— So you're leaving? —  Kinga looked at me questioningly.  We walked along the pier, admiring the views ahead.  The sea undulated calmly, reflecting the rays of the sun.  All around you could hear the cry of seagulls, people's voices, laughter, and music in the distance.  The holiday season was in full swing and therefore no one paid any attention to us.  I took a sip of cold mojito lemon from the clear plastic cup before answering.

— Yes, it seems so.  AlphaTauri, the company Pierre drives for, wants to produce his own BL series based on a script for a fanfic I wrote.  You know, before they prepare Pierre and Yuki's coming out, they have to somehow "soften" the fans, at least try to change their attitude a bit.

— All right.  I'm very glad you made it.

— Me too.  You don't even know how much that means to me.  Just yesterday I was wearing holes in my shoes and throwing manure from my cows, and tomorrow I'm flying to Bangkok.  I still don't believe it myself.

— Just don't forget to text me and send me some photos.

— Of course I won't forget.

For a moment the conversation stopped.  Kinga got a message from her boyfriend and decided to write back to him, and I looked through the messages from my friends.  Only Daria, Olga, Kinga and Marta knew that I was leaving and for what purpose.  I decided to inform my followers when I got there and unpacked.  I was supposed to spend the first two days in the company of our main couple in love, Pierre and Yuki.  We planned to explore the area and familiarize ourselves with the location of some scenes.  Initially, I planned that the heroes of my fan fiction would be only Formula 1 drivers who are also Shadowhunters, but in the meantime, after many hours of discussions with Pierre, we decided that it would be best to entrust the shooting of this miniseries to a team from Thailand.  I myself was a huge fan of Thai BL(boys love) series and agreed with Pierre that they had the most experience.  Since my short story was used as the basis for the script, I had to be on site the entire time of filming.  Pierre and Yuki could only accompany me for a very short time.

A wide smile spread across my face every time I thought about it.

Just a few days before, I was just an ordinary twenty-four-year-old young unemployed woman living in a village 100 km from the sea in Poland.  Just then, I received a completely unexpected call.  I was contacted from AlphaTauri.  It turned out that Pierre read my fan fiction translated into English and liked it very much.  He felt that it could be a perfect, slightly difficult challenge for the actors and the whole crew, but it should have a good effect.  It was he who came up with the idea that we have to paste into the plot what we should convey about racism, online violence, hate speech and homophobia in order to fight it, while giving viewers high-level entertainment in the form of well-built action and handsome actors, attracting  sight.

I told Kinga about it.  It was great that I finally had someone who could listen to me and point out my mistakes or gaps in logic if needed.

— Does that mean you already have chosen actors to play in this series?

- Oh yes, mom.  I'll show them to you in a moment - I unlocked the phone, found the photo gallery icon and started showing her portraits of subsequent artists, explaining their names and where I found them - Ohm and Kao look alike, so they can play the Verstappen brothers.  Well, I already introduced you to NuNew, Zee and Perth. And I would totally be over the moon if Khaotung and First from „The Eclipse“ played here! – I have finished my speech.  Kinga shook the head with amusement, smoothing her hair, which was blown in all directions by a light breeze.

— Wait, Max has a brother? — She asked as she looked at photos of Ohm Thitiwat Ritprasert and Kao Noppakao Dechaphatthanakun standing side by side during a shoot for Until We Meet Again, which also inspired me.  Next to Kao was Earth Katsamonnat Namwirote, who seemed to be tied to him by a red thread around their little fingers.  Ohm was also "attached" to Fluke Natouch Siripongton.  There was something eerily familiar about this show, even though it was only fiction.

– No, Max has a sister, but I changed it for my narrative in the fanfic – I replied calmly, remembering the photos of the beautiful Victoria Verstappen I had seen an hour earlier.

— Oh, okay, sounds interesting.

— And it will be interesting!  Of course, I'm not sure if any of this group will appeal to my directors and producers, but if they show up at the casting, we'll give them a chance to play a few different scenes from different characters, maybe we can squeeze them in somewhere.  And in general, I also want Cooper to play with Poy and Metawin with Pond, and I definitely want Zee and NuNew.  It's good that I created a lot of characters, so each of my favorites has a chance to get something to play.  oh!  But I'm excited!  I can't wait.

I know I should have pronounced NuNew's nickname as "nuniu", but I found it quite difficult at first, so I pronounced it as "niuniu", "nunu" or just "nunef" and inflected it so that the genitive was  it's "nunev".  I thought it was funny and I wasn't going to change that.  Kinga didn't pay attention to it anyway, perhaps she herself did not know how to pronounce it.

— I don't know any of them, but now that I know that you will work with them, I will watch the dramas you sent me — Kinga smiled at me, waving her phone in the air right in front of my eyes.  — Just out of curiosity, how many characters do you have to cast?"

- Eight or ten main, about 16 supporting and about 12 episodic.  After all, someone has to play the Formula 1 drivers, someone else has to play personal trainers, someone else will represent our fans.  And Zee and NuNew can play themselves but New wanted to play Yuki, I'm still not sure what will we choose for them.

— Seriously?  Have you written about them too?

— Well, how?!  Yes of course.  In my fanfic, one of the main characters goes to Thailand on a mission to get information about the hideout of one of the baddies, and to do so, he has to assume the role of an ordinary exchange student for as long as possible.

— Cool!  I wish I could go with you. — She sighed sadly, looking away.

– Yes, I know, I regret it too, I would like you to go there with me, but I can't do that to you, you have to finish school.

— Uh, you reminded me of that... Whyyyyy?

* * *

Once I was safely seated in my seat on the plane, a young blonde woman dressed in a very nice, simple dress in the shade of a blooming lilac approached me.  She looked no older than 28, although I knew appearances could be deceiving.  She probably had an expensive, black, quite capacious handbag slung over her shoulder, and a tablet in her hand.  She smiled at me as she took the empty seat next to me.

— Good morning, Miss Anna.  My name is Darcy Scott and I'm here at the behest of our AlphaTauri team.

— Good morning — I greeted, feeling rather odd.  The woman shook my hand as if I was someone important, which I am not.  I'm just an ordinary girl from an ordinary village somewhere in Poland.  I tried to smile, but for some reason it didn't work out.  I was too uptight.  Mrs. Darcy noticed this and gave me another warm smile.

– Mrs. Anna, I will be your personal advisor and manager, I will present you our work plan, schedule of meetings and I will be an intermediary between you and our team.

— I'm sorry... — I started hesitantly and stopped, not knowing if I should finish my statement.

- Yes?

— Would you mind not calling me Mrs. Anna? It makes me very uncomfortable.

—  Of course.  We will see each other often, so the comfort of our cooperation is very important.  How should I address you then?

— Annie. That's enough, just Annie —  I explained, feeling slightly embarrassed.  It seemed strange to ask a stranger to do that, but the woman sitting next to me was just beautiful.  Her straight, blond hair fell freely over her shoulders, and her blue eyes radiated warmth and understanding.

—Then call me Darcy. Okay, now that we've got that out of the way, I have my first assignment for you.  You know why you're here, right?

— Yes, I am to help with the recording of the boys love miniseries based on my short story.

— That's it.  However, before we get to that topic, you need to sign a certain document.

—  Document?  What?

Darcy took a white folder out of her purse, on which I saw my own name written in black marker.

—  It's a confidentiality agreement.  When you sign it, you will become a full member of our team and you will learn facts that no one outside our team knows about.  By signing it, you undertake to maintain confidentiality and not to disclose our information to anyone.  This includes posting on social media and chatting with loved ones.

— All right.  I understand — I nodded, but I thought that if I learn something interesting, I will definitely share this information with Daria at least.  Darcy must have read my mind, because she shook her head disapprovingly.

— This also applies to your closest friends and even your parents.

— So I won't even be able to tell my parents and friends how my day was?

— No, you can talk about that.  We are more concerned with confidential information, information that could damage the company's reputation, lead to property damage or expose us to losses.  To simplify it, let me give you an example.  You won't be able to tell anyone that Pierre Gasly and Yuki Tsunoda are not in a relationship.  What they do, they do at the behest of our team.

— They are not in relationship?! —  I exclaimed, completely surprised.  — But I was told to help plan their coming out!

— Of course.  This is our business strategy.  We want to show our fans that the world of Formula 1 is changing and that we fully accept everyone regardless of their origin, skin color, sexual orientation or religion.

—So it's just a scam to promote something that doesn't exist! —  I raised my voice again.  I felt as if someone had slapped me in the face right after he had kissed me, promising to make my dreams come true.

— Annie... Take a deep breath and calm down. We're both at work now, let's get this straight. — Darcy didn't look disgusted or antagonized to me, more like she seemed tired.  Did she also not know what she was signing up for when she started work?  Or was she, like me, drawn into something she didn't quite understand herself?  If so, I was going to ask her questions tonight over a glass of good wine, I'm sure there would be some.

— All right.  I'm sorry. — I put on the most polite smile I could manage.  — You're right.  I got up unnecessarily.  It's just that I am an LBGT person myself and this approach to the subject hurts me.

—  Yes, I know, we have such information in our notes.  Now sign the contract — She shoved the printed sheets under my nose.  At the very bottom I saw the stamp and signature of Pierre Gasly himself and I began to wonder, what is it all about?  It seemed that he was the director of this enterprise.  I didn't understand anything.  Did Pierre come up with such a stupid idea?  Was he just told?  Who came up with it?  Will it work at all?

Admittedly, I almost fell for their public casual flirtations, and now it turned out that it was nothing more than a show for PR and social media.  I remembered Instagram posts where fans thought that Yuki had a beautiful girlfriend, and there was no woman in the photos but Pierre himself.

I slowly read through all the points and subpoints, mostly details of what I would not be allowed to talk to anyone about.  I sighed.  Entering this world I was as naive as a child, I almost believed in the fairy tale presented by Pierre and Yuki.

I signed what I was supposed to sign, and there was no choice anyway.  Too late to go back, the plane was already heading towards Bangkok, where Yuki and Pierre were waiting for us at the airport.

— So it's going to be a fake coming out? —  I asked and Darcy just nodded. —  Too bad, I really thought they were a cute couple.

—That's why you chose them as the main characters in your story, right?

— That's right.  Too bad — I repeated and turned my head to look out the tiny, rounded window.  There was little to see except for the clouds.  Darcy started outlining me the plan for the next few days.  Tomorrow I still had the day off and I could go for a little walk around Bangkok or stay in a hotel and treat a potential jet lag.  I didn't know if I would have it, I've never changed time zones before, I've never even been on a plane before, although it was one of my dreams.  After some thought, I decided not to worry about things I couldn't control and to be happy that something I thought was impossible was happening.  Besides, it seemed to me that Pierre was too cunning, too cunning and if he was behind it, it may mean that his coming out won't be so fake after all.  I'm sure he said it to convince his boss and PR specialists.  Well thought out.

„Clever Squirrel“ — I thought with satisfaction.

I used to call him that, once I even forgot myself and called him P'Squirrel in a private message on Instagram.  He wasn't offended.  He read it, sent an emoji crying with laughter and that's it.  Typical Pierre: He'll send you some cryptic emoticons and let you spend the rest of the day wondering what he meant by sending something like this.  This has already happened three times.

* * *

A few hours and a whole long flight later...

I looked at Pierre and suddenly I was out of breath, I had forgotten how to breathe.  Literally!  Some indescribable feeling appeared in the vicinity of the heart, something combined with longing and relief.  As we stared into each other's eyes, I had only one word in my mind to describe what I felt: home.  It was like coming home, something very familiar but long forgotten.

"I know him!  I know him..." — I thought with an emotion I didn't understand.

Darcy nudged me lightly in the side, waking me from this strange state.  Pierre also stopped drilling a hole in my face with his gaze and came over to shake my hand and say hello.

As our hands touched, I was suddenly flooded with memories I didn't know existed.

I was that boy again.  We were on the beach, our friends were running around us, but we paid no attention to them.

— Sorn — Said the one who looked so much like New Chawarin, who was born at least 20 years later, and in whom my heart recognized a hidden piece of Pierre's soul.

— Mmm?

— Are you going to Mek today?

— Rather yes.

— Aren't you afraid that our father will find out and get angry?

— He won't know, we're careful.

— But..

—Don't worry, Phi Sing.

— Annie! —  Someone started tapping my arm.  Suddenly I noticed that I was sitting on a concrete slab inside the building.

— What happened?  — I asked.

— You fell suddenly.  What is this sing you mentioned? —  Darcy was interested.

— Sing?  I looked at Pierre.  He was standing very close with his arms crossed over his chest, his face chalky white.  — I don't know.  Did I really say that?

— Um —  Pierre nodded. — Yes, who did you call Sing?  Me?

If only he knew...

— I must have remembered something.  It doesn't matter anyways.  Can we go now?

— Of course.  You're free tomorrow, but we're going to do a little shopping tonight, we need to buy you new clothes, none of your clothes fit.  — Darcy arranged my free time.  I looked at her sideways, wrinkling my nose.

— What?  You searched my closet?! — I exclaimed.  I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her hard.  Another time on the same day.  Will she always say something that will shake me so much?

— No, who do you think we are?  The secret agents?  No.  I just see what you're wearing.  Let's change your style a bit.

—Okay. — I couldn't argue with her.  She was the specialist in this matter, and besides, I expected to find something interesting and in my style, which I didn't really want to change.  The entertainment industry requires sacrifices, sometimes you have to completely change into someone completely different.

* * *

It wasn't until I unpacked in my assigned hotel room that I looked at the drawing I'd brought with me, a copy of which I wanted to give to Zee and New.  It was a pencil sketch of the two of them moments before they almost kissed onstage during one of their concerts.  I remember this concert, I watched it on YouTube, they were both dressed in blue and singing "Stuck with U". I looked at the drawing carefully and tears flowed from my eyes.

“I found what I was looking for.  I found my perfect love.  I found you Zee and New.  I don't have to look for anything anymore."

I remembered our meeting a few minutes ago.  It was as if I had come home, to my safe place, to a haven sealed off from all the storms of life.  Zee and New together were my refuge, my fairy tale that I wanted to believe but was so afraid to believe until I saw them with my own eyes.  We spoke briefly, but both of them already knew who I was, which surprised me very much.

What was between them was unlike anything I knew.  They were very gentle and sensual with each other, even when they were talking to me, it was enough that they looked into each other's eyes, and it seemed to me that for that split second they stopped noticing anything around them.  They stood so close that neither of them seemed to know the concept of "personal space".  as if they felt ashamed of their audacity.

They were what I was looking for.

In my life, I have always looked for magic, even though I tried to approach everything scientifically, to look for logical explanations.  But for me, the mere fact that something like logic or science existed was a kind of magic.  And I found it in the simplest things, such as dozens of birds of various species flying in the sky right above me on a sunny summer day in our country, or in the taste of coffee with milk in the morning.  It was hard for me to keep my feet firmly on the ground when I saw a miracle everywhere.  In the little bunnies and the big calves, in the cheap passenger cars and the expensive Formula 1 cars, in the conversations with the neighbors and in the teasing with Daria, everything seemed like a miracle to me.

And yet, until now, I was still missing something.

Even before I got off the plane, while we were still some 7,000 meters above the mainland, my heart began to beat hard and loud, as if it wanted to burst out of my chest and run.  My breathing became faster and louder, I felt as if I was suffocating.  Darcy noticed this and immediately reached for a bottle of water, uncorked it and handed it to me without a word.  She didn't ask what was going on.  Apparently she thought it was some kind of effect from the plane flight, which was my first.  I squeezed her hand.

— I'm afraid... — I whispered strangely hard, as if not my voice.

— You don't have to.  It's okay, we'll be landing soon — She said calmly, moving closer and stroking my back lightly.  Not really knowing what I was doing, I stared at her mouth.  She noticed this and shook her head.  — Don't even think about it, we're both at work.

—I didn't say anything… — I started, but I sounded weak.

— You didn'tt have to.  Annie... I don't want any understatements.  I came here for a job that is very important to me and for some personal reasons I don't want to and can't lose it, you understand?  So please don't look at me that way.

— How am I looking at you?  — I played dumb to get her to articulate what I was too afraid to name or describe.  Somewhere in the back of my mind was the thought that my pulse quickened, but not because of her.  She was attractive, yes, her mouth was tempting, as was the exposed skin on and below her neck, but something was missing.

— As if you'd like to kiss me. — She said it in such a calm, almost bored voice that I thought she had seen this behavior towards herself many times before.  I didn't want to be pushy, so I moved as far away from her as I could.

— I'm sorry —  I said softly and turned my head to look out the window.

Now that I was in my apartment, I could think it over and put it all together.  My thoughts revolved around Pierre, Zee, New and Darcy.  As soon as I met Pierre's eyes again, the feeling of dejavu returned.  As if all this had happened before, as if we had been here before in the same lineup and ate the same desserts, which was impossible because I had never traveled abroad.  Unless I've lost my memory... But that was just as naive and could only happen in a book or a movie.

Looking at the drawing and its printed copy, I felt a wave of relief wash over me, wash away the longing accumulated over the years.  For the first time, I was just happy with no limits and no fear.  The anxiety about the future that had accompanied me for so long disappeared.

— I found you — I said to the character in the sketch and started crying even more.

The room answered me with silence, broken only by the screams of children playing somewhere nearby.  I slid off the bed and sat on the cool, light gray floorboards.

I was allocated a very comfortable and cozy room with a double bed, a dark desk right under the window and a large wardrobe in the corner.

I finally didn't feel tired, the emptiness disappeared, the pain that had tormented me almost from the beginning disappeared.  Those tears were tears of relief, emotion and happiness.  NuNew's voice alone was incredibly familiar, friendly and warm.  With these three, I felt as if I had known them forever.

— I probably do, I probably know you from a past life. —  I smiled, wiping my face.  I had never before dared to believe in such things, in reincarnation, in the transmigration of souls or in twin souls, also called twin flames.  Perhaps I was afraid that if I believed it, I would become a madwoman to myself who had lost her mind and let herself be carried away by bizarre fantasies, maybe I was afraid of rejection by people close to me.

I got up, put the drawings on the desk, took out my pajamas and cosmetics and decided to take a quick shower before bed.

When I finally got out of the bathroom, an idea for a poem popped into my head, so I immediately opened my laptop, logged in, and scribbled down words that had been stuck in my head for a while.  In the meantime, I plugged my headphones into my laptop and set up a playlist of songs by my favorite Thai actors, including Zee, New, Tutor and Bright.  It seemed to me that the sounds filled my whole body, every cell, even my hair, that I myself became a part of this music.  The Thai language sounded so familiar... And even though I had listened to these songs many times before, I was still able to discover something new in them, they took on a new, deeper meaning for me.

"I've been waiting for you for so long
I looked for you in the faces of strangers
And now you're standing in front of me
And I'm not afraid anymore
There is no pain
And I don't have to miss anymore
I found you
I've been waiting for so many years
I have lost faith that we will meet again
And you are here
Right next to me
Now everything will work out
I got back home
I want to come back here for the first time
Because I know you'll be here
My heart no longer suffers
My soul no longer yearns
I found you
Your voice so painfully familiar
I won't tell you that I know you
I will not reveal my secret
You do not need to know
It's enough that I found you
The emptiness from my soul has disappeared“