Cosmo came home reeking like weed, and Connie's nose picked it up so fast it was a little terrifying. "Cosmo Quartz De Mayo-Maheswaren, what is that smell?!"

Cosmo sighed and slowed to a stop without turning. "That's quite a mouthful, mother."

Normally Steven would've told him to watch his mouth, and the husband instincts were screaming for him to, but Connie liked to fight her own battles with their teens when she was playing bad cop, which she didn't like.

See, Connie was so smothered by her parents and then loosened up by living a crazy life that she was afraid to really harp on the kids too hard. She wanted them to learn through trial and error, but only to a certain degree. Drugs were totally off the table, alcohol was bad but nothing that writing a five page essay couldn't and wouldn't fix. Anna was a genius for that tip. But Connie didn't like to hover.

It was Steven who was strict and drove the kids crazy; he claimed it was to give them a normal life and it was. His life was so chaotic and disjointed, and then he barely remembered some of it because of his PTSD. His kids knew he had PTSD ("Like a war veteran?" Lucky had asked. "No, like a war hero," Connie corrected adoringly) and sometimes he felt like the kids knew more about it than he did with the hints the older teens dropped every once in a while about coping skills when he was being more abrasive than usual. Currently they'd hand him a random bottle and tell him to find every letter of the ABC's on it. It worked so much it was his go to now.

He just wanted them to be safe, and he didn't understand why teens would seek such disruptive things so young. They were in their prime, why waste it?

Soon Cosmo and Connie were full on arguing while Lucky and Azalea came down the stairs giggling but Steven was stuck watching and waiting for when it would be appropriate to speak.

And then there was music.

He instantly recognized the silly plucking and strumming pattern from Spongebob as the arguing raised louder to continue over it.

But it started to become funny very quickly. Really, really, really funny. He choked on a laugh but held his breath and prayed Azalea would just stop. They continued anyways, going a little faster without any mistakes he could tell. What a talented human he'd created.

Connie finally put up a finger and turned to stare Azalea down with the most menacing mom stare Steven had ever seen. He was certain an explosion was about to happen.

Lucky was holding a camera up and got the stare next.

Cosmo had his arms crossed but was wearing an amused smile. He loved his "little sib", as he liked to call them despite Azalea being older than him.

Connie dropped her head and sighed for a long time into her hands, then started hiccuping and gasping. Steven raced to comfort her but she pulled her hands away to cackle and shove at her husband playfully. "Dammit, Steven! You make such good personality filled babies! Stop it!"

He held his hands up in defense and smiled broadly at the compliment, moving his hands to combat her playful kitten-like batting. "Hey! You're the one always getting pregnant!" He laughed as he picked her up to toss a couple of times. "It's your cunning and my Universe Charm that makes these babies."

"You're the one always getting me pregnant!" She complained through a laugh.

Lucky wrinkled her nose but didn't drop the camera. "Gross, you guys."

Steven snorted and set Connie down. "All of you, go away. I have to stay here in case your mom keels over. Son?"

Cosmo paused his attempt to escape undetected. "Yeah, Dad?"

"We'll discuss a punishment later. Set your phone on the counter, please."

Steven had a system he stuck to when going through phones: he just looked up keywords in the search bar and wherever in their phone something matched, it would come up in the suggested. New phones these days were incredible like that, so he didn't need to look at or invade any more privacy than he needed to.

A glance at his messages to Milo stopped him short. He always stuck to the search bar and quick skims, but this... his heart started racing at the simple messages between the two.

Cosmo: "I cannot begin to describe to you the level of mental breakdown this house would have if anyone finds out."

Milo: "Weed be having one of those sketch all family meals. J-Dads already afraid Daisy's gonna fall for Asher."

A typo. Steven should have backed out but he didn't, he had to know now.

Cosmo: "?! ...Didn't she tho lol."

Steven slammed a hand over his mouth and broke his rule right then and there. He was nosy to a fault, it was his fatal flaw but he was invested.

Milo: "They've been dating really hard for like, three years lmfao. None of the parents have noticed."

Cosmos father blushed. He noticed. He once caught Asher sneak Daisy a lingering kiss on the cheek out of the corner of his eye but didn't acknowledge it. He just thought no one was mentioning the fact that they held hands to the bus stop.

"So what you're saying is we should just act like this is normal?" Milo asked ten minutes later. Steven had to wonder if he'd grappled with the message for a while because Cosmo responded right away.

"It's... idk man. Complicated?"

Milo didn't answer.

When he looked up Cosmo was standing in the doorway with wide, glowing pink eyes. His face was a picturesque mix of abject terror and acceptance. It was apparent he was ripped away from his high, Steven had probably killed it when he started glowing.

The hybrid stood and set Cosmo's phone down face down, then propped himself up on the counter. "I think they have a right to know."

Steven didn't even knock before Jacob whipped the door open. Instinctively Steven brought up a shield, the mere action strong enough to send Jacob back a foot but he shook it to off. "Make it quick, you wouldn't believe—,"

Steven glanced over his shoulder to see Milo's wet, teenage face very pink with fury. Cosmo locked eyes with him, or tried, but Milo scowled and upturned his nose to stomp away.

The heartbreak on Cosmo's face made Steven want to tear himself in half. They were really close, he hated to see them fighting.

Jacob finally stopped seething and took a breath. "Sorry, Astro's driving me nuts with his tantrums. What's going on?"

Steven hesitated, should he say something, or would Jacob's mental health be better if he didn't? Should he protect his son? Did he need to? And what about Milo? He thought Cosmo had snitched on Daisy and gotten everyone in trouble. These weren't Steven's kids in this scenario, he had to be diligent about knowing when it was a Main parent issue.

"Asher and Daisy are dating and my dad found out by looking at my phone cause I was smoking weed, I'm sorry I didn't say anything before," Cosmo blurted when Steven's hesitation stretched too long.

Jacob raised an eyebrow, then both. "You thought I didn't know?" Cosmos jaw dropped. "Dude, I'm her father. I notice when my kids have crushes. Daisy and Asher have been dating for like... two years or something." Cosmo started crying and Jacob knelt down to lightly nudge his shoulder. "You guys aren't related. Not even by parental relationships. I'm not Steven's brother, or his uncle, cousin or father. You and I? Not related. We aren't raising you guys like siblings, this is a commune. No ones in trouble. Adam and I dating doesn't make it weird, not unless you want it to be."

Steven could only watch as Jacob totally owned him at being an exceptional father and K.O'ed him with a finishing blow of the parental I Love You. "Damn."

Jacob huffed and opened the door to his house. "Door open. Alex will check on you every five seconds if I ask him to."

Cosmo blushed in bewilderment but sped past him to talk to Milo.

The Brit turned to Steven and closed his jaw for him. "I learned it from you."

"You don't mind it?" Steven asked incredulously. "I mean we made it a serious polycule talk that we wouldn't raise them as siblings but—,"

Jacob grabbed his hand and kissed it tenderly. "I get to say if it's incest or not. Do I not have the best idea of it, luv?"

He wrinkled his nose distastefully. "Of course. I'm sorry. I'm... not always sure what to do. Some of these things are so human. And I'm so not."

Jacob glanced behind him and smiled with all his heart up at Steven. "He said it better than I did."

Adam was up on the fridge eating an apple with a foot tucked next to him. Apparently he'd been there the whole time doing his ten minute detox every hour so he didn't get overstimulated. "Children will bring your humanity out of you more than any other experience on this planet. You're more human than you think at any given moment, because being human is experimental."

"I was afraid Asher would fall for Daisy but that's because I knew it would happen so early," Jacob added on thoughtfully, rubbing Steven's head buried into his shoulder for comfort. "I've learned to roll with the punches. Sure it's a coincidence but it took me years to just accept that I was projecting my fear of incest onto my children. That scared me straight. Milo is already wary of his male teachers because of me, I'm not going to damage my kids' ability to love with my insecurity. Ever."

"And Asher is happy," Adam mused. His eyes flickered to stare out the window. "He's been smiling to himself and looking out the window like a lovesick fool at our daisies. He just had his 16th birthday and all he wanted to do was sit outside and eat cake by himself." The two parents shared a small grin. "Daisy went out there and leaned her head onto his shoulder and they sat out there for six hours." It seemed for a moment he was moved by such an action to silence; the lump in his throat slowly disappeared before he could add, "I don't even know if they talked. He didn't finish the cake, and it was his favorite. He fed it all to her."

"We'll just have to see," Steven sighed, wiggling his fingers. "Thank god, Lucky's not into dating. I'm so scared for when she brings a boy home."