F.M
Kensington, U.K - Sutton Place, NYC
December 24th - January 4th.

For dramatic effect, Hayes decided to apologise on Christmas Eve. I suppose that's when he was at his most vulnerable considering people were joyous  and that probably weakened him. Perhaps he could swing by some carollers and tell them that they were off key and refuel with some misery.

"Happy holidays Freddie."

"What's happy about them?" I scowled.

"This." Phoebe gestured to the door in a very much 'tah dah' gesture. "What? The ghost of Christmas past? I don't fucking see anything." I snipped.

Phoebe glanced at the empty threshold, glared, sighed loudly, and quickly stormed out. "Sometimes I just don't bloody know!"

"Don't know about what?" I called after him.

"I'm going- I'm going!" A voice hissed and I immediately tensed right up. No. Please no.

Hayes appeared in the doorway, cold and intimidating at a first glance. He was dressed in new battle armour, a well cut grey suit and a black overcoat that bore the silver triangle of Prada above his breast pocket. The holidays are a time of casualness and relaxation, but clearly Hayes didn't get the memo.

"Brilliant, you invited Scrooge into my home." I ignored Hayes, and quipped right at Phoebe. "Has he finally discovered the true meaning of Christmas?" Themed insults are fun, I can see why Hayes likes them.

Hayes' lips twitched briefly with amusement, but his body was uncomfortably taut. His eyes met mine slowly, and seeing the torment that flooded there, all I wanted to do was hug him. However, he made it very clear that he didn't want me near him, and I was a fucking fool to even want to comfort him still.

"I'm going to clean up in the living room." Phoebe shuffled backwards out of the room. What he really meant is that he was going to eavesdrop from a respectable distance.

"Hello Freddie." Hayes murmured, "I am sorry for imposing like this."

"You look toff-ier than usual."

"I was dragged to mass by my family."

"Oh," I deadpanned, "And you didn't burst into flames the moment you stepped through the threshold of a church? Even after kissing a man?"

Hayes exhaled sharply, "I don't think that way Freddie."

"Could have fooled me."

Hayes seemed a little exasperated as he gestured to the chair across from me, "Can I sit?"

"No. You aren't staying."

Hayes arched a brow, "I'm not?"

"You're not." I bristled.

"Okay," Hayes ran a hand through his perfect hair, and tousled it up, "I'll say my piece and leave you to it. I have a flight to catch."

"Wouldn't be like you to run off." I said dryly.

"I am sorry."

"For what?"

"For everything, but especially for how I last treated you." Hayes avoided my gaze, "You of all people didn't deserve it. I know my explanations and words don't mean anything now, that it's too late for such things. But, I need you to know that my apology is genuine."

He took two quick strides toward me, and really took my instruction not to take a seat seriously. Hayes lingered cautiously, as if I was about to send him off at any second. Hayes really wasn't a boundary pushing person, perhaps he had tried and got burned before.

"I er," Hayes lost momentum at my silence, "I wasn't expecting you to be so quiet."

"I have nothing to say to you." I lifted my chin stubbornly.

Hayes nodded slowly, "Okay."

"I just want to be left alone."

Hayes accepted that, "Alright... well, when you have taken enough time to... reflect on your course of action, regarding me, just er let me know." He slowly started to back up.

"Are you serious? When someone says to leave them alone, you don't take them literally!" I exclaimed once he turned for the door.

Hayes paused and turned back around, "What?"

"You don't take it literally," I waved my hand to complement my words, "unless they actually mean it."

Hayes pinched his brows together, that sharp, direct mind of his kicked into overdrive at my statement. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Deal with it."

His lips pursed at my tone, "Right... so you don't want me to leave you alone?"

"I do."

Hayes worked his jaw slowly as he calculated his next words. "You want me to leave you alone... but if I actually do, you'll be even more cross?"

"You tell me." I shrugged a shoulder.

Hayes was straight to the point, I knew that if he ever apologised, he would have his words prepared and ready to go. In his mind an apology would either be accepted or declined. He was black and white, so I decided to add a dash of colour into the mix. Let's see how he does without his rehearsed material.

"I have apologised, and you haven't accepted it. There's only so much I can do if you won't speak to me."

"Then leave. There's no point in you 'waiting around'."

Hayes visibly winced once confronted with his own words, "I can- well I can offer you an explanation?"

Sigh.

"Can I preface this by saying I don't want your sympathy, and that I want you to stay angry with me until you truly decide that I'm forgiven?" Hayes asked, eyes only briefly connecting with mine. "This isn't a guilt trip, I swear it."

"So you didn't explain your actions... because you want me to stay angry with you?"

"Yes- well no- sort of." Hayes grew a little flustered, and I couldn't help find it endearing when he began to get clumsy , "I hate when people apologise with a side of excuses and information that makes it all about them. I was a prick to you, your feelings are what matter here, not my motivations."

So this wasn't an apology to absolve himself, it was completely for my benefit. Hm, perhaps the man thaws out at Christmas after all.

"Okay," I kept a cool expression, "I will remain angry at you, but I want an explanation. I understand that you got spooked, but there was no need for you to be so horrid. I have put up with your hot and cold attitude for long enough."

Hayes genuinely looked guilty, which is the only reason I gestured for him to sit down. I am not going to be a soft touch, no. I am going to take a page from one of Hayes' books and give nothing away. I shall be a stubborn, indifferent twat, just like Mr Beelzebub across from me. No caving from me.

"Was my attitude ever really hot?" He joked, just to do be annoyingly pedantic.

I was about to retort 'no, of course not' but the image of his body pressed hard against mine, his lips desperate and tormented flashed through my mind. No. Shoo. Focus.

"Alright, sorry." He then proceeded to almost knock over a glass near his fidgeting hands, he caught it with a sheepish smile, "And sorry- okay. So, I'm not very good at this, you know, ah, heart to hearts."

'Heart to heart' sounded entirely wrong on his tongue, and it really was an effort not to laugh. It seemed like he wanted to make the effort to adopt some emotional lingo. This poor man really didn't have a clue, and I'm already feeling bloody sorry for him.

"You may have noticed, I'm a little bit of a control freak. Everything has to be just," he gestured as if searching for the word, "so."

"You have hidden that so well, continue."

I knew that Hayes desperately wanted to shoot me a withering glare, but he refrained. "Anyway, I find life much easier when I know I'm in control. When I follow tried and tested paths. I find routine and structure safe, comforting, just 'so'." Freddie, you shattered that sense of comfort, and threw me out into unknown depths."

"And you're angry at me for it?"

"No. Not at all," Hayes quickly assured me, "I wanted to be, I tried to be, but what I really am Freddie, is grateful."

Grateful?

"I'm a coward, and it often makes me cruel, and to be quite honest, I stopped caring about that years ago. I was in pain myself, so I didn't give a shit if people found me callous."

My eyes bolted up to Hayes, surprised that he had mentioned being in pain. He of course wasn't looking at me, but at the imaginary pattern that he was swirling with his finger onto the table.

"Then I met you, and I found myself feeling guilty whenever I had been short with you. I hadn't cared enough to be so much as guilty in a long time." Hayes scratched at his jaw, "And as much as I am grateful to you, I was also frustrated and pissed by you."

I lifted a brow, slightly amused. "Why's that?"

"I wanted you to give up on me, but you are so bloody stubborn."

"Give up on you?"

"You look at me like I don't know, like you see potential, and I have no idea what to do with that."  His voice hitched a little before it smoothed out, "It scares me because I don't want to let you down if you expect things of me." He rubbed at his knees as if debating whether or not to flee or continue.

"You have to understand Freddie, my whole life, nobody expected anything from me, nothing- except to be a disappointment." He shrugged as if what he was saying wasn't heartbreaking, as if it were normal to be made feel that way, "And you just refused to grasp that, you kept pushing and pushing for me to be... better I think?"

"To be yourself." I corrected him, "And you aren't a disappointment—"

"No. Stay angry with me." He quickly cut in, "All of that background information is irrelevant, I'll skip it—"

"It isn't irrelevant—"

"You have put me on edge for a long time Freddie, and somehow you have made me drag up thoughts and feelings that I have managed to bury for years."  Hayes cleared his throat, "I tried ignoring you, that didn't work. So, I thought if I played up to my usual cruel manner, if I made one last attempt to get you away from me... I could go back to my delusions."

"And?"

"I have never felt worse in my life, I mean that. I couldn't believe I would be so horrible to someone who has done nothing but treat me kindly. I should have learnt my lesson the first time, I did the exact same with my friend, Julian. I knew him for eight years, so of course I was going to be feel guilty, and I was much more vicious with him. I have only known you a few months, and somehow this whole episode has just surpassed how bad I felt then."

Before I could speak, Hayes quickly and defensively self-deprecated. It was as if he wanted to beat me to it, to save me the trouble of saying such things myself so that he could shield himself.

"I understand completely if you want me to leave, and if you never want to speak to me again. Just know, that I- well I appreciate that you even attempted to wait around for me in the first place. I didn't even deserve that much, and you truly deserve people around you that won't treat you the way I have."

A chasm of silence seemed to open up at that. I didn't expect such honesty from Hayes, I truly hadn't. Of course the way he lashed out had hurt me: he bloody spoke to me as if I were dirt. Clearly his words had hurt him more than they hurt me, because a broken man was sitting at my table. He expected to be disliked, unloved, uncared for. Anything to the contrary actually scared him.

"I'm going to Mary's."

"Oh," Hayes visibly deflated at what he perceived to be me kicking him out, "Mary Austin? Your ex fiancé?"

Ex Fiancé. That label seemed to catch me for a moment. Reminding me of a time where I was unable to come to terms with my own sexuality, and desperately wanted things to work with a woman. It wasn't all that long ago, where I struggled to fully accept and admit that I was attracted to men. Yet, there I was, making quips about Hayes being in the closet, and being shocked when he lashed out. I am comfortable now, but it didn't happen overnight. No I wasn't going to let Hayes take out his struggle on me, but he has apologised, and attempted to share with me. I can't hold it over him when he's clearly trying, and flailing on his own.

"Yes, she's my dearest friend now."

"It'll be nice to see her then." Hayes forced a polite smile, "I- I'll go now. I don't want to keep you for any longer."

"Are you not coming with me?"

Hayes arched his brows with surprise, "What?"

"To Mary's, I need to run you past her, see what she thinks."

Hayes looked quite alarmed by the prospect, "Oh no-I don't do well with first impressions, or second, well if I'm being honest, it takes quite a while, if ever to warm up to me—"

"I'm joking dear, there's just no way I'm letting you go home to an empty apartment. Come with me." I smiled, "And stop underestimating yourself honey, I liked you by the third meeting."

"Third?" He frowned, "That's awful."

"Second, if we don't count the phone call."

"The phone call is important, you have to count it." Hayes said quite firmly even though I had been joking around.

Before I could ask what he meant by that, I took in Hayes' awkward body language. His hands twitched along the fabric of his pockets restlessly. His gaze practically legged it away from mine once they met.

"What is it?"

"Just uh," Hayes tossed a hand through his hair, "I just saw on television that it is customary to seal an apology with a hug."

There was just so much to poke fun at in one sentence alone, but I refrained. "Is that so?" I failed to keep the amusement from my tone.

Hayes nodded and took a cautious step forward, "May I?"

I didn't give anything away, and let him just do what he wanted with no prompts or rebuttals. Hayes loosened up and proceeded to grab me tight. His arms looped around me, those deceptively sturdy, steady arms. All my past hurt seemed to vanish for a moment, and all I could think was fuck him for making me such a soft touch around him. With a surrendering sigh, I let my face rest in the crook of his neck, taking in the initial amber and spicy cologne that he wore.

"There's no way you watched something on television about this," I theorised, "If you saw people on telly hugging, you would have turned it off."

"Yeah." He exhaled.

"So you could have just said you wanted a hug."

"I needed one."

At that, and the slight catch in his voice. I squeezed him just a little closer. This was a man who was trying to fix thirty years of damage, of unhappiness, and struggling to do so. He didn't even rush to tell me that he wasn't gay, and that's why he freaked out after our kiss, which suggested that he was no longer going to hide from himself.  At least, that's what I thought his apology suggested. Perhaps this was it, and I didn't have to wait anymore.

Of course I was completely wrong.

It didn't take very long for Hayes to revert back to his old ways, but at least we had a nice day or two in between.

We had a lovely time at Mary's where he managed to charm her within minutes. He was a lot nicer when it seemed like he didn't have a tonne weight on his shoulders. When we got back to New York, we had spent quite a bit of time together between his breaks at work. However, nothing worth mentioning transpired between us. We were friendly, and getting along well, but weren't given a chance to really explore anything alone. When he asked to meet me for drinks the day before New Year's Eve, I jumped on the opportunity.

"Freddie, thank god, you're basically a teenage girl, can you help me?"

"Some people just say hello Hayes."

Hayes dragged me inside, "I'm so sorry, but my niece is here, and her boyfriend cheated, or was seen talking to another girl, and it's mayhem. It's the whole bloody reason Oliver sent her here." The man looked utterly terrified, "I had to give her a job getting coffees for us at Rolling Stone, and she's just unbearable, I mean she's family, and I tolerate her more than most, but like, she's awful."

"I'm great thanks Hayes, thank you for asking."

"Hayes," A thoroughly British voice cried from the other room, "Come here, I think I'm dying."

Hayes inhaled sharply through his nostrils, "Can you keep her occupied? I want to smoke, but I already told her off about doing it herself."

"I- what?" I spluttered.

"Hayes!"

"Yes Tilly?"

"Come here!"

"I just—"

"Hayes!"

Hayes practically growled as he whirled around and strode back into the kitchen. We were meant to be heading out for a drink or two, but clearly he had been stuck with babysitting. I can't believe he would even consider looking after her when you take into account how fucking awful Oliver is to him. It seems he's a walkover in his family, and then makes a point to be the one doing the walking over outside of it.

A young girl, who looked no more than sixteen was curled up at Hayes' table with two telephones set up in front of her. She looked a lot like her mother, who was a beautiful ballerina for the Royal Ballet... but that's about the only thing the poor girl had going for her. She was so bloody shrill the poor dear, I don't think I could listen to her for even a second.

'Tilly' proceeded to rant for a solid five minutes about a boy named Anthony before she finally noticed me. "Oh... who's this?"

"Freddie Mercury." Hayes said rather too casually for my liking. I am a big deal you know.

"Oh!" Her tears vanished instantly, "Hello! I'm an absolutely huge fan Freddie! Do you happen to have Roger Taylor with you?"

"Let me check my pockets."

Tilly looked me up and down with a trademarked  Griffith stare and then cracked a smile, "Oh you're bitchy too, that's why Hayes likes you. There had to be something, he hates everyone. Not me, I'm his favourite, but everyone else."

Hayes faked a smile as if to say 'of course you are dear' and flopped himself down on the chair beside her. His eyes immediately darted to the tangled up phone chords and I knew he was stressed about the fact his home was being taken over.

"Hayes, genius idea bringing him here." Tilly stood up and continued to inspect me, "Roger would have been better because he's not you know, but we'll have to make do. Anthony will just die if he thinks I have moved on with a rockstar. This is awesome!"

"Awesome..." Hayes frowned.

"I'm what?" My brows pinched together.

Tilly glanced at me, burst out laughing, and then turned a frown on Hayes, "How do you not know what awesome is? You live in America."

"I don't care either, you are not using Freddie for your teenage mind games."

"Ugh, don't be so lame."

"Lame?"

"Boring!"

"Well just say boring then!" Hayes huffed childishly. "Now, if I were to leave you alone for a couple of hours, would you promise not to go—"

"You're leaving me!?" Tilly squeaked, "Hayes, you can't leave me all alone."

"You're quite safe here—"

"You are a cruel, heartless, man! Yes! Man. It is now a word worthy of being an insult all on its own!"

"Tilly, was it dear?" I ventured, "How about you tell me all about what happened with this awful man of yours."

The girl immediately launched into the chilling tale of her romance with an apprentice accountant, as if it were a Shakespearean tragedy. I nodded for Hayes to go get his cigarette because he looked like he really needed one. He mouthed 'thank you' and escaped to his balcony.

Ten minutes later, Tilly had only got the part in her story, where she was telling me about date two of eight with Anthony, when Hayes reluctantly slunk back into the room. I desperately attempted to change the subject, because Anthony was bloody boring.

"Do you have any hobbies to distract yourself with dear? Passions?"

"Freddie, I am so happy you asked that." Tilly fluffed up her crimped black hair, "I am actually somewhat of a musical virtuoso."

"Is that so?"

"I want to be a singer, but Hayes will not use any of his connections to get me a record deal." Tilly explained, with a glare toward her uncle, "Freddie, can I show you my talents?"

"Oh, uh, really? I don't know if—"

Tilly tugged at my arm and dragged me to the piano. I noticed the red throw was now missing and an absolutely gorgeous Bechstein upright piano was now on full display. Tilly actually shoved me down onto the stool. "Give me a tune please."

Hayes followed with crossed arms and an amused lift to his brow. I would show him, I can settle this girl and make it possible for us to go out tonight. Just give her what she wants and we can get out of here, it's that simple.

I ran my fingers over the keys in a impromptu little introduction for Killer Queen. Tilly plopped down beside me, "What's that?"

"Killer Queen?"

"Don't know that one."

"Okay..." I went into Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy and then segued into Crazy Little Thing Called Love, but she looked rather confused over both songs.

"Huge fan?" I asked with a dry smile.

"Yes!" Tilly huffed, "But just play a good one."

With a drawn out sigh, I returned my hands to the keys and played the old reliable Bohemian Rhapsody. Tilly's face lit up with recognition and she gently patted my shoulder, "That's better!"

Hayes leant over my shoulder, his chest pressed against my back momentarily. He played the G octave and dipped to the F octave, before he backed off with a small laugh, "I have always wanted to do that."

I turned my face slightly so that I could catch sight of his fucking adorably shy expression, when the moment suddenly ended. Tilly opened her mouth, and I swear glass shattered around New York and it's hinterland. I actually proceeded to fake a sprained finger before we could get to the chorus because she sounded that awful.

"Freddie I don't think there's anything wrong with you." Hayes mockingly frowned as he took my hand in his in order to inspect it further.

"Hayes, I don't see why I can't get a deal on my own. Is it because I'm too pretty and that makes it hard for people to relate to me?"

I glanced up at Hayes, surely the music critic was about to crush the girl, family or not. Hayes merely nodded, "That's exactly it darling. Jealousy."

No way.

I narrowed my eyes at him, and our gazes locked. Somehow, with Hayes being less uptight lately, he managed to look ever more handsome. It wasn't very fair. Before he looked cold and untouchable, but now... everything about him seemed inviting. Very inviting.

"Dad keeps making jokes that you two are like a couple." Tilly suddenly babbled, seeing something Hayes clearly didn't want to, "Hayes, you clearly aren't successful with women, you should change it up. It's the eighties, live it up. Experiment. It would be totally chic—"

Of course Hayes dropped my hand as if horrified, and took a large step back from me. "Don't be so ridiculous Mathilda, do you ever stop talking such nonsense?"

Now. I hardly expected Hayes to just declare he was gay— even I hadn't said anything to my family regarding my sexuality. But, he didn't have to act so fucking horrified. Again and again Hayes had shown he was unwilling to peer out of the closest for more than two minutes at a time.

"What? I'm a liberal?"

"Did you tell your father that?"

"He's the reason I decided to be one."

Hayes can be nice when it's just be two of us, but so fucking what? I can't even speak to him in public without him getting defensive. I have been patient for far too long, and it's getting me nowhere. I'll be Hayes' friend, but there is no point waiting around for anything more. It's never going to happen.

"Hayes, I'm just going to head out by myself." I shot a polite smile his niece's way, "It was lovely meeting you darling."

Hayes looked a little alarmed, "Wait, Freddie I'll—"

"Sorry, I simply can't wait anymore dear." I shot him a saccharine smile, "Clock is ticking, time to get out there."

Hopefully that wasn't too subtle because that man needs to wake up. I can be his friend, but that's about as far as our relationship will ever go. I think I can finally accept that fact. I have gotten my rejection from the man again and again, now it's time to get back out there.

It's that simple.

***

Julian Wright is the bane of my existence.

Hayes looked at him as if the sun fucking rose and set on him, and I couldn't even blame him because he was so perfect! And now, out of politeness, he was staying in my spare bedroom for a night or two whilst Hayes struggled to find new furniture for his home. Angela had returned to get her things from the apartment a few days ago, and well, that somehow meant every bit of decor and furnishings was now hers. She had taken duvets, cutlery, drapes, everything. Hayes merely seemed mildly impressed by the whole thing. So of course when Hayes informed me that Julian was making a last minute visit and he had nowhere to stay, I had to offer up a room of my own.

Eight years of friendship I had to compete with. It wasn't even a fair fight for Hayes' attention, because Julian (or 'Jules' as Hayes called him) was this confident, charismatic, intelligent, twat! He also let slip one day how he modelled to get by in college. Modelled. I was dealing with a  model who's job was saving the bloody earth.

All of which, is what I would say if I hadn't decided that Hayes and I were better off as friends. I would also say that every time Hayes threw a smile his way, it fucking shattered me a little inside. But again, that is not the case, because I am just so happy that my friend Hayes, rekindled with his friend Julian!

"Hello Freddie." Hayes hummed, "How was your night?"

Hayes had begun to drop in most mornings before work... and instead of telling him that I don't wake up at eight every morning, I started having Phoebe rouse me. That's just something friends do. Before I could reply to Hayes' question, my latest overnight guest appeared. A man named... a name... waltzed in, pulling on his shirt. Hayes was attempting to be nicer, and so far he was doing very well, he even managed not to glare at the random man. Problem was, his natural face made him look like he was constantly on the verge of saying something that was going to make you cry so it made no difference.

"I see it went very well." He commented dryly, and sipped at a takeaway cup of coffee.

Was I parading other men in front of Hayes? Yes. Did he seem to care? No. How much more obvious could it be that he was only interested in my friendship? As a good friend, I didn't often dream of Hayes having a fit of jealous rage, and demanding that I tell every other man to fuck off so that he could have me to himself. No, only an awful friend would think such things.

"Bye Freddie."

"Bye... you?" I waved and forced myself to pull on a friendly grin as the man slipped out the door.

Hayes didn't even glance towards him once, "How are you and Jules getting along?"

"Like a house on fire."

"Tell your face that," Hayes murmured, "I am trying to find him a hotel room, for when his family join him tomorrow. I promise he'll be out of your hair by then."

"So he's married, with kids."

"Mhm."

"Happily?"

"It would appear so."

"I wouldn't want you to get your hopes up then..."

Hayes eyes narrowed as they snapped to me. I immediately began innocently sipping at the tea he had brought me. "Get my hopes up?"

"Well, he was in love with you," prick, "and now you two are back on track."

"As friends. Old friends."

"I just hope you both know that." Freddie put down the fucking spoon, no more stirring.

"Morning." Julian looked fresh and radiant. Literally radiant, because a fucking ray of sunshine actually just moved to bask over him the second he entered the room.

"Hello Jules," Hayes smiled, "I hope Freddie and his guest didn't give you any trouble."

"Oh, so I can't have guests in my own home!?"

"Oh, because that's exactly what I said?" Hayes shot back with an impatient glare.

As far as I could tell, Hayes didn't even bat an eyelid at the revolving door that was now my apartment. Although something interesting did happen once. He did make a comment one morning where he hoped I was being 'careful', but not in a snide, potentially jealous way. In a gruff, 'don't make me worry about you' way. So... begrudgingly, I was being careful when I could.

"Hayes, Freddie is good enough to let me stay here, no needy to be so moody."

Hayes peered up at me over his glasses, but held his tongue. Joe, who had tumbled back to my place last night, finally lifted his head from the couch on which he passed out on. He joined us just a few moments later with a Cheshire Cat smile once his eyes landed on Hayes.

Hayes was more focused on himself as he attempted to brush the hair from his eyes. The length was irritating him lately but he simply had 'no time' to get it cut. For some reason, I simply couldn't imagine Hayes Griffith at a barbers. I assumed he slept suited, in a coffin every night.

"Get it cut today if it's annoying you so much."

"My old barber retired, and I only want a few millimetres off the front. Don't you have any friends that do this sort of thing? I simply don't have time to drop into one."

I smacked my lips together, "Now that is just an ugly stereotype Hayes, and I expected more from you—"

"I can do it?" Joe offered, "If all you want is an inch or two off."

"No, not an inch." Hayes said with exasperation as he stood up, "Do you know the proper metric system?"

Joe followed after him with a smirk, "Hayes you really need to stop flirting with me like this." He joked as they actually disappeared into another room. "I can barely control myself."

Hayes muttered something grumpily to make him laugh and they were gone. I touched Hayes' sacred hair once, once! But here Joe is, the fucking hair grabbing tart. Out of nowhere getting to run those grubby little fingers through Hayes' beautiful, conditioned, silky hair— yes, I have lost it.

Julian proceeded to pinch me, hard, on my forearm. I let out a small yelp and shoved his hand away, "What the fuck!?" I seethed.

"Oh, did you feel that?"

"What do you mean, of course I fucking felt it—"

"So you aren't asleep?"

"Asleep? What the hell are you—"

"I assumed you were in a comatose state , it's the only way I could ever understand why you haven't told Hayes how you feel by now."

I was a little flustered by that, "Excuse me?"

"Hayes, you clearly fancy him."

"Oh?" I hummed, "Really? How did you manage to figure that out? Must be that law degree you have been lording over everyone." He mentioned it once, but I may have been being petty.

Julian levelled me a withering stare, "Freddie, I am not here to steal Hayes away from you, so can we stop with passive aggressiveness?"

"Passive aggressive? Who's being passive aggressive?"

"Freddie."

"Okay!" I folded my arms, "I'm sorry, I am just trying to protect my friend Hayes from heartbreak. You know, in case he thinks there's something still between you two—"

"If you say the word friend one more time, I may have to push you over the balcony." Julian groaned slightly, "There was never anything between us Freddie, so can you lay off with the psychotic jealousy?"

I frowned, quite offended, "I'm not jealous?"

"Jesus Christ." Julian muttered in disbelief.

"Okay," I exhaled slowly, "Sorry, but you just swan in here like belle of the ball, and take over!"

Julian ignored my dramatics, "Hayes likes you, you fancy him, what's the issue?"

Okay, so maybe Julian does just care for Hayes as a friend... just like me. Hayes also clearly enjoys the wonder of friendship with me too. Oh, I adore all the platonic energy in the air!

"Hayes has recently just accepted that he's gay, he needs to, get out there, explore, sow those wild oats." I declared, "And I am no longer interested in waiting around another thirty years for that to happen."

"Oh!" Julian patted my forearm, "Clearly you haven't met Hayes, perhaps I could introduce you two?"

"Oh don't be so fucking smart! You know what I mean."

"I know what you mean." Julian scoffed, "And it's ridiculous, you think Hayes wants to sleep around?"

"Not sleep around, just, you know," I waved my hand about, "I want him to get out there, and I'm not waiting around for him to do so. I have put the brakes on my own romantic life for him, if it hasn't happened yet, it never will. I'm sick of it."

I can't believe I just said all of that aloud, to Julian. Why is he so bloody easy to speak to? I simply can't stand him.

Julian scratched at the corner of his moustache for a moment, pondering my words. "I see where you're coming from."

"Thank you—"

"I just think you're wrong." Julian sighed, "Hayes really does like you, I'm sure of it. My god, he bloody chatters on non-stop about you. Hayes Griffith only chatters on about the ideal weight of paper. We have been trying to make up for lost time by trading off stories, everyday tale starts off with 'Freddie and I' or 'Freddie said'." He playfully rolled his eyes, "Rather annoying actually."

"We have only known each other for just over six months, I hardly believe that he—"

"Every. Single. Story." Julian butted in, "Clearly, you have been the only significant part of his life in the past few years."

I felt a smug smile spread its way into my lips, "Oh, well," I drummed my fingers against the table, "I don't know about all that darling."

"After thirty years, and many faked relationships with women, do you really think Hayes would get involved with someone he didn't want to right now?" Julian asked, "Why don't you just test the waters?"

"I have been doing that for months, it's getting me nowhere. There's plenty of other men around to occupy myself with." I said dismissively.

"Well, you have fun with that dear." Julian clicked his tongue and began flipping through a copy of The Times.

Yes. Yes I bloody will have fun with it.

Hayes returned with Joe in tow, about ten minutes later. His hair was out of his eyes, and that was about it. It was once again parted floppily in the middle, which suggested Joe had been the one to style it back to its original hold. Twat.

"You barely cut any off of it."

Joe proceeded to approach Hayes from behind, and slip his fingers into Hayes' dark locks. An ugly green sheen swam across my vision immediately. How dare he.

"Hayes gave very specific instructions, I just did what I was told." Joe laughed, "He gave a very thorough description of the English metric system so that I could cut exactly how much he wanted off."

Hayes smiled sheepishly towards me, because he knew well I would find that amusing and tease him for it. Yet, because another man was fussing over him, I sulkily looked away.

"Have you paid Joe for his time?" I commented with a wry smile. Bad idea.

"I offered but—"

"Perhaps you can repay him with dinner?" Shut up.

Julian stopped rustling his newspaper, shot me a look that said 'bloody idiot', and then went back to reading. Hayes plucked off his glasses as Joe backed away with a laugh. It seemed I had walked into dangerous territory and everyone but me  knew about it.

"Can I talk to Freddie in private?" From the bite in Hayes' tone, I did not want that. Not at all.

I stood up, quickly brushing myself off, "Oh we can't be so rude! Julian, Joe, please stay!"

"Joe, can you please show me where to get a nice coffee?" Julian shot up, and grabbed Joe's arm before he could even reply.

I backed away, "Oh that's nice, let's join them! Come along Hayes. I could do with a coffee. Expresso? It's like doing a shot, how fun first thing in the morning!"

The door shut loudly and Hayes slid in front of me, "Did you get taller?"

"Care to explain why you have been acting so crazy ever since we got back to New York?"

"Me? Crazy?"

"I was trying to deal with the fact that you're making a point to parade men in front of me, but I don't need to be pimped out too!" His eyes narrowed, "You try to bloody push me onto every man that we come across."

"You are being ridiculous!"

"I don't understand what's happening," Hayes pinched at the bridge of his nose, "You never acted like this before."

"I'm not acting in any new way."

"Yes you are, I thought you understood that I'm trying to slowly work through these feelings I have," his chin raised haughtily, "and if I wanted to ask a man out, I don't need your help to do it."

Oh?

"Someone's cocky."

"Someone doesn't understand why you are treating me like I don't exist."

"How am I doing that?" I played dumb.

"Well, I don't know how things work between two men, but I assumed that what went on between us," Hayes' cheeks tinged, and I could tell he hated putting himself out here like this, "well, I just assumed that maybe we had something going on..."

Months, I have been waiting months for this exact same conversation. Hayes being open to relations with a man, and that man being me. But he doesn't really like me, I'm just the safe option, Hayes always goes for the safe option. I'm the tried and tested path, he doesn't know what he really wants. Aside from all that, I'm at a stage in life where I don't want to just bloody take baby steps. Hayes can be as slow as he wants, but I am no longer staying at his snail's pace. He can either hurry up, or I'm gone.

"What? Because we had a peck or two? My god that's nothing Hayes," I forced a laugh and patted his shoulder, "You have so much to learn dear."

I caught him flinch slightly when I referred to our history as nothing, but he smoothed out his expression and nodded shortly. Anyway, it's nothing he hasn't said or done to me already.

His lips tugged at the corners, "I guess I am a little out of my depth here."

"We all are at first Hayes," the words were sticking in my throat, "but don't you worry, I'll be right here to help you along."

Hayes' true reaction was quite difficult to gauge, but his outward body language portrayed that he was accepting my brush back. In fact, a sense of arrogance seemed to envelope him. This is not how this was meant to go.

"That's good then, because I clearly don't know what I'm doing." Hayes chuckled, a hand went to straighten his collar.

"You're very lucky to have me as a friend darling, I'll tell you."

"I know," Hayes smirked, almost wolfishly, "Thank you."

"Perhaps you should take a page out of my book, get yourself out there." I continued to press in the hopes of getting a reaction.

Now Hayes, don't call my bluff, just fall for my tactics, and admit you fucking want me. Is that really so difficult?

"Perhaps I will."

"What?" I spluttered.

Hayes' smile was cloying, his cool blue eyes sparked with something I couldn't identify. "You said it yourself, I don't know what I'm doing." He prowled a step closer, "I don't exactly enjoy gaps in my knowledge, so I'll need them filled. Luckily, I'm a quick study."

No. What is that tone? Why is Hayes Griffith practically purring? Where the fuck did that come from? Did I create this? This version of Hayes is not allowed to be set loose for public consumption, I refuse to let it happen! Unless... he is referring to me being the one to instruct him along. Then that's fine. I will gladly tell and show him what needs to be done. I can't believe this worked.

I felt myself be drawn in by Hayes' raspy tone, and simmering gaze. His face leant in even closer, and his arm reached out past me as if to pull me in. Fucking finally. Just as I was about to let the man do what he wanted, he simply reached past me, grabbed his overcoat, and innocently furrowed his brows.

"Maybe I can ask Alex what he's doing tonight."

A record player screeched, knocked over, and caught fire in my mind.

"I would ask you if you were free," Hayes shrugged on his coat, "But you have been occupied lately, and I wouldn't want to drag you away from your busy night shifts."

We stared each other down for a moment, willing one another to call out the various bluffs that had been thrown out on the table like a deranged game of poker. A bad idea considering Hayes was a known gambling man. This was where I chased him, told him not to go, but I had already been the one to do that for all these months. He needs to know he can't just bloody pick me up and discard me when he chooses.

I plastered a grin onto my lips, "Enjoy your night then Hayes."

"You too Freddie." The man proceeded to duck his head, brush a chaste kiss on my cheek and continue on his way, "See you tomorrow."

In hindsight, it was a bad idea to let the man I had tripped, fallen, and smashed my head for, out into the world after being repressed for thirty years. In my defence, I never thought my dear prudish Hayes Griffith would let loose in the way he was about to. If I had known... there was no way I would have let him walk right past me and out the door that day.

All of which, is what I would say if Hayes and I weren't just friends. Of course I was going to be so supportive of the fact that Hayes finally realised the allure he always had and how to bloody work it. I'm just so fucking proud of my friend.

The time has come. Hayes Griffith has become sentient and self aware.

***  
End of Part One
***

A/N- Hope you enjoyed the first half of this story! I really appreciate all of you reading it. ❤️Also take a shot every time Freddie said the word 'friend' this chapter and we have a brand new drinking game ahah.