Chapter Eight

Cry. Sleep. Cry.

That's all what I've been doing ever since that day.

To say I was miserable is an understatement, I was half-alive. Cliche as it may seem but yeah, I can't live without Hanamiya Makoto. I love him. I need him. But I didn't even know how to win him back considering that he had been avoiding me at school. The tables have turned, and it was heartbreaking. Very.

I was absent for days. My family has been worried sick. My friends were spamming me with text messages, e-mails, and missed calls. While I just stayed in my room for as long as I could, trying to blend in to the darkness. I just wanted to disappear and vanish into thin air---so that I wouldn't have to feel the pain anymore.

More sleep. Cry harder. More sleep.

I didn't even care anymore. How could I care? I hurt the only man I love, I broke his heart and so as mine. And honestly, I didn't know how to move on or make everything better.

It wasn't entirely his fault though, I couldn't deny the fact that I was to blame too. I knew I needed to talk to him, explain and make things clear. But how? It's like there was a thick wall separating the both of us. I couldn't get through to him at all. He wasn't just avoiding me but he was also treating me like I was not there when in fact, I was. It's like I was invisible in his eyes. And it hurts like hell. Not being able to take it anymore, I stopped coming to school. I wanted to be alone, think things through, and perhaps mend my broken heart.

But it was still useless.

Wherever I look, everything around me would only remind me of him. Yes he's a jerk, a devil, an idiot, a moron, an aho, a despicable human being---but he loved me. He showed me how much he loved me. He cared for me. I felt it, and yet.. I was so stupid. I was fucking stupid. But is it really wrong to care? Was I really wrong?

Knock. Knock. Knock.

I opened my eyes upon hearing that annoying noise. "I'm not hungry," I said softly, knowing that it probably was my sister again. But instead of stopping, the knocks only became louder and louder.

Is she trying to break my freaking door?

I groaned and got out of bed, opened the door and yeah, dropped my jaw. It was not my sister but my idiot friends. I sighed exasperatingly, "What are you doing here?"

"Wow. Don't look so happy to see us," Kentaro Seto said sarcastically before giving me a petrifying stare. "You look awful!"

They let themselves in even without my permission. It was Hara who switched on the lights and the disorganization of my room was revealed in our sight.

"So this is what a brokenhearted girl's room looks like." Hiroshi teased with a smirk, still continuously scanning his eyes around.

"Fuck off!" I barked, trying to hide the embarrassment that was washing over me. They sat on the floor forming a circle and placed the boxes of pizza they were carrying at the center. Then they all turned to me, "What? Tch.."

These self-invited idiots!

I stomped my way towards them and sat in between Hara and Kojiro, "What do you want from me-- Oww!" I received a hard flick in the forehead from Hara, which I responded with a glare. "What's your problem?"

"You! You are our problem!" He shouted angrily at my face. "Why are you throwing your life away?!"

Tears instantly formed in my eyes then I looked at each one of them, I could see that they were really worried. I choked back a sob and hung my head down, "I-I'm sorry. I just-- I just don't know what to do. Seeing him is too painful.."

"So you shut yourself away from the world?! You are making your own life miserable! Don't be such a loser! You---"

"Kazuya! That's enough!" Kojiro cut him off, giving him a stern look. His usual dead eyes held so much warning.

And that was it, I bursted into tears. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

I shamelessly cried my heart out in front of them as if there was no tomorrow. I didn't know I still had so much tears left even though I've already cried and cried for days. It was a miracle I didn't get dehydrated or something.

Hara pulled me into a tight hug then gently rubbed my back, "You idiot. I'm sorry too. We were just worried, you were not answering any of our calls." He held my shoulders and pulled me away from him, just enough for him to stare at my face. "Look at you. You're not the same Nadeshiko that we know. We don't want to see you like this."

A hand landed on my head, ruffling my fuzzy hair. It was Kojiro's. "Just remember that we're always here for you. We may not be that much of a help but we can at least make you happy. Just ask us, Harashi-chan. That's what friends are for."

My eyes widened, then my tears stopped from falling.

The heavy feeling, the pain of losing the person I loved the most that had been eating my chest was slowly disappearing because of my friends' comfort. I knew that many people think they are badass jerks, cruel, heartless, or whatever horrible names they want to call them---I didn't care. For I knew better, I've seen them for what they truly are.

They're my friends, good friends. And I love every single one of them.

There's nobody perfect in this world, all people have their own bad sides together with their good or best ones. If you truly love a person, you have to take the good with the bad. That's how it works: Accepting and loving them for what they are. But that doesn't mean you cannot help them change into a better person, into the best that they can be. When we love, we want what's best for the one we love. That's why seeing them do something wrong hurts us. If love is true, it cares. It will never let you fall deeper into the wrong path. It will always try, try and try and try to save you and guide you back to where you belong.

Just like what I've been trying to do to Hanamiya.

Which he couldn't understand.

But maybe some things were meant to be this way. Maybe I was wrong all along. Maybe he was not the man for me. Maybe I should just accept the fact that he would never change, that I could never change him, that I could never bring out the best in him --- that him, Hanamiya Makoto, the bad boy, was never meant for me. Even if it hurts, I had to face it.

There's no such thing as 'happy ever after' for us.

"Let's stop this drama already, it's grossing me out."

Hiroshi's words of complaints snapped me out of my trance. I fixed myself then wiped my tears away, "You're right. Thank you, guys. I feel much better now."

"Good. Because I'm hungry already." He opened the boxes of pizza.

The smell of meat, cheese and pepperonis sent my stomach growling. They all turned to me and laughed.

"Is there a silent mode for that?"

"Jeez, it's not that loud!"

***

"Aren't you supposed to still be in practice now?" I asked the basketball players around me while taking a bite on my fourth slice.

It was Kentaro who answered for the others were busy eating. "We didn't have our practice today because we went to watch Seiren's first game in the Winter Cup against Touo."

I raised a brow. "Really? Who won?"

Hiroshi, who was putting a Chili Sauce on his slice, scoffed as he gave me a quick glance. "It's unbelievable, Seiren won. That Kuroko kid used some kind of magic. Can you believe that? He's creepy."

"Huh? What magic?"

"It's not magic, it's a special skill only he can use. Misdirection overflow as it's called." Kentaro explained.

"Ahh," I nodded my head. It was really unbelievable. Touo is a very strong team and yet Seiren managed to beat them. They're really amazing! I set a mental note to congratulate Kiyoshi later. Ugh. Although I had to apologize to him first for what Hanamiya did to him last time. It was terrible.

Hanamiya..

Remembering him triggered the pain deep within me.

Breathe in. Breathe out. It's going to be fine, Nadeshiko.

"Are you okay, Na-chan?"

I turned to Hara and gave him a sly smile. "Yes, thank you, Hara-chan. This really means a lot."

He leaned closer and planted a soft kiss on my forehead, "Anything for my bestfriend." When he pulled away, he was smiling. "We also talked about what you told me before."

I went blank, "Which one?"

"About using foul plays." I turned to Kojiro, he took a bite on his slice of pizza first before continuing. "We were jerks, we admit that. We were too desperate for victory and so we resorted to doing such cruel things just to win. But who said we were happy hurting other people? We just didn't have a choice."

"Yeah," Hiroshi stopped eating and turned to me, giving me his full attention. "We're tired of losing. We also experienced defeat after terrible defeat, and Hanamiya's plans and strategies seemed to guarantee us the victory we've wanted for so long."

I straightened my back and crossed my arms on my chest, "That's actually the deepest thing I heard from you, Hiroshi-kun."

He flinched and glared at me, "Oi!"

I turned to Kentaro who was busy texting somebody on his phone, "And you? Do you have a say to this matter? Among them you're the smartest one."

He looked at me and shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know. I just follow what Hanamiya says."

I sweatdropped, "I take back what I said, you're the worst idiot of them all." I grabbed my packet of Chili Sauce and threw it at him. "I can't believe you. I have high expectations from you, you know."

"Hey!" He whined, scratching the part of his chest where I'd hit. "At least I've decided to consider what you said. Please refrain from violence."

"Eh?" I blinked my eyes rapidly, quite confused. "What do you mean?"

It was Kojiro who answered, "We all decided to talk to Hanamiya, we want to quit playing dishonestly and start practicing normally. It might still be a long way before we become stronger, but at least we've already taken one step ahead." He smiled softly at me, "Thank you, Harashi-chan. You believed and trusted us even though everybody around us are afraid to even approach us because of the bad reputation we are carrying."

"Especially with faces like Hiroshi's and Kentaro's, there wasn't even a single girl who dared spare them a simple Good Morning." Hara butted in with a chortle.

"Temme!" The said boys exclaimed with a vein popped before lunging at my bestfriend beside me. The three fell into the floor with a loud thud, creating a chaotic bloodshed.

"I'm going to fucking cut your hair!"

"No! No! Kentaro! I was just joking!"

"Hold him, Seto! I'll get the scissors!"

"Fuck! No! Nooo!"

Kojiro and I just sweatdropped, "What a mess.."

Then the door swung open and my sister walked over to us, "What is happening here?" The three stopped and composed themselves. "Come on, boys. I prepared drinks, let's all go downstairs."

"Hai, Onee-san." They chorused.

She placed her hands on her hips and popped a few comical veins. "Don't call me 'Onee-san', you rascals!"

Laughters flooded every corner of my room, and I couldn't help but laugh too---my first laugh in days. The feeling was overwhelming. It was nice. To know that they were willing to change just because of me. It was great.

I really love these idiots!

A few minutes later they exited my room and followed my sister downstairs---except Kentaro. I looked at him in wonder, "Nande?"

"I have something to show to you," he gave me his phone. "I can't believe how awkward he is," he mumbled to nobody in particular because he was looking away.

"Huh?" Still confused, I silently read the message that was displayed on his screen.

From: Hanamiya

Kentaro, how is she? Is she okay? Is she sick? DON'T TELL HER I ASKED. Call me when you get this.

My heart felt like leaping out of my chest. The 'she' was me, right? So he was concerned. He was still worried about me! I cleared my throat, trying to hide my excitement, and gave him back his phone. "Traitor."

He put it back in his pocket, "Tch. I just don't want you to continue sulking in here just because you think he doesn't care about you anymore."

I was touched. I gave him a hug. He loved teasing me, so the sweetness he was showing me at the moment was super rare. "Thank you, Kentaro-kun."

He sighed then patted the top of my head, "Anything for you. I hope whatever's the problem you two have will be fixed soon. "

I smiled. I'm so blessed to have such great friends. Though I didn't know about what he said, I didn't think it's that easy. But maybe, just maybe, I could try. It's enough for me to know that Hanamiya still cares about my welfare, at least I had a tiny hope of patching things up.

TIMESKIP.

After taking a warm shower, I sat in front of my computer. I sat there for what seemed like hours before finally deciding to turn it on. I logged in to my Facebook account and bravely sent Hanamiya a friend request. I already unblocked him days ago and he hasn't sent me a friend request yet. So swallowing whatever pride I had left, I made the first move. But I was nervous as shit, what if he'd decline? Or ignore me like what he had been doing lately? It would kill my ego. But hell, who cares about that anymore? Kentaro told me that Hanamiya still did care about me--that's enough reason to push through. However I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up, so I still had to be prepared for the worst.

Hanamiya Makoto accepted your friend request. Write on his timeline.

I nearly fell out of my seat when I read that. He didn't ignore me. Well, that's a first. Taking a deep breath to calm my racing heart, I gathered all my courage. I viewed his page, and there, all hopes that I had left shattered into a million pieces. His profile picture was not the photo of us together anymore but a picture of a basketball, and he was even shamelessly flirting--err, talking to some girl on his wall.

--
Chitose Megumi is feeling happy

Thank you for helping me with the Math drills earlier, Hanamiya-kun. :)
2 hours ago

     Hanamiya Makoto: Don't sweat it. It's nothing.

     Chitose Megumi: I'm just really grateful. By the way, how are you and Volleyball Captain Harashi-san? I haven't seen you two together lately.

     Hanamiya Makoto: We're over.

     167 likes

     Chitose Megumi: WHAT?? WHY??

     Hanamiya Makoto: Shit happened.

     201 likes

     Chitose Megumi: So you're single now? :(

     Hanamiya Makoto: Yeah, sort of. :)

     196 likes
--

My chest tightened painfully. He was announcing our break-up to the world and it hurts. So we were really over, there's no more hope left. Tears started to stream down to my cheeks then I slammed my face on my keyboard. I didn't even care about the physical pain anymore. How can he do this? I could feel all my strength leaving me. It was utterly painful!

Pop.

I raised my head and saw that I had a new notification. Kiyoshi Teppei posted on your timeline. Gritting my teeth, I left Hanamiya's page and checked what Kiyoshi posted. I harshly wiped my tears away, composing myself. There was no sense in crying. I've had enough--I've had enough of it all. I deserved to be happy. If he's going to put it that way, then be it.

Screw you, Hanamiya Makoto! You'll see, I can be happy without you!

--
Kiyoshi Teppei

Finally, you're online. Where were you? I was worried, Nadeshiko-chan.
3 minutes ago

     Harashi Nadeshiko: I was offline from the world for a while. Hehe But I'm okay now, thanks for worrying, Teppei-kun. Congratulations, I heard you won against Touo. And by the way, sorry about what happened the other day.

     Kiyoshi Teppei: It's okay, I understand. And thanks :)

     Harashi Nadeshiko: You're too kind, you know.

     10 likes

     Harashi Nadeshiko: The entire Seiren Team agreed with me. LOL

     10 likes

     Kiyoshi Teppei: I guess I am, but I don't think that's wrong.

     Kiyoshi Teppei: Everyone is online :)

     24 likes

     Harashi Nadeshiko: Well, yeah. Your exceptional kindness is what makes you "You". :)

     26 likes

     Hanamiya Makoto: Wow, how sweet.

--

I gasped, then I moved my face closer towards the monitor and stared deeply at the name of the person who last commented. What the fudging! I didn't know what to say next. He actually butted in, and that's just shocking. And infuriating. How dare he? After he shamelessly flirted with somebody and announced that we broke up to the whole world? I knew it's only the girl whom he informed but he got hundreds of likes. That's just shit! And now he still had the nerve to get involve with my life?

--

     Kiyoshi Teppei: I don't know what you're saying, Hanamiya.

     Hanamiya Makoto: You look good together.

     Kiyoshi Teppei: You really are an idiot, Hanamiya! Don't you realize you're hurting her? She can read everything. Don't comment if you don't have anything good to say.

     Hanamiya Makoto: I'm just telling the truth! I know you like her, and I think she knows that! Well, I have good news for you. We already broke up so now you're free to screw each other up!

--

At that, my vision went blurry and I clenched my fists. What is he saying? His words stung!

--

     Kiyoshi Teppei: Yes, I like her. She's kind, fun, and beautiful. But she didn't know that until now, she was busy worrying and thinking about you all those times that we're together to even notice my feelings for her. You were damn lucky, Hanamiya.

--

I gasped. Kiyoshi Teppei likes me? Seriously? What the hell was happening? Holy cow! They're talking on my wall---on my freaking wall!

--

     Kiyoshi Teppei: But it's a relief she's already free from you, at least she can be happy now. She doesn't have to worry about you all the time.

     20 likes

     Hanamiya Makoto: What the fuck did you say?!

     Harashi Nadeshiko: That's enough, Teppei-kun. It's useless to talk to someone as conceited as he is. And besides, I'm already fine now. After what happened now, everything's crystal clear. He's just a jerk!

     Kiyoshi Teppei: I'm sorry, Nadeshiko-chan. I've said too much. Did you break up because of me?

     Harashi Nadeshiko: No, it's not because of you. Don't worry. It's as he said, SHIT HAPPENED!

     36 likes

     Kiyoshi Teppei: :(

     Harashi Nadeshiko: You're a good friend, Teppei-kun :)

--

I logged out and turned off the computer. I laid down on my bed, pulled the blankets up to my chest, then closed my eyes. Hanamiya's comments made me want to cry again. He was not just announcing it but he was also hooking me up with somebody else. I couldn't understand him anymore, I didn't know what he's thinking. I fought the urge to cry then gritted my teeth. The pain I felt was replaced with anger. Bitterness. Determination.

Move on, Nadeshiko. You deserve to be happy.

***

The next morning when I checked my phone after I just woke up, I was surprised.

52 missed calls from Hanamiya Makoto

He was calling me the entire night? And I didn't even wake up? Wait! Why was he trying to call me anyway? Then memories of last night came rushing back to me. I clenched my fists. Maybe it was better. I didn't want to talk to him after everything that he said.

I crawled out of bed and instantly felt the aching of my head. Yeah right! I was crying and crying and I had no proper rest and sleep the past few days because of stress and heartaches---so naturally, it was getting into me. When I stood up, there was a sudden pain in my stomach. I grunted then looked at my legs when I felt something wet trickling down to my thighs. My eyes widened. I gasped and covered my mouth. Blood.

I'm bleeding.

Why am I bleeding?