Virgil POV
A loud clap of thunder jolted me out of my sleep.  I rolled over onto my side but instantly regretted it feeling a sharp pain. 

I groaned.  I opened my eyes, but the second I did, my mind was flooded with all the memories from the last thing I remember. 

I tried to kill myself.  But I'm still here.  I started feeling very panicky.  They know.  Oh god they know all about it now. 

I looked down at my wrists and my worst fears were confirmed.  I wasn't wearing my hoodie, completely exposing all my cuts to the world.  The ones on my wrists were bandaged. 

Why didn't I die?  Why am I still here?  Fuck, I never should have trusted Deceit.  I should've known that the liquid thing wouldn't hurt me.  The others must have found me hanging, but still managed to save me in time. 

I pushed the blankets off of me and tried to stand up.  Within seconds of putting weight on my feet, I fell back onto the bed hissing in pain. 

I felt extremely lightheaded and a headache started to begin.  Everything hurt.  Especially my wrists and my chest.  And my neck...

With all my strength, I pulled myself upwards and to my bathroom.  I clutched onto anything I could to keep my balance and leaned heavily on the wall.  I looked in the mirror. 

I looked absolutely hideous.

My eyeshadow was streaked down my face from crying.  And around my neck was a long black and blue line surrounded by rope burns.  My hair was an absolute mess and I somehow looked even paler than usual.

I grabbed a towel off the floor and soaked it in water. I started rubbing off all my eyeshadow. I looked a lot different without it and I felt different too. Like a piece of my armor was taken off.

I opened the cabinet next to the sink and grabbed my eyeshadow and eyeliner. I put on the eyeliner and than smudged it. I than applied the eyeshadow and smudged that too, trying to cover up the dark bags underneath my eyes.

I felt fear build up in my stomach again as I thought about seeing everyone. They'd have so many questions. They're probably angry with me for doing this. God, Thomas must be furious with me.

I hands started shaking, so I put down the eyeshadow. I turned and walked back to my bed. I sat down on the end of it, feeling bad chest pains.

I know I have to face everyone. But I'd rather just crawl back into bed and forget this ever happened.

Boo hoo, the crybaby didn't die in his sleep

Your such a failure

Couldn't even kill yourself properly

Your...friends...are very disappointed in you

"Get out of my head Deceit." I whispered, my throat feeling incredibly soar.

Sorry, no can do

Your stuck with me, but you know how to get rid of me for periods of time

"I'm not cutting myself again."

Oh why not

Such a shame your still alive

Please, do everyone a favor and do a better job next time

"There won't be a next time." I hissed. "I'm not listening to you anymore."

Sure Virgil, you keep telling yourself that

Well, go talk to everyone

I'm sure they all have some nice words to say to you

I sighed and shook my head. I ran my hands through my hair.  I stood up slowly, but grimaced as my headache got worse. 

I picked my hoodie off of the floor and pulled it on quickly. 

I walked over to the door and pulled it open.  I peeked my head out and looked down the hallway.  I could hear everyone talking downstairs in Thomas's living room. 

And they were talking about me...

Leaning heavily against the wall, I slowly made my way down the hallway.  Once I reached the top of the stairs, I took a deep breath and tried to gather my thoughts. 

Do I really want to talk to them so soon, even see them so soon after I woke up?  Do I really feel like dealing with their anger from this at the moment?

I sighed and took a deep breath.  I pushed all the negative thoughts out of my mind.

"I think you have a lot of questions for me." I said. I walked farther down the stairs and into view of everyone.

"Virgil!" Screamed Patton before running over to me and pulling me into a tight hug. I felt a faint smile on my lips for a faint second but it disappeared when I saw Thomas and Logan's faces.

Their faces were full of regret and disappointment.  I knew I should've just stayed in my room. 

Roman was standing there awkwardly, just looking blankly at me.  Patton let go of me, but held me at arms length.

"Okay, I'm just gonna speak for everyone here,"  Said Roman.  "What the hell Virgil?"

I took a deep breath.  I knew they would be mad.  I didn't even know where to start.  I can't do this. 

"Virgil...if you were hurting so much...why'd you never come to us?"  Asked Thomas.  I glared at him, honestly shocked that he even had to ask the kind of question.

"First of all Thomas,"  I started, my voice still scratchy.  "It's pretty damn obvious that you guys never wanted me here.  So why the hell would I tell the people that made me feel this way, that I was feeling this way." 

"We're sorry Virgil."  Whispered Thomas.

"Sorry isn't gonna cut it."  I growled, feeling genuine anger welling up inside me.  "You tried to get rid of me." 

"I thought it would just calm you down!"  Said Thomas, starting to raise his voice.  "Besides, Logan said it would be okay!" 

"I advised you that the pills would not hurt Virgil."  Said Logan defensively.  "And they didn't.  They were never intended to destroy you." 

"I get I can be a handful, but it's my fucking job Logan."  I said angrily. 

"Language!" Patton yelled.

"I can't just stop being anxiety or choose how much of Thomas's anxiety I can take on myself.  I'm so fucking sorry that sometimes I can't control it, and it gives Thomas some anxiety."

"I never said anything about wanting to get rid of you."  Argued Logan.

"Maybe not but taking anxiety pills sure as hell did intend that you wanted me gone in some aspect."

"Can we please stop arguing."  Begged Patton.  "We need to help Virgil, not make things worse by being mean to each other."

"Oh be quiet Patton."  Said Roman.  Patton let out a small gasp.  "Virgil hella messed up and he needs to understand what he did was wrong." 

"Don't tell Patton what to do."  Growled Logan. 

Panic started to rise in my stomach. 

"Oh I'm sorry!"  Yelled Roman.  "Virgil tried to fucking kill himself over a few pills!" 

"It wasn't just a few pills and you know it."  I said quietly. 

"What happened to the Roman that was willing to risk infection to save Virgil?"  Accused Patton. 

"Well..."  Said Roman, now speechless.  "It was the right thing to do!"

"The right thing to do now is to help Virgil!"  Yelled Thomas, getting all of our attentions. 

"We already know that Thomas."  Said Logan.

"Virgil just needs to learn to control his problems, as to not hurt everyone else."  Said Roman. 

"Why are you guys not being sympathetic?!"  Yelled Patton, clearly distressed.  "Virgil could have died!  And all your doing is yelling at him!"

"I'm sorry Virgil."  Said Logan.  "It wasn't wise of us to argue."

"I can't say I'm sorry."  Said Roman.  "You chose to do that horrible thing." 

"You think I get a choice Roman?"  I hissed. 

"You didn't have to attempt suicide."  He growled back.  We stared at each other for a while. 

"You just don't get it."  I whispered. 

"Virgil, you could've chosen to not kill yourself."

"You tried to get rid of me."

"The pills wouldn't have destroyed you!"

"It wasn't just the damn pills!"  I screamed, causing my throat to hurt badly.  "You think I don't hear the four of you talking about me!  You think I can stop that problems that I cause, the bad emotions I give Thomas. If I could control it, trust me I would!  If you think for a fucking second I like being like this, your wrong!  I hate being me.  I hate everything about myself and what I do!  But I don't get a fucking choice!  Because this is how I was created!  And it sure as hell doesn't help when I have you four constantly making me feel even worse!  You yell at me and call me names and blame me for everything!  I deal with this every fucking day and it gets exhausting!  I deal with overwhelming amounts of anxiety and depression.  And the only way to get rid of it was self harming.  I'm sorry I can't control the bad feelings when I'm having a bad day!  It's hard being the disorder, okay?!" 

I hadn't even noticed that I had started to cry.  I wiped away a few tears, and looked at the ground for a second.  I started shaking. 

"If you want to hate me, go right ahead.  But I think I have enough hate for myself to go around without all of you making me feel like shit for stuff I can't control."

I didn't let anyone say anything.  I turned around quickly and ran back upstairs to my room. 

I slammed the door shut and fell the ground, my back up against the door.  I started sobbing, shaking violently.  I pushed the palms of my hands into my eyes, trying to stop myself from crying. 

But the panic still overcame me.  I rocked back and forth, digging my fingernails into my palms, leaving little bloody half moons in my hands. 

Parasite

Freak

Disorder

What better ways to describe someone like you

At least the others understand that know

That your just a burden

A little nuisance

A parasite in Thomas's mind

And parasites need to be squashed out. 

I shook my head again.  I didn't want to cut.  I don't want to.  I never wanted to start cutting in the first place. 

But the voices make you do crazy things.