The last few days had been really strange. 

" Didi, there's some issue with the wirings in your brain. " , Rukku said every now and then. And Riha only glared but said nothing. 

There was an issue. And the issue was, Raajiv had suddenly gone for a vacation. Riha came to know that later when she herself called him up after his two days of disappearance. 

" ohh...yeah I'll return by Monday. " 

Riha wasn't necessarily anxious about his absence. But she was anxious upon a completely different reason. And she herself got hell irritated at times because of her unexplained anxiety.

Today's Monday, and Riha and Raajiv were sitting in the canteen for the last fifteen minutes, talking shit. Riha was relieved seeing that Raajiv was completely normal. 

" ohh come on! You're not the only beauty with brains in world right? " , he winked. 

They laughed. Raajiv made it very clear that it did momentarily hurt, a lot, but he was okay with it now. He almost knew that and now had accepted too. Riha loved his sporting nature. 

After some side talks, Riha very carefully brought up the main point, the reason of her anxiety. 

" listen... why is your friend Mr Vivaan, so strange? " 

Raajiv stared at her for a moment. And then did a facepalm gesture, uttering, "ohh no..." 

Riha kept staring with her brows squeezed. 

" haven't you still gotten over his weirdness? "

" he's not too weird actually. But he behaves strange, rude. Like he doesn't give a damn to the world. Attitude, is it?  But then, his eyes...say something else..." , Riha drifted apart. 

Raajiv sighed. Why dude, why? 

" listen Riha. I know I need to be careful because you may just think since you rejected me, I would talk rubbish about other men. But that's really not the case here..." 

Riha immediately hit his head with her palm.

"Ouuchh!!"

" Get to the point. I don't need prologues. And listen, I'm not interested in your friend as a bae.  But maybe only as a strange persona. So chill and speak."

" okay...so...

He's not your cup of tea. In fact no one's. Not even mine though I'm his school friend. He's bitter gourd juice. " 

Raajiv smirked. 

" ...fine. But someone isn't really born a bitter gourd. Something might have just made him so..." , Riha stared questioningly. 

" bitter gourds are born bitter gourds..." , Raajiv smiled. 

Riha suddenly drifted away again. " his eyes... 

If a person drenches in rain, drinks tea at 'tapdees', doesn't even snap at you for burning his hand...I don't think I can ever stamp him to be a born bitter gourd..."

" you met him again? "

Raajiv's jaw dropped. 

" accidentally. " 

A long silence prevailed. 

Raajiv usually was very careful in talking about his friends to others. And here, both Vivaan and Riha were not hisgeneral friends. He couldn't just avoid the situation. 

" Okay. I have a ward round scheduled in 5 minutes with HOD sir. So I'll brief you about my friend. "

" Vivaan used to be at the high schools with me, a shy soft boy who hardly talked much. He used to be the class topper in science stream and people would actually admire him. But since he stayed apart mostly, he was stamped as a snob too. 

Then it so happened that I had to sit beside him as a seat shuffling routine. And after that I slowly discovered that, there was more to the Vivaan we knew.

He initially took a lot of time to open up, almost a month. 

But then he did. Maybe I could gain his trust, he could rely on me much to break his silence .

Then I came to know, Vivaan's mother expired as soon as he was born. 

And his father left the world a week later. Heart failure. Maybe his father couldn't bear the shock of his mother's loss. And most importantly, the family to which he was born, had no other woman to take care of a new born baby, apart from his mother herself, who was no longer. His father might have been so stressed that he ceased to exist too. 

Anyways, the house had people who might not have been in good terms with Vivaan's parents and were not in a position to rare their child.

Vivaan was soon transfered to a missionary. 

Vivaan grew up there under the care of a father, who grew to be Vivaan's only guardian in world. Vivaan loved him so much that he didn't ever even feel like being an orphan. But when he was 11, the father suddenly expired through snake bite." 

Raajiv stopped. Riha was staring at her with eyes widened. 

" errmm...5 minutes over. I need to leave! " 

" no...please!! There must be more to it!"

" do you want me to be hanged by Ghai? He might pamper you, not me. 

Well Riha, there's a lot more to it but please don't insist upon me this way. I am not feeling too good to expose my friend's wounds to you without his permission. " 

Raajiv stood up. Riha couldn't stop him either. 

" Vivaan's life will make you sympathise with him maybe. But that's not what he deserves. He's a self made man, with only one notion in life, 'whoever he loves, dies.' " 

Riha stared at him extremely blank. " where does he stay? " 

Raajiv stared back hopelessly. " Don't really try to find a path to him Riha. No path leads to him. 

Anyways, Surya Enclave. " 

Raajiv turned to go. Yes, a little pain stuck in his throat, but he engulfed it and walked off. Poor girl. 

Riha sat at the table for sometime. Her anxiety had increased several folds. 

" ...surya enclave..." 

Her eyes suddenly lit up. She took the phone out and dialed a number. " Shruti! I've decided. I'll shift to your place tomorrow! "

*****

The room was dark, apart from the light of the candle that lit the table before him. 

The table held a glass of wine, and a sheet of paper. Nothing else. 

Vivaan had been sitting like that for the last half an hour, and had been checking the time and date again and again. 

8:49 pm. 18th June , 2016.

He took up the almost worn out sheet of paper, smelled it deeply. Every word on the piece of paper was known to him by heart. But everytime he read the thing again, he couldn't help admiring the beauty of the words. And the handwriting. 

Every year on this exact date and time, he would sit with a candle lit, a glass of wine and this ten years old sheet of paper. A letter.

It read something like this. 

" Dearest Vivaan, 

This is the first letter I'm writing to anyone on earth. So any mistake might be forgiven I guess. I know you will. 

Vivaan, I write this letter to you to ask for forgiveness. I never knew I could be loved even. That too, by a boy like you. I believe you don't know, but I have always known you from the core of my heart too. But I really don't have courage to say that I have loved you, too. 

Your friend said, you are shy and cannot confess your love for me. How I wish, you had never actually sent him to confess love either. I could have been a bit less guilty. .

Vivaan, thank you for loving me. But I myself don't love me! I cannot! My life isn't in my hands. My life is decided by them. That I could continue my studies till date was by the grace of my grandfather who expired only last week. And I don't know how my life will now be. They won't allow me to do anything I wish to with my life Vivaan, leave alone loving someone I choose. 

Vivaan, my life is a curse! I wish no one gets a life like me. I cannot even cry on will. They choke me. They cage me. They break me. I don't believe they are my family, and I belong to them by blood... 

Vivaan, my grandfather was the only reason of my life. But he left me alone too early in this dark world. I don't know what they're going to do with me, my life, just because I'm a girl, and I'm born with things which people on this world have more right on, even my family. 

I miss ammi...I miss abbu... I miss daddu...

And so, it's time. 

You are too young to drive me out of darkness Vivaan. And I've grown too old for my age. 

I wish you had never loved me Vivaan. Never ever. 

Forever yours, 

Suhaana Parveen. " 

The letter reached Vivaan at 6:39 pm, 18th June, 2006. 

The police later confirmed, Suhaana had hanged herself and breath her last on 8:49 pm, the same day.

Vivaan carefully placed the letter back on the table, took up the glass of wine. His eyes welled up so much that everything appeared blur. But not a drop fell. 

I should have never loved you Suhaana. 

Knowing that, my love kills... 

Dude! Don't cry, don't love.

+++++++++++++++++

Feedback awaited. 

Picture edit credit : Uploader