03. | 𝖇𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖘𝖋𝖚𝖑 𝖎𝖌𝖓𝖔𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊

"Day 985 - started odm training. Mikasa was amazing without even trying. I struggled a bit more with it. Jean was an ass, but Eren told him to shut up. Had meat for dinner as a treat, Sasha lost it. Going to bed early.

Day 986 - More odm. Better this time, still not that great. Mikasa tried to help. Connie fell on his face. Shadis made us make our own food. Didn't go well. Eren can't be trusted with measurements, messed up the salt and the food was really bad. Reiner tried to fix it—didn't work.

Day 987 - Talked to Armin today. He likes to read. He recommended some books for me to read. We have similar tastes. He's really smart, a huge asset. Started working hand-to-hand. Reiner beat me in a fight. Again. It's okay, I could take him with IT. He wouldn't even stand a chance. Dinner was gross. Jean tried talking to Mikasa. She ignored him.

Day 988 - Accidentally slept in today and got grilled by Shadis for being late with Sasha. Nobody woke us up. He made us run laps for an hour. I tried to play it off like I wasn't tired but it didn't work. Ended up tripping and falling into Eren. I almost cried out of embarrassment. He said it was fine but I still felt stupid. I avoided him all day after that. Jean made fun of me all day. I brought up how Mikasa ignored him. He stopped laughing.

Day 989 - Messed around a lot during training and got yelled at by Shadis. We had to do more odm training. I've gotten better, and Mikasa even complimented me. Sasha stole my dessert from dinner. I didn't mind, I don't really like sweets anyway. She took Connie's without asking though—they argued a lot about it. Now she owes him. We were informed of a wasteland training for tomorrow. Had a nightmare about Shiganshina and now I'm restless. Going to take a walk, maybe it will help me fall asleep.

Maya looked up from the leatherbound journal in her hands and put down the pencil in her hand. She closed the book and shoved it under the mattress. She stood up and grabbed her cloak from the rack near the door. She put on the cloak and took the lantern beside her bed, quietly slipping out of the dorms.

She hid the lantern under her cloak and went to walk towards the woods when she heard someone's feet scrape against the gravel on the ground. Her head snapped towards the sound, fearful that she had been caught by a supervisor. Instead, she found herself relieved to see Eren standing there, just as dumbfounded as her, holding a lantern under his cloak.

"What are you doing out here?" he whispered, walking up to her.

Maya glanced around cautiously before continuing on her way to the woods. "Couldn't sleep. You?"

"Same thing," Eren walked by her side.

They trekked on in silence for the most part until they came up to the edge of the woods. Maya's eyes trailed up the tall trees, landing on an owl perched on a high branch, staring intently at the two of them. It looked like it saw right through her, with frighteningly sharp eyes. The owl stayed silent, watching the two of them approach the forest. Then, it let out a large "WHO" and flew away.

Maya shrugged her shoulders back and went into the woods. Eren tagged along.

"Why couldn't you sleep?" he asked her.

She paused for a moment, her contemplative stare falling on the training corps emblem on his cloak, right beside his heart. "I had a nightmare."

"Oh," said Eren. He didn't quite know how to comfort people, let alone reassure them.

Maya didn't seem to care about this and went on walking.

"If you don't mind me asking...what was it about?"

She tensed up. "I...."

Eren felt his face get warm. Stupid, he thought. Of course she doesn't want to tell me! I barely know her. They had been comrades for 6 months, yet they didn't really know much about one another. Maya was more closed off about things. She was still very talkative when she wanted, but she never talked too much about herself. They were friends, but not nearly as close as he was to Armin or she was with Sasha.

"Sorry," he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Do you have a specific destination or...?"

"No, I just wanted to walk for a while," she admitted, relieved at the change of subject. "Just going straight. Once I get tired I can just turn around and go back. No chance of getting lost.."

Eren perked up at this. "I know a place not too far from here..."

Maya quirked a brow but shrugged nonetheless. "If it's not far, then by all means."

Eren led her to a small clearing that opened up onto a cliff, overlooking a beautiful lake below. The water glistened in the moonlight, and the world was quiet as they stepped out into the clearing. There were a few large rocks situated by the edge of the cliff; close enough to get a good view, but far enough not to break off.

He watched a small smile stretch across her face as she took in the sight. They sat on the rocks by the edge of the cliff.

"Beautiful," Maya murmured, eyes stuck on the glittering lake below.

"Yeah," Eren nodded in agreement. No matter how many times he went there, it was always just as breathtaking.

Maya took in the sight for a moment before her attention was drawn to a cluster of red anemones blooming between the rocks they sat on. Their petals curved slightly inwards towards their blue centers, a few droplets of water hanging off some of them from the light rain that had fallen a few hours prior. She reached forward and picked one, studying it with a neutral look on her face.

"Titans," she said at last.

He furrowed his brows. "What?"

"My nightmare," Maya traced the curves of the petals, refusing to look up at him. "It was about when...you know."

Understanding dawned on him as he, too, had nightmares about that day, watching his mother get devoured all over again and not being able to do anything. He always woke up with a sheen of sweat over his forehead and anger swelling in his chest. He wished he could have done something, but every time, just like the real one, he was helpless.

"They made it to your village, too?" he asked, voice hoarse at the memory of his mother.

"Yeah," she nodded, putting down the flower and meeting his gaze. She didn't know why, but the words came tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop them. "I guess I just feel guilty that I made it out and they didn't."

"You should never feel sorry that you survived something like that!" Eren cut in, his voice coming out harsher than he had anticipated. "You lived through it. Now what matters is what you're gonna do with the life you've been given. Are you gonna fight or are you gonna let the same thing happen again?"

She could feel her face warm at the affirmation. She laughed after a moment. "That was intense. You're a good speaker, Eren."

He felt a surge of excitement at the sound of his name falling from her lips. Something about the way she said it had him completely and utterly dumbfounded. He couldn't help the grin that grew on his face because of it. "Yeah, I guess I am."

"Why did you join the military, though?" she asked after her laughter died down. "I understand killing titans, but is that really it?"

He spoke right away, as if he had the answer to the question sitting in his head before she had even asked it. "These walls are suffocating. I hate being stuck here in this...cage! I hate those cowards that hide behind the walls like cattle waiting for slaughter."

Maya blinked. She certainly wasn't expecting that. There was a fire in his eyes, passion dripping off of every word. But there was also hatred. Maya, for all her hypocrisy, could understand to an extent why he felt so compelled to leave the walls. She would be curious, too, if all she knew was a cage. His blatant disgust piqued her interest, though, and she mused, "And you're not cattle?"

"I'm not a coward. I'm willing to risk it all if it means seeing the world," Eren said.

"What happens if you're disappointed?"

She had heard Eren and Armin speaking once at dinner about what they would see outside the walls. Their unadulterated optimism was like a sharp stab to the heart. The world that they were so eager to see wanted them dead. They lived in ignorant bliss, dreaming of seeing and crossing the ocean, but they would only be met with hostility and enemies when they washed ashore.

Eren thought this over for a moment. "I don't care what it's like out there, as long as it's not like this."

"You're not worried about titans?" Maya raised her eyebrows.

"No, we can face them with ODM gear," he answered. "And anyway, isn't it humanity's territory they've taken?"

"You're not even a little bit afraid?"

"Why would I be? I've got Armin and Mikasa, we'll definitely see the ocean together!"

Maya fought a sad smile at the sheer hopefulness in his tone. Instead, she nodded and began picking at another flower.

"What about you? Why'd you join the military?" He shot the question back at her after she failed to respond.

Maya pursed her lips before answering honestly, "I don't know, same as you. I guess I hate feeling like a bird in a cage, powerless against everything else. I can't stand the idea of sitting on my ass while the world is out there, however it is. I can't stay pent up in the walls, I'll go crazy. I want to see something new, and that's not happening from here. Plus, I've got something to prove to some people."

Marleyans had always hated her. Either because of the band she wore on her arm or the way she looked. She had always been the other, ostracized and unwanted. Whether it was Marleyan children looking for an easy target to pick on or fully grown adults looking for something to direct their disgust at. But this mission would be her gratification, just as Reiner had promised. They would all respect her after this. They would hold her, and her people, in high regard. They would praise her for her bravery and commend her hard work. They refused to acknowledge her? Fine. She'd make them look.

Eren and Maya spent the next hour talking. Maya was unsurprised to find that the only thing he had set ahead for himself was to slaughter titans. Everything beyond that seemed unimportant to him. Maya shared her love for writing, particularly poetry, with a bashful look on her face. She didn't think Eren was the type to appreciate that sort of thing, but he was actually very interested in hearing about it. He told her she had a lot in common with Armin and that she should talk to him about it. When she realized she had started rambling, she apologized profusely and stared at the flowers in front of them, refusing to see his face. He laughed and told her he didn't mind.

After a while she let out a yawn and they decided to head back. They spoke the whole way, unlike when they had set out for the cliff. Maya didn't know why, but it felt like she had known him forever. Talking to Eren was so natural it felt almost instinctual. It came subconsciously and there was never a lull in the conversation. Something in them had just clicked right away, and it felt amazing just being around him. He was this simple character on the surface, but upon digging a bit deeper, she found he was much more than just a hot-headed boy. Of course, that trait still ran rampant in his personality, but Maya found it almost admirable how he never held back from speaking his mind. He said what he felt and didn't care what anyone thought. She wished she was free to do that, but circumstances had bound her to a lifetime of biting her tongue and holding back.

As they got closer to the camp, they quieted down and went their separate ways, sneaking into their respective cabins.

Once inside, Maya quietly placed the coat on the rack and tiptoed to her bed. She pulled out the pencil and notebook, a stupid grin on her face as she scrawled onto the page, "Eren also couldn't sleep. We went for a walk to this lake and talked for a bit. He's not as annoying as he seems at first, actually quite compassionate. A little handsome, too."

She stared at the last sentence for a moment before crossing it out with a frown. She turned a few pages and began a new section, titling it "people." The first name she wrote, in short, bold strokes, was Eren Jaeger.

And so she began her profile: "Hot-headed, thinks with his heart instead of his head. Determined to a fault; he would do anything to kill the titans, even if it gets him killed. Physically adept, good with ODM gear. Hangs around with Armin and Mikasa, childhood friends. Sociable with others, but mostly sticks to them. Extremely passionate about joining the Survey Corps—to the extent that he would drag his friends along with him for the sake of 'freedom.' Obsessed with seeing the world outside the walls. He'll probably be disappointed. Speaks of wanting to see the 'ocean' with Armin. I doubt the beautiful ocean he speaks of so eagerly even exists."

There was a pessimistic undertone to her words as she scrawled them onto the page. An underlying bitterness in her descriptions of his ignorance. She almost envied Eren, and everyone else on that damned island, for their obliviousness to the outside. She had not been awarded such a luxury; instead, she had war and politics thrust in her face from the moment she was born. A thought about the violence that she had helped introduce into their lives from Shiganshina crossed her mind, but she dismissed it right away.

He was nothing but an island devil, same as all the others she had met on Paradis. Associating with them would get her nowhere, and they could not afford obstacles in their mission. They had an objective and she would not let one boy get in the way of it. No matter how pretty. She was there for a reason, and all of the relationships she was building were a ruse; none of it was real.

She shut the book and put it under her pillow with the pencil. She laid down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling with hooded eyes. She reminded herself that what she was doing was for the benefit of the majority of Eldians. That while they had and were about to kill so many of their own race, it was a necessary sacrifice. The lesser of two evils, as her father would say.

She frowned at the memory of her parents. There was a dull ache in her heart at the thought of her mother waiting everyday for a ship to dock and for her to step off, only to be disappointed time and time again by unfamiliar faces. So in the darkness of the night, she made a silent vow.

I'll come home soon, Amma. I promise.  

ngl, i feel like eren was kinda ooc, but its whatever. i don't think i'll ever get it 100% right, so i'll just settle for whatever this is. i got randomly motivated to start writing again after that last episode, sooooo...

i'm really big on foreshadowing and symbolism bc i think its super fun, so let me know if anyone picks up on what i put in this chapter👀

thanks for reading, the votes are much appreciated!