Chapter Seven- White walls and dark figures

Johns pov

I begin to flutter my eyes open. I can't do it. I feel my eyes roll back into head, I'm not ready to open them and face reality of my stupidity. I'm so ashamed of what I've done.

I open my eyes. I immediately look at the ceiling. I see white walls and dark figures from the corner of my eye.

I feel someone holding my hand and another person cuddled into my side.

Mom? Peggy?

I don't get a reply but then I realize, I haven't actually said it out loud.

"M-m-mom?" My voice is scratchy.

"Honey? Are you ok?" She squeezes my hand and kisses my forehead.

"P-p-Peggy?" Scratchy again.

"I'm here J, I'm always right here" she says from my side.

I feel her snuggle into my chest.

I play with her hair as I tell my mom and Peggy why I did it and what happened.

__________________________

I open the car door and rush inside my house. I'm so excited to be home but also so scared.

I take slow steps upstairs. I enter my bedroom.

The moment I've been dreading. I feel myself gulp.

I enter the ensuite and see the mess. Tiny white pills scattered around the floor, blades and scissors and a couple bottles of other pills.

I feel a tear run down my cheek. I also feel someone rub my back gently and pull me away from the scene.

"I'll clean it up, for now just get changed and get comfy in bed" Peggy insists.

I do as told as she goes to clean up the mess. More like my suicide attempt.

I start to cry into my sheets as I remember that day.

I feel the other side of the bed dip, well more like whatever space is left because I'm in the middle.

I remember Peggy's in the bathroom cleaning up the mess so this is someone new.

"Hi baby boy" he whispers and rubs my back in circle motions.

Why don't I notice all these people coming into my room?

I turn around and look at him.

"Hi" I say so softly it's almost a whisper.

He scoots closer and wraps me in his arms pressed against his chest.

I start to cry, cry is an understatement, I bawled and sobbed so hard I got a headache.

Alex just kept rubbing my back and letting me sob on his shirt.

When I finally calmed down we just looked at each other.

"Hi" I whisper and touch his cheek with my hand.

"Hi" he touches my hand.

"Thanks for being here" I whisper.

"My pleasure" he leans in and kisses me.

I don't stop him, I'm happy he's here and he's mine for the moment.

I still can't forgive him for what he's done, but it's baby steps.

I turn around and put my back to his chest. I'm the little spoon for the moment.

I feel him rub circles on my butt.

"Alex" I warn.

"It's out of comfort" he teases.

"Alex" I whine.

"Ok" he giggles and stops touching me.

I miss his heat

"Can you do it again" I ask after a couple minutes.

"Anything for you" he says and continues to rub circles.

I think after a couple hours I fall asleep.

I notice everyone has left when I woke up.

I wobble downstairs because I'm very weak.

"Hey honey" mom says eating her daily midnight snack (this is something ADot_Ham would do)

"Hey" I say and walk around the counter to kiss her on the head.

I feel her sigh and hug me.

"You scared the living jolly ranchers out of me!" She says.

"I'm sorry, I promise I won't ever do it again!" I feel the tears start up.

"I know my sweet boy" she says and cleans up her mess.

"Now goodnight, I'll see you in the morning" she says as she heads up stairs to her room.

I sigh and sit on the counter for a few moments. Enjoying the quiet and the hum of the fridge.

I hear the doorbell so I jump off.

I look through the window and see Eliza.

I immediately lock the door and shut the lights off. I run up stairs as fast as my legs can take me.

I run into mom as she's going downstairs to answer the door.

I hop into my bed and hide in my blankets hoping she doesn't allow that she devil in our house.

I hear some yelling and a door slam.

I think she's gone. Thank god.

_________________________

I wake up at around 3am drenched in a sweat.

I'm panting and gasping for air.

I think about that night.

*flashback*

I don't know if I can do this anymore. Alex is gone, Eliza is gone and my self respect is gone too.

How could I let the two people I loved most ruin me? Am I that stupid?

I let them meet and become friends. I didn't know Alex would actually go for her.

Anyone could tell how Eliza felt for him and that's why she feels no mercy for what she's done to me.

So as I sit here, debating on what to do. I reach for the blade and start cutting their names into my thigh. Many times.

I open the pill bottle, swallow many of them. I start to become shaky so I drop everything on the floor.

I pick up a new bottle and take those until they get spilled too.

I eventually drop to the ground and pass out.

*end of flashback*

I'm so disappointed in myself. I need sleep.

I turn off my lamp and get cozy in bed.

Tomorrow's a new day.