Two weeks earlier...

— Hurry up or we won't make it — Nat had been urging me on for fifteen minutes.  I made a sulky face to show him my displeasure.

— We'll make it, we'll make it.  And I want to look good.

— Sure, I get it. — He stuck his tongue out at me as my hairdresser and makeup artist turned a few strands of my hair green.  Zee had green all over the left side of his hair, so to show my support even more, I wanted at least some light highlights in this color.  — You two are really madly in love with each other. Crazy, crazy, crazy in love — He was singing right in my ear.  I didn't know whether to laugh or hide my face in my hands in embarrassment.

— Phhh, at least we're cute and the fans love us.

— Oh, are you implying that they don't adore me and Max anymore?

— Mhm. —  I shrugged.

Sometimes I liked to annoy Nat, he was my friend and I knew he understood me perfectly.  In addition, he would point out to me wherever Zee is, and he was no better, he would have followed Max to the end of the world.  But isn't that what love is all about?  To support the other person?  To be always close and let our beloved rest after a hard day with his head resting on our shoulders?  Isn't it about wishing him luck when he has something difficult to do?

I smiled at my reflection in the mirror.

Yes, I love Zee.  I think I've always loved him.  That's why I went to the casting then: because I heard he was going to be there.  No one gave 100% certainty that he would perform there, but there were rumors.  I told myself I was doing it for my career, but it didn't last long.  It was enough for us to meet, talk, then shoot more scenes and so on until today, until the day Zee performs at the "Be My Boyfriends" concert and I will be sitting in the audience supporting him as best as I can.  a glowing plaque with his name and nickname on it. I want to be his best and most faithful fan. Now I'm not afraid to show it. I'm glad that he has become the owner of my heart.

— And you've drifted off to your dreamland again — Nat chastised me, snapping his fingers right in front of my eyes.  — Get a grip and come with me, it's about to start.

I made sure I looked good one last time, took a deep breath and walked out towards the stage room.  Zee had left much earlier to complete the final preparations.  Nat and I took our seats.  We weren't seated in the front row, but that didn't bother me at all.  As long as I'm in the same room as Zee, I'm happy.

I was excited and happy.  Two years ago, I was just an ordinary boy with big dreams.  Some of my friends didn't understand my passion for acting and dancing, others tried to support me.  Basically, I had a completely normal life.  Until one of my friends nicknamed Cow decided we should have a night watching BL shows.  At that moment, a new one came out called "Why R U?".

Cow directed me to take care of the snacks, Speed ​​took care of the cold drinks, and Melanie gave us her room.  We made ourselves comfortable on her bed in the early afternoon and intended to stay until we had watched the entire series.  I didn't mind, I was also curious about what it would be about and who would star in it.

—Hey, are they the main characters? — Melanie asked, pausing the video for a moment and pointing at two tall and quite handsome students in white shirts.

— No, I don't think so — Cow answered her — The main one is the short one.

—Buuu, why aren't they the main ones?  They are cute!  Melanie pouted playfully.

— Wait until you see the main character, that's a hot but cupcake —Cow assured her.

— What?  Don't tell me you've already watched it!

—I haven't watched it, but I've seen pictures online.  That's why I chose this series.  The last episode came out a few days ago.  Can we finally start watching?

— Yes, we can. — Melanie finally hit the play button again.

In our group, we were not afraid to say what we thought, we knew a lot about each other and trusted each other, which allowed us to build a strong bond that was difficult to destroy.  They knew I was interested in men, we knew Melanie preferred women, and Cow was bisexual, only Speed ​​was straight, though Cow claimed he was sure the right boyfriend could change his mind.  He has quietly told us many times that he really wants to be Speed's boyfriend.  We nodded understandingly but didn't interfere with them, we knew that something so serious should be resolved between them, and if Speed ​​hadn't noticed Cow trying to hit on him yet, well, there wasn't much we could do about it anyway.

— Eeeey!  Look, this one is hot!  — Melanie exclaimed as Fighter appeared on the screen.  He was sitting in the car with some girl and he looked rather pissed off.  He had a nice fringe that showed big, bushy, black eyebrows.  A thin face, a small mouth, earrings in the ears, in a word: ideal.  Also for me.  He seemed cunning and cunning like a fox.  In the same scene, he also seemed worried.  — I want him!

—Er, Mel... — began Cow.

— What?

— I don't think you stand a chance.

— Why not? He's handsome and hot and cute all at the same time, why wouldn't I have a chance?

— Zee is gay.

— No, he's just playing him on the show. — The bickering between these two has always amused me, but this time I nearly choked on my own drink when Cow said Zee was gay.  —How would you know that? Are you his boyfriend or what?

— Better, I'm a spy, a secret agent who knows everything about everyone.

Mel reached behind her for a pillow and swung it as hard as Cow could.

— Idiot.  I'm telling you he's not gay, everyone has the right to star in a show like this, you'll see that one day I'll be in one too.

— Sure, we can even go to the casting together —  Cow suggested, mockery in his voice.  My friends were really amusing.

— Can we watch?  — Speed ​​asked, clearly tired of the two arguing.

— Of course, my lord and master.

*.  *.  *

Few minutes later...

— EEEEYY!  A break like this?!  NOOO!

— Mel... Calm down, this is only the end of the first episode, we have more to come. —  Cow grabbed Melanie's arms and sat back on the bed, from which they both got up.  And I was wondering why I felt so strange?  Why did the last frame catch my attention so much?  And why did I like it on one hand and not on the other?

— Uuuuum!  What sad eyes!  I want to hug him right now!  exclaimed Mel.  — What is this Tutor, blind?  After all, you can see in Fighter's eyes that he is sincere!

— Mel, I am asking you for the second time today: calm down.  It's just a series.  This is not really happening?

— Ugh, I know, but look at his face, he's really devastated!  How can the Tutor be so cruel?  In Fighter's place, I would also be afraid to reveal the truth about myself.

I looked at the screen, studying the frame where Melanie had paused.  Speed ​​needed to go to the restroom quickly, and we were left discussing what we saw.  I was looking at P'Fighter and I felt so sad.  I didn't like that confused, worried, hurt expression, I wanted to see what he looked like when he smiled.  He seemed so masculine, strong, and at the same time there was a kind of tenderness and fragility in his face, as if his heart was breaking not only in a fictional story, but also in reality.  I had to admit that he played it brilliantly, masterfully, since even I fell for it.

— Hey you, mister future star of the scene — Cow nudged me on the shoulder, raising his eyebrows suggestively.  —Why don't you try to hit on our lead actor?  Surely you will meet somewhere and you will get your chance.

— What?  What's on your mind too?  Where did the idea that I want to hit on him come from?

—  Your eyes light up when you see him, and it's hard not to notice your beautiful, wide smile.

I loved my friends, and at the same time I wanted to strangle them.  They knew better than me how I felt.

Now that I thought about it, I realized I had to thank my friends.  While I didn't believe I'd ever get the chance to meet the lead actor of that series, they went out of their way to push me into his arms, but I wasn't mad at them anymore, in hindsight I can say I was lucky  have such friends.  Many times, when I myself had given up hope that my efforts would bear any fruit, they made sure that we did our best.  It was Cow who found out about Zee's new Cutie Pie The Series. The three of them rehearsed the role with me until they dropped, rehearsing most of the scenes except the kissing ones, which I dutifully kept on Cow's advice especially for  Zee Sometimes, when I lacked courage, they pushed me forward, they wouldn't let me stand still, they wouldn't let me doubt.

— Just remember we want to meet him too — They said.  — So you can't lock him up in your bedroom forever.

— I'm not going to —  I replied, but they never believed me.

— Hey, you're not crying, are you? — Nat shouted the question right into my ear.

I touched my cheek with my hand and realized it was wet.  I cried?  If so, then with happiness and emotion.  My boyfriend, Zee Pruk Panich, who played the Fighter in the Why R U series, was starting his show at that exact moment.  I was sitting in the audience with other fans and I knew that while everyone loved him, I was the only one who could call him my private boyfriend.

Zee asked the audience where NuNew was.  Happy, only with a slight shyness, I raised my hand with a sign with his name up.  He waved to me.  He called me his special person.  It was hard not to cry with happiness.  The feeling filled me from head to toe, flowed in my blood, and gave me strength and energy to chant his name along with everyone else in the room.  Nat kept taking pictures of me or recording me.  When I asked why he was doing it, he replied with a wide smile that it was for Zee, who would surely be grateful to him for showing what kind of support I am.

— Besides, he paid me for these recordings. — He shrugged at the end.

— What?  When?  How?

— Before we came here.  I actually understand him and I have a request for you: if Max performs, will you record me?  Then I can show him how beautiful I cheer for him.

— Okay, friend, anything for you — I teased him.

*.  *.  *

— Nu...

— Yes Hia?

— Please, don't be in love with someone else — Zee's voice sounded very weak. I looked at him and saw that he was looking at me with his big, beautiful, brown eyes full of some kind of pain. I touched his cheeck gently to let him know that I'm here if he needed me. He tried to smile but even his smile was somehow painful.

— Hia Zee...

— Don't call me "Hia" when we're alone, okay? "Hia" is for series, for promotional reasons, for work. Can you call me „Phi“ instead?

— Yes, P'Zee. But why do you sound so sad today? Did anything happened?

— Nope. As far as I know. It's just... — He paused and took deep breath. He was still looking at me and at this point it made me shy. I turned my head left to avoid eye contact for a moment. I needed to gain my confidence back. I had to admit that P'Zee was always hot and handsome and even sad Zee Pruk was still the Zee Pruk that I first had crush on when I didn't even thought that one day I'll meet him in real life. Yes, I always liked P'Zee, he was my idol and celebrity crush, but even tho I had thousands of thoughts and dreams about us meeting one day and even becoming a couple, I didn't dare to believe that this will happen. I was afraid of disappointment. And I was thinking: how could I do this to make us meet? And even if we met, would he even look at me? For him I'd be just an ordinary fan like everyone else.

That's why this, what was between us today seemed unrealistic, magical... It was like a miracle, because how many people gets the chance to become a couple with not only their celebrity crush but also love of their lives? Today I realised that Zee is the love of my life and while looking away, I was preparing myself to tell him this.

We were sitting on the bed in his bedroom after long day of shooting our series. We both already took the bath and were ready to go to sleep but Zee wanted to talk a bit. He lit few candles and turned off the lights making the atmosphere in room more romantic.

I took his face in both hands, forcing him to look me straight in the eye.  I ran my thumb over his lips.

— I was never in love with anyone else P'Zee. You were always the one and only for me. I wasn't able to tell you till today because I was scared that if you won't return my feelings, I may lose you and I didn't wanted to lose you. But you know that I love you, P'Zee, right? You need to know this and I'll remind you each day.

This finally brought back his smile. He grabbed my hands, brought them to his lips and kissed them briefly.  My heart raced, my thoughts disappeared somewhere.  Only he and what he said mattered.

— I love you, NuNu. After Saint I never expected to meet someone who would love me. I thought I don't deserve any love. But now you're here, you're my comfort zone, you're my safe place. I feel that you are my home and they say that the home is where the heart is and my heart is with you. I know we may face a lot of difficulties, people will not accept us easily but as long as we have each other, we will be fighting together, right? You're not gonna leave me alone?

— Never, P'Zee. NuNu will never leave P'Zee alone. NuNu loves P'Zee very very much.
This was all I could do for him. He was my first love and I hoped he will be the last one. I don't want to fall in love with anyone else. P'Zee is enough. He's strong, brave and beautiful soul.

*.  *.  *

The music resounded not only throughout the house, but also throughout my soul, touching me to the core.  I let myself be carried away by it, dancing as my subconscious told me.  Music, I felt it with my whole body, when every particle of air trembled, goosebumps appeared, cheeks burned with live fire, but this feeling was extremely pleasant.

— Let me take care of you, let me show you that my feelings are deep and I'm honest with you, please, don't reject me just now, give us some time — Zee said it looking straight into my eyes. His voice was even deeper than usually. Did he really think that I could reject him?! Doesn't he know that it's impossible for me? I liked him before we met. And when we met, I was afraid to talk to him because he looked like someone rude, like total asshole. How could I predict that I will fall for him so easily? I tried to silence my heart but it doesn't listen to me at all.

— Zee... Please, don't say anything more, I understand. Just let me ask you one thing.

— Yes, of course, you can ask for whatever you want. Please, don't be afraid to ask, I won't hurt you, I want to be here to protect you.

— So you are not saying this because you feel too much of character that you are playing, do you?

— It's not fake character from series. I'm extremely honest with you. From the very first day when you came for casting and I heard your voice, it was first time when I thought that maybe magic really exists. But then I had to be professional. Also I didn't know if you would really be interested in me, I needed to check it, please, understand, I didn't wanted to get hurt...
Why there were tears in his eyes?

I put my hand on his face and tried to make him stop looking so sad and heartbroken. I tried to say something, but he continued talking as if he didn't notice anything. He grabbed my hand and was holding it for some time.

— NuNu, I know it's hard for you to believe me because you saw me talking with P'Sky and that's why I'm asking you to not run away from me. I love you, NuNew, I love you with my all heart. It was broken but you came and fixed it.

— Zee...

— Please... Do you need me to repeat NuKuea's words? Fine. So... You don't have to love me very much, you don't have to love me at all, you can pretend that you do, just give me chance, give us chance.

— I love you too. I have no doubts. Don't make that shocked face. Didn't you realize that I'm yours since the beginning?

— Huh?

— You look surprised, but I understand. You don't have to worry. I am next to you and I promise to always be by your side.

— So...? — He asked only but we both knew the answer.

— So. — I agreed and kissed him for the first time knowing each other's feelings. It felt so good! He was holding me and it was so warm and I felt safe in his arms. I didn't need anything more. We were just standing in the kitchen of his home, where we both tried to make some dinner.
That night innocent boy Nu was gone. Zee was the one who let me be as naughty as I wanted to be. With all the wildest desires, with all the naughty thoughts there were only two of us and nothing else mattered.

Never let go of my hand.

„Never, I promise“ — I thought as I let Zee lead me in this dance.  I didn't know the steps yet, everything was so new.  His every touch, so longed for, so waited for, so gentle yet sure, intentional, intuitive, every kiss like a begging for more, like a hello and a goodbye.

It has to be, that's how I want it, don't worry about me, do whatever you want to do, I won't be mad, you can hurt me, I don't care, just don't make me wait anymore, I've been waiting too long.  The music echoed throughout the building, but we couldn't hear the words, we only heard ourselves, our own desires, crazes and longings, something so brutally and predatorily primal that it was hard to control.

—Tell me if you're not sure. —  I heard his hoarse, panting voice above me.  I slowly opened my eyes.

— Yes, I know, but don't say much, I want you. I'm here, I know what we're doing, just please, don't stop. Do, whatever you want, I'm all yours — I replied in a similar tone, intoxicated by his closeness, the smell and sound of our voices, slightly disappointed that he had stopped.  I flipped him over onto his back, taking off the black T-shirt I had taken out of his closet just half an hour earlier before taking a shower.  I didn't remember the moment we both stripped off the rest of our clothes, still separating us from each other.  The next thing I knew, I leaned over him and bit him, not very hard, just above the nipple on the right side.  He groaned and a shiver ran through my body.  I wanted so much more and more, I wanted everything he could give me, and I was ready to give him what he didn't even have to ask for.  In fact, I've been his ever since we first met, as if everything that's happened in both his life and mine has been leading us to this moment, to the moment of no return.

I smiled cheekily as this time he flipped me onto my back and was on top of me.  For a moment we stared into each other's eyes, the whole universe fit into that look.  I licked my lips, signaling him to continue.  It was like I was telling him, "Do it, do it, whatever you want to do, do it now, before the waiting kills me, it has to be you, I want it to be you."

Some say the first time with someone isn't always that great, but for me it was, maybe because it was Zee?  That I was able to experience it with someone I loved, whom I trusted and who I was sure was my soulmate, I didn't need more assurances.  Our bodies seemed perfectly matched, every movement in unison.  If we were ever just phi-nong for a moment, it was definitely dead now, but I didn't regret it.

— You can scream if you want, we're here alone — He whispered in my ear, his warm breath tickling my skin.  I shivered.

*.  *.  *

Afterwards, he reached for his shirt from the floor, leaned over me, and gently wiped me dry.  There was something so tender and caring about that gesture that it made me look away.  Only now did I feel ashamed.  I grabbed the duvet and pulled it over me to the top of my head.  Zee, of course, as I expected, did not give me a chance to suffocate covered in this way, exposed my face.

— You regret?  — He asked in a concerned, worried tone.  — I'm sorry.

— N-no… —  I started, but my voice failed me and I had to take a deep breath.  I cupped his face with both my hands, forcing him to look me in the eyes.  — I don't regret anything, please remember that. I'm happy, it's just so new to me, unfamiliar, give me time to get used to it.

— You'll get as much time as you need. —  He smiled slightly reassured.  He kissed me on the forehead.

Bonjour étranger.

Hello Stranger.

Welcome home.

You are my home, my safe haven.

I traced patterns on his bare, muscular chest with my finger.

— Let's go to the gym together sometime. — He changed the subject.  I loved him for that too.  For not sticking to topics that were awkward for me, he liked to embarrass me from time to time, but he didn't make me feel too awkward.  I liked the way he played with my hair, the way he spoke to me in his deep, calm voice, the way he wrapped the duvet around me as if he was afraid I'd get cold and sick.