Chapter 12

                                                Monday morning (bright and early)

He didn't say it, but it was as plain as day that he didn't want to go. Ever since I'd broken the news of his impending visit to see his new therapist, he could hardly look at me. He'd even been silent on the very long drive over to the doctor's office (even more so than usual; and that was saying something.)

I glanced at him now. He'd chosen to sit two spaces away from me in the waiting area, and now he was busy scribbling in his journal. I could only imagine the upset thoughts and emotions he was letting out on its pages and I couldn't help but be amused.

I allowed him a few more minutes alone because we were early, and when he finally shut the book and put away his pen, I moved to sit beside him. "You alright?"

He nodded, but didn't look at me.

"This will be a good thing, trust me."

Another nod.

I tried another tactic. "Why do you think you're here?"

"Because you think something's wrong with me." He mumbled.

"No." I told him and finally he spared me a glance. "I just think you've been through a lot and talking to someone will help you."

"I talk to Monte all the time."

"An independent person with no prior input into your personal life I mean. A therapist is like your own personal secret keeper." I told him "You can tell her absolutely anything on your mind and no one will ever know."

He bit his lip. "What about you?"

"I won't know a thing that goes on in that room and I'll never ask. It's your chance to let everything off your chest. She'll help you with whatever you're going through."

He seemed to consider my words. "I'm sure there are things you might not feel comfortable telling even Monte." His eyes flashed to mine and I knew I had hit the mark. "You'll be able to tell your therapist and she won't be able to tell a soul...not unless you want her to."

"Okay."

"Look at me." He met my eyes. "There's nothing wrong with you. Everyone needs someone to talk to."

Cam nodded. "Do you have a therapist too?"

"Cameron Reid."

We both looked up at the sound of his name and saw the receptionist beckoning to him. He frowned and looked at me—his face the epitome of misery.

"I'll be right here when you get back. Stop worrying. It'll be fine." It was only then that he got up and followed the woman out of the room. I'd called ahead the day before to inform the doctor of my own observations regarding Cam and it was my hope that it would help the process go smoother.

This was the one thing I wouldn't budge on. He would go whether or not he liked it because the fact of the matter was, he needed help.

I settled into the uncomfortable waiting room chair and pulled out my phone. I needed an early morning flight to Chicago on Wednesday. I thought it would be good for Cam to relax a bit and this trip would be the perfect opportunity for him to meet Tate.

Once the flight plans were finalized, I retrieved my laptop from the seat beside me and settled in to get some work done. In the hour long therapy session, I managed to make a few calls, send a couple emails, draft a partial business proposal and edit the team's marketing strategy. When Cam finally exited the doctor's office, he was as miserable as he had been going in.

"Ready?" I asked and he nodded

He was as miserable as a church mouse—or however the saying went. He was frowning down at me as I gathered my laptop and car keys. I could practically feel him glaring at my back as he trailed as far behind me as he could in the parking lot, and the frowning continued even as I started the car and moved off.

I found it endearing.

"It's for the best Cam. Trust me."

"She wanted to read my journal." Was his quick accusing reply and I fought back a smile.

"Did you let her?"

"No. It's just for us. I don't want her to read it."

"And that's fine. It's your choice."

He nodded in agreement, and I fought harder against the grin. The boy was delectable even in his misery.

And that pout....I focused my attention on the road.

"I was thinking we could drop by the pet store and you can pick out some things for the dog." I said in an attempt to cheer him up, but the most I got out of him was a soft 'Yeah okay.'

"We also need to get you some warm clothes."

He looked at me in confusion. "Why?"

"Because Chicago is cold this time of year."

It took him a moment to process it, but when he finally realized what I was saying his eyes widened. "You mean....I get to come with you?"

"Of course, how else are you going to take care of me?"

If nothing else, that worked. His face brightened and so did his mood. And I was glad I'd made the decision to take him. "I've never been to Chicago before." He told me and I nodded.

"I'm not sure you'll like it this time of year, but it's a great city. Donny will tell you otherwise though."

"Is Happy coming too?" he asked hopefully.

"No he'll stay with Ana...you remember her; Donny's wife."

"Yeah." He nodded. "She was nice to me." He said, though his countenance had fallen a small degree.

"She'll take good care of him and we'll be back before he misses you."

"How long will we be gone?"

"Until Saturday evening."

He was quiet for a moment as he processed my words, then; "Will there be snow?"

I laughed when I saw the childish excitement in his expression. "Yes."

"Monte's spending Christmas at Leo's parents' house and I didn't want to go anyway and I like the snow."

It would be all good and exciting when he was gazing at it through the windows of our warm hotel room, but I was sure that after a few minutes outside in the biting Chicago weather, he'd wish he was back here where it was warm and sunny practically all year round.

I pulled into the parking lot of a store I frequented and he surprised me by slipping his hand through mine as we crossed the lot. He was a strange little creature. One minute he was too timid to talk and the next he was bold enough to hold my hand without hesitation. He intrigued me. I felt the sting of eagerness as I thought of the journey in getting to really know him. To know what made him laugh and what angered him. What frustrated him and how he expressed all those different emotions. I'd already learned today that when upset he resorted to the silent treatment. I smiled at the memory.

He was quiet again when we entered the store; his body practically glued as close to my side as he could get it. For whatever reason the place made him uncomfortable. Though when I looked around I couldn't understand why. It was clean and organized with friendly, attentive staff.

It wasn't until much later after I'd left him in the capable hands of a very fashion conscious young woman that I realized why. I was sitting in a corner reading a newspaper a thoughtful clerk had handed to me, when Cam came over to explain to me in hushed tones that none of the clothes had price tags.

"Don't worry about that, just get what you like." I turned my attention back to the page, but he didn't leave and I looked up again.

"I have a sweater at home." He told me in earnest and finally I set the paper aside.

"That's not going to help you there." I gestured to the lady who waited patiently for him across the room. "I told her what you'll need. You're in good hands."

He glanced back at her, then back at me. The uncertainty in his gaze evident. "I don't want to waste your money."

And that was where his discomfort lay.

"Cam it will be cold there and you don't have clothing that's appropriate for that type of weather. It's not a waste of money, it's practical."

"But—"

"Stop worrying."

I followed him this time and he seemed far more comfortable accepting the pieces the clerk picked out for him while I was there. Though he glanced at me to make sure it was okay every time she handed him another piece.

He was a strange one. Where Cam shied away from the attention, other subs would have been glad for it. I moved away to take an important phone call while he tried on a pair of boots and when the call ended, I snagged a navy blue scarf off the shelf and wrapped it around his neck when I came to stand before him.

He ran his hand over the material and smiled up at me shyly.

"Did you get a pair of gloves?"

"I don't think I need any more stuff. It's just three days." He explained, but he was small and fragile with not an ounce of muscle to fight the cold, so I instructed the waiting lady to get him a pair and he looked up at me with that endearing pout I liked. Endearing especially because he didn't realize he was doing it.

"Is that everything?" I gestured to the clothes that filled the two chairs behind him and he nodded.

He waited as far away from me as he could get while I paid for the items, but was quick to take the bags from me just as we exited the store, because in his mind, anything heavier than a feather was too much weight for me to carry in my 'condition.'

Funny how he and Donny were alike in the mother hen department. He allowed me to open his door so he could get in without fanfare at least, and once we were both seated, he muttered a quick and quiet thank you for the purchases. His face was tinged scarlet while he did.

He had a sense of pride which was good considering all the other things that had literally been beaten out of him, but Cam more than anyone needed to be taken care of and I wasn't about to allow his pride to get in the way of that.

Our next stop was the pet store and it was his playground. He was confident and assertive while there. He made sure to explain to me the difference between plastic and metal dog bowls and how important having that knowledge was for a dog owner like myself. He knew exactly which dog food to get and which dog shampoo was the best. He picked out nail clippers and other much needed grooming tools and to my surprise, had thrown in a large packet of wet wipes, though I had no idea why that was necessary. He led me up and down the aisles like a man on a mission, and had given me the all-important duty of pushing the cart while he made his checks.

Happy soon because the owner of a very large and very 'comfy'—according to Cam—dog bed and I praised the universe for it because it meant I could finally get him off mine. He was sure to let his disappointment be known that Happy hadn't been allowed the chance to partake in the shopping, because according to Cam, a puppy should be allowed to pick out his own toys.

We got him a few anyway. Many of them made noises—much to my displeasure, but Cam knew best and I allowed him his moment to shine.

What I enjoyed seeing most was how he handled the employees. Gone was the inherent shyness and fumbling of words and in its place was the knowledgeable, no-nonsense pet lover. He knew his stuff and he questioned the employees who showed up to assist, on every possible detail of the items he was interested in. Most of the time, he turned out to be far more knowledgeable than they were and he could occasionally be seen shaking his head in disappointment when that turned out to be the case.

He was like a whole new person where Happy's welfare was concerned and when I picked up a random brand of doggie treats, he had no qualms about scolding me on my terrible choice, before informing me of the momentous mistake I had been about to make.

"You're a dog owner now. You have to know these things for Happy's sake." He told me in that no nonsense way, and I nodded with an expression of equal solemnity so that he knew I was taking it all seriously.

"You can't treat him like he's just some pet. You gotta treat him like he's your child, because Happy deserves that. He loves you already even if you don't love him yet and he expects a lot from you. That's how dogs are, and he's really young so you need to take extra care." His lesson continued and I nodded at every pause and where appropriate.

By the time we made it to the cashier, the cart was stuffed full and I noticed how he had absolutely no qualms about me spending money where the dog was concerned. "These things are important." He said and that was that.

It was one of the most enjoyable days I'd had in a long time and this new sassy Cam was the cause. It gave me a glimpse into the person he would have been had so much damage not be wrought, and I swore I'd make sure I got him to the point where he could truly be himself again. He deserved it.

He seemed happier on our journey to the restaurant. He didn't talk as much as he had at the pet store, but he'd spoken more today than he had on any one day since I'd met him, so I was at least proud of his progress. Slowly but surely I'd pull him out of his shell.

When we were seated at our table in a quaint little restaurant not too far away from the pet store, his blushing returned. I decided it was because he was no longer preoccupied with anything of importance and in our current situation he only had me to look at across the table from him.

"Tell me something about yourself Cam."

He glanced up from the table with a frown. "You sound like her." He accused.

"Like who?"

"The doctor." He continued with narrowed eyes and I laughed.

"Well I apologize if I did. It wasn't my intention." I ended with a chuckle. "I just want to get to know a little bit more about you. There's a lot I don't know."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Tell me something I don't know."

He thought about it for a few minutes "I have a brother." He said reverently. "His name is Pete. He's older than me though and he has a family and everything. He's a pastor." He continued and the pride in his voice was unmistakable.

I smiled. "Are you two close?"

And so his face fell...but only slightly. "I haven't seen him in a long time."

"How come?"

"He doesn't like gay people."

I cursed under my breath. They just kept coming didn't they? Negative influences beating him down at every turn.

"It's okay though because he didn't private his Facebook so I can go on there and see him anytime I want." He grinned. "He just had another baby and she's so cute. She has his eyes. He named her Carol after our mother." His face was practically glowing. "They're all at my parent's house now. It's a tradition for everybody to go there this time of year. They're gonna stay there 'till the new year." the more he continued the more I got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Pete's kids are gonna love it. My mom makes the best food in the world and I'm not lying. She gives the best presents too."

I ventured to ask; "Why aren't you there with them?"

He smiled, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "They don't like gay people."

I gritted my teeth. "Dad tried to get it out of me but it didn't work. I'm just the way I am you know. I can't change."

"How exactly did he try to get it out of you?" I questioned, though I had a sneaking suspicion I already knew the answer. My hands clenched into fists of their own accord.

"I had to talk to a lot of doctors and shrinks and pastors...and sometimes he hit me, but it's okay he was only trying to help me." He was quick to explain. "He loved me so he had to do what he could to help me."

"You didn't need help. There's nothing wrong with you." I told him louder than intended and he flinched. I took a breath. "What happened when it didn't work? Did he throw you out?"

He frowned. "My parents would never do that to me. They loved me." Brief pause. "They turned me over to the state so I had to live at a kind of boys' home. That's how I met Monte."

His smile was a bright as ever when he said it, and I shook my head, then frowned. "You met Monte at a boys' home?"

He nodded. "Yeah...back then she hadn't done her surgery yet and she was miserable because nobody would believe she was a girl, but I did." He smiled proudly.

Ah, she was transgender.

When the food finally came I had all but lost my appetite, but he dug in without hesitation.

"We ran away soon after that and life was rough for a while, but we're better now." He said between bites of chicken sandwich. I looked down at my untouched steak, then back at him. "How old were you when all this happened?"

He chewed quickly and swallowed. "I moved to the home when I was thirteen and we ran away just before my fourteenth birthday." He said casually.

"So you lived on the streets." It wasn't a question.

"Just for a little while. Monte's smart, so she got a bunch of jobs for a while and sometimes I helped, but mostly I had to stay out of sight because I looked really young and people would try to call CPS and stuff."

I didn't even know what to say to that. I sat back in my chair and watched while he ate with not a care in the world. When he looked up to find me staring he frowned.

"Don't be sad Damion." He surprised me by reaching across to place his hand on mine. "I swear it wasn't bad. I made a lot of friends back then. There was this one guy named Jason. We used to go everywhere together. He was nice and he looked out for us too. Sometimes he brought us extra food or money and he protected me from some of the guys who lived in the area too, but then Monte got a great opportunity to work in a real job and we had to leave." He stared at his plate with furrowed brows, but soon that too didn't matter and he resumed his meal.

The world was fucked up and Cam had been dipped right in the middle of it.

........................................................

"I'd like to meet Monte if that's okay with you." I announced later that night as we were getting ready for bed.

"You do?" he asked in obvious delight. I nodded.

"I'll tell her." He way already halfway to his cell phone when I stopped him. "You can do it tomorrow. Come over here." I patted the space on the bed beside me. He came without a word.

When he was settled, I reached for his journal—which he'd placed on the edge of my side table—and handed it to him. "Read to me."

He flipped it open and I allowed him to skip over a few new entries. The one I was most interested in was the one from yesterday after the incident. The first thing I noticed when he flipped to that particular entry however, was that the page that came before it had been torn out and the entry itself was only three short sentences.

December 19, 2015

Dear Journal,

Damion was really upset with me today. It's my fault for lying. I'm going to do better.

-Cam

That was it, nothing more. Nothing to tell me how he had really felt during the incident and nothing to express his emotional state afterwards. Absolutely nothing to give me any incite on the incident.

"Why did you tear out a page?" I asked him. He looked down at the bits of paper that were left and fidgeted with them for a moment before he looked guiltily up at me.

"I didn't like that entry."

"Why not?"

"I don't know, I just didn't."

"Remember what we agreed on when I gave it to you?"

He nodded.

"Then do you want to tell me what was on that page?"

His eyes met mine, and after a long pause he flipped to the back of the book and pulled out a folded page from the small compartment. He handed it to me and I opened it; choosing to read it silently while Cam fidgeted beside me.

December 19, 2015.

Dear Journal,

I did something really stupid today. I lied to Damion. I feel like such an idiot. No matter how hard I try I keep messing things up. I have no excuse. Damion says that if you lie to someone it means you have no respect for them, but I have respect for him. He was so angry when I lied. I've never seen him angry before and I don't want to see him like that again. I have to be better.

He didn't hit me even though he was mad. I thought he would, but he didn't. I don't understand why. I don't understand a lot of things he does. Maybe he's waiting till his injuries heal; I guess that makes sense.

I'm just scared because Damion is really big and strong and I know it's going to hurt real bad, but sometimes a guy's gotta be brave even when he's scared. Jason used to say that all the time.

I wish he was here, he would make me feel better. I hope I won't cry. Master Drake used to hate when I cried. He says crying means you're weak. I'm not a kid anymore. I shouldn't cry.

I have to be better or Damion won't keep me. No more lying and no more mistakes. I have to be good. Master Drake always liked when I was good.

The ink was smudged badly in a few places as if something wet had been sprinkled on the page and I realized that he must have been crying while he made his entry.

I accidentally hit my shoulder on the edge of the coffee table when I was trying to get away from him today. It hurts a lot when I touch it, so I'm trying to be careful.

The highlight of my day was when Damion liked the blowjob I gave him and later on I'm going to teach Happy how to swim; that's what I named the puppy; Happy. I think he likes it. Damion says we're going to a kinda family barbeque tomorrow. I'm nervous but he says we can bring Happy.

I got to meet his twin brother and they look the same! Donny's a little bit messier and happier than Damion and he's really funny. He bought one of my paintings which is cool, but I think maybe he offered me too much money for it. They look the same but they're so different and Donny says Damion is damaged, but I don't think so. I think he's just fine; just a little sad looking sometimes.

I'm taking care of him this week. I took time off from work and everything. He got hurt on the job so he needs rest, but he doesn't like taking his pills, even when he's in pain. He's so brave and strong.

I have to be better so he'll keep me. Master Drake says Damion says Master Drake isn't a good point of reference so I should forget about all the things he said. I'm going to try to get Damion to take another pill now because he hasn't taken any since this morning. He must be in a lot of pain and Master Drake says a good sub knows how to take care of his Master.

-Cam.

I folded the paper and placed it in its compartment. When I looked at Cam he shrunk away from me. "Let me see your shoulder."

He hesitated, but he slowly and carefully pulled the buttons on his shirt and let it slide off his shoulders. He turned his back to me and I saw the big angry bruise that had spread along his back, just above his right armpit.

It was obviously very painful and serious enough that it was sure to be weeks before it completely disappeared. I gently prodded the skin around the swelling and he hissed. I must have been really preoccupied to have missed it while he was swimming yesterday.

As I made my way downstairs to get some ice, I realized that words alone couldn't help him. Cam had experienced enough in life that only actions would make him understand his worth. Only actions would make him see that there was something very special about him and he shouldn't allow anyone to take advantage of that.

                                                               AUTHOR'S NOTES

THANKS FOR READING. 

Yes, that's Jason from my book 'A Home for Timmy'.

Yes, I do read every single comment and I thank you.

KEEP SWEET!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.