Chapter 17

I hadn't thought it possible, but Cam had gotten smaller in the three weeks since I'd last seen him. Not only was he bone thin, but his once tanned skin was almost as pale as the thin sheet he had wrapped around his legs as he lounged in his seat by the pool. Had he been sick recently? When was the last time he'd had a proper meal?

These thoughts and more swirled around in my head and added to my guilt. My gaze continued to travel over his body, which was riddled with bruises that had no place being there. I should have seen it coming. After all, the signs had been there, documented in his delicate writing on the pages of his journal. Last night, while he slept, I had flipped through it and found all the evidence of his distress; right there as plain as day, but I had been too blinded my my own selfish thoughts and too caught up in my own world to see it.

He had been terrified of the bastard and I hadn't been there to help him deal with it; instead, I had removed myself from his life. Once again, I was learning that the consequences of my actions were severe when I failed to think things through. Had I done so, I would have realized that it hadn't truly been in his best interest.

Cam had little to no self esteem. No matter how many times I had drilled it into his head, he still believed that if he was hurt by someone else, he was the one at fault. In Chicago, in his desperation to convince me to 'keep him,' he had listed all the things he would do in return; which came down to whatever the hell I wanted him to.

The way he determined if a person could be trusted was if they were nice to him, and every other sentence out of his mouth began with 'Master Drake says," which only proved that he was still brainwashed by the asshole.

All these signs before me and still, for whatever fucked up reason, I had convinced myself that cutting him loose had been in his best interest. How did that even make sense? Of course, being with him increased the risk if him growing even more attached to me. This meant that when it came time for our arrangement to end, it would hurt him, but surely that paled in comparison to what would no doubt happen if I were to cut off all ties now while he was as damaged as he was.

I imagined the next bad relationship he would find himself in just because I hadn't taken the time to teach him about the lifestyle, just because I hadn't been patient enough to help him learn his self worth. Why hadn't any of this entered my mind before?

The answer of course was clear; I had been too afraid of what it it would mean to have him fall in love with me.

Before I'd met Cam, every move I had made had been carefully calculated, so that once a decision had been made, I could never be swayed from it. Now though, I was as impulsive as a teenager, my mind changed with the wind and my once organized thoughts were constantly in a state of disarray.

It was damn time I got my head on straight.

"Will you tell me about Leo?" I asked him then, and he tore his gaze away from Happy, who was paddling around in the shallow end of the pool, and met my gaze for a moment, before his eyes once again skittered away.

"He's Monte's boyfriend. She loved him and they've been together for about four months now. That's the longest she's ever had a boyfriend." He explained, while picking at the lint on the sheet.

"Did you think he was a good person?" I asked and he nodded.

"He is a good person. He makes Monte happy."

I turned my eyes heavenward in incredulity. "Cam," I began gently, "no one who tries to hurt someone else is a good person. Leo deserves to be behind bars for what he's done. You understand that, don't you?"

He bit the inside of his lip, eyes still turned toward his sheet, and shrugged. This was going to be harder than I thought.

"What if he had done this to Monte. Do you still think he'd be a good person then?"

His eyes flashed to mine. "Leo would never hurt Monte. He takes care of her."

"What makes you so sure? If he could hurt you, then I promise you he has it in him to hurt her too." I reached across to touch his shoulder and when he flinched away, I pulled back.

He turned his face away from me, but not before I had seen the trembling lips and the first trickle or tears down his face. I wanted to hold him; to offer him the comfort he needed, and it was frustrating that I was forced to hold back.

Patience.

I told myself that the situation was a delicate one and that I had to take my time with him, so I allowed him his time to grieve and simply sat and waited for his tears to subside; hoping that my proximity at least, would bring him some level of comfort.

It was Happy who offered him the soothing balm he needed however, when he bounded over to us and shook the water from his fur. Cam couldn't help but the laugh at his antics and I watched with a smile, as he picked up the wet dog and deposited him into his lap. I handed him napkin to dry his eyes and he took it with a mumbled thank you.

"He missed you." I told him and Cam glanced my way. "You left one of your shirts here and he took possession of it. He drags the thing everywhere he goes." I told him with a chuckle, and his answering smile was wide and satisfying.

"I missed him too." He ran his hand up and down Happy's damp fur, and the dog soaked up every ounce of attention he was getting.

I took the opportunity to really look at him while he was preoccupied, and I noticed the difference I hadn't before; like the fact that he had cut his hair a bit shorter than he was used to wearing and how very faint traces of hair had begun to grow out on his chin. I smiled; he was a late bloomer through and through and it only added to his charm.

I realized then that I had missed him and all his little quirks. It was good to have him there in my home, where somehow, it felt like he belonged. My eyes continued to roam and I didn't fail to notice the bracelet he wore on his hand. I had all but forgotten that I had given it to him weeks before. His name, which was engraved on the face of it, glinted in the sunlight. Looking at it now, made me recall decisions I had made and situations that I should have handled differently leading up to the day I had given it to him.

It was time to make things right.

Outside of his obvious beauty, perhaps one of the first things you would notice when looking at him was how small and fragile he appeared, but it occurred to me, that despite his lack of physical prowess, he was pretty damn strong; he had to be to have gone through the things he had and still come out smiling.

I reached out unconsciously to touch his hair and froze when he glanced up and noticed. He didn't flinch away this time, but I pulled back. "Sorry." I said, then watched in surprise as he reached out a hand to grasp my own.

I looked down at our joined hands, thinking how small and frail his looked in mine. This thought brought with it, the unwelcome image of Leo, and in that moment I wished I could walk into that jail cell and give him a taste of his own fucking medicine.

"Thanks for coming to get me." Cam's softly spoken words interrupted my silent brooding, and I kissed the back of his hand. His blush could just be seen under the dark bruising on his face.

"I wish I'd come sooner." I told him honestly, and he took a deep breath and released it slowly. I watched in awe as the tension melted from his small frame and he settled back into his seat. I noted that he didn't pull away, but continued to watch our joined hands, seemingly deep in thought.

"I haven't been fair to you." I began after a few minutes of silence had passed, and he glance up. His left eye, which was still almost swollen shut, gave me pause.

In that moment he reminded me so much of Donny when we were younger and my dad had had one of his episodes. I remember how I felt back then, nursing my brother's injuries and wishing I could just wave a magic wand and heal him instantaneously.

"We had an arrangement and without giving you any real heads up, I ended it."

Cam shrugged. "It's okay. I think maybe I kinda understand how you were feeling."

I shook my head. "I never use to be like this you know." I told him. "There was a time when I used to make a decision and stick to it, but recently I've been flipping and flopping all over the place haven't I?"

He smiled. "Like a pancake." He said and I laughed. "I'm like that too all the time though. It's hard making decisions 'cause sometimes you just don't know what'll happen."

"Yeah," I agreed, "but it's important that when we make decisions that affect other people, we stick by them."

"But what if they're bad decisions?" he asked in earnest and I looked again at our joined hands and then back at his face with a smile.

"Then it's only right that it be discussed with the affected party." I said. "Three weeks ago I made a bad decision. I was hoping we could talk about it when you're better."

His brows furrowed slightly. "Is it okay if we talk about it now?"

It didn't seem like the best time to have a serious discussion, but Cam rarely asked for anything and after his ordeal, I couldn't deny him anything, so I nodded and after a few moments had passed, I began.

"I've never had the luxury of being selfish growing up, so it was pretty new to me when we were in Chicago and I found myself battling with wanting to be selfish and doing what I thought was best for you." I said. "If I chose to be selfish then we could continue our arrangement without any emotional entanglements on my part, just the way I wanted it, but there was always that risk that you'd be hurt if you got attached."

"I was okay with that though." He mumbled, eyes once again on Happy.

"I know, but I also had to consider what I thought was best for you, which would be to let you go before you got even more attached." I ran my thumb over the back of his hand. "At first, I chose to be selfish and it didn't feel right, so I broke it off, but it turns out both of those options were selfish anyway and the only person who ended up with the unfair deal in all this is you."

"Monte says people should always try to do what makes them happy."

"And what would make you happy Cam?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. A lot of things I guess."

"Last night I sat down and I thought everything through," I began, "and I still want to help you in whatever way I can, and yes, it would make me happy to do that." I said with a grin, which he returned hesitantly. "What do you think about us starting over?"

He bit his lip. "Starting over?"

"Yes. After we met, I think we jumped the gun without really getting to know and understand each other." I said. "So how about we start over? I want to understand where you're coming from, how you feel and what you want, and this time we'll lay out all our expectations on the table from the beginning. What do you think?"

"Okay." His smile again was hesitant but sincere. "Um... what are your expectations?"

"Ultimately, I'd like for us to develop a friendship where we're comfortable with each other and where we can trust each other. If you're really serious about the BDSM lifestyle then I need to know why and I'd like to help you transition into it safely."

He perked up at that and I felt his small hand tighten in mine. "You'll still train me?"

"If that's what you want, but this time we would focus on the theoretical aspect of it." I was quick to add. "I'd like to take you to my club and you can observe and talk to some of the Subs there and—"

"No sex you mean." He surmised, pulling his hand slowly from my grasp.

I couldn't decipher his expression. "I want you to be comfortable." I said, and when he offered no reply, I continued. "I'd also like for you to continue your therapy sessions and making your journal entries."

"Okay."

I glanced at the now sleeping dog in his lap and then back at his face. "We can discuss it if you have a problem with anything, and of course I'd like to hear your own expectations."

He ran a finger over the small cut on his lip, before taking a deep breath. "Will I get to see you a lot?" he asked.

"Do you want to?" I asked and he nodded, his big blue eyes meeting mine.

It was the perfect opportunity to bring up something I had been contemplating since the night before. I no longer felt comfortable with him living with Monte, especially if Leo were to get bail and in any case, it would be easier to keep him safe if he were to stay with me.

"Would you consider staying here for awhile?"

His eyes widened. "You mean here with you and Happy?" he questioned and I nodded. "For how long?"

"For as long as you want. I'm sure Happy wouldn't mind having you around and..." I trailed off because despite everything he'd been through just he day before, he was beaming at me as though he had gotten the best news in the world.

"I'd like to stay here." He frowned. "I—I should talk to Monte about...everything."

"She came earlier." I confessed.

"She did?"

"I told her I'd talk to you first and when you were ready to discuss what happened I'd let her know."

He nodded. "Did she look upset?"

"She looked concerned." I told him, even though I had yet to determine if it was all simply an act. I needed to sit down with her and discuss it all before she saw Cam, just to be sure. It was time everyone in his life stopped screwing him over; it was time for his needs to be put first.

"Maybe tomorrow then...or the day after maybe."

"Whatever you want. You can take your time."

He stuck his foot out from under the sheet and wriggled his toes in the warm sunlight. "I really like it here." He said simply. "Damion?"

"Yeah?"

He began the pick at the lint of his sheet again. "What happens if I tell you my expectations?"

"Then we'll talk about it and if you don't agree with any of mine then we'll talk about that too."

"I'm okay with all of yours." He said and the 'lint picking' continued. "except maybe I was wondering if maybe we could still have sex...if you want I mean."

He still wouldn't look at me, but his faint blush said it all. "I thought you wouldn't be comfortable with it after everything that's happened and I just want to help you Cam, you don't need to—"

"I'm comfortable if its you." He interrupted.

"Is this something you actually want or are you saying this because you think it's something I want?"

"Do you want to?" he asked, finally meeting my gaze, but I still couldn't figure out if he wanted it for him or if he wanted it for me and that was the challenge when it came to Cam. He was always trying to please other people when he should be thinking of himself.

"Forget about me for a second." I told him. "Is this something you actually want?"

"Yes it is...is—is that okay?"

I smiled. "It is." Though I found myself wondering if It was a good idea.

He reached up hesitantly to touch the lock of hair which had fallen over my face. "I like your hair like this." Came his soft comment. "You look different with longer hair." He squeezed the lock between his thumb and forefinger before releasing it and dropping his hand back to Happy's fur.

"Thanks." I said, somewhat thrown by his abrupt change of subject.

"I had to cut mine because I was in the kitchen at work and it accidentally got singed and I still don't know what happened, but it looked weird so I had to cut it, so it that's why it's shorter." He confessed and I could only watch him in horror.

"Were you burned anywhere?" I asked, closely inspecting the parts of his skin that weren't covered by his clothing.

"No, just my hair."

I shook my head. He was the most accident prone person I had ever known. "I thought you only served the meals. Why were you in the kitchen?"

"My new boss doesn't like me very much I think. I told him I'm not good at cooking stuff but he made me go anyway. I don't know why he doesn't like me. I'm trying really hard." He said, then reached up to touch his hair. "It's growing back now though and it wasn't burnt that bad or anything."

I was coming to realize that the kid needed constant supervision if he had any hope of making it to a ripe old age with all his body parts intact. It worried me.

"There's an opening at my restaurant for a waiter." I said then. "It's yours if you want it."

"You want to give me a job?" he asked in surprise, and I nodded. "I think you'd be perfect for it."

"This is all because of Leo." He said and I shook my head.

"This is all because of you. You deserve every good thing that comes your way."

"But I've never worked at a five-star restaurant before. What if I mess up?"

"Then you mess up," I said, "and then you'll learn. That's just the way life works."

"Wow." He shook his head. "I can't believe so many things are happening. I feel like I'm dreaming." Then he smiled up at me, looking shy but happy, and I felt a strange sensation build in my chest.

We both glanced up when we heard the chiming of the door bell, and when I stood to go inside, he deposited the sleeping puppy on the chair beside him and followed.

"It's Donny." I told him when I glance through the front door's peep hole. He stood a short distance away, wrapped in the sheet from neck to toes.

"Can I go upstairs?" he asked, glancing between me and the door.

"Of course. Do you want me to help you?"

He shook his head and I watched with a frown as he began his slow and stiff assent up the staircase; the tail end of his sheet, sweeping the floor behind him as he went.

I waited until I heard the bedroom door close moments later, before I pulled open the front door and welcomed my brother in. In his arms, he carried four large dinner containers which were no doubt stuffed with Anna's amazing cooking.

He deposited them on the kitchen counter, then sent me to his car to grab the homemade fruit juices that Anna had also sent over. When I reentered the kitchen, he was sitting on one of the stools, with his elbows resting on the counter and his chin propped in his hands.

"Tell Anna thanks for the food." I said and he nodded, then glanced around the room.

"How is he?"

"As well as can be expected in the circumstances I guess."

He nodded. "Has he said anything about what happened?"

"I tried to talk to him about it earlier, but I think he needs more time to process, you know. What he went through was traumatic."

"He just can't seem to catch a break can he?" Donny commented with a sigh. "I hope that bastard rots. When's his bail hearing?"

I pulled open one of the containers to have a look inside, before resealing the lid and setting it aside. "Monday." I replied. " I asked Cam to stay here with me. I'm going to run over to his place and get the rest of his stuff tomorrow. I want him here where I can watch out for him."

"You should stay with him tomorrow. I'll go." He said, then took a deep breath and released it slowly. "I shouldn't have convinced you to cut him loose in Chicago. I feel guilty as fuck now."

I shrugged. "I made the decision at the end of the day and we both thought it was in his best interest. "Now I know better."

"Yeah." He said glancing at the staircase when we heard the sound of the television.

"I offered him a job at the restaurant." I told him and he looked at me.

"What position?"

"Waiter. I told him we had a position open. You think you can make room for one more?"

"Yeah, of course. I'll have everything prepared for him when he's ready." He said, then; "We should get him a lawyer."

I nodded. "I've been thinking about calling Dante but I don't think Cam will be up for a trial to be honest."

"It'll be months at least before we get to that stage. He'll be fine."

"No. After everything that's happened, he's convinced that the bastard's a good guy and it's Cam we're talking about here...Leo's lawyer's not going to baby him up there on the stand, and I don't know that he can handle it."

"He'll have time. We'll make sure he's prepared. There's no way that asshole's walking away from this."

We sat in silence for a while after that, each lost in our own thoughts, before he finally stood.

"Let me know when he's up for visitors and I'll bring Anna by." He said and I followed him to the door.

"Tell her I said thanks again."

He nodded. "Go take care of the kid."

After he had left, I whistled for Happy, who came bounding into the room seconds later, and together we made our way up the stairs. As soon as we entered the bedroom, the retched dog began to bark, so I lifted him off the ground and deposited him onto the empty bed just as I heard the shattering of glass in the bathroom. I went over to the door and knocked.

"Cam, everything alright in there?" I called, and was greeted by silence. "Cam?" I called again, but couldn't make out his muffled response, so I pushed the door open just in time to see him straighten up and quickly hide his two hands behind his back.

He stood naked in the center of the bathroom, watching me with wide eyes.

"Everything alright?" I asked him and he nodded. I glanced at the floors in search of the item that had shattered, but there was nothing there. "Are you sure?"

He nodded and despite his suspicious behavior, I would have left him there in privacy, but just as I turned to go, I spotted the tiny drops of blood behind him on the cream rug.

I frowned and stepped toward him, only to have him shrink back; his eyes as wide as saucers as he watched me.

"What's going on Cam?"

He shook his head, but when I stepped closer out of concern, he finally spoke up. "It—it was an accident." He whispered.

"What was an accident?"

Slowly, he removed his hands from behind his back and held them out in front of him. In them, he held the broken shards of what had been a glass soap dish, which once sat on the counter by the sink. Underneath the shards, however, his hands were bloodied after being sliced in multiple areas by the sharp edges. I watched as his blood seeped through his fingers and dripped onto the rug at his feet.

"Jesus Cam." I rushed over to the corner of the bathroom and picked up the small bin, then held it out under his hands. "Let them go." I told him and we both watched as the shards fell into the small receptacle.

"I was trying to put on the cream the doctor gave me, but every time I bent over my eye started hurting and then when I was trying to get the tube open I accidentally hit the dish and it fell. I'm sorry." He said, his voice shaking.

"I don't care about the soap dish Cam. Look at your hands." I said as I replaced the bin and led him over to the sink. He flinched when the water poured his cuts and I inspected his palms to ensure that there were no pieces embedded into his flesh. Satisfied that there were none, I wrapped them in a damp towel.

He gasped when I lifted him off the ground and carried him out of the bathroom. I didn't want him to step on any stray shards with his bare feet. After depositing him on the bed with Happy, I reentered the bathroom, grabbed his towel from the rack, along with the cream and the first aid kit and set them onto the bed beside him.

"I'll buy it back." He said when I unwrapped the damp, blood-stained towel from his hands and dropped it on the floor by my feet.

I retrieved the small bottle of iodine from the first-aid kit and he bit his lip and looked away when the first drop hit his flesh. His right palm was sliced in so many areas that Band-Aids didn't even make sense. When the iodine dried, I unrolled a bandage and began wrapping it carefully around his hand, then fastened it in place with two safety pins.

I repeated the first step on his left hand and used Band-Aids to cover the two deep slices in his palm. He looked down at his hands when it was over and frowned.

"What am I going to do with you?"

"It was an accident." He mumbled.

"I know that and that's fine, but you didn't have to hide it from me." I took a breath. "From now on I need you to be more careful and when anything happens, don't assume I'll me mad, just tell me. Now you're hurt for no reason."

He didn't reply and I didn't push him for an answer. Instead, I picked up the other towel from where I had placed it beside him and used it to dry his wet hair, which smelled like some form of flowery concoction from his shower.

"I'll be right back." I told him, and exited the room. On the way down the hall, I pulled a rag from the linen closet and made my way downstairs and into the kitchen, where I grabbed a large bowl from the cupboard and set it down on the counter.

I then filled it with water, dropped a few ice cubes in and took it with me upstairs. Cam was sitting in the same position I had left him in.

"Lie on your back." I told him, and he did so without question. Happy curled himself by Cam's side and they both watched as I set the bowl by the side table and dipped the rag into the the cold water. When I had wrung it out and folded it in three, I placed it over his swollen eyes.

"I'm going to put the cream on for you okay?"

"Okay."

I removed the top and squeezed it into my palm, then proceeded to apply it to the scratches and bruises Leo had left on his body. I paused when I reached his genitals, which, like the rest of his body, were bruised and slightly swollen. I gritted my teeth; cursing his abuser in my head, before I continued to apply the cream.

Through it all, he remained silent, and the only sound that could be heard in the bedroom was the laughing French chef on the television. By the time I finished, he was fast asleep.

I pulled the blanket over his nakedness, muted the television and began tidying up the room and then the bathroom. When the place was once again presentable and all the stray shards were safely discarded in the bin downstairs, I flipped over the rag on his eyes and took a seat in the chair by the window. I sat there for a long time watching him; my mind filled with angry thoughts.

......................................

At some point later than day, I managed to convince him to eat some of the food Anna had prepared, and minutes later he went back to bed and promptly fell asleep. He didn't wake again until close to midnight when I was once again soaking the rag in the cool water.

"Damion." He said, turning to look at me with teary eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, kneeling on the floor by his bed.

"Everything hurts." He whispered. "My head and my hands and my feet and everywhere." He finished with a sniffle and for the second time that day, I felt the strange stirring in my chest.

"Do you want to take two of the pills the doctor gave you?" I asked him gently, but instead of answering, he reached over and took my hand and pressed it to his damp cheek, then he closed his eyes as though preparing to go right back to sleep.

"Cam?" I whispered, and when I made to pull away, he held fast to the hand that was still pressed to his cheek.

"Can we stay here?" his question was barely a whisper as the tears continued to spill from his closed lids.

Moments later, he fell asleep and I placed the cool cloth back over his swollen eyes. He didn't wake again until morning.

                                                      AUTHOR'S NOTES

Wow. It's been awhile.This has been a long and lonely year without Wattpad in my life. During the time that I have been away, I have had the opportunity to read many of your comments, emails and messages. You are all truly amazing. I've missed you.My love for writing and interacting with you has pushed me to make the huge decision to take a six (6) month leave of absence from my hectic job to pursue my first passion: WRITING.Now that I have no distractions and nothing holding me back, I am happy to announce that I will be continuing my journey on Wattpad FULL-TIME!!!I am so excited to share new chapters with you.Thank you for your patience! ⭐️For updates, sneak peeks and more, check out my Instagram: doublezone_books