❦☽ FANART TIME ☾❦

@your_thot_child

❦☽ FANART TIME OVER ☾❦

TRIGGER WARNING : blood, swearing, fighting, punching, talks about self harm (cutting), ANGST, panic attacks, talks about death

Virgil POV
The urges are back.

For no fucking apparent reason, the urges are back. The urge to find something sharp and make myself bleed. To make my wrists stained red with my blood.

It's around midnight last time I checked. I haven't been able to fall asleep. I'm worried about Evan. I'm worried about Thomas. I'm worried about Dee.

Roman was snoring softly next to me, deep in sleep. But I was wide away, shaking slightly, trying my best not to cut.  To not get up and lock myself in the bathroom.  To not dismantle yet another razor and cut myself. 

I wanted to wake up Roman so he could talk me out of it.  But I didn't want to bother him. 

But that allowed for my mind to take over.  For the voices to take over again.  But they hurt even more now.  It isn't Deceit or Corruption's voice in my head anymore.  It's my own voice, telling me all the horrible truths about myself.  And that's makes it so much worse.

you're just a burden

a mistake

you will always be the bad guy

the villain in Thomas's life

you don't help Thomas

all you do is mess everything up

you are nothing more than a parasite in Thomas's mind...hurting him

a flaw...a mistake...that isn't needed

it's your fault that Evan is suffering

you can never do anything right

you deserve to be alone

you deserve all their hate

you deserve to disappear

you deserve to die

all of this is your fault

if you weren't so weak, none of this would have happened

no one would be suffering

you should be the only one suffering

it'd be better if you just killed yourself

I couldn't stop a few tears from slipping out of my eyes.  The voice is right.  All of this is my own fault.  If I had never tried to kill myself all those months ago, none of this would have happened.

My mistakes have gotten people hurt.  I've hurt too many people.  I don't deserve to be happy when Evan is downstairs practically on his death bed.

If only I had gotten to him sooner.  Maybe things would've ended up better.  But no, I fucked that up just like I do everything else.

Despite being away from Corruption for about a week and a half now, I can't shake the hold he had on me.  The feeling of absolute fear and submission.

The way he would act towards me.  What he did to me.  How he turned me against myself.  How he controlled me. 

Just thoughts of that caused my shaking to worsen.  My hands tightened on the bedsheets, holding tightly onto them to ground myself.

My lungs constricted as a panic attack set in.  I need to calm down before I affect Thomas.

But I can't breath.  I can't breath.  Everything is too much.  I feel like I'm suffocating in my own body.

"Virgil?" Roman mumbled, moving a bit to face me. Fuck, I woke him up. "Are you okay?"

I wanted to say yes. To say that I'm fine. That I'll be fine, because somehow I always survive. But I couldn't.

"No," I whispered.

"What's wrong?" He asked, moving into a sitting position. He rubbed sleep from his eyes, then now filled with concern.

"P-Panic...attack..." I mumbled, grimacing slightly as that little bit of talking made it harder to breath. My vision started dancing in and out of focus.

"Hey, listen to my voice," Roman said in a soft comforting voice. "Take deep breaths. In for four seconds, hold for seven, exhale for eight."

I tried to do what Roman was telling me to do but I couldn't. I could barely take a breath for more than two seconds.

But eventually, with lots of help from Roman, I managed to calm down before going into a full blown panic attack.

"I'm sorry,"  I mumbled, still taking deep breaths.  "Didn't meant to wake you."

"I don't mind,"  Roman told me, calmingly running his fingers through my hair.  "Your mental health matters a lot more to me than sleep."

"I'm still sorry," 

"Do you know what caused your attack?"  He asked.  Such an innocent question.  Yet able to strike so much fear into my heart.

I didn't answer with words.  I moved against his side and laid one of my hands on his bare chest.  I ran my finger over all the scars going down my wrist. 

"You want to cut,"  He stated blatantly, but I could hear the emotion in his voice.  I nodded 'yes' in response. 

"Don't listen to whatever voice in your head that's telling you that,"  He told me, moving me so that I was on chest.

"I know, but it's hard,"  I mumbled, feeling tears in my eyes.  I laid my head against his chest.  It was warm, the skin soft but tough.  I could feel and hear his heartbeat against my ear. 

"You will get better,"  Roman told me.  "I love you and I will make sure that you'll be okay one day."

"I love you too,"  I told him, my way of thanking him. 

We were silent for a little while.  We were both wide awake now, but both content with just being next to each other.

After months apart, times like these are always nice.  We're we can just cuddle and be together.  There's a safe calm feeling to it that I really like.

Of course that's when screaming started coming from downstairs. 

We both bolted upright, Roman instantly wrapping his arms around me in a protective manor. 

The yelling continued, along with loud sobbing.  I looked up at Roman and the look in his eyes confirmed that we were thinking the same thing.

Evan.

We both got up and out of the bed quickly.  I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and pulled them on quickly, along with one of Roman's red hoodies.  Roman just pulled on a Heathers T-shirt, not bothering with pants.

We went rushing down the hallway and to the living room.  Quinn was down the stairs right after us.  Logan and Patton were already downstairs.  Deceit was no where in sight. 

Remus was actually sobbing.  Holding tightly to Evan's hand while quietly begging him to wake up. 

The stillness of Evan confirmed what I suspected.  Evan died.

Logan moved to Evan's side and turned Evan over onto his back.  Logan quickly got to work giving Evan CPR. 

But Evan's body remained still despite Logan's attempts to save him.  Logan continued trying to get Evan's heart to start back up.

But eventually he let out a sigh and moved away.  Patton started crying.  He had to sit down, putting his head in his hands.

I felt tears in my eyes, threatening to fall.  I was shaking again.  I grabbed Roman's hand, holding tightly to him.  Roman was shaking about as much as I was. 

Quinn however, hadn't really reacted.  If anything, the death was having no toll on him.  What...is he smiling?!  I can swear I see a faint smile on his lips.

"Why'd you stop?"  Remus asked, his voice cracking with emotional pain.  "Save him!"

"I can't."  Logan admitted.  "We can't keep trying to delay the inevitable.  Evan was going to die no matter what."

No one said anything.  No one knew what to say.  Evan just died.  How do you react to something like that?

Suddenly, Remus lunged at Logan.  Knocking Logan to the ground, Remus starting punching him.

We were all too afraid to do anything.  No one wanted to get in the way of a raging Remus. 

But when Logan gained a bloody nose, I nudged Roman to stop it.  Roman sighed but pulled his brother off of Logan.

"Why would you fucking say that?!"  Remus screamed, tears streaming down his face.  His entire body was shaking in anger.

"It is the truth!"  Logan yelled back.  "Wether you like it or not!"

Remus looked ready to attack again, Roman tensing up to stop his brother.  Before any more serious damage can happen.

But a sudden sound stopped everyone in their tracks.  A breath. 

A deep, pain filled, ragged breath.  But a breath nonetheless. 

We all looked over at Evan.  Watching in shock as his chest rose slowly again.  It was painstakingly slow, but Evan was breathing.