A whisper in the tree, 
a sway in the water.

The distance between us
won't make my heart grow
fonder.

A whisle in my house,
a creaking of the bullet.
Bite my tongue
and hold my breath
I goddamn blew it.

teacher comments:

Thanks for the quick redo, Daniel. I'm glad to
see more rhyme, though this doesn't have the
alliteration of the last, I'm glad to see you at
least understand the multiple elements.