even worse when it came to being a mother.

Shravni used to send her money every month without fail. I don't know when was the last time they had seen each other. Did she know that her mom was taking drugs?

When I got the phone call from the police station in Rajasthan, I couldn't directly tell Shravni. She'd just lose it and we were very far away from home. I was scared of what was going to happen. She was going to be devastated. Ro ro ke pagal ho jaati. I was scared that Shravni would just lose all her control because of her mom's death. First her dad, then Ekansh and now her mom.

I look at Shravni whose staring into a distance sitting in the passenger seat of my car. We're going to her house.

I wish jaisa mai socha tha waisa hota. I wish she'd lose control and cry and scream or just do something to express her grief. What happened was worse.

Jab se Shravni ne apni mom ko dekha in that morgue, she hasn't shed a single tear. Also, she herself performed all the rites. As she had no other close male relatives to perform the rites, I was ready to do everything as the son in law. But Shravni was adamant in doing the final rites. However, I was the one who lighted the pyre because according to Hindu rituals women are not allowed to do so.

'Aurate janmadata hoti hai. Unhe mrutyu ke wakt dur rehna chahiye' the pandit had said.

I stop the car when we reach near her house. The area is not one of the best in Mumbai. It seems shady and dirty.

Shravni doesn't notice that we've already reached. I look at her lifeless eyes that seem hollow and dark. She hasn't slept properly since so many days. She doesn't even eat. Her kurti which was fitting her perfectly just a few weeks ago is now loose on her body.

"Shravni" I place my hand on hers and she blinks and looks at me. She then looks at our surroundings and closes her eyes briefly. I get out of the car and open the door for her. She steps out and I follow her as she walks towards her house.

The first thing I see is a cow with her head inside a dumpster. Dumpster ko chhod ke baaki sab jagah kachra hai. I stop my breath instead of covering my nose. Shravni ko bura lagega.

The houses are crammed and too close to each other. I see a few men drinking and smoking in a shop with the shutter half closed and hear a kid crying loudly is the distance. I am creeped out by the whole environment.

The road is dimly lit and we reach her house as she tries putting in the right key inside the lock. I see a few women eyeing us and I send them a death glare. They quickly look away and shuffle inside their house.

The door opens and I enter inside and stand awkwardly at her door. The foul smell that was there when I had come here for the first time is absent. I had sent a few men to clean the house when we reached Mumbai. I hope they've done the job properly.

Shravni presses some switches and the tubelight keeps on blinking for a while before finally lighting up. The fan makes a creaky sound the whole time. Her house is smaller than my bedroom with an attatched kitchen. The paint is chipped and faded. There are no photos or any type of decor on the wall. Just a small tv, a mini fridge and a bed.

Shravni dusts the bed and asks me to sit. "Aapne kyu taklif li. Mai akele aa jaati. Bass packing hi toh karni thi" she says.

"Mai aana chahta tha" I say honestly.

Maine Shravni ko akele chhoda hi nahi hai itne dino se. Jab vo royegi tab mai uske baaju me hi rehna chaahta hu. She has to cry. She needs to cry.

I look at her bandaged hands. She used to keep digging her nails in her palms making them bleed so I had to apply layers of bandaged cloth on her hands. I didn't know what else to do.

She robotically removes her mother's clothes from the cupboard and keeps them in a big box. I start packing all the utensils in the kitchen. We work in silence and after an hour we're done.

"Ye sab saamaan-"

"Don't worry it will be disposed off. The fridge and TV will be resold at the best price" I don't think they're worth anything but she doesn't need to know that.

"Are you sure about the house? You want to sell it?" I ask her.

"Aap mujhe aapke ghar ke bahar nahi fek doge na?" She looks down at her feet sadly.

"Kya bol rahi ho Shravni?!" I say a little more sharply than intended. I place both my hands on her face making her look at me. Her face is so wretched and forlorn, it's like she really thinks I would do that.

"First of all, vo mera ghar nahi, humara ghar hai. It's your home too. And bahar fek doge ka kya matlab hota hai. Tum koi object nahi ho jo mai fek dunga. You're my wife".

My love. My everything.

I wish I could say it out loud but she's too vulnerable for me to give my love declaration right now. And even if I do, she'll think that it's out of pity.

She places her hands on mine and gives them a light squeeze before moving away. I feel empty inside when she does that. I'd turn the world upside down for her. I'd do anything for her.

"Yes then. I want to sell the house".

She takes a last look at her house before locking it.

***

"Aao beta khana kha lo" daadu says as soon as we reach home.

"Mujhe bhook nahi hai. Aap kha lijiye mai baad me kha lungi" Shravni says and goes up to our bedroom. Obviously she won't eat later. Roz ki baat ho gayi hai ye. I keep trying to get her to eat but she just doesn't listen to me. That doesn't mean I'm gonna give up though.

I take food in a plate and a big glass of orange juice. My mom stops me. "Kya hua mom?" I ask her.

She forwards her hands asking me to give her the plate. I frown and give it to her. "Tum khana kha lo. Mai Shravni ko khila dungi".

Everyone turns to look at my mom and daadi comes and pats her cheek with tears in her eyes. I gulp down the emotions rising in my throat as she goes upstairs.

Mom kaisi bhi ho.. she's a good person. My respect and love towards her doubles at this gesture.

I can't help it and follow her upstairs but stand discreetly outside our room. I take deep breaths to steady my breaths.

"Hriday mujhe bhook nahi hai. Aap please-" Shravni stops speaking when she sees that it's not me but my mom this time.

She sits on our bed and asks Shravni to sit beside her. I see Shravni slowly sitting down but not too close like she's scared of her.

Without a word she brings the spoon towards her mouth and Shravni tries to take it from her hand but mom doesn't let her.

"Rehne dijiye aunty. Aap yaha rakh dijiye. Mai kha lungi" Shravni says.

Maa sighs and keeps the plate on my study table. When she turns to look at Shravni, she has tears in her eyes.

"Avni kab tak aise andar rakhogi sab kuch. You should let it out. You have to let it out" my mom's voice cracks but Shravni just stares at her blankly.

"I'm sorry" mom holds her hand. "Sorry maine tumhe misunderstand kiya. Mai bass gussa thi. Ekansh tumse bahot pyaar karta tha, vo hamesha baat karta tha tumhare baare me. Uski baato se hi samajh gayi thi mai ke tum bahot achhi ho. Ghar ke sab log tumse itna pyaar karne lage hai, mujhe aur gussa aa gaya tha. Par tumhari koi galti nahi thi. Tumhari koi galti nahi hai. Ye kabhi mat sochna ke tum akeli ho. Hum sab yaha hai na tumhare liye. Hum sab tumhare log hai. Tumhari family hai hum. Aur aunty nahi hu mai tumhari. Mai bhi toh tumhari maa hu. Please mujhe maaf kar do. Please" maa says and I see that Shravni's eyes fill with tears.

"Mera bachha" mom whispers and runs her hand on Shravni's head as her face crumples in pain and she breaks down at her words.

Shravni's body starts shaking with her loud sobs as mom holds her in her arms rubbing her back.

"Mai hu yahi pe.. mai hu.." she says whispering soothing words in her ears and Shravni goes on crying. It's like the damn has broken and all the emotions have flooded out.

"Mere sa- saath hi aisa kyu hota hai? Kya bigaada hai mai- maine kisi ka" Shravni says between her sobs.

"Maa" she calls out painfully and cries even more.

"Kaash mai maa ki help kar paati. Vo drugs lene lagi thi mujhe pata bhi nahi tha. Kaash mai aur mehnat kar ke jyada kamaati aur unko rehabilitation center bhej paati. Kaash mai unko ek last time gale lagaa paati. Kaash mai unhe keh paati ke chaahe vo mujhe kaise bhi treat kare, mai fir bhi unse pyaar karti hu. Kaash mai hi mar jaati"

My tears fall hearing those last words.

"Chup. Bilkul aisa mat bolna. Kabhi aisa mat sochna. Tumhari koi galti nahi thi. Na hi Ekansh ke time aur na hi ab. Samjhi?" Mom holds her face making her look at her to show that she means every word. Shravni breaks down in a fresh set of tears at that.

When Shravni calms down a little, my mom makes her drink a glass of water. "Khana garam kar ke laati hu wapas" she gets up but I walk inside the room.

"Mai laata hu" I take the plate from her.

"Nahi mai kha lungi aap rehne dijiye aun- mom" Shravni says giving a weak smile.

"Dono baitho yaha chup chap" mom makes me sit beside her on the bed and starts feeding us turn by turn.

A warm feeling expands in my chest. Two of the most important women in my life, they've been through so much and still are so strong and beautiful. What would I do without them.

"Meri mom bachpan me mujhe aise khilaati thi. Tab baba.. mai apne dad ko baba bulaati hu.. tab baba beech me hi aake mere baju me baith jaate the muh khol ke. I remember mom used to scold him with a smile on her face saying that he behaves like he's a kid all the time. My mom dad were crazy in love with each other. Itna pyaar karte the ek dusre se ke jab baba ki death hui cancer ke wajah se, my mom went into depression and started drinking. Meri mom aisi nahi thi pehle. She just lost it when baba left us. Just kept sinking more and more each day until finally.."

Shravni doesn't complete her sentence and I rub her back gently.

I take the plates and go downstairs to keep them in the kitchen. When I'm going back upstairs, I see mom walking down the stairs.

I go and hug her tightly. She's taken aback but hugs me back.

"Mom mai kabhi dikhata nahi.. but aap mere liye bahot important ho. Mai aapki bahot kadar karta hu. You know that right" I ask.

She blinks away her tears and nods. "Sorry beta".

"No mom please. Don't say sorry. You've done nothing wrong. You never have" I tell her.

"Avni ka khayaal rakho" she tells me and starts walking away.

I look at her retreating back and feel like I've been a bad son to her my whole life. Unintentionally hi sahi, but I kept comparing her to my birthmom jab ke she has not been anything less.

"Maa" I call out and she stops to look at me with tears in her eyes. This is the first time I called her maa and not mom. I used to call my birth mom maa but she's not anything less than her.

"Thank you maa for everything. I'm very lucky ke aap meri maa ho" I tell her and smile. She smiles through her tears and walks away.

I go upstairs in my room and Shravni looks up at me. Her eyes fill with tears again and I open my arms for her.

She runs into my arms and cries into my chest. I hold her tightly. I let her cry it all out until all her tears dry out, not loosening my grip on her.

I finally break the hug. "Are you tired? I want to show you something".

"What is it?" She asks.

I take a long breath to steady my nerves and lead her out of the room.

***

Writing this chapter has emotionally drained me. I'm gonna count this as an early update so, please, if you like it, vote and comment. It makes me really happy. Thank you for still reading.. ily :)