The night was a short one for Timothy. After he fled from the kitchen, sleep evaded him. Questions about his behavior and her reaction ran through his mind. It was obvious that she had enjoyed his touch but had she thought about the consequences? Probably not. Seeing her without habit and veil was already uncalled for and highly inappropriate.

Only knowing the female body from sketches, his view yesterday had been mindblowing. It was a real, warm, living female chest and not from any woman but his Jude. Only that she wasn't his and she was the forbidden fruit, married to God and only him. He couldn't just led her into sin, even when he craved her like water in the desert.

Plans were made for breakfast and Timothy didn't know how to survive it. But Emma's crying woke the house and sooner or later everyone would eat together.

Jude freshened up a bit and went to work before Timothy was ready with the kids. She wanted to drive back as soon as possible no matter how much Eva begged for her to stay. The little lady had already asked twice if she would go into town with them but Jude still had other responsibilities even if she wanted to stay, she couldn't.

Jude prepared herself that it might be the last time they'd see each other. Timothy wouldn't probably call again. They needed a clean cut and resume their own life.

"I love your food Judy, you should cook every day." Eva's little mouth was filled with eggs and bacon and she'd already ordered her second portion. "Thank you sweetie." Jude evaded to comment on her cooking, feeling how uncomfortable Timothy seemed to become. They hadn't talked at all, Eva being the only one who was speaking with them.

Timothy couldn't figure out if Jude was disappointed, embarrassed or angry. Without her noticing, he observed her secretly. He wished he'd reacted differently or just being able to talk with her like adults but every time he's trying to find the right words, his mind was drifting. Did she wear yesterdays panty or is the little piece of fabric safely stored in her clutch? How would it feel to move around without underwear?

"Timothy? Timothy?" Her voice brought him back to reality. "Ehm, Yes?" Jude eyed him suspicious, his look unreadable. "Would you pick up Eva's fork?" He looked around but didn't see it. Jude stood impatiently and removed the fork from under the table before cleaning it. Eva was seating in a safety seat and couldn't get up without help. "I'm sorry, I tried to hold it right." Jude caressed her long dark hair lovingly and gave it her back. "It's alright honey, such things can happen."

Jude just seemed natural around children. She'd fed Emma earlier before making breakfast. He wished it could be a daily routine, now more than ever and she'd been right, her breakfast was as delicious as her dinners.

"I really need to go, I'm already late." They'd finished eating and now was the time to say goodbye. Both adults suspected that they wouldn't see each other soon, if ever. Only Eva had different plans. "Do you come back tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, next week is fine too, for breakfast and dinner or lunch, we hadn't lunch. Do you cook for us again?" The little girl was playing on time, not wanting the visitor to go and even if, she hoped for a return soon.

Jude knelt down and combed Eva's hair with her fingertips. "I'm sorry sweetie, I don't know yet. We will see." They hugged briefly but Eva didn't want to let go. "Promise kay?" A soft kiss were placed on her forehead and Jude wriggled out of the desperate hug, not able to promise anything.

"Alright, it's a goodbye then..." Their eyes met but with holding Emma securely on his arm, Timothy couldn't hug her too. He wished he could but would probably chicken out. "Yes, goodbye. Drive safe." They didn't shake hands or anything else. Just looked at each other knowing no one would call again. "Yes, bye."

...

The next few months passed slowly and the summer arrived, finally. He could distract Eva now more easily, playing outside or bathing with Emma in the yard. The toddler was now sitting and enjoying to splash around the water. He deeply loved his girls but the empty gab inside his heart had even grown. Jude was missing.

Timothy regretted deeply how they separated and wished he'd been more confident and selfish regarding her vows and the church. He was now sure that she would have stayed with them. He'd matured, now being able to meet people outside of the church. He understood relationship better than as a priest and even regretted some recommendations he gave people during confession.

But no one would understand his situation as another priest. Normal people would just suggest to tell her how he felt but she was a married woman with holy vows. He decided to visit St Andrew's on a cooler day. Brother Jacob or one of the nun's he knew would probably like to take care of the girls as long as he's talking to Father Malachy.

Only a couple of days later, they arrived at St. Andrew's greeting people that went by. A few talked with him about the girl's and how he'd coped with his new calling. But Timothy felt uncomfortable, not knowing how to explain the situation to the priest without giving away he was talking about Jude. She'd a reputation to loose if anything would reach another's ears.

After leaving Eva and Emma with Sister Abigail, the right hand of Mother Claudia, he went to see Father Malachy. The small talk was easy and as always the priest had made him laugh. He admired Timothy for his decision especially because he knew of his plans to become Cardinal. The respect for the younger man had even grown with his selfless decision.

"Well my son, as much as I love to see you, I can feel something is bothering you. Are your nieces alright? How is the older one faring with the loss?" He drank his already cold tea and observed the former priest. "My nieces are fabulous and besides some normal nightmares, she's fine. Maybe it will cause her trouble when she's older but right now, we're as happy as we can be." That made Father Malachy suspicious. "I'm sorry Tim but I sense that's not the whole truth. Lighten your soul my son, you can confess what's bothering you, nothing will ever leave this room."

It was now or never, maybe he could finally find the right path. "I think that I... I'm in love with a married woman. We met two times since I bought the house but nothing ever happened between us romantically. We're kind of friends but I feel that we could be much more and Eva adores her. We haven't seen each other since March and I dearly miss her but she's unavailable and I don't know how to continue our friendship. I know that we're made to be together but I also don't want to disrespect her position and responsibility."

Something didn't add up and the older man had a suspicion who the woman might be. "When you only met her twice but you're calling her a friend, you have known her before you left the church!?" His tone was calm but also questioning for the whole truth. "Yes that's right." Timothy squirmed in his seat, highly uncomfortable that the Father seemed to see right through him. "And is this woman married to a man or God himself?"

Timothy swallowed the lump and decided to answer honestly. "She's a nun and I dearly respect her status and holy vows. It's just that I can't find peace without her. I never loved someone like this before, romantically. I just don't know how to cope with the loss of her and our friendship."

The older man knew very well how that felt like. "You will be surprised but I've been in a similar situation many years ago. Now, near the end of my days, I regret sometimes that I didn't follow my first instinct but I have a big advantage... I still see her every day. I can't even imagine how you must feel son but I can give you an advice. If you really love her and she loves you, marry her as soon as possible. Don't date around like the youth nowadays. She'll have to give up everything for you, so don't fool around, if you aren't loving her enough to marry, she shouldn't leave the convent at all."

Did he love Jude enough to marry? Probably.  But as soon as he declared his love? He knew they were made for each other, felt that she belonged to him but taking the final step so suddenly?

His heart warmed by the thought of Jude wearing his ring. Of how she might look like in a wedding gown. He'd never desired another woman, surely would never. But it seemed too rushed, too fast to accommodate. 

His train of thoughts were interrupted by the older man. "She's here you know. Left Briarcliff to live in the convent again. She'd a lot of arguments with the doctor and he always complained about her. It was for the best... Do you know how she feels? If you're sure she's the one, you have to find out if she reciprocates your love."

Timothy should've known better, of course he knew they were talking about Jude and he was relieved she left that shit hole finally. "I know that she loves me too, I can feel it but we both honored the church above anything else."

His path was clear, find Jude, declare his love, leave with the 3 ladies and never look back. "Thank you father, I will try to find her." Timothy stood and shook the priest's hand. At the door he heard the Father utter, "she's probably in the garden and I guess your nieces will be there too at this beautiful day.".

The former priest felt relieved and cheerful walking down the long hallways. He realized he'd never been this happy while living here. His life turned out to be even more wonderful than he could've ever imagined.

The soft breeze caressed his cheeks and he watched the leaves dancing around lightly. It was a marvelous day and Timothy's heart felt lighter as he rounded the big chapel. He could hear girlish squeals and rounded the last hedge. There she was, the woman who drove him crazy, who filled his dreams and sparked forbidden desires. Jude was holding Emma and Eva danced around her, plucking little flowers. She was singing sweetly and Emma laughed and squealed happily. This was supposed to be his life, he just needed to confess his feelings.

As Jude saw Timothy approaching, she stopped singing and her features hardened. The sweet smile disappeared and Timothy felt his heart ache. He'd hurt her and needed to apologize first. "Hello Jude." His still thick accent had always been her undoing. "Hello Timothy." He knelt down and picked up Eva. "What are you doing sunshine? Are you making a bouquet for the nice lady?" Jude regarded him suspiciously, he seemed to be a different man. More comfortable and at ease. His eyes were filled with love and happiness and she could sense how proud he was of his girls.

"No, I'm making it for you daddy." It surprised her that Eva was already calling him daddy but it was probably better to get over the loss. "Thank you very much but then I'll have to make one for Jude myself." He laughed easily and watched her expression but she didn't react at all. "Or I'm going to buy some flowers for her, I'm not as talented as you sunshine."

He sat Eva down and stepped closer to Jude, taking Emma who was trying to get a hold of Jude's veil. "I'm really sorry for not calling you, I want to explain everything and why I didn't visit you earlier." His apology sounded sincere but Jude had buried her feelings securely, deep inside her heart. "It's alright Timothy, you don't have to apologize." She didn't expect that he would buy her flowers or anything else for that matter.

"But I have to and I want to invite you again for dinner. Please, I know it has been some time but I hope you would want to visit us again." Eva squealed joyfully and frightened Emma who started to cry. "Yes please, visit us. I have new dolls and one Barbie with blonde hair like yours. Please you have to come, I will help cooking and cleaning."

Jude smiled sadly, wanting nothing else than spending some precious time with those children but she'd to endure Timothy and the mere thought made her sick. She'd lost everything, her position at Briarcliff, her dignity, his friendship. She didn't want to be in his presence at all. "I really can't sweetie. The nun's here are very strict and I'm not allowed to leave at all, not even for one night."

Timothy knew it was a lie. The nun's were always gallivanting around the city. He needed to find a way to talk with her in private. Eva let the flowers fall and ran to Jude, hugging her legs. "But you promised to come back. I want you in the house." It was heartbreaking because he felt the same. "Jude, please come and visit us, I promise it will be entirely different than the last time." He balanced Emma on his left arm and took Jude's hand with his free one, softly caressing it's back with his thumb. "You will see, everything's changed."

Unbeknownst to the four of them, Father Malachy watched the private moment from the window above. "I wished we had made a different choice." Mother Claudia caressed his shoulder and stepped closer to the window. "Yes, me too."