Chapter Four- How could you? You selfish bastard

I haven't seen Alex around school for a while and he hasn't texted, called or even come over for at least a couple weeks.

My mind can't help but wonder if he lost feelings for me. No not my Alex, he loves me. Right?

I continue my thoughts as I walk to my car. I see Peggy come out of her house and walk towards me. She probably wants a ride.

I don't say anything as we both get in my new car.

"Hey, are you ok?" She asks and I see the worry on her face.

"Just peachy" I mumble back.

She turns on the radio and Hotel room is playing by "Mr world wide" (pit bull)

"Oh my god! I love this song!" She shouts as she turns up the radio.

We both start to sing and dance. It's moment like these that make me feel better and suddenly all thoughts about Alex are gone.

"Forget about your boyfriend and meet me at the hotel, you can bring your girlfriends and meet me at the hotel!" We both chant.

We roll into the school parking lot and that's when I see his car.

I almost burst into tears because I'm so happy he's here.

"Oh" Peggy says under her breath.

"Yeah, oh" I say after her.

I park the car and we both get out and walk right past him.

"Hey" Alex says as he slides his arm around me.

"I'm ok" I say as I push his arm away.

"What?" He says.

"Oh I'm sorry? I'm worth your attention now? Haha, I don't think so" I say as I continue walking with Peggy.

"Shortcake!" Alex hollers after me but I continue to ignore him.

"What was that all about?" Peggy says awkwardly.

"He's been ignoring me for a couple weeks and then the dick thinks he can come back into my life and act as if nothing happened. Peggy is this love?" I say almost bursting into tears.

I was engulfed in a hug from Peggy who pats my back and that's when I realize I was having a panic attack.

I was overreacting but I don't care.

"I love him" I sob into her shoulder.

"It's ok, he loves you too so please calm down" She ushers me.

"I'm overthinking everything and I'm overreacting" I say quickly as I straighten my sweater and outfit.

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Alex has eventually caught up with me today and he acted strange, not himself.

"What's your problem?" I ask sounding snotty.

"N-nothing" he says.

"What did you do" I say under my breath.

"I said nothing" his jaw clenches and I gasp in shock.

"I-I ok" I mutter.

"I'm sorry John" he pleads and the sadness in his eyes say he's sorry for way more than hurting my feelings.

"What did you do" I mutter angrily.

"I went away and I -I - I saw Eliza and I just was so mad at you" he says slowly.

"Mad at me? For what? What did you do?" I all but scream.

"We slept together, it was one night" he rushes out.

"How could you? You selfish bastard" I scream cry as I throw my hands around
"You fucking cheated on me? Because you were mad ? FOR NOTHING?" I raised my voice at the last part I'm pretty sure Korea heard me.

"John calm down, don't make a scene"

"Don't make a scene? Why not just scream MY GAY BOYFRIEND CHEATED ON ME WITH A GIRL" I say out of spite.

We get many stares.

Alex slams his books down at the table.

We're currently sitting in Starbucks.

"John please" he begs as I begin to stand up and gather my belongings.

"Don't you dare" I say.

"John I prom-" he begins.

"I don't want to hear it because clearly I couldn't satisfy you enough" I grit my teeth and exit the shop.

I begin to break down on the side walk. My heart feels like it's pounding out of chest and my breathing becomes hard and panty.

I sob on the sidewalk and I let everything out. I don't care who sees because my heart is broken.

I immediately call Peggy and she picks me up and takes me to her house.

"Spill everything" she says as I sob in her arms.

So I do, I tell her everything and it takes every part of me to convince her to not go after the bastard and beat the shit out of him.

"If he talks to you again can I please kick him in the sack?" She begs.

"Whatever" I say without emotion.

I'm so broken, broken over a boy. A cold heartless boy.

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As I drag myself to my house I slam the door to my bedroom and flop on the bed.

I sob all over again and throw all of the pictures of him away. I begin to feel useless and stupid for letting him do this to me.

Maybe I wasn't enough, maybe I couldn't satisfy his needs.

I begin to pick up the blade, I slash my wrists with everything i feel.

I want it to be over.

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