I was scared as hell of this news.  I sensed something was wrong, but I forced myself to read the Instagram message.

Daria: Ania... New... New is dead.

Those few words broke my heart, took my breath away, tore from my lungs a cry of despair and suffering.  I fell to the floor right next to the wooden bench in my room.  There was no one else in the house but me.

— Nooooo!  No, nooooo! — I screamed.
I don't know why I did it, but I picked up my phone again, where Instagram was full of recordings from one event.

I saw a not-so-tall, skinny man of about 30 years old, hold a pistol out in front of him and point it at Zee.  New noticed it first and before anyone reacted, he rushed towards his beloved, pushed him, making him fall.  At the same time, there was a loud bang of a gunshot.  New froze, staggered, and fell squarely into Zee's arms.

People around started panicking and screaming, but the person filming it didn't stop the recording.  We still saw everything very clearly.  The image was of high quality.  New didn't move, his eyes wide open, there was a pitiful emptiness in them, and what had once been there and made him was gone forever, as if his soul had already left his useless body.

I felt it happened.  New was my soulmate, whatever happened to him happened to me.  We shared a lot of strong emotions and feelings, the condition was that they had to be very strong.  The moment it happened, my heart stopped for a second or five and my chest started to burn like wildfire.  I felt like I was dying, only I wasn't the one who died.  Then there was nothing, no pain, just emptiness, darkness, feeling like I was falling lower and lower and couldn't find a fulcrum.  I was gasping for breath, choking, choking on my own tears.  Looking at Zee's tears, at his wet face, hearing his heart-rending scream, I myself began to scream out loud our pain.

I loved NuNew with all my heart, he was my brother, my twin soul, a piece of me that I had searched for so long and now lost.

I looked at the description of the post on Zee's profile.  I knew he hadn't written it, something told me he wouldn't have had the strength to do it.

“New Chawarin Perdpiriyawong, my beloved, my boyfriend and best friend, passed away at 4:26 pm today from a gunshot wound.  The only consolation is that he didn't suffer, he left right away.  My Angel, you left so suddenly and left a void that I will never be able to fill, you took a big piece of me with you, but I know that you are now where you belong among the Angels.  I know you did it because you wanted to protect me.  You were a hero to the very end.  I wish I could turn back time, freeze it in the moment when we were so happy together.  I love you Nu, I love you with all my heart, sleep well baby.  I promise I will find you."

His instaStories post was more disturbing.  In the background was the blurred outline of a gun, next to a gold-framed photo and a bottle of what looked like alcohol.  The caption was in English and read: "I don't want to live a day without you my Angel @new_cwr."

When I saw that the post had been added just 20 seconds earlier, I immediately closed Instagram and called Max.

—Max, wherever you are and whatever you're doing, drop it and go to Zee's house, I have a bad feeling — I ordered without any introduction or greeting.

—Why?  What's happening?

—See on his Instagram.  Just go to him, I may not be on time.

— Okay, I'm going.

I hung up and ran out of the room in search of Perth.  Luckily, he wasn't far away, standing by the hob, talking to someone on the phone.  I took the phone from his hand, apologized to the person he was talking to and hung up the call.

— Perth!  We must go to Zee immediately.

—What?

— I'm afraid he'll do something to himself.

— Why would he?"

Perth's question made me realize that he didn't know anything yet.  No wonder, it happened only two hours ago, and the information itself on IG only now appeared, as did Zee's entry.

— New is dead.  He was shot while meeting fans.

—What?!

—Yes, move on, we have no time to waste! — I chased him. I grabbed his car keys from the rack and we took our places in the car as soon as we could (me as the passenger, Perth as the driver).

The trip didn't take long, but I had enough time to think about everything and I began to doubt whether we should save Zee.  I knew he was hurting, I knew that New was his whole world to him, that he would never love anyone again in a way that the wound was too deep to heal.  He would miss him forever, having to wake up every morning alone in the bed he used to wake up next to New, knowing that he would never see him again, never hear his laugh or his voice saying his name.  Every day he will go through hell that no one deserves.  His love for Nu was unusual, much stronger, but that also meant his suffering would be proportionately greater.  Do we have the right to be selfish and make him suffer like this for the rest of his life?  What are the chances that he will find someone who will make him happy?  Max and Perth said that after breaking off his friendship with Saint, Zee became withdrawn, didn't want to talk to anyone, didn't want to spend time with anyone, didn't trust anyone and didn't want to get attached to anyone.  The arrival of New changed everything.  Zee opened his heart twice and was hurt each time.

I told Perth my doubts, but he only scolded me.

— Are you crazy? Of course we have to save him, he's our friend!

— If you're really his friend, you'll let him go.

— What?!  Are you crazy?!

— No, I just know what Zee is going through and I don't want it for him.  It's going to be hell, you understand?

In the video, I saw Zee walking over to the cold metal tabletop where the pale body of his lover lay.  He approached him, took his hand and started talking to him.  I couldn't understand everything, he spoke too softly and as if indistinctly.  It was strange to look at the body of a man hidden under the white material, who just a few hours ago was breathing, laughing with us and planning our joint trip to Thailand to finish the last stage of the promotion of our series, our joint work, of which we were so proud  .

New Chawarin is dead.

Those were the words that destroyed me, awakened the monster in me that maybe had always been there.  I walked over to the door of Zee's room.  I cautiously went inside.  The floor was littered with pictures, mostly of them together.  I picked him up: it showed Zee and NuNew with their arms around each other and smiling.

I raised the gun to the height of his heart.

—Are you sure?  — I asked and glanced at the image on the phone I was holding in my other hand.  I wanted to record it, I wanted everyone to know what really happened.  I only hesitated for a moment.  I had never killed a human before, although I had killed an animal by accident, which I always regretted.

— Yes, Annie, I'm sure.  I don't want to live a day without my lovely angel, without Nu.

—I see.  And don't you think that in the future you would have a chance to love someone?

— I will never love anyone as much as him. He was for me the most beautiful gift from fate, my light in a dark tunnel.  Without him, there is no me, so what difference does it make?

I smiled through my tears.

— Okay, let's do it.

I looked into his eyes for the last time: they were so filled with mourning, despair and longing that there could only be one decision.

— Just let me write something — I said, and almost automatically, like a robot, he walked over to his desk, took some sheets of paper and two pens, which he handed to me.  I sat down at the table and started writing.

"My Dear Lovely People!
If you're reading this, forgive us for what we've done.  Before jumping to any conclusions, let me tell you the truth.  I killed Zee at his request.  Zee loved Nu with all his heart, and we both knew that going on without someone so important would be too hard for both of us.  New was my twin soul mate, and Zee was his romantic twin soul.  Taking him away from us was like ripping out very large pieces of ourselves.  I can't express our pain in words.  Zee and I both went through hell before NuNew came into our lives, he brought the best of us, he was our ray of sunshine and our fighting force.  Without it, nothing in this world makes sense anymore.
I know that many of you will not understand our decision, many will resent us for doing it, but how are we supposed to live on?
As I write this, Zee is behind me, we are both still alive, still breathing, but our breaths are shallow, short, painful, tearing apart our lungs every second.  It's hard to live with such a burden and knowing that the person who most deserved happiness, fulfillment of dreams and a long life in health has already passed away, and we didn't even have a chance to say "goodbye".
I can't control my tears, the whole world has become grey, colorless.  It's night, quite cold, even for Thailand.  In a moment, our hearts will also stop beating, we will leave and go to meet our beloved and brother.
It was Nu who taught me how to be a good person, his kind and understanding heart was something special that was taken from us all.
You may consider us cowards for running away instead of facing our grief and longing, and I hope you never get a chance to understand us.
We left because the world didn't accept us.  I'm bisexual, Zee and New were gay, Nu was killed for that, and I want that to be remembered.  Nu's death was not a tragic accident, it was a well-planned act of hate against people like us: against the LGBT community.  Please remember that not only a homosexual person was killed, but also someone who radiated the whole world with his kindness and love for everyone, someone's son and beloved, someone's brother and his partner and his sister.  Let our death not be in vain.  We only ask for one thing: for more acceptance, forbearance and understanding, for love.
Set the world on fire with the fire of love, not with the fire of crime and evil.
We will always be with you.
~Annie and Zee
P.S. If you're reading this, it means I killed Zee.  It's not easy to take the life of someone who has made you understand what true, sincere love and devotion are, but we both know it would hurt too much if he had to stay.  And I can't live with the knowledge that I killed someone, even if they asked me to.
Sorry".

I set the card aside.  Zee took it in his hand, scanned it quickly, and nodded.

— Let's do it — He said in an unusually calm, controlled voice, like someone who has completely resigned to his fate.  He placed the pages between his and New's photos, took a last gulp of alcohol, and handed me the gun.  It didn't matter to him that he left me no choice, he didn't think of it that way, he saw nothing but his own longing.

I sighed and took the gun from him.  My hands were shaking, so Zee held them down, and finally he pulled the trigger.  Like in slow motion, I saw his eyes fill with pain for a brief snippet, tears flowing down his cheeks in streams, and then everything became a blur.  I turned the gun barrel towards my heart.

— See you later — I whispered and broke the last barrier in my mind.

The last thing I saw was Max and Perth running into the living room.  The last thing I heard were their desperate, soul-rending cries.  The last thing I understood was that we had made a fatal mistake: we had forgotten the people around us who loved us, whom we were now leaving behind with shattered hearts, broken lives, and a trauma they might not be able to overcome for the rest of their lives.  We forgot that we hurt in the same way those who would do anything for us.  One tragedy led to another.

I suddenly opened my eyes and stared at the white ceiling above me.  It all made no sense.  I got up and walked to the bathroom on shaky legs.  I looked in the mirror and saw that not only my face was wet with tears, but also my whole body was covered with sweat droplets.  I wanted to breathe a sigh of relief, believing it was just a stupid dream that would never come true, but the events of the past few weeks have been haunting me.  What worried me the most was the attack on Saint and me.  Someone wanted to make it clear to us that they don't want us here.

And though it was only a dream... Whenever I close my eyes, I see Zee crying over her boyfriend's body... And one sentence runs through my mind: "There's no happy ending for us".

— I'll do anything to stop this bastard — I promised my own reflection in the mirror before undressing and stepping into the shower.

That night I couldn't sleep anymore.  Until dawn I thought about everything and tried to understand the true meaning of my dream.  Does that mean we're in danger?  Besides... Why did I kill Zee and myself in this dream?  It didn't make sense because I couldn't even kill a fly!

In the morning I yawned and rubbed my tired eyes with my hands, but I couldn't afford to let it go and take the day off.  Maybe my presence on the set of the series wasn't particularly necessary, but I didn't want to leave the boys alone.  Plus, I just felt safe with them.

★
★★
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From the author!!!

Sorry for this chapter!  This is a punishment for you for not seeing your involvement in this fanfic!  And I have to tell you that I really like this fiction myself and I'm quite happy with it!

So sorry and thank you for still being here ❤️

~Annie