TRIGGER WARNING - self harm/cutting in detail lots of blood

Virgil POV

I trudged tiredly up to my room.  I didn't want to be alone.  Not at all.  But Corruption made me, he forced his way back into my mind. 

He threatened Roman.  So I listened to him and left.  I didn't want to leave Roman. I want to go back down the stairs and curl up in his arms. I felt safe in his arms.

I don't want to be alone.  I can only imagine why Corruption wants me alone right now.  I felt those first few wisps of anxiety welling up in my stomach.  I'm not feeling safe now.

I reached my door and took a deep breath.  I pushed it open.  I stepped into the room and turned my back quickly to shut the door. 

I jumped and had to bite back a scream when I turned around.  Corruption was sitting on my bed, sitting there like he owned the place. 

"Hello P-Pet."  He said lowly, waggling his fingers at me in a wave.

"What...what happened...to your face?"  I breathed out, unable to pull my eyes away from the horrid scar.  In place of where his glitching eye once was, was a black gaping, bloody hole.  There was no eye there anymore.  A long, wide scar ran down from his temple, across the eye socket, and down his cheek to his chin.  The skin around his eyes was red and twisted as if he had been burned. 

"De-Deceit did this t-to m-m-me."  He growled, running his fingers over the scar.  "Ya kn-know, when h-h-he stabbed m-me in the eye." 

I wasn't going to lie.  He look absolutely hideous and terrifying with the scar and missing eye.  Corruption laughed as my fear of him grew. 

"Why are you here?"  I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. 

"N-Now now my P-Pet,"  He purred, getting off my bed.  "Am I n-not allowed t-t-to visit y-you?"  He strolled leisurely over to me and grabbed my chin. 

"I'd prefer to never see your hideous face again."  I hissed.  Corruption looked taken aback. 

He let go of my chin and backhanded me across the cheek.  My head snapped to he side when he hit me. 

I looked at him, holding my cheek in shock.  Pain spread across my cheek where he slapped me. 

"Don-Don't talk to you-your Master like th-that."  He growled. 

"I'm sorry."  I mumbled, feeling tears prick in my eyes. 

"S-sorry who?" 

"I'm sorry Master."  I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut to stop the tears.  Corruption laughed. 

"I g-guess you kn-know how Prin-Princey felt when y-you slapped h-him."  Corruption said.  I flinched again like he had hit me. 

"I didn't mean to hit him."  I argued.  "I was panicking.  It's not my fault I keep having episodes."

"Oh p-poor naïve l-little Virgil."  Corruption purred, patting my cheek lightly.  "D-Do you re-really be-believe that its j-just PTSD?" 

I nodded my head, already starting to understand what Corruption meant. 

"I've b-been the one force-forcing mem-memories of Re-Remus into your m-mind."  He said, ending in maniacal laughter.

"Why?" I chocked out.

"I hate y-you." He hissed, wrapping his hand around my neck. 

I grabbed at his hand, trying to pull it off but he was much stronger than me.

"Please...Stop..."  I chocked out, clawing at his hand.  Corruption's eye flared with anger.  He seemed to calm down a bit as he realized that he might bruise my neck. 

"W-We don't w-want any-anyone to know a-about this."  He said lowly.  "If any-anyone finds out, I w-will m-make you p-pay.  So don't anger m-m-me.  I'd pre-prefer not t-to bruise up you-your face and ha-have everyone find out a-about us, now w-would we P-Pet?" 

"Yes...please let go."  I begged.

He let go of my neck, letting me sink to the floor.  However, once my knees met the floor, Corruption kicked me sharply in the gut.

I cried out and fell onto my side.  He kicked me again. I felt tears gathering in my eyes from the pain.

Than, his foot connected with the cut across my chest. I let out a bloody murder screech and curled into a ball as pain seared through my body.

Corruption started laughing. A horrible horrible sound. It hurts. It hurts.

Corruption turned me over on my back before I could comprehend what was happening. Only once the pain subsided did I notice he was pulling down my black skinny jeans.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" I screamed, trying to push him off me.

"Sh-shush Pet," He purred. "I'm n-not Remus, I'm n-not interested in have-having sex with y-you. You're t-too ugly f-for me any-anyways."

He pulled my jeans down to my knees. Than he summoned a razor blade. He smirked and held it out to me.

I stared at in in horror as I realized what he wanted me to do.

"S-Since the o-others found out a-about the ones on you-your wrist," He told me. "We'll have t-t-to use a m-more discrete a-area to cut. G-Guess it's t-time to slit o-open your thighs"

I whimpered and shook my head. I can't cut again. I can't hurt everyone by hurting myself.

"D-Do it or el-else Pet." He hissed, pressing the blade against my thigh. I flinched, trying to pull my legs away from the blade.

Corruption grabbed my hand and shoved the blade into it. He stood up and walked back to my bed. He sat down on it, leaning up against the wall.

"G-Go ahead P-Pet, I won't j-judge." He purred, motioning me forwards.

(TRIGGER WARNING)

I moved the blade over my thighs.  I sighed and quickly drug it across, drawing blood instantly.  This was a new feeling.  I had only slit my wrists before this. 

This was different than cutting my wrists, but somehow better because my thighs were more sensitive.  The pain was addicting. 

Before I had even noticed what I had done, five more deep cuts were dug into my thigh.  I hissed lightly at the pain but kept going. 

I deserve this.

I moved to my other thigh and gave it the same treatment.  I felt tears gathering in my eyes but I ignored them as they fell down down my cheeks and landed on my thighs.

The tears ran into the cuts, stinging them. It made the pain feel even better. I kept cutting until I could barely see my skin under all the blood.

Maybe...maybe if I cut deep enough...I'll bleed out and die...that would be amazing. Than I wouldn't be such a burden on everyone. All I've ever done is hurt everyone.

Than I remembered something. Cutting across just makes you bleed, but cutting up and down can be very dangerous.

I turned the blade, getting a confused look from Corruption. He obviously didn't know what I was doing.

I dug the blade into my skin about halfway down my thigh and quickly pulled it upwards. I gasped as the new stronger pain.

Corruption let out a laugh. I squeezed my eyes shut as the pain became overwhelming.

I did that again, breathing deeply. There was so much blood now. Too much blood.

Black spots danced in my vision. I let out a long sigh, my hands starting to shake. I dropped the razor as I started to shake violently. 

I fell over onto my side.  Too much pain.  Too much blood.  It's all too much.  My chest heaved as I fought for consciousness. 

"Awww...my p-poor P-Pet."  Corruption purred.  He walked over to me and gently picked me up. 

I flinched a little as his electricity shocked me.  He laid me down on the bed.  I was still shaking but managed to keep my attack at bay.  Last thing I want to do now is cause Thomas to have a panic attack. 

"Y-You can g-go to Ro-Roman now,"  He told me.  "Keep in m-mind it'll b-be your l-last night with h-him.  And d-don't tell h-him about this or el-else." 

I nodded, too afraid to say anything incase he didn't let me see Roman.  Despite feeling incredibly lightheaded, I pushed myself to my feet. 

Corruption disappeared into the shadows.  I sighed and pulled my jeans back up.  I headed out of my room, swaying slightly on my feet. 

Corruption obviously plans on having me break up with Roman tomorrow.  So I'd like to get to his room and spend as much time with him as possible until then. 

I knocked on his door and pushed it open slowly.  Roman and Logan we're standing there.  Logan had a light blush across his face. 

"Hey Logan,"  I mumbled.  "What's got you so flustered?"  Logan opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by Roman.

"Logan's gonna propose to Patton!" Roman yelled, jumping up and down in excitement.

"Damn Specs." I said with a smirk. "Didn't think you had it in you to as Patton to marry you." Logan sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Show him the ring! Show him the ring!" Roman said excitedly. Logan laughed but handed me a small velvet box.

I opened it and couldn't stop the surprised look on my face. The ring was absolutely beautiful. Patton's going to love t.

"That's one hell of a ring." I said. "It's very pretty."

"Thank you." Logan said while taking the box back.

I turned to Roman and leaned against him, wrapping my arms around his neck. Roman laughed and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I want cuddles. Now." I demanded.

"Of course mi amor." He laughed, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"Goodnight you two." Logan said. "I must return to Patton before he wakes and wonders where I've gone."

"Night Lo." I said as he headed towards the door.

"Goodnight!" Roman called after him as Logan shut the door.

"So why did you want to be alone?" Roman asked, causing me to stiffen up.

"Just needed some alone time to calm down." I lied, trying to think of a good excuse. "I was going to have a panic attack and I didn't want to bother you with it, so I wanted to deal with it on my own." It wasn't completely a lie, I did panic. Just not for the reasons that Roman thought.

"Virgil..." Roman said softly. "Your attacks don't bother me. I would've helped you. You don't have to hide away whenever you have one." I nodded along to what he was saying, starting to feel lightheaded again.

"Can we go to sleep now?" I asked. "I'm kinda tired after that now."

"Of course." Roman told me. He led to over to the bed letting me curl up on it.

"Aren't you going to change?" He asked. I froze, knowing he'd see all the blood and cuts if I changed.

"I'm fine." I mumbled.

"Sleeping in jeans can't be comfortable," Roman said. "I'll go get you your pajamas."

Before I could argue or stop him, Roman left the room. My breathing sped up as anxiety set in. Oh god what if he sees the cuts. He's going to be so disappointed in me.

I'll be fine. I'll just have to change in the bathroom or something. He's not gonna see the cuts.

Despite trying to tell myself that Roman wouldn't see the cuts, I couldn't stop the attack that was building. I took deep breaths, calming myself down before Roman returned.

Roman walked into the room, tossing me my pajamas. He dug around in his dresser, pulling out his own pajamas.

He walked into his bathroom, shutting the door behind him. I quickly got up, rushing to strip down and pull the pajamas on before Roman finished.

I sighed in relief as I laid back down on the bed now in my pajamas. I'll be fine. Roman won't see the cuts.

Roman exited the bathroom and strolled over to me on the bed. He had a concerned look on his face as he looked at me.

"How bad was the attack?" He asked, sitting down on the bed next to me. "I've never seen you this tired after one?"

"Bad." I mumbled not really wanted to say that I was tried because I'm lightheaded from blood loss from cutting.

"I'm sorry baby." He said sympathetically. He laid his hand on my thigh in a comforting manor.

I couldn't stop the little gasp that escaped my lips and how I heavily flinched away from his hand as pain seared up my thigh.

I felt tears prick in my eyes as Roman pulled his hand away. He looked a little confused but realization dawned on his face.

I curled up, burying my face in his pillow. God he must be so disappointed in me. He must hate me now.

"Virgil?" He asked. "Did you..."

"No." I answered, a little to quickly and forcefully to be believable. Roman looked at me with sad eyes.

I was going to have to show him. He needed to know. I sighed and stood up, swaying on my feet a bit.

I pulled off my pajama pants, discarding them on the floor. I sat back down on the bed, shaking and staring at my thighs.

There were so many cuts. Too many to count. All deep. There was too much blood. You could barely see my pale skin last all the blood and cuts.

Blood had started to dribble down my legs, leaving little red streaks down them. Roman still hadn't moved or said anything.

"I'm sorry." I breathed out, turning to look at him. He was crying, just staring at my bloody thighs.

"Why?" He asked me. "You said...you promised me you wouldn't."

"I deserve it." I mumbled, looking away from him again. He reacted to that pretty quickly.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his neck. Than I realized that he was shaking. He buried his face in my neck and started sobbing.

"No you don't." He sobbed. "You do not deserve this. You don't have to cut yourself. You don't deserve that pain. Don't blame yourself."

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, feeling a few tears roll down my cheeks.

"You don't have to be sorry." He told me. "Just promise you won't do it again."

"I can't. It's too hard." I cried, now sobbing like he was. "I can't quit. The pain's too addicting. I don't know how to stop."

"It's okay Virgil, it's okay." Roman said, starting to rock back and forth. "I'll help you. You will get better. It might take some time and it'll be hard but you'll get better."

I nodded. I wanted to turn around and burying my face in his chest but my thighs were burning in pain.

Despite the burning in my thighs, I turned around on Roman's lap and faced him.

I reached up and wiped all his tears away. Roman let out a sigh and pulled me in for a kiss. 

"C'mon,"  He mumbled, pushing me off his lap.  "Let's get these cuts bandaged."