There I sit in my fathers dining room along with Claire and her parents. I try my best to not looked stressed during the wedding planning process but I can't help it. The fact that I'm sitting here with the two people I hate the most in life and I'm hee parents who seem to be on the verge of a mix of concern and happiness at the same time.  I wonder how they feel to know that their daughter is finally getting married and out of their lives. I'd be happy to if I had a bitch ass daughter. But sadly life doesn't always work in my favor and I'm the one who is being forced to bring her into my life.

As the wedding planner had made suggestions before I could get a word in she would interrupt and say "ummm no I want my wedding big so this won't do". She pissed me off so I replied with " honey I want a small wedding. You know how I get with to many people around" and a pout just to piss her off. She paused before snorting and laughing obnoxiously. The laugh genuinely caused me to flinch and stare in shock. Max's laugh was cute and simple and funny. Her laugh on the other hand felt like she was casting a spell on me.  That was a horrifying experience. She then said "oh you! You're so funny with your jokes! Everyone knows you're a attention seeker. That's why you made that huge explosion in the x-games remember?" She giggled. That comment made me cringe. Why the fuck would she say that? The vibe in the room shifted and I had to quickly elevate it. I laughed awkwardly as I nodded "yeah... you're right.." I chuckled.

I looked back at the wedding planner who nodded slowly and wrote down every little detail SHE! Wanted and disregarded my own options. It's not like I cared for the wedding. I just thought that if I made the wedding as shitty as possible she wouldn't want to marry me. Of course she got her way so that didn't work out too well.

My father went as far as to changing my classes in college so I'd avoid seeing Max all around. It was extremely aggravating but efficient. I tried to avoid texting him going as far as to block his number. It hurt a lot to be honest. But I had to do so, it'll only hurt let when the wedding day comes. Of course even though it hurt like hell to block him I knew I had to.

I've seen Max less and less as the days went by. I was barely even in the Gamma house. Stopping in and out to grab some books and avoiding conversations due to my exhaustion and utter distress. In fact even Tank and I had slowly been growing apart. I felt as though I've been growing insane due to the isolation and consistent stress over such a huge turning point in my life. Claire would continuously text or call me. Warning me to be careful because I haven't gotten rid of all the cameras she had installed. Thus creating rigorous paranoia in my day to day life. I acted accordingly when I should be in the comfort of my own home. I acted accordingly in the car stiff as a robot. I had no clue on where these hidden cameras were and I would spends days on end trying to find them. I collected around 20 cameras in the span of 3 weeks. There were still more. She would text me "I know you haven't showered yet today. Don't forget I'm watching you pumpkin❤️" or messages like "stop putting concealer on. You're not a girl" etc. the showering thing though got to me. I felt so uncomfortable to shower when I knew she was watching me. I couldn't find the cameras in the bathroom which was annoying. She hid them extremely well. So what I did to retaliate? I set the water to the hottest setting and let it run for a good 10 minutes. Of course I wouldn't use the hot water, it damages your skin and hair. But I turned it on to fog up any security cameras so she wouldn't see.

I then would change the setting back to cold water and took the rest of my shower quickly so that when I finished the bathroom would still be steamy. I would change, do skin care, get ready and leave. I couldn't handle this consistent fear of her watching me, I knew stopped using my car and I just skated around to get to destinations. Of course it was a bit of a bother to places that were more long distances but I couldn't do anything about it.

Everyday was a practical struggle. A continuation of this agonizing routine where I would wake up to text message from my so called fiancé, classes, go for a run, drive to my fathers place and continue the wedding plans.

Today I had my wedding suit fitted and tailored. I didn't seem happy at all to which the tailor noticed and asked "shouldn't you be excited? It's your wedding!" He said trying to cheer me up "I'm excited" I replied casually "you don't seem like you are..." he mentioned softly. I couldn't trust anyone anymore. So I remained to myself and offered a sweet smile " I'm just a little tired from the wedding planning. That's all" I can assume he didn't buy it but I was thankful he didn't continue to push.

I had arrived back to the Gamma house exhausted one afternoon because I had spent it on a run. I had walked up stairs and into my room. I felt like I was going to die and contemplated if suicide was even a reliable option at this point. I was genuinely considering it with all the bull shit that had been occurring over the past few weeks. It was incomprehensible.

I lay in bed awaiting for the day to come by. It's slowly creeping up closer and closer. I can feel my sanity slowly diminishing. She was taking my life away and the worst is that she had all the evidence necessary to do so. Should I play into the part and trick my mind into thinking I can actually want this life? That I can be happy as her husband? Can I?

These thoughts consistently running throughout my mind. Should I just be an adult and suck it up? Or am I stupid in believing I could ever actually live a life as a free man....

For some reason I started to think.... I felt bad for my father now. That's the worst feeling I could've ever possibly have felt ever. To feel bad for the man who has caused me immense pain. I would also go insane if I had been in a forced marriage so young only to have a bastard son, a selfish piece of shit kid who only thinks so negatively.

I covered my face with my hands as I laid on my back in my bed. I took a deep breath in and out. Mind over flowing with self depreciation. Degrading every moment and movement I have ever committed. I felt so trapped in my own world and I needed to become free. I was going insane with every second passing and I couldn't let this continue on forward....

I sighed as I let my mind run with these negative thoughts until I had revived a message. I looked at my phone and read the message.

Claire: " hey pumpkin! I've got great news! It's a girl!"

Claire: "let's celebrate. Just the two of us"

Claire: "as husband and wife ❤️"