That day I understood the meaning of my strange dream.

— You wanted to meet First, didn't you?  — Perth asked me, sitting on a chair in front of a small screen, on which we had a preview of the currently recorded scene.

We just had a moment off in between two scenes involving Fluke, Perth, Ohm and Zee.  NuNew was absent due to passing important college exams, as was Nat.  Fortunately, we were able to record these shots without them.  Som, our make-up artist, took care of creating artificial wounds on Zee's face.  They should look realistic, as if he really just had a fight with a dangerous demon.  In this scene, the demon took over the body of Ohm's Max Verstappen, a Formula 1 driver who in this story had an older brother, played by Kao Noppakao Dechaphatthanakun.  I've already yelled at our lighting guys for not making the night scene feel like night at all.  They argued that if the lights were turned off, little would be seen.

— Then we'll set up small light sources.  The big lamps just get in the way.  The whole event takes place at night in a dirty, neglected, poorly lit alley.  Viewers are supposed to feel the emotions accompanying our characters, and in this way they will not feel anything.  We will play music, shadows, movement of the characters, then their faces will not have to be so perfectly visible - I said, feeling as if I was the director and all the details were on my head.

So when Perth asked me about First, I was very surprised.

First Kanaphan Puitrakul was another actor I absolutely wanted to have in my series, but neither he nor Khaotung Thanawat Ratanakitpaisan with whom he appeared in "The Eclipse" did not show up for the audition, even though Khao had sent us his application beforehand.

— Yeah, but he didn't show up for the audition, he didn't even submit his application.  I was hoping he would come, I had a special role for him to play.  Eeeeh — I sighed heavily at the end and reached for the thermal mug in which I had prepared coffee earlier.  I took a few sips before Perth answered me.

— I think he had a good reason for it.

— Good reason?  I mean what?  He's already playing in another series and that's why he couldn't find time for us?

— No.  First will probably not play anywhere else.

— What?  Why? —  I abruptly turned my face towards him to see his worried expression.  His eyes had never been so sad.  I had a feeling he had some bad news to tell me, but I wasn't expecting the worst.

—First is dying, Annie, and that's why he asked me to arrange a meeting with you — Perth said it calmly, bluntly, without beating around the bush, without trying to soften the message in any way.  He was as brutally honest as his words were brutal.

—  What did you say?  First... what?  —  I asked to make sure.  I felt like I had been hit on the head.  And also in the belly.  Suddenly it went dark before my eyes.

* * *

— You shouldn't have said it so bluntly —  I heard a familiar deep voice above me.  I haven't dared to open my eyes yet.  It quickly dawned on me that I must have fainted.

— What was I supposed to do? You know I don't like understatements.  Besides, we don't have much time, Khaotung said the doctors aren't optimistic.  They think First has only two months left —  Another voice answered, and I recognized Perth Nakhun.  There was only one thought in my head: "First is dying." First, who played Akk so perfectly in "The Eclipse", First, whom I wanted to meet so much, hoped to work with and whom I wanted to pair with Khaotung.  An indescribable grief squeezed my heart and squeezed tears from my eyes, which were quickly noticed.  — Annie?  are you awake?  Everything's all right?

The concern in his voice was clearly audible.  I was grateful to him for that, but now all I needed was to know the truth.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked ahead.  Someone moved me to a nearby couch where we usually rested between takes.  I sat up and took a deep breath.  Perth handed me water in a glass.  Beside him was Zee, already prepared to shoot another scene.  The wound on his cheek looked very natural.  I was full of admiration for the talent of our Som.  Zee was holding the script sheets in his hands as if he still hadn't memorized all the lines.  We previously told our actors that if they forget a line but know the character well enough to respond the way they think the person would respond, they can improvise as long as they don't change the main action and meaning of certain scenes too much.

— I'm fine. Tell me about First.

— Well... Not much to say. Khao took him to his home where he is caring for him.  Three weeks ago, he was diagnosed with leukemia.  By this time "The Eclipse" was in the final stages of remaking the final scenes, and First passed out during one such session just before we announced the submission deadline. Khao was concerned enough to take him for research and was  this whole time.It looks very bad, which is why First asked me to help him meet you.

— Perth... Take me to him.  I don't want to waste time.  First is one of my favorite actors, please take me there. —  Almost unconsciously, I squeezed his hand, clinging to him as if he were my last resort.  Such bad news came on such a beautiful, clear, sunny day!  Like a bolt out of the blue, they crept silently and without warning to strike right at me, at my heart, making me question the existence of justice.

— Of course.  Let's go —  Perth extended his hand to me, which I took without thinking.  — Zee, will you take care of everything here?

— Sure, no problem, I just have to pick up Nu from the university later.

— Okie, discuss everything with Darcy, tell him you have permission from P'Aof.  You can go as soon as you're done here — I informed him, remembering what Pierre had ordered me to do.  Even though Darcy was officially in charge of everything, I had the last word by arrangement with Pierre.  Daria, my friend who flew here from Poland only the day before, was already waiting for me at the court.  I greeted her with a short hug.

— We're going to meet First — I said, leading her to Perth's car.  In the parking lot, I politely opened the door for her, and when she got in, I took the seat next to her and told her about what I had just learned.  Perth complemented some of my statements.  Daria was as shocked and saddened as I was, even though she didn't know Thai actors that well.  As the roads started to jam at this time, getting there took us an exceptionally long time and was frustrating.  I didn't know why First wanted to meet me, and at the same time I was afraid of what I would find there.  But nothing can prepare you for the suffering of someone you've come to like even though you've never even met.  First and Khaotung were unsettlingly close to me, strangely familiar.

As Perth pulled into the yard just outside a large, bright, white-walled house, surrounded on three sides by small palm trees and a black metal fencing, a young man came out to meet us.  As he came closer, signs of fatigue and suffering were clearly visible on his face.  From his demeanor and expression, I understood how difficult it was for him: he had to watch his friend slowly fade in his eyes, slowly giving up and walking away.  I could only imagine how helpless he must have felt.  Nobody deserved it, nobody.  And especially not him.

Khaotung was standing in front of us.  He was wearing a light gray short-sleeved shirt and beige knee-length shorts.  On his feet, in addition to his white feet, he wore cheap-looking black flip-flops, and although his clothes were clean, his hair was so greasy as if he hadn't washed it in a long time.  He also had dark circles under his red eyes, a red nose, and long eyelashes matted with tears.  He looked like someone who had cried five seconds earlier.

— Hello Khao —  Perth greeted him politely.

— Hi, Perth —  Khao replied in a not-so-cheerful tone.  Thanks for finding some time for us.

— This is Annie, whom First wanted to meet.  — He introduced me, and Khao smiled faintly at me.  It was more of a grimace than anything resembling a smile.  - What's with him?

— Getting worse.  He won't even eat, I don't know what to do.  The worst thing is that I just learned that there is a therapy that could help him, but it is painful and takes a long time.  It is also expensive and requires long hospital stays, which is why First didn't agree.

— Didn't he agree?  He didn't agree to save his life?! — Perth exclaimed.  He didn't understand it, for him First's decision seemed strange, crazy, maybe even stupid and irresponsible.  I myself didn't know what to think about it.  I felt like I didn't have enough information.

At that moment, Daria approached us.  She introduced herself briefly, bowing to Khao as I had taught her earlier.  It was only her first day in Thailand, and she already had to face something like this.  I felt sorry for all of us.

— What is the therapy?  Why doesn't First want her?  — I asked.

—  First they would start with chemotherapy, then there would be a bone marrow transplant.  He would have to spend a lot of time in the hospital.  In addition, the treatment is very painful and doctors do not guarantee that it will succeed.  You have to act quickly, here every hour is on the weight of life and death, and he doesn't want to listen to me.  Come on, maybe you can explain something to him.

Khao led us straight to the bedroom, where First lay on a wooden double bed, staring at the screen of his phone.

— First, you have guests — Khao said, in as cheerful a voice as he could manage.  He walked over to him and took the phone from his hand.

— Oh!  Hello.  Hi Perth.

—  Hello First.

— And one of you must be Annie?

— Yes, it's me. —  I stood two steps ahead of my companions.  I couldn't take my eyes off the young man surrounded by white sheets with gray wide stripes.  First was wearing dark blue, shiny pajamas, probably of some lightweight material.  He got up and rested his back on the pillows Khao had adjusted a moment earlier.  — You wanted to meet me, didn't you?

— Yes it's true.  I know you wanted me and Khao to star in your show and I'm so sorry we can't do it.

— Listen, darlings, can you leave me alone on First for a few minutes?  I'd like to talk to him alone.  —  I asked.

—  Of course.  No problem.  Come on everyone. — Khao led Daria and Perth out of the room and I walked closer and sat down on the sheets right next to First's legs.

—  First?  Can I ask you something?

— Of course, go ahead and ask.  There's no point in hiding anything anymore.

— Why don't you agree to treatment? Khao said there is a way to heal you, only you don't want to.

— Ah, that Khao... —  He sighed heavily.

—  Can you tell me?

— Annie... You won't understand... Khao has a great future ahead of him, he can star in many productions, he has a lot of talent, and he has to sit here and take care of me.  I am a burden to him.

—  Not true.  Don't say that...

— Annie... That's the way it is.  When I found out that you wanted both of us in the cast, I sent his application and urged him to go to the casting because I was sure he would get the part.  He deserved it, worked hard to reach the top, and viewers still underestimate him.

— You're the one who sent his application to us?

—  Uhm.  I wanted him to take this chance, and that's why I wanted to meet you, because I know that idiot didn't go to the audition.

— Well... Actually, he wasn't with us.

— Can't you find something for him? Whatever, it can be a small role, as long as it appears in the credits.  That alone may help him in the future.  You know, on his resume, a big production like yours will look great —  First spoke enthusiastically.  A smile appeared on his face, although he looked a bit eerie against such a pale complexion.  First had always been thin, but now he looked unnaturally thin.  Those big, pretty eyes that I loved to admire so much in the various shows he starred in looked at me hopefully.

— You're in luck, because I've kept one spot open in case there's someone better suited for the role than Krist, who we originally considered.

— Krist?  Why didn't you take him?

— If you know him, I think you know why.  He's so puffed up, like a peacock!  Too confident.  And he thinks he knows everything better.  No thanks, I don't want someone like that on my show!

— So... So that means you have a role for Khao?

— Yes, I have a part for him, but you must do something for me in return.

— Sure, what's that?

—  Agree to treatment.

— Annie... You know I can't do that... —  He said sadly, hanging his head and staring at his own hands.  He fiddled nervously with the piece of bedclothes.  He was breathing heavily and slowly.  Other sounds reached my ears as well, such as the distant buzz of a chainsaw, the ticking of a square-mounted clock on the lilac wall just across from me, and the murmur of conversation going on in a nearby room.  The room was filled with books and Formula 1 items. There were miniature cars from various years, including even a red #7 Ferrari raced by Finn Kimi Raikkonen, known as Iceman.  In a dark brown wooden frame hung a poster of Lewis Hamilton holding up another trophy won for a win, with the words in purple font surrounded by a yellow line: "To all the kids who dream impossible: you can do this!"  I also liked this quote, it meant a lot to me and helped me overcome many difficulties.  It was hard to accept that someone who looks at this quote almost all the time wants to give up the fight, give up ... Someone who definitely knows that Lewis didn't get his wins for free either, that he did it himself  he worked hard.  Even if he had a lot of luck ... Luck does not win by itself, you need someone who can use it, and the examples of drivers such as Valtteri Bottas or Sergio Perez clearly showed that not everyone in an equally good car can achieve great results.

I placed my hand on First's, trying to calm him down.  His hands were appallingly cold.  I could blame a nearby fan that was currently turned off.

— Listen to me, First.  I know you're scared.  My mother also had cancer.  I still remember how much we all suffered then, we were all afraid.  Every morning I woke up with the fear that I would never see my mother again.  Do you want to do just that, Khao?  Can't you see how he cares for you?  He gave up on a series that could have brought him international fame and a world-class career, for you to be here with you and take care of you.  Doesn't that just tell you clearly that he loves you?  Maybe he can't say it, maybe he thinks it won't change anything, but if you give up, do you know how much you'll hurt him?  Khao is modest, secretive, he won't tell you openly, but he does it for you.  Now it's time for you to do something for him —  I said, still squeezing his hand.

— But I don't deserve him!  I know Khao is a wonderful man, has a good heart, great talent, and I don't want him wasting his life taking care of me.

— Oh First... I used to think I didn't deserve anything good either.  I was a terrible troublemaker and a bad person.  When I was little, I used to go to my neighbors barn and let their cows out.  In middle school, I used to call my teacher a bitch.  I had my own gang that I went with all over the school.  I climbed all possible rooftops and trees.  I was fighting with other students at school.  I didn't want to study and I was constantly causing problems.  I often argued with my parents and always thought only of myself.  Until my mother got sick and I ended up in an orphanage.  I blamed myself for it.  Then there was the discovery that I like women, which is still unacceptable in my country, and it was even worse then.  I wanted to commit suicide, I tried to do it, but I failed, and you know what?  Today I'm glad I didn't.  I suffered for a very long time, over 10 years I fought depression and suicidal thoughts, until Daria appeared.  It's a long story, and maybe someday we'll tell it together.  All I can say is that thanks to her I regained my balance.  Negative thoughts still pop up sometimes, but it's much better now.  I'm happy now.  And think, what would have happened if I had managed to die then?  I would never have written the story that allowed me to meet Pierre Gasly and that led me to meet so many people who make me smile.  I suffered for a long time, but now I know that it was worth it, that it was simply the price I had to pay for the happiness that only now meets me.  So please, don't give up.  You don't know what's waiting for you around the corner.  Don't assume the worst right away.  It will hurt, yes, but you will get through it and we will be with you, especially me, Khao and Perth. 

First sat in silence for several minutes, thinking about what I had told him.  I didn't say anything else, I let him absorb all the information.  I found myself interjecting Thai words into English conversation more and more, which made me believe that it would be easy for him to understand.  I finally saw a faint smile on his face.

— Okay.  I'll do it.  I'll go to the hospital.

— Thank you. — I happily shook his hand.  I didn't think it would be so easy, but maybe First really wanted to live?  Maybe it wasn't that he wanted to die, but that he was more afraid of suffering for which he wasn't ready.  Maybe he just needed some impulse to act, something like my words.

— Are you going to call Khao?  I would like him to call my attending physician right away.

— Of course.  I'm proud of you. — I replied as I stood up and walked to the door.  I found Khao, Daria and Perth in the kitchen, where they were sitting at the table talking calmly about something.

— And what?  What he said?  — Khao asked as soon as he saw me.

—  All right.  He agreed to treatment.  And he asked you to call his doctor.

— ANNIE!  YOU ARE A MIRACLE WORKER! _ Khao yelled at the top of his lungs and ran to hug me.  — Thank you!

— Don't thank me yet.  You'll thank me if First recovers.