The fireworks go off, but I don't watch them. I hear the laughter from everyone around me, but it seems distant. I watch Caroline and Matt kiss as she sits on his lap, Damon is rubbing Bonnie's stomach smiling down at his unborn daughter, Kelly is talking to Tyler while Ric and Stefan set off more Black Cats. Everyone is enjoying themselves except me, I just wish things could've been different. In my drunken stupor, I can't help but to think about the what ifs and maybes now that Stefan is back. Maybe I would've been married or engaged to Stefan if he wouldn't have gone to prison. Watching little green eyed kids running around the back yard on this summer night. Things flipped upside so quickly five years ago, everything changed went Stefan went away. It was crazy back then when people found out we were a couple, the man who didn't do relationships anymore got hooked by none other than his bad ass, best friend's little sister. All I do know is that up until today, I've been doing fine for the last couple of years and all it took was Mr. Sexy Salvatore and all of our memories walking back into my life and I'm a fucking mess.

I hate drinking and thinking, my mom always said that nothing good happens when you drink and think. Oh how I wish Katherine Charlotte Gilbert Pierce was here, she would give me a hug, kiss my cheek and tell me how much she loves me, then slap me for tormenting myself. "I see the party is still going." I hear Liv's voice and look up to see her walking across the backyard with none other than Stefan's ex in tow. You've got to be kidding me, since when did she start hanging out with trash? "I got a text from Ty saying that a certain someone was out if I wanted to drop by and see him." She says while she hugs Stefan with a big smile on her face. "I've missed you." "Yeah I've missed everyone too, its good to be back." He says to her before his eyes dart over to HER. "Tessa?" Stefan says her name with surprise in his voice. She gives him a devilish smirk and in an instant she snatches him into a kiss and my face heats in pure rage. Stefan holds on to her waist as she wraps her arms around his neck and he leans into the kiss. "Its nice to see you regular clothes instead of you being in a jumpsuit." She purrs and my heart fucking shatters all over again. Fucking really? Tessa fucking Cortez was able to visit him, but not me? His slutty ex girlfriend was there with him through everything? Stefan's eyes snap to me and he's got a nervous look on his face. A look that says. 'I'm fucked and scared of her reaction'. Good he should be scared of what will come out of my mouth.

"Oh, Leney I didn't see you sitting there all by yourself." She says fake as fuck with her fake fucking smile. Everyone knows that I hate being called 'Leney', dumbest nickname ever. As immature as it sounds, its always been this way and that's just how it is, I hate her and she hates me. Our mutual hate started way before Stefan ever moved here and only got worse over the years. Tyler was never a fan of his cousin either so it never bothered him that I let my hate for her be known, he even joined in on many talks about her. I was thankful to have his loyalty over his flesh and blood. I guess that's why Liv is hanging out with her, Tessa I'm sure had a lot to say about her cheating cousin. Tyler screwed up and now Tessa is loving it. I shrug and a take a drink out of the bourbon bottle I have. "So this is your place huh?" I nod my head and take another drink. "Its a step up from what you had before, guess you're doing well off." I get up from my seat on the picnic bench and step towards her, no one says a word. They all know me and this bitch HATE each other with a burning passion so there's no telling how this will go. With the bottle in my hand I stretch my arms out and grin, "Get a good look around Tessy, this is as close as you'll ever come to being in a nice neighborhood, with a nice fucking house around a bunch of wealthy people." I may be being childish and my funds from modeling are coming to an end and I can't afford this place anymore, but fuck her. We all grew up in the same poor shitty town in the same shitty trailer park, but at least I tried to better myself. "Sweetheart as long as you keep swinging on that pole, you'll always be straight up trailer trash, it suits you though. You're a fifth generation slut, why stop now right?" I say pointing to her before walking into my house and slamming the door shut.

A few minutes later Caroline and Bonnie walk into my room, the bottle is empty and I'm laid out on the bedroom floor staring up at the ceiling. "Why did I act like that, I mean I just acted like the jealous ex and that's not me. I'm not a stupid teenager who is into drama and cattiness. On top of it, I was snotty." Caroline giggles, "Well, Bonnie filled me in on the Tessa hoe and well I believe you had the right to say whatever you wanted to say to her." This is why I love her, she believes that people who act like shit should get treated like shit. Caroline soon to be Donovan is fucking awesome. Bonnie sits on my lounge chair and sighs, "Look Elena, don't let her or Stefan get into your head. You're moving on to bigger and better things, I know you and you're going to head back up to New York. You are good at modelling and the income is insane, and yes Stefan wouldn't let you come visit him yet he allowed her to, so what? You my sweet dear friend are above them." I roll over on to my stomach and look up to her, the room spins and I have to close my eyes. "How am I above them? You, me, Damon, Tyler and Matt all grew up in the same shit hole trailer park as she did. Stefan moved here with his friend Zack and he lived in the same fucking hell hole we did." Bonnie nods her head, "I know Elena, but out of all of us, you made it out. You went to college and then to New York and made mega money, legit money. You're educated and you've become a world traveler." I laugh dryly. "And you know where that got me." Caroline sighs, "You came out a stronger and better person Elena, you made it through some fucked up shit. Don't let Stefan and his hoe drag you back down into a bad place." I look up to them and hold in a stupid cry, "He hated her, Stefan told me many times that he did and that's why he wasn't keen on dating anymore, that's why he only fucked and forgot."

Yeah that was until he got roped in by me, but still Tessa and her fake ass press on nails was hated by Stefan. He let her know all the time how much of a waste of space she was. "Not that it should fucking matter now, but I'm second guessing our whole relationship, granted it wasn't a very long relationship, but fuck. I'm confused I mean just hours ago he told me that he would always love me, that what he felt for me was real. He didn't want me to think that everything was fake on his end. Now though, I don't know what to believe and i can't understand why its bothering me!" Caroline sits down next to me and shakes her head while holding my hand, "Well, if the case is that he still wanted her or lied to you or whatever, at least now you can get over him officially and not worry about what was." Bonnie smiles and nods her head in agreement, "She's right." I smile at my girls, my best fucking friends, "Is she gone?" "Do you really think baby mama let her stay?" Caroline asks making me burst into a fit of giggles, Bonnie hates her too and probably jumped on the chance to get rid of that snake. "Oh, I love y'all." I say sweetly with what I am sure is a huge sloppy grin on my face thanks to the amount of alcohol I've consumed. "Well, I'm going to go back outside and taking a dip in the pool." I say struggling to get up, and with the help of Caroline, I'm standing again.

"Are you sure you're stable enough to get in water?" Bonnie asks me standing to her feet after I get a new beach towel. She has her protective hand of her baby bump, I look down to my niece who is nestled in there, I can't wait to hold her tiny self. "Yeah, all good here Bon." I nod my head and start rummaging through my bikinis in my dresser, I'm weird I know but the one I took off would be wet and cold. They leave me to it and I find my polka dot neon green and bright blue bikini with beads on the strings. I keep my hair down this time and I exit the house through the kitchen, everyone is still having a good time which makes me happy considering my childish outburst over Tessa. Sighing I make my way over to the pool stopping by the cooler to grab a beer, I'm already highly intoxicated and a beer on top of all the liquor I've drank isn't good, but fuck it. Its the Fourth of July and like a firework, I'm going out with a bang. I walk onto the steps of the deck and see Stefan leaning on the railing staring into the night sky. His back is to me so I light a cigarette while making zero eye contact with him is what's best right now.

I ease into the pool holding up my beer and cigarette, so water won't get on either item. "Did you really think I wouldn't notice you?" Stefan asks me with his back still turned. "I didn't care if you noticed or not." I tell him getting on my chair float successfully. He scoffs at me. "Right, that's the reason you didn't say anything to me." I burn a hole into the back of his head, I just want this conversation over so I can enjoy the rest of my night. "It's nice to see the stars, I've missed just being able to drive out somewhere and be surrounded by silence while watching them." Yes, hard ass Stefan loved him some star gazing, thanks to me. The first time I got him to do it he thought is was dumb, but once we were a couple it was our thing to do. For a second I feel bad for him, but then I remember that he did it to himself and he can't place blame on his missed opportunities on anyone else. "Maybe the next time you think about doing something stupid, you'll remember what you could lose in the process, such as looking at the stars in a open field." I may have come off as a bitch and hinted that he lost me, but I'm mad about Tessa, when I should just be over it. Over him. He damn well knew what the hell he was getting himself into with Enzo and yet he did it anyway. Enzo St. John is such a trustworthy guy, said no one ever! When Stefan turns to face me I see his eyes rake over my body and see the desire in his eyes, his hand clenches the beer bottle he's holding, however I'm too drunk to care that he's staring at me. "You're right." Stefan's statement is quiet, but I don't respond just keep drinking my beer. "Look Elena, about Tessa, its.. its hard to explain." I shake my head and hold up my hand, "You don't have to explain anything Stefan, I'm over it."

Now he is the one to shake his head, "Elena, I don't really know what to here except she begged to come see me, so I sent her the visitor papers just to see what the hell she wanted. We had a heart to heart and she kept coming to visit me and over time we became friends. Now that I'm out she's wanting to help me get back into society and see where things take us. I don't know what we are to be honest, but its nice to have someone else in my life." Oh fuck I feel tears prick my eyes, my mouth starts to water and my stomach churns. All I can do is stare at him, I mean not even five hours ago he was all over me and saying things I've longed to hear, when he said that I had no idea how long he's wanted to kiss me, it made me feel happy to know that I wasn't completely out of his mind. I shouldn't have wanted to hear anything from him, I moved on. Well, I keep telling myself, but look at me. I'm a mess. Why couldn't he have kept that to himself? Does he really think I want to know those things? I jump off the float and flick my cigarette out into the yard and end up spilling my beer into the pool, I leave it there so I can make my way over to the side to get out on to the deck. I manage to get my body to cooperate and get out. I end up laying on my back holding my eyes shut, the sick feeling won't go away and I feel so tired now. Why the hell did I leave my bedroom? My heart is pounding and I'm seeing black spots, anxiety attacks suck and I haven't had one in a while. No, no, no. God this has turned into a shitty Holiday.

"Lena, are you okay?" I hear him ask, but I don't answer him, I can't.

When he picks me up I'm so limp, I feel Stefan carrying me towards the house, I can barely hear him tell everyone that I'm fine, just passed out drunk. Then the cold air from the AC hits my wet skin and I'm instantly freezing, but I welcome it. As my back hits the bed, my body is stripped naked and I snuggle into the warmth of the sheets and comforter. Then another kind of warmth hits my back when I roll over onto my side, the heat is familiar and with heavy eyes I lose myself in it.