Six days later, after countless hours of preparation, sleepless nights to rehearse every step, every gesture and every word so that everything looks natural, so that we feel confident and at ease, so that our voices do not fail us in  the most important moments and here it is after many photo shoots, interviews, walks on the runway and conversations with people we were unable to remember, the moment that many of us have been waiting for has finally arrived.  I didn't think that one day I would be so close to something as big and mysterious as Formula 1 that I would take a place of honor in one of the garages.  I wasn't a die-hard fan of the sport, but every once in a while I watched a particular race and this one looked really exciting.  On the plane, at the very beginning of the journey, my eyes closed by themselves.  We were overworked, sleepy and hungry, but overjoyed.  The lack of P'Aof and P'Sky ordering us around and making sure we don't do something we shouldn't have been refreshing to the entire team.

To my surprise, Mark called me and informed me that I would have to share a room with Kaownah, Yin, and Yoon at the hotel.  I was surprised that I was promised a double room at most, which I could share with someone I get along with best.  I thought I'd get to spend some time with Singto or Saint, but Mark asked me to keep an eye on Kaownah.  Well, just great!  I didn't know Kaownah at all, I'd heard a bit about him, but I hadn't had the opportunity to meet him yet, I knew Yoon from the series in which he played a mafia boss, and I sometimes met Yin at various media and promotional events.  However, I was afraid that it would be difficult for us to find a common topic to talk about.  The three of them were not supposed to join us until the day of the race.

— Damn it, Mark, couldn't you have warned me sooner? —   I asked.

— Sorry, there wasn't time.  Why?  Have you already made any plans?

The question was tricky, I felt that he was trying to ask me about a subject we both knew.

According to Mark, I've been single for too long, he didn't think this life suited me.  He himself had a wife and a lovely two-year-old daughter who was the apple of his eye.  He said that initially he did not want to get involved with anyone because he thought his job was dangerous, he was afraid that something would happen to him and the person who would love him would suffer, but when he fell in love his thinking changed, or rather  Claire changed it.  Mark loves to talk about it, he is proud of it and he always says how wonderful it is to be in love and have someone always waiting for you at home.  I don't know, I didn't know such experiences, all that was waiting for me in my apartment was a cold lunch in the fridge that I had to reheat myself, an empty bed, cold pale blue walls and only a few small gifts from the most persistent fans.  Even as an actor and model, I wasn't much appreciated.  It was said that I was lucky to be given roles in such huge, successful series like KinnPorsche and Cutie Pie, that I should be happy about it.

The truth was that it wasn't down to luck at all.  By the time I got the role in Cutie Pie, I was already a little recognizable for my role as Ram in My Engineer, but I still had to pester P'Sky, buy expensive gifts for him, and send dozens of messages asking him to let join me the cast.  I got a little character to play again, the owner of the Gemini bar.  It was a small role, but apparently suited me.  I accepted it with a sigh of relief, because I could call it a dream come true.  The more that I was a free artist, I was not subject to any agency or manager, I had to fight for everything myself.  Prior to working on Cutie Pie, P'Aof worked with me to improve my pronunciation.  I also got my own trainer who practiced with me not only my scenes in the series, but even those already owned by NuNew, Yim, Tutor, Zee, Max and Nat.  I spent long hours without food and without a break, practicing lines that were not my character under P'Aof's tutelage in a stuffy, air-conditioned conference room of some cheap, run-of-the-mill hotel.  Everyone cut costs as much as they could, and we did too.

That's why everything felt so surreal now!  The expensive hotel we shared with the Formula 1 drivers, the VIP seats in the garages during the race, the arrival on a charter flight, the high-end food and the air-conditioned areas to practice the next shots, it was like a miracle, like being transported to another, parallel universe where everything  it's so wonderful!

So I just sighed and agreed to every condition Mark put forward.  I knew him for a long time, I owed him a lot, he got me out of many troubles.  This could have been my way of paying off my debts.

— I didn't have any plans, Yin, Yoon and Kaownah can live with me, they will only be there for four days anyway.

— Exactly.  I'm glad you understand it so well.  I guess you know we don't have a choice.  I wanted to separate them, but I need someone to watch them for me.  That's why I thought of you.

— Oh, so another trick?

— It's not a trick, it's just work.  I'm doing my job, and you're the best person for this job.  Besides, think what we have to gain!  If one of them accidentally says something, we might be able to find a way around P'Sky.

- Ah!  Exactly!  What's with him?  He didn't ask why he didn't get to be director?

— Yeah, he was pissed about not telling, I'm afraid he took it out on someone, but we don't know who, we're still trying to get to his victims, it's possible that Kaownah is one of them . . .

— Kaownah?  Nooooooo, impossible, I don't think so... Kaownah looks rather normal, he's not acting suspiciously —  I protested, remembering the Facebook livestream P'Sky had forced me to watch, saying I might learn something from it.

I was sitting on my bed in my hotel room in the pretty town of Monza, just outside Milan.  This bed could comfortably accommodate two or three people, and there was also a couch, so we'll probably fit four of us somehow, the question is, who am I going to sleep with?  I hope with Yoon and Yin, we're all rather petite, so there's room for everyone to get comfortable.  It was race day, Yin, Yoon, and Kaownah should have arrived by now, but I couldn't see them anywhere.  The telephone conversation with Marek did not improve my mood either.  He put me in a difficult situation day by day.  I was afraid that Annie might misunderstand something because I'd rather not have roommates, especially since I couldn't explain anything to her.

— Don't wait for them, they might be late.  Their plane hasn't landed yet.

— Ah, okay then.  So what should I do?

— The usual for now. Follow the rest of the group and follow Zee if necessary, they shouldn't arouse anyone's suspicions.  Be a good friend, encourage Saint and Kaownah to confide, you have my permission to get them drunk.

— You have my permission to get them drunk," I copied it, trying to sound as ironic and sarcastic as possible. — Yes, my lord and master, whatever you wish.

I was overreacting, I knew it, but I couldn't help myself.  Mark pissed me off.  Yes, I remember that it's his job, that it all fell on him so suddenly, that he has a lot of responsibilities and looking for evidence incriminating P'Sky and P'Aof was one of them.  He's my friend, of course I'll help him.  He once helped me a lot when I appeared in a country completely foreign to me, not knowing its history, culture, customs or law.  It was Mark who saved me after running away from a house where I was never welcome.  I ran away because I felt lonely and out of place there, as if someone had just dropped me off there when I was little.  The mother is dead, the father has a new wife and a new family, a beautiful daughter, a sixteen-year-old son with basketball talent ... I was never needed there with my almost obsessive interest in the LGBT world and making films and series.  Throughout the summer I worked wherever I could, washed dishes at one of the better restaurants in Perth (hence my nickname), where I also worked as a waiter, saved up enough money (also from my father who only wanted me to leave him alone).  Then I met Mark, who went to Australia for a holiday.  He was sitting alone at a table, taking notes on his laptop.  Interested me.  We started talking, I told him about my dream to become an actor.  Somehow it is so that sometimes it is easier to tell about everything that is bothering us to a complete stranger.  Maybe that's why psychotherapists exist.  Mark suggested that I go with him to Thailand, to Bangkok.  My first impulse was to say no, but Mark said he would stay in Perth for three more days, during those days he would come in every day, order food, wait for me to finish my shift, then we would go for long walks and talk about everything.  Mark offered to teach me Thai.

I smiled at my memories.

Maybe that's why I didn't have a manager or agency to represent me: it's just that no one wanted to invest in an Australian who had only recently arrived in their country.  But that didn't stop me.  On the contrary: it motivated me to prove to all of them how wrong they were and that they should never cross me out.  The role at KinnPorsche was also a less important one, but it gave me a lot.  From then on, I was able to go on tour with the guys and meet the fans, I was part of something great and I didn't believe that one day, soon enough, I would experience something even greater.

And yet!

I jumped out of bed, finishing my conversation with Mark (miraculously, I didn't miss a single sentence of his monologue, even though I was remembering the old days at the same time) and started getting ready to go to the Formula 1 race, although we had been asked to come early to watch the Formula 1 race as well  2.  The preparations did not take much time, although I wanted to look good.

The stands of the Monza circuit, located north of Milan, quickly filled with loud crowds of fans dressed in colorful sweatshirts and jackets and caps, which perfectly showed who a person supports, although the red and for some reason yellow Ferrari and orange McLaren kits were the most conspicuous. Fans waved flags, shouted over each other, laughed.  It was a real holiday for them.  Immediately each of us goes to our assigned seat, Ohm, Kao, Mew and Earth Pirapat hurry to the RedBull garage, from where they will watch the race as Max Verstappen fans.  Apparently RedBull has the best chance of winning.  Saint, Boun and Prem go to McLaren.  I'm sure it's not just my heart beating faster, I'm not the only one feeling an excitement that is hard to describe in words.

It's our first Formula 1 race we've seen up close.  Emotions are huge, it's hard to stay still.  Zee and New elbow each other, Win and Bright won't budge at all, I'm beginning to fear they're about to start fighting, but to my great relief our favorite star, Pierre Gasly, AlphaTauri driver from France, enters the garage.  I wanted to play him because he's one of the four main characters, but after thinking about it, playing myself is just as exciting.  The more that I will not really be myself, but only a character resembling Perth Nakhun.  Our writers took care to change the names, but we still know who is who.  Zee plays Pierre and New Yuki, so they have to be closest, they have to be almost the center of attention.  The day before the race we all had classes in the simulators, in the most professional ones belonging to the team from Faenza, thanks to which we could experience everything very close.  New is approached by Yuki, extends his hand to him and almost forcibly leads him to the next room, which serves as the garage and command place for the group dealing only with Yuki.  Zee looks at them disapprovingly, but no one else seems to notice.  Only Bright nudges Win with his arm and points him to Zee, so someone else noticed besides me.  Win raises one eyebrow and wrinkles his nose playfully, then I manage to hear a short "No, definitely not" spoken in their native language.
Earlier, we received some detailed information about our drivers: Yuki will no longer be Pierre's partner from next season, their unofficial relationship led to the need to find a new seat for one of them, and here came one of the weaker teams, Alpine, who suddenly stayed  without one of the drivers.  The transfer machine was in full swing and I didn't know who was going to which team and why.  It was less important.  The most important thing was to watch our characters in action, to learn something valuable from them.

I watched Pierre put on a fireproof balaclava, put on a colorful helmet with fanciful patterns and his own PG logo, gracefully jump into the tiny cockpit, and I begin to wonder how someone as big as Gasly fits into such a tiny sardine tin?  But he pays no attention to it.  There is only theoretical chaos around us, in reality everyone knows exactly what to do, their duties and their place in the line.  The cars take to the track for the first time that day to line up on their assigned grids.  The sun floods the area with terrifying brightness, which reflects off the heating asphalt.  There is nothing to count on rain, which could spice up the competition.  Max Verstappen, the Dutchman goes first, he took pole position.  He is closely followed like a shadow by Monegasque's Charles Leclerc's red Ferrari, with no chance of keeping 10 car lengths between them.  The mechanics, and we along with them, are heading towards the starting straight.  In a moment we will stop to listen to the anthem together.  Annie stands up lightly on her tiptoes and tries to shout over the noise around us.  Before the engine started, we were handed headphones.  Until the very end, I was not aware of how loud Formula 1 cars actually are, television does not convey it at all.

— Cool, yeah?! — She shouts and smiles cheerfully.  For her, it is also the first such race, watched live.  She unconsciously squeezes my hand.  Emotions are so big that she herself does not notice what she is doing, it seems natural to her.  She looks beautiful with her hair pinned in a high ponytail, blowing in the wind, cheeks flushed with emotion and cheerful sparkles in her eyes.  Suddenly I think about how I wish I could keep this moment forever, so that it would last forever: that I could always stand right next to Annie, hold her hand and watch the happiness on her face.

We quickly understood why Monza was called the temple of speed, it was here that ultra-modern cars accelerated to speeds incomprehensible to us, mere mortals, and it was here that the drivers covered 76% of the race on gas to the metal.  The smell of burning rubber reached our noses, irritating them slightly, but we treated it as an unforgettable experience that will allow us to better play our roles.

*.  *.  *

The race didn't go as expected.  We were all silently rooting for Pierre Gasly and Yuki Tsunoda, but for both of them the fight for points was over before it really began when Yuki collided with Sebastian Vettel, driving for Aston Martin, shortly after the start, ending  front wing and Pierre pitted when in fact no one had called him.  The AT mechanics were in complete shock when Pierre pulled up to his seat expecting a tire change on only lap ten.  The wheels were changed, but the time losses turned out to be irrecoverable.  Seeing the fury of an F1 driver up close was new to all of us.  And Pierre was so nervous at first that he didn't even want to talk to anyone.  He left the locker room after a good fifteen minutes, much calmer and as if resigned to defeat, and then we could discuss every detail with him.

— I clearly heard them calling me to the pit lane — He explained, spreading his hands helplessly.  After a while, an older man approached him, whom we recognized as their boss, Franz Tost.

— Pierre, we didn't summon you.  None of us did.  Come on, let's go over the recordings.  You must have misheard something.

— Franz, you know very well that I don't make such mistakes! —  Gasly defended himself.  The two began to review the footage from laps 9 and 10, and it soon became clear that Pierre was right.  Someone had clearly called him over the radio.  That's what we didn't understand.  Annie, being Annie, already believed there was a conspiracy here.

— It could have been one of the rivals.

— Annie, think logically —  Pierre asked, glancing once at the screen, then at our friend.  — Have you seen any strangers come in here?

— No, but they're all strangers to me! He could have been wearing the AlphaTauri outfit!  She reminded him.  The case seemed quite mysterious.  There was no doubt that someone called Pierre to the pit stop without informing the mechanics, which caused panic and panic.  Adrenaline played a key role here, it was it that made all these men in white and navy blue overalls, despite this mess, grab the wheels, pistols, unscrew the locking nuts, take off the old wheels, put on new ones, screw them on and gave the signal to leave as if everything  was planned and prepared.  Even if they were a full four seconds late.  Only four seconds, but how precious!  Seconds that decided that Pierre was no longer able to fight even for this one modest point.  We were sorry, but we were even more intrigued.

— Okay, we'll do a thorough investigation tomorrow. We need to find out what failed — Franz said, then told us to leave and his mechanics to start packing everything up.  Pierre stopped him.

— Uh, boss...

— Yes, Pierre?

— I don't think we should pack yet, the Thai film crew is having a photoshoot here tomorrow, boss hasn't forgotten?

Franz scratched his head playfully.  He looked like someone who had actually forgotten about it.  One of his assistants, who overheard the whole conversation, handed him a tablet on which I could see the schedule for the next day out of the corner of my eye, and indeed, at 10⁰⁰ the track and garage of AlphaTauri, McLaren and Mercedes were reserved for us until 19³⁰.  Already in Thailand we were divided into appropriate groups.  I was in the one that was supposed to record one of the scenes from our series in the AlphaTauri garage.  One of the groups was to stay in Milan, where one of the scenes and cuts for the fifth episode of the series also had to be recorded.  They were also supposed to take part in the photo shoot.  According to the scenario on the track in Monza, one of the drivers, Charles Leclerc, was to blame for the accident.  In the story, the race at Monza took place exactly one week after the race at Zandvoort where another racer, the much-loved but controversial world champion Max Verstappen, died.  Of course, it was all fiction and Max and Charles took it with a grain of salt, but I still got goosebumps when I watched every video they sent us about any Formula 1 accident.  real events, specifically the accident that killed Pierre Gasly's friend, Anthoine Hubert.  We had to show as realistic as possible the guilt of one of the characters, Charles, who believed that he was responsible for the accident in which Max lost his life, the despair, mourning and longing of their friends, and the unbridled joy of Nikita Mazepina's father, who at the very end of the story  possessed by a demon, which made him work with Putin, who was himself a combination of demon and human.

My favorite was the story of Robert Schwarzman, who was to be played by Nat.  In this story, Robert was forced by the Mazepins to spy, smuggle drugs and take part in kidnapping high-ranking people.  Max here played Mick Schumacher, who was a Shadowhunter, the son of Michael Schumacher, who was the head of the Institute of Shadowhunters in Motorsport.  Mick met Robert and helped him to finally show that someone who everyone thought was evil, cursed by the tasks he took on, could be someone with a very good heart, gentle nature, who hated violence and drugs.

Another driver wandered into the AlphaTauri garage, where Pierre and I were already talking quite calmly, dressed in his civilian clothes and with an expensive backpack on his back.  We could hear police sirens wailing somewhere in the background, but it didn't bother us one bit.  Pierre introduced us to Lando Norris, and we split into two groups: one went back to the hotel (including Zee, NuNew, Max, Nat, Gulf, Earth Katsamonnat, and Earth Pirapat) and the other, in addition to me,  Lando, Pierre, Yuki and Annie were still entering: Saint, Louis Tomlinson and Mew went for a walk.  Mew and Louis are talking animatedly about something, and I listen to them for a moment before losing interest.

— So I can sing one of your songs? — Mew asks and Louis nods.

— Of course yes.  Choose which one you want, I'll talk to my team, it shouldn't be a problem.

— I like 'Walls' —  Mew says, and after a while they start singing together.

Nothing wakes you up like waking up alone
And all that's left of us is a cupboard full of clothes
The day you walked away and took the higher ground
Was the day that I became the man that I am now

But these high walls, they came up short
Now I stand taller than them all
These high walls never broke my soul, and I
I watched them all come falling down
I watched them all come falling down for you
For you

Nothing makes you hurt like hurtin' who you love (hurting who you love)
And no amount of words will ever be enough (never be enough)
I looked you in the eyes, saw that I was lost (saw that I was lost)
For every question "why", you were my "because" (you were my "because")

But these high walls, they came up short
Now I stand taller than them all
These high walls never broke my soul, and I
I watched them all come falling down
I watched them all come falling down for you
Falling down for you

So this one is a thank you for what you did to me
Why is it that 'thank you's' are so often bittersweet
I just hope I see you one day and you'll say to me, "Oh, oh"
But these high walls, they came up short
Now I stand taller than them all
These high walls never broke my soul, and I
I watched them all come falling down
I watched them all come falling down for you
Falling down for you

Nothing wakes you up like waking up alone

I listen to them, I look at us and I can't get over how far we've come.  We even had a gig with Louis Tomlinson, Zee and NuNew going first, Mew and Bright last, although the original plan was completely different.

We walk slowly through the streets of Monza, our shoulders colliding with each other, the echoes of our laughter and loud conversations echoing through the ancient brick buildings, music and the distant, almost inaudible roar of cars and motorcycles on the road.  The dark night is illuminated by the lights of roadside lanterns and shafts of light falling from the windows of some houses.  Annie, Pierre, Lando and Saint carry half-empty bottles of red wine in their hands, the rest of us content ourselves with whiskey, vodka and beers.  Louis stops to take a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, which he also offers to Annie.  I look at all this a bit from the side without taking part in it.  Someone has to stay sober.  NuNew, Zee, Max and Nat must have made it to the hotel long ago while we went hiking in the area.  You could say we're celebrating AlphaTauri's defeat.  Although it was this team that agreed to organize the work on our new series, Pierre had already explained to us how he was treated there.

— Because I started dating Yuki, they started treating me worse, my racing strategies sucked, my car was always having problems, I wasn't able to deliver points for the team.  I know they did it on purpose, nobody here respects LGBT people - He said it in a sad voice, then took a big gulp of wine.

Louis Tomlinson just nodded.  He himself knew perfectly well what it meant to sell his freedom for dreams.  Louis took his phone out of his pocket, unlocked it, and showed us the wallpaper: a photo of him and Harry Styles holding hands with a beautiful sunset in the background.

— That's my reason to fight.  It is thanks to Harry and for him that I am so strong: because I know I have to, because I have someone for me.  Sometimes I want to slam the door, burn all my bridges and just tell the fans about us, but then I remember that I'm not alone in this relationship, there's Harry, there's his family, there's our fans, all the people who love us  they trust whom we cannot disappoint.  The pressure is huge, the bigger the more fans we have, but we manage.  Our tattoos also tell our story.

He rolled up the sleeve of his blue and green hoodie, revealing a tattoo of a ship mooring line.

— I have the rope — He continued calmly, as if he hadn't had any alcohol today — And Harry has the anchor.

— Romantic, but e-every... everybody-knows-it — Annie replied slightly slurring.  I guessed she had a weak head.  I went over to her just in case.  It was a good decision.

—  All?  — Asked surprised Saint, who probably unconsciously leaned against Lando, who somehow did not mind at all.

— Yeah... The fans have seen through you a long time ago.  They had a theory for everything.  Yeeeeey! —  She exclaimed at the end, waving her arms.  She seemed happy, but deep down I couldn't shake the feeling that this was just a pose, that Annie was acting, pretending to be happy because she didn't want to be asked questions she couldn't answer.  How well I knew that feeling!

— Come on, let's go back, it's getting late —  I suggested as our crew grew drunker and less aware of what they were doing.  Lando hung around Saint's neck, whispering in his ear.  Pierre and Yuki were dancing in the middle of an empty road at this time.  Annie staggered and dropped the bottle, which fell and shattered with a clatter, spilling the rest of the red wine on the asphalt.

—  Oh! —  Annie laughed.  I caught her just in time before she fell.  — Senk ju perfik — She sputtered and her eyes closed.  I felt her body relax completely.  I was the only one who wasn't drunk at all.  Supporting the Polish woman with one hand, taking out the phone with the other and checking our location, somehow I managed to stay straight on my feet.  Luckily we weren't too far from our hotel so we were able to walk back.  Tomorrow some of us will move to a hotel in Milan and some will stay in Monza.  Annie was not a light person, and although I managed to wake her up and she was able to walk on her own, I had to guide her around the waist.

I was wondering what made it the way it is?  Was she an alcoholic?  This does not bode well, in Thailand you will have to keep an eye on her.  Her and Saint.  It's a good thing Zee didn't come with us, or there might have been a fight.  I smiled slightly as a completely drunk Saint tried to kiss the non-protesting Lando.  I took the opportunity to keep my phone and record their behavior with the intention of showing it to Saint one fine day and tormenting him a bit.  I wonder if he will remember anything?