Sirius isn't a fool. He is one of the smartest students in Hogwarts and though he isn't bookish smart as Remus he is far from stupid.

No matter how much Remus insists that he can be as dense as James when it comes to body language and other things that don't need to be voiced out loud he is actually quite observant.

He hides his observant nature behind the careless attitude that he adopts.

But that doesn't mean he can ignore the fact that James is starting to talk more fondly about Lily Evans. The girl who used to be 'Irritating Evans's' is now 'Pretty flower.' James never calls her that in front of the Marauders but he hears James whispering it to himself once in class as he stares at the back of her head.

And his heart aches.

James voice is always filled with joy and excitement and a boyish quality that always enraptured Sirius but when she is nearby his voice deepens as he tries to impress her.

And his hands clenches into a fist.

He notices the way James tousles his hair and plays with the snitch when they sit under the tree near the lake as the girls giggle on the other side with Evans at their center.

He closes his eyes.

He doesn't miss the way James eyes follow every moment Evans makes as she laughs with her friends during Lunch or when she diligently takes down notes during class.

And he acts like he doesn't notice anything else.

(Though he has already noticed the look in James eyes that he recognises as the one he sees in his own grey eyes whenever he looks into the mirror)

(Love)

oOoOo  

He is soaking wet as he stands on the front steps of the house that always feels like his second home. His first home is Hogwarts but he cannot go there during summer so this is the only place left for him.

He stands there for a long time debating whether or not to knock on the door.

But before he can finally decide whether to knock or to turn and return to the rain the door opens wide and the bright hazel eyes stare at him with worry shining in them.

James doesn't ask any questions but merely ushers Sirius in.

James parents look like they are about to ask him but he sees James shooting them a look and they leave the two boys alone.

None of them talk as Sirius dries up and changes into his clothes.

They always share the King size bed in James room whenever he visits and today is no different.

Except for the fact that James presses up against him instead of keeping his distance. And he finds himself hugging James tightly and though there are no tears or sobs he is still shaking and shivering and James holds him tight and he finds himself wishing that James never let go.

(But it is only one night and next night they are on the other ends of the bed once again like it is supposed to be)

(And Sirius doesn't know whether he should be thankful for the distance so his heart doesn't ache when they separate or bitter that he has already lost his heart to the messy haired boy no matter how much far away James slept)