𝐀𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐏𝐎𝐕

I slowly open my eyes as the harsh light causes my head to instantly pound. It feels as though I've downed way too many glasses of wine, and I'm battling the worst hangover of my life. As the blur in my vision starts to dissipate, I gradually make out the scene around me. I am encased in heart monitors with an IV drip attached to my left arm and a series of bandages wrapped across my lower abdomen.

My heart starts to pound with anxiety as I try to remember what caused me to be here in the first place. Suddenly, a surge of memories floods my mind as the migraine sets in.

I'm sitting in the car with Nora as we drive back from brunch, talking about our plans for the day. Out of nowhere, the air fills with the screeching tires and the piercing sound of Nora's desperate screams. Crimson blood splattered everywhere and an excruciating pain radiating through my stomach to my back.

As I'm reliving the memory, the alarm blares from the machines indicating my heart rate is too high. Three nurses come rushing into my room at once as one of them checks the screen for the vital signs, one checks the clip board by the end of the bed while the final one rushes to my bed side.

"Everything's okay, Allie," she says soothingly.

The distressing thoughts whirl through my mind. "What happened? Where's Nora?" I ask frantically, struggling to lift myself up in bed. A sharp, sudden pain ripples through my stomach, causing me to grimace from the unexpected jolt.

"I need you to take a deep breath and try not to get out of bed. You just had surgery," she begins to answer before I cut her off in panic.

"Surgery?! Where the hell is Nora?" I demand, my heart slamming against my chest.

The nurse standing at the foot of the bed gazes up from her clipboard and strides over to my side. With a gentle touch, she places her warm, comforting hand on my shoulder, trying to soothe me. A sense of worry begins to gnaw at the pit of my stomach as my thoughts race to the alarming possibility that something awful might have happened to Nora. Given that I was the one who had the surgery and was the one driving, I can only imagine the injuries she might have.

"Allie," she said in a soft, soothing voice, "we really need you to take a deep breath. Do you need something to help calm you down?"

I take a few deep breaths, despite wanting to scream until they answer me.

"I just want to know what happened," I say, my voice breaking as I speak.

The nurse sits gently on the edge of my bed and reaches out to hold my hand. With a compassionate tilt of her head, she says, "Allie, you were in an accident. The doctor will be here any minute to discuss everything with you. We've already paged him, and he should be on his way."

"Can you tell me if Nora's okay?" I ask with tears brimming my eyes.

Just as the nurse goes to answer me, there's a soft knock at the door as it opens slowly. In walks a tall man with salt and pepper hair, wearing soft blue scrubs and a matching scrub cap.

"Hello, Allison," the man greets as he makes his way over to the far wall to sanitize his hands. "I'm Dr. O'Neil. I performed your surgery earlier this afternoon."

The nurse gives me a compassionate look, her hand tenderly resting on my shoulder before she gets up from her seat and exits the room with the other nurses. I can't tear my eyes away from him as I watch him meticulously sanitize his hands.

He strides back to my bedside and picks up the clipboard from the foot of my bed and studies it briefly.

"What happened?" I ask once more, desperation in my voice.

"You were in a car accident," he says, gently placing the clipboard on the table before taking a seat in one of the plastic chairs near the bed. He moves the chair closer, his eyes filled with remorse. "When the paramedics arrived, they noticed that pieces of the windshield had penetrated your abdomen. We had to rush you into surgery right away to remove it," he explains, leaning forward.

The windshield penetrated my abdomen? Is that why there was so much blood?

"Allie," he says with a sympathetic look, causing my anxiety to surge. "When we take patients into surgery for injuries like yours, the procedure usually involves a simple removal of the foreign object followed by stitching up the wound," he explains, his gaze unwavering. "However, in your case, it was far more complex."

"What do you mean?" I ask, shaking my head with confusion.

"When we brought you in, we found that not only did the glass penetrate your abdomen, but it unfortunately went through one of your fallopian tubes, completely severing it."

As the words leave his lips, I can practically predict his next sentence. A sense of numbness envelops me as I grasp with the possibility. Resisting the urge to leap to conclusions until he confirms them, I sit and silently wait for his full explanation.

"Despite our best efforts, the damage was too severe to salvage. Regrettably, we had no choice but to completely remove the tube entirely. Although, you still have the other one it did have some scarring that looked as though it was from possible endometriosis," he says with deep empathy.

A surge of nausea suddenly overwhelms me, as if my heart has plunged into the depths of my stomach. The drastic need to break down in tears becomes too much to bear as a few tears slip from my eyes, accompanied by a quiet sob.

Will I never have another baby?

While I am grateful for my two beautiful girls, it didn't feel like I was finished building my family just yet. Although, it seems as though the universe had something else in mind.

"Does this mean I can never get pregnant again?" I ask, my eyebrows furrowing.

"It means that it will be extremely difficult. You might need to consider additional options for when you are ready. There's in vitro fertilization, surrogacy, and adoption for a few excellent choices," he says, laying his hand on my shoulder to show compassion. "If you were to become pregnant, you would be deemed high risk with the injuries you've suffered. We have some great support groups for infertility I can be sure the nurse sets you up before you leave here," he says as he stands from his chair.

"What about Nora?" I ask, panic evident in my tone.

"The nurse mentioned you had a few friends waiting outside. Do you want the one of us to bring them in?" he asks.

I nod quickly and say, "yes, please," as I frantically wiped my eyes dry.

Dr. O'Neil ambles across the room as he opens the door with a gentle touch, slipping out quietly. As I find myself alone, the tears that have been begging to escape cascade down my cheeks. The constriction in my chest with the rawness in my throat showcases the emotional pain I've been suppressing for what feels like too long. Right now, all I want is to wrap my arms around my girls and hold them close. The thought that I came so close to never seeing them again is tearing me apart even more.

The room was desolate and silent as a nurse quietly returned, gently poking her head inside.

"Allie, three people are here, but we can only allow two at a time. Does it matter which ones we send first?" she asks softly.

"Can we send Nora and Ana first, please? I'd like to see Jax after," I respond quietly, leaning against the pillow and gazing out of the window in my room.

I close my eyes for a few moments, feeling another wave of emotions wash over me. I take a deep breath, trying to compose myself, not wanting to let the overwhelming feelings take over. I know I can't afford to break down in front of them, I have to keep in mind that I'm not the only one dealing with the aftermath of this accident. While I may have physical and emotional injuries, their feelings are just as valid as mine.

Raising my head from the pillow, I gently rub my eyes with the my palms. The gentle rapping on the door startles me as I watch as it open slowly, revealing Ana and Nora. They enter the room with a slow, deliberate gait and take seats by my bedside. Nora's arm is cradled in a sling with a bruise marring her nose. Her eyes are swollen, the cause unclear – whether due to the accident or from crying.

"Hey," Ana says softly as she places a gentle hand over mine, offering comfort.

Nora sinks into one of the vacant chairs and takes a sharp, trembling breath.

"Nora, it's okay," I say reassuringly as I motion for her to come closer to the bed. She scoots her chair closer. Laying her head on my lap, she releases a shuddering sob.

I start to rub circles on her back to try and sooth her as she continues to cry softly.

"I'm so sorry Allie, they came out of nowhere," she says as she looks up at me, tears streaming down her pale face.

"Exactly, Nora. They came out of nowhere, you don't need to apologize for not knowing the future," I reassure her with a shake of my head.

"Yeah, but now you're here," she says gesturing to the hospital bed as she sits up in the chair. "We were supposed to have a nice brunch together and it ends with you having surgery and me finding out I'm pregnant. I don't even want to tell Gareth," she says tearing up again.

Nora's pregnant?

Nora's pregnant, and I can possibly never have another baby again?

The emotions I'm experiencing are hard to put into words. On one hand, I'm happy for Nora as she gets to bring another wonderful child into the world, but on the other hand, I can't help but feel a sense of loss. Mourning the idea that I may never experience those precious moments again. The feeling of a baby's first kick, the anticipation of setting up a nursery, and the heartwarming moment when hearing my baby call me "mama" for the first time - all of these experiences are something I know I'll mourn for a long time.

As I ponder the experiences that may never come my way again, I hang my head low and release a mournful wail. Tears flow so intensely that I feel a tug on my incision, yet I cannot stop my cries. My chest tightens as if collapsing in on itself, leaving a profound emptiness within me.

Ana's voice fills with concern as she rises from her chair and sits on the edge of the bed. "Allie, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

Nora grabs my hand and squeezes it gently. "Do you want us to get Jax?" she asks, her eyes full with worry.

I raise my hands to shield my face as I struggle to regulate my breathing. My thoughts swirling in a million different directions. Ana and Nora swiftly spring up from their seats and head for the door.

"We'll go get him, Al," Nora declares as they exit, and the door clicking shut behind them.

As I attempt to steady my breath and compose myself before the blaring of the alarms resumes, the door swings open once more, as Ana and Jax enter the room. Jax's complexion drains of color as he locks eyes with me, causing him to come to a sudden halt. He slowly turns his head and whispers something to Ana in a hushed tone as she nods, indicating her understanding, she quietly leaves through the door.

Jax saunters over to the bed side as he places a comforting hand on my back, rubbing circles as he murmurs, "do you need anything, Allie? Are you in pain?"

I silently shake my head as tears continue to stream down my face and I feel Jax lower the bed rail before climbing in next to me. I curl up on my side, seeking safety in his embrace, and press my face into his shoulder, trembling from both the physical and emotional anguish overwhelming me.

He wraps me in the warmth of his broad arms, gently smoothing down my hair as he shushes me in a soothing, comforting way. He allows me to release every emotion that consumes me from the sadness, the hurt, and the confusion as to why this is happening to me.

As I feel myself starting to calm down, I take a deep breath while Jax continues cradling me against his chest.

"They said the windshield severed one of my fallopian tubes," I say with a broken voice.

He leans down and plants a kiss at the top of my head, leaving his lips there for a few moments before laying his head against mine, staying silent to allow me to speak more.

"He said it would be near impossible for me to become pregnant again without a specialist, and if I did, I would be considered high risk," I continue with a choked sob.

"I'm so sorry, Allie," he mutters softly against my hair.

"I wanted at least one more, and I am so thankful to have my girls I don't want to sound selfish. I just always wanted a big happy family," I admit quietly as I take in a shuddering breath.

"You're not selfish for feeling like something was ripped away from you, Allie. This is a lot for you to take in with getting into an accident, and now finding this information out. Don't downplay your feelings," he says as he tightens his hold on me. "I'm right here with you, every step of the way."

"You have to go back to Wales, Jax. You're only here for a few more months, and I have to go back to my girls," I convey with a strained voice.

"Listen to me, Allie," he says as he shifts in the bed to look at me. His intense gaze is filled with emotion as he cups my face in his hands, his touch tender as he uses his thumb to wipe away a stray tear from my eyes.

In the depths of his ocean blue eyes, I seek any hint of his thoughts about returning home, my heart clinging desperately to the hope that this moment will never fade away.

"I love you. As crazy as that sounds, I do. I'm not waiting any longer to tell you how I feel about you when we don't know what the future holds, and I'm not taking it for granted. I'm not leaving you," he reassures me, his lips pressing softly against my forehead as tears stream down my cheeks.

As I reach out to gently touch his cheek, my heart fluttering with anticipation. The rough texture of his beard feeling familiar against my palm, and I'm overwhelmed by the realization that what we have is truly love. Despite the challenges we will face, I can't handle to let go of this connection. Jax has become a vital part of my life, and I can't imagine sharing it with anyone else.

As I take a deep breath, I whisper, "I love you too, Jax," as he leans in and softly presses his lips to mine.

Pulling away, Jax reaches into his leather jacket and pulls out a small rectangular velvet box, opening it to reveal a stunning sterling silver bracelet adorned with a delicate music note. I stare at him in shock as my heart pounds in my chest.

"I'm not going anywhere," he reassures me softly as he carefully fastens the bracelet around my wrist, the cool metal sending shivers down my spine.

He softly kisses my cheek as he settles back against the soft pillow. Lying there, I feel the weight of the day's emotions as my eyelids begin to droop. Today has been a rollercoaster, from the worst to the best. I've known for weeks that he is an essential part of my life, but hearing him express it fills me with reassurance. Despite the uncertainties of our future together, with his career and my responsibilities to my girls, I have a strong belief that we can overcome anything. I gaze at him, noticing the exhaustion in his eyes, realizing that it must have been a hard day for him too. Drawing closer to him, I take in his comforting scent and allow myself to drift into peaceful sleep.

As Jax and I are sound asleep wrapped in each other's arms, I hear the sound of a soft knock on the door that stirs me awake. I remain nestled against Jax, squinting as I gaze with blurry sight at the slowly opening door when a tall figure eases their way inside the room.

My vision starts to come in focus from just waking up as I get a better look at my visitor. Suddenly, a wave of dread washes over me as my heart sinks into the pit of my stomach.

Oh, you have got to be kidding me.