CHAPTER IV

- partnerships make for good sailing –

[Esther]

For her 16th birthday her sister Ivy had got Esther a really nice pair of headphones. She'd been previously using one of those £10 in-ear ones from her supermarket, but these ones were the real deal. Over the head, a gorgeous sleek and metallic red, with plush, soft over-ear cups that didn't overheat her ears and a full, rich sound that didn't grate the higher or louder notes and really brought out the bass.

"Best of all, they're soundproof," Ivy had said, when she'd given them to her. "Blocks out any unnecessary noise. I know how much you like writing your songs without distractions."

Not long after that, the arguments really started to pick up.

And, thinking about it, that was also around the time Esther noticed she wasn't writing as well as she used to.

Looking back on it, Esther started to wonder if Ivy had known all along this would happen and was simply preparing her for the worst. Back when she was working on music pretty much every day after school Esther would work through arguments blissfully unaware of the tensions brewing downstairs, and it was only when she came down for dinner and you could feel the anger simmering between her sister and her dad that she realised they'd been fighting again.

But then Ivy started to get sick, and stopped sleeping as much, and Esther started to get worried. Now, while she was working, she'd always be listening out, wary for the signs that they were at it again, and feeling sick to the stomach when she heard the now-familiar sound of rising voices, accusations being thrown forwards and backwards. It scared her, because she knew despite Ivy's anger all the fighting was taking its toll on her, and at the same time she couldn't bear the thought of losing her, too.

So since last year, Esther had been writing less and less, and the songs she had finished you could tell she hadn't been focusing. They were jumpy and erratic; the transitions were off and the overall feel was just wrong. She hadn't even thought about the festival over summer because she was more preoccupied with trying to defuse the worst of the arguments, which had started just after Ivy had got her A-level results back: 2 C's and a D.

Her dad was furious. He was a traditional man and wanted all his children to go to good Universities and do stable subjects like Law and Engineering. Ivy had been predicted ABB, and with a lot of badgering to her French teacher he'd managed to bump it up to AAB, so for her to fail so spectacularly was, from his perspective, nothing short of ingratitude. He chalked it up to all the time Ivy had been spending out with her friends during exam season, and a general poor attitude, which Ivy hadn't taken well, and from then on, things had only really gotten worse.

Esther had been working on a song she'd started a while back when the door was flung open with so much force it slammed hard into the wall, and Ivy stormed in and threw herself onto Esther's bed. Even when she was upset she was still, somehow, pretty. When she was younger, Esther had been jealous of her sister: she seemed to have everything. Good looks, hair that was smooth and strawberry-blonde and gracefully wavy instead of the untameable frizzy mass of ginger corkscrew curls she had to deal with, a friendly and open disposition that naturally attracted people to her and the kind of smile that people fell in love with.

"I hate him," she said, passionately, her voice cracking slightly at the edges.

"He always seems nice when I talk to him," Esther said, only half-paying attention.

"That's because he's nice to you. I didn't have a problem with him either, when Seth was around," Ivy said ruefully, rolling over onto her back. "You'll only start to hate him when I leave."

That got her attention. It was comments like that that turned Esther's blood to ice. "You're not thinking of leaving, are you?" she asked, cautiously.

"I'll buy a tent," Ivy said, only half-joking, "and live in the woods at the end of the park. I'll bring marshmallows and roast them every night. You'll be welcome anytime, so it won't even be a permanent separation."

"That's not funny, Ivy."

Ivy noticed the look on her face and shuffled over to her. "Sorry. I'm not gonna leave you, yeah? I told you we'd stick together."

"Seth used to say that too," Esther murmured, surprising herself.

"You remember that?" Ivy asked. "You must have been like seven or eight when he left."

"Just bits and pieces," Esther admitted. It was concerning that she'd forgotten so much about him already, but she hadn't seen or heard from him in over six years now. "Do you still talk to him?"

"Hm...not really. Not a lot," Ivy said. "I miss him, though."

Esther nodded. "I can't imagine not talking to you," she said. "Like, ever. It'd be so...lonely."

"Seth can be hard to get a hold of if he wants to be," Ivy said. "But I'm sure he's happier, wherever he is."

"Hm."

Ivy picked up one of Esther's French essays and flicked aimlessly through it. Esther returned back to the software, trying to figure out where to take the melody next. She tapped something out on the keyboard, played it back and sighed. 

No, that wouldn't work. Nothing was working. As usual. She let out a frustrated sigh, banging her fingers against the keys in annoyance. What was wrong with her?

"Hey, what's up?" Ivy asked, looking over at her. Esther sighed.

"I'm trying to write for the festival," she said. "But it doesn't sound right."

Ivy came over and put Esther's headphones over her own head, listening to what she'd just written.

"It sounds fine, Esther," she said. "What are you worried about?"

"Just that," she replied. "It's fine. It's boring. It lacks something. In short," she highlighted the entire section and deleted it. "It's shitty. Nothing I do these days is right. I'm a mess, Ivy. And people keep telling me they're looking forward to what I'm gonna write for this year and how can I tell them this is it? That I'm done?"

"It's a temporary thing," Ivy said. "It's probably we're stressing you out with all our fighting and stuff."

"Probably," Esther said, pointedly. Ivy caught the look on her expression and grinned sheepishly.

"Trust me, I'm stressed out too. I try not to get into fights but sometimes he just says things – and I just, I just snap, you know? I can't stop it. I'd like to live in a peaceful house as much as you do."

She sighed and ran her hands through her hair, a touch of annoyance highlighting her expression again. "Just try not to let it get to you, alright? I'll always be there for you, no matter what happens between me and Dad. And I'll try not to let it get as bad as Seth, ok? I don't want you to worry about me. You're too young and sweet to be worried about stuff right now. Just keep doing what you love, and you'll be happy forever. That's what mum always said to me. And keep trying, it'll come to you eventually. Nobody gets writers block forever."

"Thanks," Esther said, leaning on her shoulder. Typical Ivy, she'd seen straight through her again. It was kind of creepy how she did that, but also comforting. She took reassurance in the fact that there was always someone out there who understood her.

"You and I should go on a retreat somewhere," Ivy murmured into her hair, running her fingers absentmindedly through her curls. "You know, when bands want to write an album they lock themselves in a cabin somewhere and just brainstorm. Somewhere wild and beautiful, like the Lake District or Scotland. A change in pace should get your inspiration running back up again. Or those sexy Scottish accents. One or the other."

"Sometimes you say things, and I can't tell whether or not you're joking or not."

"Me too, Esther," Ivy said, with a sigh. "I don't have money to finance a retreat anyway. I'm using it all to pay for my therapy."

"You're getting secret therapy sessions?"

"Another joke," Ivy smiled. "But I sure as fuck need some right now. Maybe I should start smoking instead?"

"I thought you were trying not to piss Dad off."

"Fair point. Come on, let's ditch the music and have a DVD night, like we used to."

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely. We've got like three boxes of popcorn downstairs," she said, and grinned. "Once that's done we'll never have to leave this room. It'll be great."

Esther figured there was no point in trying to write at lunch the next afternoon. She was tired of staring at a screen and not getting anything done, or getting something done and then deleting it all. So she headed back up to the Music and Arts Centre, and sure enough, Eli and Felice and Robin were in there, hard at work drilling together the planks of wood they'd been dragging out the other day.

"Well, it's definitely coming together now," Eli commented, wiping her forehead and looking back at their handiwork. "Oh, hey Esther. Nice of you to drop by. Does this look like a bridge to you?"

She showed her the fruits of their labour: the handle and railings of one side was done, propped up against the wall, and the base of the bridge had been positioned in the middle of the room, minus most of the planks.

"Sort of?"

"Eh, good enough. Nobody will notice when after we cover it in glitter."

"If only everything in life worked like that," Esther said.

"Well, seeing as you're here, can you get some sandpaper from the toolbox and start sanding this down?" Eli said. "People are gonna be walking barefoot all over this thing, and it's all fun and games until someone gets a splinter." She clapped her hands loudly. "Come on, people, look alive! I want this finished by the 15th! That's like, two days from now!"

Esther started. Was it close to the fifteenth already? But that would mean it had been nearly a week since the committee meeting, and she still hadn't written anything. She felt panic stab at her again: she had to do something, now, or everything she'd been working so hard for over the past year would be for nothing. But in a week? She couldn't get something good done in a week. Heck, she couldn't get much good done in six months –

"So," Robin said conversationally, cutting into her thoughts. Normally she'd be grateful for the distraction, but the cheeriness in his tone irritated her, and she felt her anger spike.

"What?" she said, darkly.

"How's the writing going? You must be nearly done your set by now, seeing as the festival is so–"

Esther felt her fists clench into little balls, a wave of annoyance sweeping over her. Everything she'd been grappling with over the past week, all the anger and frustration and fear come bubbling up abruptly, spilling out before she had a chance to think. 

"For God's sake, Robin," she shouted at him. "Would you just stop talking about the music for once in your life? What I'm writing right now is none of your goddamned business!"

Robin looked startled and backed up a step, his friendly smile fading. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you–"

"I'm not upset!" she snapped furiously. "Just shut up and leave me alone, ok?"

She regretted the words as soon as she spoke them but this frustration had been building up for a while now, and in a way, she needed the release. But she couldn't handle the look on his face: stunned and confused and hurt, like a puppy she'd just kicked out of the way. She felt guilt stab at her, but it was too late now; the damage had been done, so she stormed off, pretending she was still angry instead.

Why did he have to talk about her music all the time? she thought, grabbing a scrap of sandpaper from the toolbox and finding a railing to work on. Why was he so interested? It's not like he cared or anything; he didn't even know her. He probably knew she couldn't write and was just pouring salt in the wounds to spite her, as if CC hadn't done enough of that.

People like this, they were the reason she couldn't write anymore, she thought illogically, hot tears brimming in her eyes now, drowning in self-pity. She blinked them away, furiously sanding down the edge of the bridge. That's what they did: making her think she could, only for cold reality to show her she couldn't, showering her with empty words, false sentiment.

She'd show them. She'd pull out, just out of spite...the thought made her heart twist for a moment, but in all honesty it was better than having to face the humiliation of CC cutting it. He'd have a field day with that, she was sure. Better to retire gracefully, and maybe she'd be up to write something for next year...

She shook her head again, shaking tears onto her dress, and forced herself to pull herself together. But how could she? This was a blow to her; music had always been the thing that held her together. When her dad and Seth were going through a rough patch back in primary school, she'd been scared and upset, but she could always retreat and write something, weaving her emotions into music so it didn't get the best of her. Then it was her parents, and she could do the same, and it...if nothing else, it had helped. 

But really it was a lot more than that. It calmed her down, it helped her up. Now trying to write only agitated her, and it was dad and Ivy who were fighting...she was losing everything she loved, watching it slip from her fingers like sand. She was flailing now, a ship cut loose from its harbour and quickly swept out into deep, unfamiliar waters, and on the horizon a storm was brewing.

Come on, Esther. You're being ridiculous now.

Her voice of reason was late to the pity party, but she'd never been happier to hear it. She took a deep breath, exaggerated so she could just hear the thick inhalations instead of the frantic, hysterical thoughts in her mind. Focusing on her breathing calmed her down, and after a couple of breaths she felt her body settle down, her hands relaxing.

And then she remembered Robin.

Guilt flared again; now that she'd calmed down she could only imagine how confused he must be. Asking an innocent question, and her reaction had been blown completely out of proportion. She sneaked a glance over at him to see what he was doing.

He was on his hands and knees, fitting the planks that formed the main body of the bridge into their slots. He still seemed pretty cheerful, humming along to the music on the radio, but the expression on his face still had lingering traces of confusion and hurt, and there was definitely something subdued about him. He glanced up at her and smiled when he noticed her looking, and she quickly went back to sanding and pretended she hadn't seen him.

She knew she ought to have said something, explained her reaction, smoothed the ground over between them. But she couldn't face him. It was as stupid and simple as that. So instead she focused her attention back on the railing she was sanding, steadfastly ignoring Robin for the rest of the session, until Eli's figure loomed suddenly behind her and tapped her on the shoulder.

"We're gonna grab some lunch," she said. She'd been prepping the glitter paint mixture to use later, and dots of light from the glitter that had stuck to her hands and face and clothes flashed intermittently as she moved. "Have you eaten yet?"

She shook her head, and Eli nodded in the direction of the door. "Come on, then," she said. "We can catch Lunch 2 if we leave now. Anthea just got out of further maths; she said she'd save us a seat."

She'd said 'us', but Robin didn't get up to go with them as the two of them walked out, and Esther breathed a silent sigh of relief. Eating lunch with him after that outburst would just be horribly awkward, especially since she'd obviously been ignoring him since. What if he was mad? He had every reason to be, after all.

The canteen was busy when they arrived, but sure enough Eli's friend Anthea was there already, as well as another kid Esther didn't recognise: small for his age, with short blonde hair talking enthusiastically to her, at their usual table, the small one that sat six people roughly in the centre of the room. Esther and Eli had been sort of friendly when she'd first joined the school, and there was something slightly reassuring about the fact they still sat at the same table after three years. 

Eli liked that particular position because it was close enough to the food desk so you could see when they brought out the leftovers, but not too close, lest you seemed too eager. Important things like food, Eli had told her once, need planning for. And indeed, Eli guarded that place territorially, nearly getting into a fight with a hapless year 10 who'd innocently tried to take it one lunch break. Esther had drifted away from Eli by then, spending her lunch breaks camped out in the tech rooms, but she'd heard about it soon enough, and she couldn't help but smile when she did. Typical Eli.

"Hey, Anthea," Eli said, slipping into her chair beside her. "Yo, Liam. What's for lunch?"

"Um...I think it was chicken wings and wedges or something like that," Liam said. "I just got something light, I'm not really that hungry."

Eli looked disdainfully at his lunch: two green apples, a small pack of jaffa cake bars and a can of coke. "Well, your loss. Chicken and wedges sounds pretty damn good right now."

They queued up at the hot counter and grabbed some plates of food. Esther liked Lunch 2: it was normally quieter than the first lunchtime session because most clubs started during the second half of the two-hour lunch break, and you could get seconds if there was food leftover.

People who were doing five A-levels sometimes had an extra lesson slot during Lunch 1 as well, which was why Anthea hadn't come to do backstage work with them. The Liam kid with Anthea was probably smart like her too, Esther figured, picking up a plate of chicken wings. The school only let you take five AS-Levels if it thought you were capable enough to handle them. Anthea had taken 5 AS levels last year and was doing 4 A2's, plus AS further Maths and an EPQ this year, which left Esther wondering how she had time for anything else, like eating. Or sleeping.

She piled some salad onto her plate and turned round, and almost died when she saw Robin walking over to their table, waving a greeting at Eli and Anthea before taking a seat. Shit, she thought to herself. Was it too late to put the plate down and make a break for it? Nobody would notice if she just walked away. But then she'd have to explain to Eli next time she went to help out where she'd gone, and that was too much hassle.

Swallowing quickly, she picked up her tray and made her way back to the table, avoiding eye-contact with everyone as she sat down quietly in her seat.

"So, I think introductions are in order, right?" Eli said, once Esther had joined them. "Um...Liam, this is Robin. He's on backstage crew, like you should be."

"If you want me to act and work backstage that'll cost extra, I'm afraid," Liam replied, with a quick grin.

"Hah! As if you're even acting," Eli scoffed. "We could get a computer to do your job if we really wanted to."

"Nah, computers have no soul," Liam told her. "You can't replace talent."

"That's what you think," Eli replied, and then waved at Esther. "Anyway, this is Esther."

"Yeah, she's in my form," Liam said unexpectedly, and Esther looked over at him, mystified.

"I am?"

Liam nodded. "Ms Sohil, right?"

"Oh. Yeah, wow. I hadn't even noticed."

Anthea smiled. "Wow, Esther. That's cold."

"Esther's our resident elf this year," Eli said, for clarification. "Trust me, Esther, I was an elf when I joined musical theatre in year ten, and it is a blast. I'm definitely not just saying that so you keep coming back to work. And Esther and Robin...wait, you two know each other already, whoops." Esther couldn't help looking over at him again, only to meet his eyes once more. He looked like he was about to say something, and then changed his mind and nodded instead. Esther cursed to herself. She had to stop doing that. "You two, Liam's new, so you have to be nice to him, okay?"

Ah. That explained why she didn't recognize him at first. Granted, she hadn't been a paragon of social activity lately, but she'd been at the school for three years and knew everyone in her year by now at least by sight. At least she wouldn't have to fend off questions about whether she was writing or not from him, too, she noted with a sense of relief. It was bad enough as it was. Sort of.

"So, how're you finding Foxhill Park so far?" Robin asked him, and they slipped easily into conversation as they ate. Robin seemed to have brightened up now, and Liam was friendly and easy to talk to. Adding Eli's general enthusiasm and Anthea's occasional input, they were a lively group of people, making jokes and laughing like they'd all known each other for a long time.

Esther felt something tug at her as she listened to them talk. She hadn't really been part of a group of friends for a while. There were people in her classes she talked to and worked with, but she spent most of her breaks alone, either writing music in the Tech rooms or helping out with Musical Theatre from time to time.

Her isolation had never been an issue for her: while she was writing she preferred to be on her own, letting her inspiration roam free, unhindered, but for the first time she found herself missing having people to hang out with. Seeing as she wasn't going to be writing at lunch time anymore, she might as well start using her time more constructively, instead of whining about it to herself.

So, she opened up, allowed herself to get sucked into the conversation, and to her surprise, found herself enjoying it. She was almost disappointed when Anthea looked up abruptly sometime later and caught sight of the time. 

"Well, gotta go collect the registers," she said, getting up and tucking in her chair. "I'll try and pop in after school for you, Eli."

"I'd better get going, too," Liam said. "I'll see you around."

The three of them looked at each other. Robin glanced at Esther again, and then coloured slightly and looked away. "I don't know. Is it worth going back to the props room, or...?"

"Eh, by the time we get there it'll be practically time to go," Eli replied. "Do what you like, kiddies. I'll just return some library books or something..."

And then it was just the two of them. The easy atmosphere had shifted into something unbearably awkward again; Esther trying not to make eye contact and thinking of something to say. She wanted to walk off, too: make a polite excuse and leave, but part of her was making her stay.

Now or never, Esther. If she couldn't talk to him now, then there was no hope for the rest of the year. An apology would be a good start, but the words kept dying on her lips just as she was about to say them.

The silence lengthened.

Just say something, Esther begged, half to herself and half to him. Robin looked at her, considered saying something, and then changed his mind again. Unable to bear it any longer, Esther just pulled the first logical sentence swimming around in her mind and ran with it: "What are you going to do now, then?" she asked abruptly.

Robin looked startled, then wary.

"Oh, I don't know," he replied, slightly hesitantly, as if he was worried she'd turn on him again. "I...I guess I'll just, um...head to the form room. It's...practically two anyway."

"Yeah."

Another awkward silence spread, quickly covering the gap between them.

Apologise to him! He's right in front of you! her mind was screaming, but she couldn't string together a decent apology. I'm sorry about...what? Getting annoyed? Shouting? What if he asked why she got mad at him? She'd have to explain what was going...no.

No way. Talk about something else.

Think, Esther...

"Hey, look, about earlier," Robin said finally, running a hand through his dark curls. "I...I'm sorry about what I said. I wasn't trying to pry or whatever. I was just...I'm sorry. I should have known I was annoying you, I get that..."

For a second, she was too startled to say anything, staring at him, frozen in place. But then gradually, Esther felt a mixture of release and shame spread over her, making her cheeks flare with warmth.

"God, how can you be so nice about this?" Esther said quietly. She spoke up a little, so he could hear her: "You didn't do anything wrong, but you're still finding something to apologise for. I'm the one who should be saying sorry."

She took a deep breath.

"And...and I am. Sorry. I shouldn't have shouted at you like that. That was uncalled for."

There. That wasn't so bad.

"Oh," Robin said, surprise and relief in his voice. "It's ok. I...was just worried I'd been bugging you about it for so long, you probably got sick of me. I'll try and tone it down next time."

"No, no, it wasn't that," she said hastily. "Seriously, it's my problem. I'm just a mess right now. See, the thing is..." she hesitated.

What was she doing? She hadn't planned to offer an explanation; she just wanted to clear the air so they could work together without avoiding eye contact, but the next line had just bubbled out behind it completely of its own accord. 

She bit her lip. She had been kinda mean to him earlier, so maybe the least she could do was explain exactly why.

"I...I can't write right now. I'm not even close to finishing my set for this year. I don't know why, I've just got really bad music block or something. Everything I try to write is just awful. I think I...I'm probably gonna pull out." She managed to finish the sentence before the lump in her throat that was welling up as she spoke threatened to show in her voice.

"But..." Robin said. "You can't pull out. What are they going to play in the intervals and stuff?"

"Clancy said he'd get someone to MC instead. They'd probably do a better job than me, so I'm not too fussed. I'll help out on the night instead." She glanced up at the clock. "There you go, it's five to. I didn't want to keep you; I just wanted to let you know. It works out a lot better than me yelling at you. I'd better get to registration..."

She started to walk past him, but he grabbed her arm and turned her round to face him.

"Listen, Esther," he said quickly. "Don't get mad, but I saw how upset you were in the props room earlier." She froze with embarrassment; she didn't want him to see her crying. "I know this means a lot to you. It's not fair to make you give this up. Would you mind if...well, I could help you out, if you want."

She looked at him, stunned. That wasn't what she'd been expecting. "You...you want to collaborate?"

"Yeah, something like that. The first time I heard your set, I wanted to write music like that too, so I bought some software and tried it out myself. I've got a bit of experience with it now. My songs aren't nearly as good as yours, but, you know...I could try and finish some of the ones you've written. I mean, if you want. And, I don't know, maybe a fresh outlook will get you working again?"

She couldn't believe it. She'd snapped at him earlier for no apparent reason, and now he was offering to help? Something stuck in her throat, an intense sense of relief, almost happiness, welling up inside her. "That would actually be really great," she said. "Would it be alright? I don't want to stress you out or anything..."

Robin smiled. "Trust me, it's fine. More than fine. I'd be happy to do it for you."

"Thank you," she said, breathlessly, but before she could say anything else the bell for registration rang and they both realised they were going to be late.

"Ok, now we really have to go," he said, smiling wryly. "Can we meet later and discuss it?"

"Sure, absolutely," Esther said, backing away towards the doorway as she spoke. "After school. Come to the music technology room in the arts centre, ok?"

"Ok," he said, waving. "See you soon!"

"You too!" she said, and then turned and sprinted down the corridor, heading to her classroom and bursting into the room just as the teacher called her name. Her form tutor tutted at her, but she technically wasn't late, so she continued with the register and let them go to fourth period. Liam really was in her form; she spotted him in the middle row as she was leaving when he waved at her.

The last two periods went by in a blur, and Esther hardly noticed them. What Robin had said earlier had completely lifted her spirits. There could be a way out, it might not be too late. Sure, they only had three months left to do it all in, but they could definitely do it if they worked hard.

As soon as classes were over she all but sprinted to the music tech rooms, but it was only when she saw the piece of paper on the door that she realised she'd messed up: the music coordinator held evening sessions in the tech rooms on Tuesdays, so they were all booked up. The practise rooms had computers in too, so when Robin arrived a couple of minutes later she took him there next, but there was no space their either.

"Aw, they're all full," Esther said, slumping back against the wall. She should have seen this coming; you were supposed to book the practise rooms in advance but sometimes there was a slot free or music lessons got cancelled and there was a room free. But she should have expected this: just after school was always a busy time, and the odds of them having a free room were low. Wishful thinking...

Something caught her attention from the room next to her. A familiar noise: someone strumming on a guitar and humming a scale, and another voice talking. It sounded a bit like...Esther stood on tiptoes and peeked through the window on the door: her suspicions were right, it was Ezra and Caitlin. Esther was sort of friendly with them; they were well known in Musical Theatre, and they weren't using the computer, so she figured it was worth a try.

She tapped lightly on the door. The music petered out and Caitlin opened the door. She had recently dyed her shoulder-length brown hair a deep shade of purple, which Esther thought suited her a lot, bringing out the green in her eyes.

"Hi, Esther," Caitlin said. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah, fine..."

"Esther, yo!" Ezra added, from inside the room, sprawled out awkwardly between the windowsill and the chair Caitlin was sitting on. His leg was still in a cast, with signatures scrawled over the plaster. He was dark-skinned and tall like Robin, but not nearly as lanky as he was. The contrast with Caitlin was jarring: she was already short, about 1.5m high, but next to Ezra she looked tiny.

"Hey, Ezra. Sorry about your leg. How are you holding up?"

"Eh, it was my fault. Turns out Ultimate Frisbee on roller skates isn't a brilliant idea."

Esther winced.

"Besides, now, I get to spend more time rehearsing with this wonderful lady, so no harm done," he continued, gesturing to Caitlin, who rolled her eyes affectionately. "So, what brings you here?"

"I'm working with Robin for the set this year," Esther said. "And there aren't any rooms free and I forgot about the evening class in the tech room. Is it alright if I just borrow the..."

"Oh sure, by all means," Caitlin said, waving a dismissive hand. "We're not using the computer, so go ahead."

"We'll be quiet," Esther assured her, waving Robin in. "You won't even know we're here."

"Don't worry about it," Ezra said cheerfully. "We're practising for the festival too, so we'll probably be distracting you. This is hot stuff here, not gonna lie. Normally I wouldn't let you in, but I like you guys so I'll let you get a sneak preview."

Esther laughed. "I'm flattered."

Caitlin resumed her strumming on the guitar, and Ezra cleared his throat and started to sing. Esther entered her login details into the computer, and listened to them practise while it loaded.

"Do you feel left behind, like there's something not right..." Ezra began, the chords on the guitar shifting to match the tune. His voice was mellow and soft, with a yearning ache to it, and when Caitlin started singing as well, occasionally joining in to harmonise with him, they fit together so well it was like one person singing. She loved the way the two of them worked so well with each other. Esther always saw them together: the two had been inseparable since they'd joined the school and had been performing in the Arts Festival pretty much as long.

"Ok...here you go," Esther said, pulling up the 'Music' folder she kept all her songs in. She clicked on the sub folder for this year and opened it up, revealing all the files she had, songs she'd started, scraps of inspiration and experimentation, all the bits and pieces she'd been working on since last December.

"Wow, there must be like forty files in here," Robin said, scrolling. Esther pointed to the screen, guiding him through the files.

"Most of them are just scraps and stuff. Bits that I just scribble down when I find a phrase or something that I like," she explained, keeping her voice low so she wouldn't distract the others. But, in truth, they were so far out of it Esther doubted they would notice, hunched close together over the sheet music, talking diction and dynamics.

"Okay," Robin said. "Send me those, and we'll see if we can work those in somewhere."

Esther highlighted them and copied them into a new folder, which she called 'SEND TO ROBIN'. "These ones are dead, so don't worry about those...that's a remix...okay, these were ones I started in last year, when I was still good at this."

"You want me to have a go at finishing them?"

"If you could, that would be brilliant." She copied those across, still scanning the files. "Hm. No, not that one." She opened up the folder from last year and copied over two files. "Tell me if you think these are ok for this year's," she said. "I never got round to using them for last year's set."

Robin nodded. "What do you do with all these songs when the Festival is over? Do you just leave them here in these folders?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Esther said. "I mean, I listen to them occasionally, but..."

"That's so sad. You should make an album or something."

Esther smiled wryly. "Right now, I'd be happy if I got this done by December," she said, copying over the last of the files. "Ok, these are all the ones I've started. Have a look and see what you think."

"Sure."

"And...thanks again for doing this, Robin," she added. "It...really means a lot to me."

"Don't worry about it," he said cheerfully. "Imagine having a music and arts festival without your music! It would just be terrible."

Esther smiled; his enthusiasm was infectious. "Alright, you and me. Let's do this thing."

---

a/n: wow, I didn't even notice so long had gone by since I posted an update. Awkward...

Anyway, chapter 4! Hope you liked it. 

The song for this chapter is Duet by Everything Everything, which is like

basically my favourite song

(it's also the song Ezra and Caitlin are practising, so it just works on so many levels!) This is the alternate version that I just found and loved almost as much as the version I was used to - it's more mellow and empty, but still a really great song in general.

Anyway, thanks for reading! Stay tuned for chapter five which will be up (hopefully in less than twenty days lmao)