As story goes Bradley wouldn't be able to participate in this year's college X-games sadly. He had went to his room and closed the door behind him. He attempted to hold himself up with pride but his knees had gone weak as he fell to the floor. Staring into a never ending abyss of shame. As of recently he had become more dissociative, lost in thought. His father ashamed of him, his grandfather was disappointed, his gamma brothers angered, losing the ability to part take in the most important event in his life time, worst of all he could feel Tank's pity on him. Tank. Having pity on the man who had almost killed him? How was this right at all? This made no sense, none at all. It enraged him to think he was getting pity, no one ever describes the way they feel when receiving pity. To Bradley it was like a stake right through his brain, no matter how much money in the world he had, no matter how much fear he had gathered from the peers around him, it's like everything he was was washed away and replaced by some dying old man. This young and to think he was the fool of a circus act after being on top for so long. Things had significantly declined for the other when the x-games had arrived last year. Events recalled like a bad dream he couldn't wake up from.

He tried to distract himself. Maybe finishing up assignments days before the due date and being ahead of his work will distract him. He got off the floor and headed for his desk, opening up his book bag to start with and he dumped his homework on to his desk. He rolled up his sleeves and put his glasses on getting ready to work. First assignment was an essay, a summative . It was a book report in which students had the option to pick a random book from classical literature genre and write a report on the psychological background and deeper meaning of its contents. Bradley being his father's son was used to reading all sorts of classical literature when he was younger. Of course comics, sci-fi and romance had peaked his interest here and there but one book in particular always caught his eye that he hadn't read yet. It was within the classical literature genre luckily and his mother had claimed it to be her favorite book. The picture of Dorian gray.

How to get that book? He had pulled out his wallet and skateboard needing to make a trip to the library to grab the book. Therefore passing the gamma brothers. He walked passed them as one asked " where are you headed Brad?" Obviously using the nickname to taunt and tease. Bradley flinched and gritted his teeth as he turned and smiled in such a gut wrenching manner. " the library, I need to grab a book" he smiled. He needed to avoid conflict with the frat. If they won't listen and he won't install some sort of hierarchy power then they could do whatever they wanted. Even ban him from the frat. He can't risk it. So he turned and left fast. He rode his skate board to the library. Passing by males and females of different cliques such. Some not minding his passing, some glaring. But whatever. He needed something and went to retrieve it.

When arriving to the library he had found the picture of Dorian gray by Oscar Wilde. Alongside the classical literature section he ventured to see if he could find books he had previously read. Frankenstein, Dracula, Lolita, Crime and Punishment, The trials, hunchback of Notre dame, the monk... yeesh. Bradley realized how much gothic literature he had consumed at such a young age. That could not be good for the mental. But then he caught wind of a rather tinier book but it was recognizable. His mother read it when he was younger just like Dorian gray except she never really talked after reading each chapter yet it fascinated her to no extent. He took the book of the shelf and read it out loud "No longer Human by Osamu Dazai?" He whispered to himself.

He flinched hearing " I heard it's good! Tell me what you think after! I have yet to read it" The librarian Ms. Marpole said as she smiled softly. Bradley blinked awkwardly for a second but then smiled softly and nodded " will do" he said. Now he had to check out the book. He's gone so far down that this small interaction made him feel inclined to read it just because her tone was so sweet and gentle. Ever since elementary school he's struggled to find anyone who would speak to him like that unless it had something to do with lust or benefits. It was such a strange form of comfort. He didn't want to let go of it.

When checking the books out he decided to read No longer Human in the library. He opened to the first page and was hit with the first few words "My life has been one of much shame." And he immediately closed the book. Well that was um... rather coincidental! One line that summed up his junior year pretty nicely. Regardless that line did intrigue him..... he reopened the book yet again and continued to read. Every twisted ideology of that book gathered his attention and intrigued him to continue on further and further with the book investing him so much that it held him tightly in a choke hold. He found himself relating a little bit here and there and because of this it really had him set on every detail and analyzing each page. He knew he fucked up when he didn't bring his bagel with him because he might just change the book he will be writing about now.

By the time the library had begun to close he was already half way through the book. He was so focused on this powerful read that he lost all tracking of time. He sighed and memorized the page number as he got up and left with his two books.

When he arrived back to the frat he felt solemn. Empty this book weighed heavy on his heart. A disgustingly, gut wrenching story expressing the authors distain in women only to be told that it was a fear caused by his early childhood sexual assaulted. Bradley couldn't deny that if he had been in a situation like that his feelings might've been pivoted or might've been more peaked depending on his chemical imbalance of his brain. Science never ceases to amaze him. How a traumatic situation like a sexual assault could either make a human more sexually active or be repulsed  by the acts itself, maybe even adore people who had the same traits of the assaulter or even be disgusted by anyone who shared the same attributes. He's never been in a position of sexual assault thankfully but what makes him different than Osamu Dazai or aka Yozo as mentioned in the book is that instead of hating anyone who shared the attribute of his abuser. Aka women. Bradley always found himself speaking comfort and clarity in appeasing those who remind him of his own abuser. His father. A strong, independent man, who holds himself with much power over others without a care in the world. Bradley had always admired that and wanted to become like him so badly, more than anything. Yet he knew from a long time ago, that, that dream seemed to be just a desensitized version of what he was forced into thinking was the ideal man.

One of the frat mates saw Bradley looking rather lost in his expression and grew worried thinking Bradley was in distraught about the X-games still. He asked "Hey Brad, you doin alright buddy?" Which broke Bradley's trance. " hm? Oh yeah I'm fine. Ignore me" he said stepping up the stairs to his room " hey man, listen were all still sorry about the x-games shit really, it's just that-" and the frat brother was interrupted. " no no! It's fine really. If you think I'm still upset you are mistaken my friend. I'm just tired. I've spent the whole day in the library and I need a break. That's all" Bradley said with an eerily tone of comfort and kindness? This wasn't normal Bradley behavior but the gamma brother shook it off "alright man whatever you say... but pizza is in the oven if you want any dude." the guy said while quickly walking away " thank you" Bradley replied. Maybe after a shower he'll grab a bite. Why not?