37

"There's someone here to see you," my mom says to me from my opened door. She's only in here right now because I felt too lazy and depressed to get up to lock the door from her. My mom is annoying me a lot. It's like she barely even cares that I lost someone. She barely even comes in here to talk to me - I mean, i don't really want her to tell me anything, but it's the thought that count sometimes.

I blink up at her with furrowed eyebrows, wondering who the fuck came to me now. I don't want to see anyone who isn't Ashton. So, it's a waste of time coming here to me. I'm not going to talk to anyone. I look away from her to my feet on the bed, and I heard her tell the person to come in. If it's Hannah - who's only going to spit negativity, I'd rather not have her right now.

"Ethan?"

I instantly look up and I felt an imps of happiness. My heart fluttered from the sight of him standing in my doorway, with his hands stuffed into his pockets, looking down on me with sad eyes. My mother began to lowly close the door, and I patiently waited until it was completely closed before I moved.

"What are you doing, babe?" he asks me sadly. He didn't move from where he stood, in the center of my bedroom. I bit my bottom lip as I stared him up and down. "You're mom called me over."

"Really?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he nodded, "What's really going on with you?" This time he took once step closer I don't get why he's so distant. I'm not going to give him my depression - I don't think it's contagious. I sat up in bed, staring at him intently. "Are you afraid?" I ask, ignoring his previous question.

"I'm scared for you," he says, taking another step forward. Eventually, he took a seat on my bed, and his hand instantly went to my thigh. "According to your mom, you've been sitting here for about two weeks?"

"It's not two weeks," I roll my eyes, "It's just been like... two days or something..."

"No, it's been two weeks."

"And where were you? You didn't come at least one time," I asked him.

"It wasn't really easy considering she hates me and she'd didn't ever allow that. I'm shocked she's the one who called me today," he says. I stare at his hand as he stroked my thigh gently. I didn't reply to what he said, because right now, I'm boiling over the top with anger for my mom, and speaking about it would honestly make me feel so much angrier.

So, we remained silent for a while. I only wanted to stare at him, while he's just looking downwards. I know what's going around his mind and I know he wants to ask about it. I don't know, however, if I'm okay to talk about it. I mean, I know it's Cody and I can talk to him about anything - but this is just a bit weird, you know.

"Have you left this room since... you know...?" he blinks away shortly, before looking back at me. Cody then began to look around the room after a few seconds of my silence, taking in the mess. I obviously haven't cleaned shit in this room. I've been completely immobile until Cody. My blinds are all closed tightly, and the lights are all off (but we could still see each other) - I'm practically living like a vampire.

"No," I shake my head, "I feel so..."

"Depressed?" he completed, then sighed, "You needs to go out. You'll never get better if you're just sitting here in the dark all day and thinking about it."

I rolled my eyes, "I don't wanna do anything. I want him..." I wasn't even aware of what I was saying and it went right past me that I was telling it to Cody. However, he didn't seem too phased by my words, which I internally smiled at. Why is he so lovable?

"You can't sit here forever, Ethan. I'm certain he wouldn't want that."

"He wanted me to be happy - but I don't understand how I could possibly be happy right now knowing that I don't have him," I complain.

"Yeah, but you have me, and your mother, and Hannah, and you should be happy about that. I mean, I think you've been 'depressed' for too long," he says matter-of-factly. I bite my bottom lip softly, but kept my eyes locked on his. Cody's hand slowly reached for mine to lace them together.

"It's hard," I softly let out.

He nodded, "of course it is. But do you think it's easy seeing you like this? Babe, you can't remain this way. I get that he was your boyfriend or whatever, but you're locked up in a room for God sake. Do you eat?"

"I'm never really hungry."

He groaned, "Baby... what are you doing to yourself? Come on, get up." Cody stood up as he pulled up my hand with him. I shook my head as I stared up at him. I'm not moving from here because I'm still grieving. There's nothing that's out there that could make me any happier right now. Cody just doesn't understand.

"Ethan, get up," he commands, but I only shake my head. He went on to say, "You can't just stay in here forever. He's gone now - so get over it."

"That was pretty fucking rude, and insensitive," I say matter-of-factly then tug my hand from his. "I know that." He begins to step away from me.

"Stop being so annoying, Cody."

"Why does it even matter? He can't do shit to me - he's dead."

"Cody, stop that shit," I say, "I'll fucking cut you." I'm seriously considering getting up and murdering him with the nearest object. He's being so fucking stupid right now and it's seriously pissing me the hell off.

"Are you angry?" he asks with a humorless chuckle, "You're angry that I'm talking about your dead boyfriend this way? He probably didn't even get to tell you he loved you. And you didn't get to-"

"Cody! Seriously, stop!" I say, throwing my legs off the bed and lunging towards him. I shoved him backwards and began to hit his chest, but it's obvious it didn't affect him at all. In a matter of seconds, he grabbed my both wrists, but I continued to fight him.

"You're being a jerk! Let me go!" I quarrel. As I fight (uselessly) and quarrel with Cody, my eyes begin to sting as the tears build up. I continued to push against him and argue with him, then I began to cry. I hit his chest, although he had my both wrists (I think he allowed me to do that) and he began to step back again. His back went against the door and I was right in front of him, tearing up like an idiot.

I felt as though my heart was bursting - and it wasn't in the good way like when you see and extremely cute Panda bear, it was that painful type that makes me want to rip my heart from my chest in hopes of lessening the pain (which I know won't work). I quit my silly punching and pushing to rest my head on his chest, as tears flowed from my eyes. Cody let go of my wrists and wrapped his arms around me comfortingly.

"I'm sorry, babe..." he says to me softly.

"Cody, I miss him," I cry in his chest. He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, but said nothing. He allowed me to cry helplessly on him and he comforted me as I did so. I realized he didn't actually mean what he was saying. He just wanted to trigger me, which he did. Now, i'm crying like an over-emotional baby.

I don't want to cry. I haven't cried since he actually passed.

"It's okay to cry," he says, as if he read my thoughts.

"I-I don't want to..."

"Yeah, but you have to," Cody says to me. I look up at him, but only for a few seconds. I don't want him staring into my bloodshot eyes as tears flowed effortlessly out. But he turned my head, so I would look right up to him, then he wiped my cheeks. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss at the corner of my lips then whispered to me, "it's okay."

*~*~*~