❦☽ FUNNY COMMENTS TIME ☾❦

❦☽ FUNNY COMMENTS TIME OVER ☾❦

rEvAn aNgsT?!?!?!?!?

TRIGGER WARNINGS :

Evan POV
I looked at my back the best I could in the mirror. I moved my hand to run my fingers of the edge of the scars.

Being completely unblemished was something I was proud of. I'm not prideful or narcissistic, but something about not having any scars on me made me feel more innocent.

But these ghastly, long, pink scars going across my back disguised me.  Made me feel ugly.  The scar tissue was all pink and twisted.  And then the big one following down my back. 

I hate these scars.  I hate them so much.  Logan said they'd fade to white soon, they're just pink and red now because they're inflamed.  But I don't want to wait.  I want them to go away now.

I pulled my hand away from my back, briefly flitting over my hip.  My thoughts bounced from the scars to Remus.

Another scar.  But in a different sense.  One on my heart and mind.  Invisible but just as painful.

I miss him. But I don't know how to feel about him anymore. I was naïve to think he actually liked me. That he didn't just want to get in my pants.

Oh how foolish I was.

A loud crack of thunder erupted from the sky suddenly. I screamed, jumping slightly in shock.

No no no no. No please no storms. Please no thunderstorms this late at night. I can't. I can't go back there. No no no no no no no

I quickly headed back into the bedroom, glancing towards the window.  A flash of lightening lit up the doorway. 

I backed away from the window, my back hitting the wall.  I stared wide eyed at the window, watching as the storm gathered.

I ran to my bed and grabbed my old pink sweatshirt.  I quickly pulled it on.  For a second, I imagined it was Remus's hoodie.

I quickly pushed that thought away and grabbed Bun off the bed.  I held him tightly to my chest, shaking as I tried to fight off bad memories.

And then the storm unleashed.  With a loud clap of thunder, the skies opened up and started downpouring.  The sound was loud against the roof but not overwhelming. 

Yet.

I laid down on the bed, facing away from the window.  I was shaking, tears in my eyes.  But every time I closed my eyes I feared I'd wake back up in that ally. 

Stuck there.  Seizing uncontrollably.  The pain.  The darkness.  The fear. 

I shook my head, trying to convince myself I was safe.  That it had happened years ago.  I wasn't there and I never will be again.

Where's Wylan?  We always hang out, maybe he can talk with me and I'll feel better.   Or maybe Patton, he cares a lot. Virgil or Quinn might understand with the PTSD and might know how to help.

But I don't want to bother anyone. It's late at night. I don't want to seem like a baby because I can't handle a stupid thunderstorm. And it'd be hard to explain what happens without my voice.

Another clap of thunder sounded, as if the storm knew I had called it stupid. I shivered, almost feeling the cold rain pelting against my back. The cold, wet stone underneath me.

There was a soft knock on the door, causing me to jump. I slowly got up, still clutching Bun to my chest.

I opened the door and looked out. It was Remus. Without a second thought, I slammed the door shut.

But Remus shoved his foot in the way so I couldn't completely shut the door. He grimaced in pain.

I kept trying to shut the door, now crying. It's bad enough with the storm I really don't want to deal with Remus right now too.

Remus used his strength to push the door open. I was already weak from the parasite and I'm just not very tough in general.

He easily forced the door open and stepped in. I slammed the door shut, not expecting him to make it into the room.

"Evan," He said gently. I scrambled away from him, jumping up on the bed. I grabbed a pillow and chucked it at him.

Remus easily caught it with his hand before it hit his face. I continued to pelt him with pillows until I had none left.

"Evan we need to talk," Remus told me, a pained look on his face. I shook my head furiously.

I reached over to the nightstand, grimacing as the movement pulled at the still tender scars. I grabbed my notebook with all my sheet music and chucked it at him.

"Fucking hell Evan," Remus grumbled as it hit him in the chest. I don't care if it hurts him. He hurt me. I don't want him near me.

I moved off the bed and grabbed my book I was reading and threw it next. Anything to keep him at the door away from me.

Remus dodged easily this time. I was shaking and crying too much to have good aim. I reached for the bottle of water next.

But Remus darted forewords and grabbed me roughly. I struggled, wanting to scream but unable to. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and pressing my back against his chest. He had me successfully trapped.

I struggled and tried to swing my legs back to kick him. Remus shushed me and gently lowered to the ground.

I stopped struggling. I give up. Let him do what he wants. So long as it's quick. Make thunderstorms even worse for me. I just sobbed heavily, my entire body shaking violently.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Remus told me. "Calm down."

I couldn't calm down. I can barely breath. Nothing but fear was in my body right now. Fear of the thunderstorm. Fear of Remus.

"Evan please," I begged him. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

My crying ceased a bit. Emile told me Remus can't help it because of what he represents. I don't want to accept it even though it makes sense.

"I can't help it sometimes," He mumbled, his voice thick with emotion. "I get too horny and then I hurt people. I hurt you. The one person that loved me and I hurt you. I almost made you have a seizure. Oh Satan I hate myself for hurting you."

I remained silent, not like I had much of a choice though. My crying remained the same.

"I'm so sorry Evan," Remus said, actually crying now. "I didn't mean it. I wish I could take it back."

A part of me believes him. Wants to go running back to him. But the other half of me says to be cautious. I ran too quickly into the relationship and then I got hurt.

"Evan please, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me," Remus begged. "You don't have to date me. I understand if you hate me. But I can't live with myself knowing I hurt you."

My shaking slowly came to a halt. Remus slowly let go of me. But I didn't move away from him.

He passed me my notebook and pencil. I flipped open to a black page with shaky hands. A few tears fell off my cheeks and onto the paper, staining it.

I took a deep breath and started writing. My handwriting was shaking and uneven but luckily legible.

Why did you do it? I asked. Remus took a deep, shaky breath.

"I can't help it. I'm sorry. I was horny and you kept doing stuff that turned me off. But it is in no way your fault. It's only mind. I tried to force myself onto you when you obviously didn't want it and I hurt you by doing so. It's my fault and I have no good enough excuse for my behavior."

I can forgive you. I wrote slowly. A part of me was screaming no. But most of me wants Remus back. Maybe not completely at first, but I miss him too much.

Remus let out a chocked sob. He smiled despite the tears leaving streaks of eyeshadow down his cheeks.

"Thank you Buttercup," He mumbled. I could tell he wanted to hug me.

I turned and held my arms open, inviting him in. Remus smiled brightly and pulled me into a tight hug. I hugged back. But eventually I pulled back and started writing again.

I guess I understand why it happened. But promise you'll never do it again. If you ever feel like that again, don't do something you'll regret. I wrote quickly, trying to make him understand without words that I forgive him.

"Of course I promise," Remus. "Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a steak knife in my eye."

I let out a little quick breath out my nose. Laughing in the only way I could. Remy smiled and forcefully wiped all his tears away.

But a crack of thunder made me jump, my hands instantly going to Bun at my side. Remus's eyes softened.

"Can I touch you?" He asked softly. I nodded frantically, already moving into his lap.

Remus held me tightly as I cried into his shoulder. I can't function when there's storms. Too many memories.

Too much. It's all too much. It's too dark and it's too loud. The flashes of lightening. The claps of loud thunder. The sound of rain. All mixing together, sending me back there.

I held tighter to Remus, digging my hands into his shirt. He was just wearing black sweatpants and a black shit with cartoonish neon green pentagrams, ouija boards, planchets, and tarot cards.

Remus slowly got up, carrying me in his arms. I tensed as he laid me down on my bed.

"I'm not gonna do anything," He said in a hurt voice. "The bed is probably more comfortable then the floor."

I nodded slowly, letting him tuck me. I curled up, knees to my chest, clutching Bun tightly to me. Remus pulled the blankets up over me.

For a second, I felt warm and safe. And then it was instantly shattered by an extremely loud crack of thunder. I squeezed my eyes shut, letting out a chocked sob.

I can't. I can't. I can't go back there. I can't be there anymore. I can't think about it. I don't want to think about it.

The cold. The dark. The lightening. The thunder. The cold puddle. The wet stone. The rain. The seizing.

Remus sat at my feet, gently running a hand on my back. I relaxed into him touch even thought I didn't like the idea of people touching the scars.

I moved and made grabby hands at Remus. Silently begging him to hold me. He understood and moved to my side.

Remus stayed above the covers even though I could see obvious goosebumps on his skin. I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him down next to me.

I pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before burying my face in his chest. I breathed in his comforting smell. Well it was present but it was a familiar smell I associated with safety and love.

I moved again, pulling the covers over Remus too. Then I returned to being curled up against his chest.

"You're too nice," Remus mumbled, running a hand through my hair, gently pulling at the gentle curls. I looked up at him questioningly. "You're already upset cause of the storm and yet you're trying to take care of me because I'm cold."

I shrugged. It's a force of habit. Remus moved, bringing up his knees to spoon me. I kept my face against his chest, letting him rest his chin on top of my head. He wrapped his arms securely around me.

Despite the storm, I felt a little better. I let out soft sigh before gently brushing my lips over Remus's. He blushed, as did I. I moved back down, resting my head in the crook of his neck.

"Thank you Buttercup," Remus mumbled. "Love you."