CHAPTER XIV

- one of the gang -

[Esther]

Esther had been staring at her computer screen for a while, deep in thought, when her phone started buzzing.

It was Diana. Since their talk a couple of weeks ago Diana had faithfully called her once or twice a week, mainly just to chat about little things. She had a talent for finding things to talk about, stretching what for Esther would be a mediocre day into a lively tale filled with anecdotes and complaining about teachers and the constant shifting loyalties of what she referred to as 'the B-crowd', the girls who hung around them.

"Hey, how's things?" Esther asked, tapping on the keyboard. Writing music and talking was a skill she'd developed over the years so she didn't have to stop writing whenever Ivy came in to talk, which was often, dividing her attention between the two. Right now, she wasn't really writing, per se, but she'd been adding drums to a song Robin had sent her the other night and then had stumbled across a rhythm she'd really liked.

It didn't fit the song, but she'd copied it into a new document and built slightly on it, and had been working on it for a while now. It was nowhere near a complete song, but it worked with something she'd wanted to write: a complex, rhythm-heavy piece, strong and relentless, the kind of thing that left you energised and pumped up once you'd listened to it.

"Yeah, yeah. Really good," Diana said. "You got any plans for this weekend?"

"Nah, not really," Esther said.

"Awesome. So. We're going out on Friday, probably to the leisure centre or something. I was wondering if you wanted to come."

Esther was surprised. "Me? Really?"

"Yeah, why not? It'll be fun."

Esther hesitated.

"Who's 'we'? Everyone?" Diana's group of friends was about seven people, and if you added Ell and Martine and everyone else that was at least fifteen.

Esther hated big crowds: there was no real sense of togetherness and it was so easy to get buried beneath more boisterous personalities and forgotten about, tagging along miserably with the rest of them. Especially with a bunch of people she didn't know well, cool people, the kind that judged you based on your shoes and talked about reality TV and didn't know people like her existed.

"It'll just be us: Ally and Jen and the guys."

The idea didn't exactly appeal to her. She knew enough of Ally to figure they probably wouldn't get on. She didn't know Jen, but she'd heard a lot about her, and that way she looked at people, like she was sizing them up, cool and distant, kind of freaked her out.

"I don't know, Diana, I don't know your friends that well," Esther said, uncertainly. "I'm not sure I'll fit in."

"They're nice, don't worry about it. And I'll be there, as well, obviously. It's just, I haven't seen you properly in a while, and this is a nice opportunity, you know?"

"I suppose..."

"Try it for a bit, and if it all goes horribly I'll take you home, ok? You might like it."

The imploring tone in her voice swayed her, and Esther hesitated again.

"Ok, I guess I'll try."

Diana cheered. "Brilliant! So Emmett will pick us up from the plaza down the street from yours at eight, so how about I come for you at half seven and we can walk there together? Sound ok?"

"Yeah," Esther said, but even as she said it she could feel the faint churn of anxiety in her stomach. "Ok. Ok. See you Friday."

"See you!" Diana said cheerfully, and rang off.

Diana came round half an hour early, breezing in through the door to Esther's bedroom like she'd lived there all her life. Esther, who had been finishing up a song Robin had sent over last night, had assumed it was Ivy and had been prepared to pretend she hadn't heard her come in until she felt somebody tap her on the shoulder.

"Oh," Esther said, startled, taking her headphones off. "Um, hi."

"Ivy let me in," Diana explained, settling elegantly onto her bed. "And you're not even slightly ready! We're going in half an hour!"

"Yeah, I was just going to throw something together in a bit," Esther said. She saved her work so far and swung round on her swivel chair to look at her properly. Diana was wearing a black and white jumpsuit, flats and a long, thin black coat that came down to her knees, finished off with a gold necklace around her neck: sort of smart casual, which worried Esther a little because she'd been hoping it was a more down-to-earth kind of thing.

"I hope you don't mind I came over early. I thought I'd do the final touches here. My parents are out tonight, see."

Esther nodded knowingly. Diana had always called it 'Empty House Anxiety': she hated being home alone. It always surprised her how little Diana had changed since she'd made friends with Ally.

"That's fine," she said, getting up. "I guess I'll start getting ready."

Diana chatted happily to Esther while doing her hair in the mirror, carefully piling her thick braids into a bun at the top of her head. Esther rooted through her wardrobe, trying to find something suitable to wear out. Most of her clothes were loose and comfortable, and she didn't think they were appropriate for going out. She'd never really gone out before. In the end she settled for black jeans with a loose sequinned top and a denim jacket, running her hand through her hair in lieu of brushing it.

"You look nice," Diana smiled, gesturing with the small eyeliner pencil in her hand when she emerged from her wardrobe. "Want me to do yours?"

Esther was initially reluctant, but Diana was persistent and eventually got her to sit down and expertly applied a thin layer of eyeliner, and then as an afterthought, a quick dusting of blush to her cheeks ("It'll look good! I promise!"). When she was done she sat back and nodded appreciatively. "There. Perfect."

Esther wanted to touch her face, and kept having to swallow the urge to do so. Diana grinned and grabbed her arm, practically skipping down the stairs. Ivy leaned out of the living room as they opened the front door. She had been spending the evening curled up with a bowl of popcorn and a stack of Pixar films: Esther could see a scene from Finding Nemo playing on-screen.

"Have fun out there, you two!" she called.

The living room looked so cosy. Esther would have happily abandoned all her plans and snuggled up on the sofa with her sister. There was no way that could go drastically wrong. "You know, if you want some company or anything..."

"No, no," Ivy said theatrically. "Go out and see the world, darling."

Diana talked all the way to the shopping parade, but Esther was getting increasingly nervous and could only respond with small nods and "mmm-hmm"s at appropriate intervals. This is such a bad idea, she kept thinking. The best case scenario would be that everyone ignored her and she ended up sidelined for the whole night. Why had she agreed to this?

Jen and Ally were already there, sitting on one of the thick stone ledges that shouldered a ramp leading down to a water fountain and a bunch of shops arranged in a square around it. This late at night, the fountain was dark, the water illuminated by little lights in the water that shifted its colour between green and blue and purple. There were lights on the side of the ledges and in the shopping square below, so the plaza was just slanting lights and the gentle splashing noise of the fountain behind them.

Jen and Ally stopped talking as the two of them approached, which was a bad sign. Diana either didn't notice, or didn't care.

"Hey guys, sorry we're late," she said, cheerily. Ally folded her arms and glared at Esther, who resisted the urge to shrink back.

"What's she doing here?"

"What's her name? Ellen?" Jen asked.

"Esther," Diana said helpfully. "And I asked her to come," she added. "What's the problem?"

"I thought you two didn't like each other?" Ally said, eyeing her scornfully. "Wasn't that why you stopped talking to her way back?"

Esther cringed slightly, but Diana caught her eye and gave her a reassuring smile. "Oh, we sorted that all out. Esther's cool. Besides, we always bring someone extra, to even out the teams, right?"

"I meant Martini or Chloe or Ell or something," Ally snapped. "Not some nobody. Right, Jen?" she said, turning to her for support.

Jen looked at Ally, then at Esther, and shrugged a little. "Yeah, sure," she said, sounding bored. Diana sighed patiently.

"Stop me if this sounds crazy, but I'd like to go out for once without everyone pissing each other off. You know, a nice, calm, friendly evening. Remember when we used to have those?"

"I don't know, Diana, that sounds kinda quiet," someone said behind them, and they glanced round to see a sleek, dark blue MPV pulling up on the road beside them. Emmett leaned out of the driver's window, his dark hair swaying in the cool evening breeze.

Aaron leaned over. "God, Ally, you must be freezing. Come on, get in."

Diana looked at her and grinned. "See? All good. Let's get in, quick."

Esther and Diana ended up squished right at the back, which Esther figured would be a good place to blend into insignificance. The car was warm and full of chatter, and Diana's presence next to her curbed the worst of her unease, but she still felt out-of-place. She wondered if it was too early to ask to go home.

"Who's that in the back?" Emmet asked, glancing in the rear view mirror.

"Nobody important," Ally said scornfully. She was sitting on Aaron's lap in the passenger seat, her arms already around his neck.

"She's my friend, Esther," Diana said, ignoring her, and Emmett nodded.

"Nice you meet you, babe," he said, meeting her eyes in the mirror and flashing her one of his lopsided grins, the kind that made you feel giddy and slightly flustered. Esther looked away awkwardly, mumbling something, and Diana laughed.

"C'mon Emmet, drive already," she said.

"Put the Taylor Swift playlist on," Win demanded from the middle seat, grabbing onto the headrest in front of him and poking his head between the seats as Emmett pulled away.

"God, Win, you're such a girl," Ally grinned.

"Taylor Swift is a national icon!" Win argued.

"Up there with the greats," Victor said, nodding sagely. "You know: Gandhi, Steve Jobs, Obama. Taylor Swift."

"Well, when you put it like that, I can't really argue," Emmett said, putting it on and turning up the volume. He rolled down the windows and soon they were shooting down the main road, twenty mph over the speed limit, blasting We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together loudly out of the windows into the night as they went.

The car soon filled with excited chatter, loud over the sound of the music, Emmett and Win and Victor and Jen having a heated debate about OITNB and Ally and Aaron making out in the front seat.

Diana put her arms around Esther's shoulder and pulled her close, whipping out her phone. She snapped a few pictures of them and showed it to her, flicking though them critically before nodding.

"Pretty good, and on the first go, too," she grinned, already applying filters to the image. "It's a good omen."

Esther felt a bit of her nerves dissipate. She felt safe with Diana, and so far nobody else, excepting Ally, had really objected to her being there. "I never knew selfies predicted the future like that," she said.

"Nobody knows the true power of the selfie," Diana said, wiggling her fingers mysteriously, and Esther laughed.

Eventually, the car jerked to a stop and they piled out. They must have come here a lot, because the guy at the counter recognised them as soon as they entered. They were ushered through into a shoe exchange room, where Esther was given an odd-smelling pair of multi-coloured shoes, which apparently was to stop her feet slipping. Slipping on what? Esther wondered, and then they moved on to the bowling lanes and it soon became apparent.

"So..." Emmett said, expertly spinning a ball between his hands. "Girls vs. boys?"

"We always do that," Ally objected. "Let's shake things up a little!" She took hold of Diana's arm possessively. "You and me, Diana. We'll take them on."

"Ally and Diana vs. the world," Victor said. "Yeah, I like those odds."

"Losing team pays for drinks, yeah?" Aaron said. "I feel like getting hammered tonight."

"Not in front of the kids," Ally remarked, glancing at Esther.

"Well, if Aaron goes against Ally I can't trust him not to throw the game for her," Emmett said, dryly, and Ally smiled and stood on tiptoe to peck him on the cheek. "Honestly, it's like you don't know the meaning of competitive. So that's basically a team..."

Esther ended up with Jen, Emmett and Win, feeling awkward again without Diana with her. Win must have noticed she seemed a little glum, because out of nowhere he patted her shoulder, and when she looked up at him, startled, he smiled sunnily.

"Cheer up," he told her. "You any good at bowling?"

"Um...not really," Esther said. "We never really go bowling much."

He laughed. "Yeah, I'm pretty terrible, too. Don't worry, Jen and Emmett will cover for us." He gestured to the lanes as Emmett stepped up and knocked down all ten pins in a single, powerful shot. "So, how long have you and Di been friends for?"

"Well, technically since we were kids," Esther said.

"What's the technically bit?"

"Eh...I guess it's a long story..."

"Oh, it's one of those?" Win nodded. "Well, it looks like you two are cool now, so I'll pretend I hadn't asked."

Emmett came over and sidled in next to Esther. "So," he said, sitting uncomfortably close. He smelled like an odd mixture of cat and spearmint and strong body spray. "Esther, was it? Did you see that strike? That was something, wasn't it?"

"I...suppose?" Esther said, politely.

"I love your hair," he said. "It's...different. I like that."

It came off as slightly disingenuous, so she didn't take the compliment too seriously.

"Aw, Emmett," Win put in, mock jealous. "How come you never talk to me like that?"

Emmett looked over at him and grinned. "Winston, baby," he said smoothly, putting his hand on his arm. "Has anyone ever told you that shirt looks hot on you? You know they say French is the language of love, n'est-ce pas?"

His shirt was a simple long-sleeved black top which read: Toi La! Je t'aime! Esther took a second to mentally translate it, and then grinned. Cute.

"You're up," Jen said, suddenly, motioning to Esther. She scored six pins and then a gutter ball, which she thought was pretty awful until Win knocked down two and then a single one on his next turn, which made her feel a little better. The competition was fairly neck and neck for most of it until Jen caught a lucky streak on her eighth round, getting two strikes in a row, which pulled them squarely into the lead.

When they were done they commandeered one of the booths and ordered a bunch of food, trading anecdotes and jokes while they waited for it to arrive. It was a little...livelier than Esther had expected it to be: she'd somehow imagined their outings to be the group of them sitting elegantly around a table and looking at her disdainfully.

"Look, they've got a little disco over there," Diana said, pointing with a chip. "Was that there last time we came?"

"Oh, you're right," Victor said. "They must have moved some of the arcade machines."

"That's awesome. I could dance," Diana said.

Jen nodded her head a little in time to the beat of the song playing in the background. "Scandalous," she said. "When was that, 2003?"

"Man, those were the days," Diana said. "Destiny's Child, S-Club 7. Soundtrack to my childhood, you know? Did anyone ever have those Pop Party CDs...?"

Emmett grinned. "You guys should have been to my eighth birthday party. We had like 1 through 3 on repeat for six hours straight. I remember Aaron was the only one who knew how to do the Charlie Brown in the Cha Cha slide and we were all so jealous."

"That's adorable!" Ally said, lacing her arm through the crook of his elbow. He leaned in slightly and murmured something with a self-deprecating smile that made her laugh. "Oh my God, seriously?"

Esther watched them as they sank into their own private conversation, sealed off, intimate. Diana sighed beside her. "Am I the only one who finds it ridiculous that those two are the only one in a relationship right now?"

"Relationships are overrated," Emmett said, leaning back on his chair. "Why be attached to one girl when there are so many of them? The world is huge, guys."

"We're too young for relationships, if you think about it," Jen said. "They're probably gonna break up before they go to uni anyway."

"You're such a cynic," Win said, poking her. "It could last. They could go to the same uni. Even if they've gotta come back home for breaks and stuff."

"Might as well just get married now, then," Jen pointed out.

"It's not about getting married," Diana said wistfully. "It's about being with someone. You've been with loads of guys, but I doubt you were thinking of getting engaged or anything, were you?"

Jen shrugged. Esther played with the sleeve of her shirt, a little embarrassed. She felt a little like she was intruding on their private lives.

"If you want a boyfriend, Di, I've got friends who'd be happy to take you up on that," Emmett said.

"If their morals are as low as yours I think I'll pass," she smiled.

"Don't worry about it," Victor said. "You look at people on the bus or on the street, even the really ugly ones, they're all married. You'll find someone eventually."

Diana hid a smile. "That's mean. I bet they were hot when they were our age."

"That doesn't bode well for me, then," Emmett said, tossing his hair with an exaggerated flick and making the rest of them laugh. "What? I'm being serious."

"What about you, Esther?" Diana asked, nudging her. "That tall guy you sit with at lunch?"

Esther felt her face grow hot. "Um...it's not like that..." she mumbled. "We're just working together for the festival..."

Win suddenly sat up, snapping his fingers. "Oh! That's where I know you from! You do that music thing at the arts festival, don't you?"

"Oh," Esther said, surprised he knew about that. "Yeah, I do."

"That's so cool."

Esther smiled a little, flattered at the praise. "Thanks."

Diana got to her feet, stretching her arms above her head. "Well, if Ally and Aaron are gonna be whispering to each other all night, I'm gonna dance. Come on, the night is young."

"Where are you guys going?" Ally asked, looking up as the others started to leave. Diana gestured to the dance floor, and she looked at Aaron. He shrugged.

"Oh, all right. We'll come over in a minute."

"Suit yourself," Jen said.

"Keep it PG, you two!" Win shouted cheerily, bounding after the others.

Esther wasn't really in the mood for dancing, but Diana had clearly been looking forward to it, so she stuck with her for about twenty minutes, shuffling awkwardly from foot to foot before she gave up and slunk away. She found Jen, who was also not dancing, typing something on her phone instead.

"Mind if I sit here?" Esther asked. Jen nodded without looking up, so Esther edged onto the seat and watched the others on the dance floor, illuminated by the bright red and blue lights above them. They looked like they were enjoying themselves, Esther thought, watching Diana move around in time to the music, shouting something to Ally over the noise.

Diana and Ally. This seemed to keep happening, she thought mildly, but this time round she wasn't as fussed. Diana had stuck up for her earlier and had spent a lot of time with her, and to be completely honest, having to make conversation all the time was surprisingly draining, the constant chatter overstimulating. She needed a little downtime.

"So," Jen said suddenly. Esther glanced at her, surprised. "Have you been doing this music thing for a while?"

Oh my God Jen is making casual conversation with me, Esther thought, shifting around uncomfortably.

"Yeah, a few years now," she said. Jen nodded.

"Just for the festival, or more like a hobby?"

"Mainly a hobby," Esther said. "But I guess most of the stuff I write during the year ends up being used in the festival anyway, so a bit of both."

"Fair enough," Jen said. "I've heard it's quite hectic this time of year."

Esther shrugged. "It can get quite busy, especially closer to the actual night. But it's nice, there's this community spirit, and you get to know the rest of the team pretty well, because you're working together all the time...and all the musical theatre people get kind of cliquey because they remember all the songs from like every performance they've ever been in. Actually, Liam will be in it this year..." she added, as an afterthought. "You guys are friendly, right?"

That made her smile a little, although Esther couldn't tell if the look in her eyes was amused or agreeing. "Yeah, he's cool. He didn't tell me he acted."

"Well, technically he's just singing. This other guy broke his leg and needed someone to cover for him, and then–"

Jen crossed and uncrossed her legs with a non-committal 'mm-hmm', smoothing down her skirt. Esther trailed off. She probably didn't care, she thought. She was too scared to try and initiate another conversation, and Jen didn't ask anything after that. Esther checked the time on her phone: eleven twenty-one. That would be a reasonable time to go, wouldn't it?

Ally and Diana came over then, flushed happy from dancing.

"You should join us, Esther," Diana told her, squeezing in between them. "It's so much fun."

"Nah, I'm alright," Esther said. "I'm actually getting kind of tired..."

"Yeah, it's probably past your bedtime, by now," Ally remarked, making Jen smirk and Diana roll her eyes.

"Come on, Ally, don't be like that," she said.

"Like what?" Ally retorted. "She said she was tired." Diana frowned, and Ally huffed a little. "Fine. Do you go out a lot, Esther?"

"Not really..."

"Figures," Ally said.

"Must be pretty busy, preparing for the festival and stuff," Jen said, unexpectedly.

Esther's response had been leaning more toward 'well actually I have no social life', so she was happy with that explanation. "Yeah, let's go with that."

"You know, I've never been to the Music and Arts Festival," Jen remarked, looking at Ally. "Maybe we should go."

"Wait, you want to go?" Diana said eagerly. "I was thinking that as well, you know. It'd be something different."

Esther looked at them, surprised. "Really? You want to come?"

Ally snorted. "To the Nerd Convention? No way. I'd rather stick pins in my eyes."

"Come on, Ally..." Diana said, nudging her. "It'll be fun!"

"Fun? What's fun about sitting in a room full of parents listening to out-of-tune orchestras and some stupid play?"

"You know, there are some really talented people at this school," Diana said, with a quick look at Esther. "Try it, you might be surprised."

"But I probably won't," Ally said. "I'm not going."

"That's ok," Jen said, with a mischievous smile. "Diana and I can just go without you if you really don't wanna come."

Ally frowned. "Then what am I gonna do?"

"You've got loads of options. Plan something with Chloe or Martini, or one of the people you still like."

"Hilarious," she replied, rolling her eyes.

"Look, we'll come for a little bit, and if you absolutely hate it we'll just head out and get milkshakes or something instead, yeah?" Diana said, coaxing. "It wouldn't be the same without you."

Ally smiled. "That's true."

"So it's a deal, yeah?" Diana prompted, and after a moment's hesitation Ally nodded.

"Fine, whatever. But I don't have to like it."

Diana clapped her hands happily, and even Jen cracked a little smile. "Awesome!" Diana said, hugging her. "You're the best, Ally."

"I know, I know," she said, grumpily, but she grinned a little, too.

"So where do we get tickets, Esther?" Diana asked. "Do you sell them?"

Esther shook her head. "Eli sells the tickets, so you should talk to her if you want some..." Esther said, and then hesitated at the blank looks on their faces.

"Who?" Diana asked, and it occurred to her that she probably wasn't even aware that they existed, Eli and Robin and Anthea and people like them.

"You know. She's in your year...short, curly blonde hair, artsy," she said, waving her hands vaguely. "Paints a lot..."

"Did she do that fundraising thing last March?" Jen asked.

"I don't think so..." Esther shook her head. "You...um, had GCSE psychology with her, I think..."

Jen hesitated for a second, and then grinned. "Oh yeah, her. I remember."

"So it's settled, then," Diana smiled, and then abruptly fell silent as the opening lines of Jumpin', Jumpin' started to play on the speaker.

"Oh my God this song is my jam!" Diana screamed, jumping up and grabbing Esther's wrist. "Come on, we have to dance to this!"

"I don't really–" Esther started to tell her, but Diana was having none of it and hauled her to her feet before tugging her along to where the others were dancing.

"It's easy," Diana said, already slipping naturally into the song. "Just shuffle around a bit and wave your arms some."

That was easy for her to say. Diana could dance, and she knew it: confident and relaxed, her whole body moving in time to the beat, laughing and singing along to the music. Esther started awkwardly swaying from side to side, feeling incredibly self-conscious and wondering how people enjoyed this kind of thing. It was just moving, right?

She looked enviously at Diana again: she didn't look self-conscious, or even aware that anyone else was around her. Maybe that was it, Esther thought. Just go crazy and not care what everyone else thought of her. It wasn't like she'd ever go out with Diana's friends again. Perhaps this was the kind of thing you either did well, or not at all.

So she took a deep breath and started to move more ambitiously, and after a while she started getting into it, surprised at how quickly she got the hang of it. This wasn't so bad...her dance moves got more elaborate, spontaneous, and Diana looked at her and laughed.

"Now you're getting it!" she said, taking her hands, mirroring her movements and spicing them up with her own little twists. They clumped together with Win and Emmett and Victor, jumping and bobbing through the next few songs, bumping into each other and getting the lyrics wrong and not caring in the slightest.

The rest of the night passed in a hot, breathless blur. Esther and Diana danced like mad things, retreating back to the booths only once they were too tired to go on, settling down with a couple of lemonades and talking and laughing until a song came on that they liked. Ally spent most of the time , but she'd come over periodically, and even Jen got up from time to time to join in for a couple of songs, before melting away again. She danced a little with Emmett until she managed to make an excuse and slip away, and with Win and Victor, who taught them the dance moves to 5,6,7,8 and Cotton Eye Joe. Esther was surprised at how much she enjoyed it by the end when they piled back into the car when the place closed up at one in the morning.

Emmett dropped them at the bottom of her street, and she walked up to her house with Diana in the thin morning air. The silence was like a physical presence now: you could almost feel the quiet that had settled around them.

"So, did you like it?" Diana asked, once they reached her front door.

Esther nodded, her face flushed pink. She felt the bitter cold merely as a refreshing coolness on her face and arms, a pleasant contrast to the muggy heat inside. "It was good."

Diana grinned. "See, I told you. Sometimes you've gotta step outside of your comfort zone, you know? Anyway, I need to head back. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," Esther said, and waved at her as she turned to leave. "Goodnight!"

--

a/n:

omdz it's done! I'm back, guys /waves/

Sorry for the holdup, but my exams are *finished*, so I should be updating more frequently (I'm not gonna but a number on it because I know I haven't been keeping my promises update-wise, but I'll tryyyy to post every two(-three) weeks :)

Dedication is to writervid for being such a supportive reader and just an awesome writer in general! <3 (i saved this chapter for you because it's my favourite and i'm sad like that :P)

Thanks for reading, and for your patience!