Summary : Harry goes through a crisis and tries to push Louis away .

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Louis knew that something was wrong . It was too evident and couldn't be ignored .

Three weeks prior , there was a two-days operation in the city . Harry and his entire security force , along with police forces , were out from Tuesday early in the morning , returning Wednesday past midnight .

On Thursday , when Louis came by Harry's office around brunch time , Harry was standing in front of his coffee machine , hunched over and moving slowly around .

Louis pouted a bit , he walked over and put his small hand on his back , "Hazzie ." He frowned when he looked at his face ; Harry looked out blanked out , as if he wasn't really there .

Harry turned his head to look at him , just stared down at him for a few seconds , before pulling Louis into his chest to hug him . Louis hugged him tightly , closed his eyes and rubbed his back . 

They stood there hugging quietly for a bit , Louis lifted his head up without pulling away from the hug , "Go sit at the couch , I'll make your coffee and come sit with you ." He lifted himself up on his tiptoes and kissed him quickly , Harry leaned down to kiss him once more before letting go and going to the couch .

Louis quickly fixed Harry's coffee cup , making himself a cup of tea while he was at it . He took the two cups carefully with him to the table in front of the couch , placing the two cups down before he sat next to Harry , his hand grabbing Harry's hand .

"Is it about the operation ?" Louis asked softly .

Harry nodded and gave Louis' small hand a squeeze , though still stayed silent , not saying a single word .

Louis shifted closer and laid his head on Harry's shoulder , throwing his arm over Harry's chest . "You don't have to tell me what went on over there , but I'm here to listen incase you do want to share ."

Harry pressed his nose to Louis' hair , pressing a few kisses to his head .

In those three weeks since that day , things were getting worse for the couple . 

They didn't fight or argue , but Harry wasn't talking . He wasn't saying words , wasn't speaking . He wasn't ignoring Louis , but he was barely talking . Not just to Louis , to anyone around him . Liam , Laura , Zayn .

Then , on Thursday evening three weeks since the operation , Harry finally broke .

Louis walked into Harry's office in the evening , eyes falling on Harry , who was sitting at the round dining table in front of the large glass windows , a bottle of alcohol in front of him and a half full glass .

"Harry ."

Harry drank the rest of the drink and put his glass down , wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he leaned back in the chair . "I can't do this anymore ." His voice was rough and scratched .

Louis frowned and walked over to him , sitting at the chair next to him . He gently grabbed Harry's chin and turned his head to look at him , frowning deeper at the sad look on his face ; he almost looked physically in pain .

"What is going on ?" Louis asked in almost a whisper , "What can't you do ?"

Harry stared at him for a few seconds , before exhaling from his nose in a sad manner . "I can't do us anymore , I can't do this to you ."

Louis felt like he was stabbed in the chest . His hand slowly dropped from Harry's chin , though Harry grabbed his hand with both his large hands and held it tightly .

"Don't think , even for one second , that I don't love you ." He held Louis' hand to his chest , watching sadly as Louis' eyes got teary .

"Why --" Louis tried to speak , to ask why was Harry doing this , but the lump in his throat prevented him from speaking . He swallowed thickly before speaking again , in a whisper , "Why a-are you saying that ?"

Harry leaned in and pressed his forehead to Louis' , their noses brushed together , "I love you , baby . I love you so fucking much . But I'm not good for you , I can't -- I can't be the reason you get hurt ."

Louis' bottom lip trembled , he moved his head back and shook his head , "Y-You're not making sense . You're hurting m-me , right now - you're breaking us up ."

Harry kept Louis' hand held tightly in his hands so he could stay sane , stay focused while he talked . "I never want to hurt you . Never . Baby , I have to do this - I don't want to but I have to do this ."

"Why would you th-think you're not good for me ? Why would you 'have' to break us up ?" Louis sniffled , "I don't get it ."

"Me , and my life - what I bring with me - isn't what's best for you . I hate knowing that the dangers I bring with me could potentially hurt you , and all this time I was selfish . But I can't be selfish anymore , and I have to let you go before you get hurt because of me ."

Louis couldn't control the sob ripping through his chest . He pulled his hand out of Harry's grip and stood up from the chair , walking across the room to the other side as he tried to control his crying . He tried to stopped the sobs forcing themselves out , tried to stop the tears .

Harry's chest ached painfully as he watched Louis , before turning to his alcohol again . He filled his glass and drank it quickly , trying to shut away the pain in his chest - though nothing helped .

He walked over to Louis and wrapped his arms around him , "I love you . I'll always love you . I'll care for you , anything you need , anything you want . I'll --"

"Idiot ." Louis cut him off , pulling back from the hug and landing a weak punch to his chest , "You're an idiot ." He wiped his cheeks with his sleeves and sniffled , "Why would you ever think this is a good idea ?"

"I don't think it's a good idea ." Harry shook his head , "But I have to ."

"What you have to do , is to stop being an idiot ." Louis looked up at him with sadness mixed with anger , "I can't - I can't force you to be w-with me if you don't want to , but I --"

"It's not that I don't want to , baby - it's not it ." Harry cut him off , cupping his face tenderly , "There's nothing I want more than to have you with me for the rest of our lives ."

"Then why a-are you breaking us up ? You d-don't make sense ." Louis moved Harry's hands off his face .

"I'm only hurting you . Me and my life , it's hurting you - I hate knowing you're hurt , and knowing you're hurt because of me is fucking killing me ." Harry explained .

"Letting me go will hurt me so much more than a bullet ." Louis shook his head at him , wiping his cheeks again , "You're being unreasonable . I -- ugh ."

Louis was torn in half ; part of him wanted to fight for them , wanted to knock some sense into Harry . The other half of him was telling him to accept the break up , that Harry didn't want to be with him anymore and that he couldn't force someone to stay with him if they didn't want to .

"Baby , you're the love of my life ." Harry stepped closer and cupped his face again , "It's not what I want , to leave you behind ."

"Then don't ." Louis put his hands on Harry's forearms , "Don't make me walk away . Don't be stubborn ." He closed his eyes for a second when Harry's thumbs wiped away his tears . "I need you to listen to me . I know what I'm in for , okay ? I'm not clueless . I choose you - I choose us - every single day , knowing all of those risks . And you do not get to choose for me ."

Harry was silent as he stared down at Louis , who stared back at him .

"I need you to promise me something ." Harry broke the silence . "I need you to promise that you'll always remember that I will care for you through everything ."

Louis' bottom lip trembled , though he nodded . He wasn't sure where Harry was aiming , but went along with it in hopes for good .

Harry brushed their noses together , pressing a kiss to Louis' forehead , "I'm not good for you , me and my life will hurt you . But I will do my best to keep you safe , I will do everything in my power to ensure you're out of danger as much as I possibly can . But it will hurt you ."

Louis nodded in understatement , sniffling quietly .

"I don't want to let you go ." Harry whispered . "And I won't ."

Louis let out a sigh of relief , more tears falling down his cheeks as Harry pulled him into a tight hug . The two squeezed each other close , Harry pressed his nose to the top of Louis' head , while Louis' face was stuffed in his chest .

Harry rubbed Louis' back until his cries calmed down and he wasn't sniffling anymore , he kissed the top of Louis' head , "I won't let you go . Not now , not ever . I'll do my best to be the best for you , for us ."

Louis pulled his head back from Harry's chest to look up at him , "Don't ever think you're not good for me . I love you . We're not perfect , but I love it just the way it is . Don't let go ."

Harry leaned down and pressed their lips together , Louis wrapped his arms around Harry's neck to keep him close , only pulling back when Harry picked him up from under his thighs . Harry kissed Louis again , "Let me show you how much I fucking love you ."

Louis shivered a bit but nodded , letting Harry carry him to the room behind the shelves .

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Hope you liked it x

~Author