"Jacob wasn't in bed this morning," Jasmin cut through their moment and the band sat up in concern. "Is he down here?"

Adam shook his head. "No, I heard the front door open but no cars. He's still here, we'll find him Jazz."

They left the tv running and split up outside. The entire acreage was combed through, Hazel even grabbing Adam so they could use the golf cart they'd stolen.

He was nowhere to be found until they stumbled back into the kitchen sweaty and saw Jacob with his back turned to them as a person who did not live there tried talking to him.

The man turned and saw the group as his sentence tapered out. "Ey up. Are these your mates, Jacob? Maybe they'll convince you."

"Are you his brother?" Jasmin asked in disbelief. She wished Jacob would talk more about his family, but with what little he provided she was sure he hadn't mentioned one. "Why did I not know he had a brother?"

"Aren't you a bloody charmer! Jacob, introduce me."

Jacob sighed heavily and banged his head against the cupboards very loudly a few times. It was so hard there was a moment where they were going to pull him away. He took another sharp breath and faced them with a grin. "Pop, s'is my band. Tall ones Steven, next to him with blue is Connie, all black is Adam first boy love, other tall one is Hazel, blonde is Anna, boy blonde is Alex, and the charmer's my wife, Jasmin."

They all stared at him, completely bewildered by his behavior. They knew Jacob's family history was messy, but they couldn't imagine why they weren't told about the visitor beforehand.

Jacob's guest waved politely at them, but paid special attention to Jasmin. "Way to go, son. You picked better than I did."

"Holy shit, he's his Dad." Steven had been itching with the familiarity of the situation but he hadn't been able to put his finger on it until now. This was almost the exact way he'd acted with the Rose Quartzes. His realization put him on defense, and he felt the energy shift drastically. "You guys are identical."

Jacob's grin dropped into a bitter scowl. "A real chip off the old one, yeah?" His full on Britishness usually made them smile, but the disgust in it did nothing of the sort.

"Come see your mother," His father pleaded.

"Fuck off and die, pop." The band gasped at his language toward his parent and he rolled his eyes. "Oh hush. I'm sure you'd say the same thing to Rose."

Steven, called out, matched his scowl. "I guess you're right. But she didn't do to me what he did to you."

"Speaking of super great parents, I have a question, Jacob." Jasmin approached him with her arms crossed and glared up at his still expression. "Is your mother actually dead like you told us for years?"

To everyone's surprise, he shrugged. "By the grace of God, she will be soon."

"Jacob Alexander–,"

He jabbed a finger in his dad's face and his father flinched. They had been at it like this before apparently and Jasmin was pulled back by Hazel from the obvious confrontation about to happen. He needed to get it out. Actually get it out. This seemed like a long time incoming and he didn't want her to accidentally get hit if he lashed out.

"You don't get to say anything to me. You don't get to just drop into my life. You don't get to meet my wife, or the rest of my partners. You don't get to ask me to visit my ma on her deathbed. She's been dead to me for so long I almost forgot she wasn't." He backed off, chuckling to himself a bit louder now while his hands brushed through his hair maniacally. "It's absolutely insane that you thought it would be okay to show up in our driveway. Why would you think I wanted to see you, Oliver?" He asked so seriously his father had no choice to answer.

"Son, we–," He swallowed nervously and put on an alluring smile that made some of them feel queasy. There was something off to it... like... flirtation. Jacob got the same expression when he flirted, the exact same one. "We've moved past that, haven't we? Why don't we just talk like civilized adults?"

Steven couldn't help but match Jacob's jaded scoff, earning a grateful glance. He'd heard this bullshit from the Gems time and time again. It's like when they finally apologize they expect it to be fixed completely, but that's never how it works.

"I don't want to leave you alone with him. But Jacob, do you want us to leave?" Connie asked gently.

He frowned. "Of course not, dear. There should be eye witness when I bury this fucker in our backyard."

Jasmin startled. In all her years of knowing and loving him, he had never uttered a thing so dark. It was so unlike his normally goofy self that she couldn't stop herself from regressing a little. "Jacob! Get ahold of yourself!"

The snapping of the final part of him holding himself together was so loud it was almost audible. "What?! Was that a bit too much? There is a child rapist in my fucking home!" He bellowed so hard his face turned bright red with the rage. "In all of our homes! Good thing we don't have any kids running around here yet with this creep banging on our doorstep. Heaven forbid we ever have a little boy!" He threaded his hands into his hair as his voice raised another octave. Jacob was officially reaching his breaking point. "Ugh, I feel like I'm going to have a stroke even just being near you! Do you know how much fear I live in on a daily basis? Random flashbacks and intrusive thoughts that make me wonder if I can even love my wife the right way because of how badly you damaged me!" He hauled off and slammed his fist into the cupboard and it splintered, producing a massive hole and a lot of blood as they dug into his skin.

"You need to leave before you're forced to leave." Adam nodded to the door and the rest cautiously approached Jacob, who had since started shaking and was just at the very least trying not to scream.

Oliver looked humiliated and distraught, but nodded his head. "Right. I suppose surprising him wasn't better than getting my calls ignored after all."

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" Adam demanded as loudly as any of them had ever heard. "Leave before I kill you myself."

Hazel pointed to the door wordlessly, he didn't need to speak when he had five inches and at least 80 pounds on the guy. The door shut behind him and Steven slapped the two on the back. "Thank you. I'd have just snapped his neck."

It was almost no use. Jacob had completely collapsed into himself and would respond to nothing. Even when the door was locked and the monitors showed a car parked outside of their driveway leave, Jacob would do nothing but rest his head on his knees and cry quietly.

"I'm gonna go grab the pressure cuff, he's really flushed." Connie dug in the living room tote while the rest tried to get Jacob back into this plane of reality.

"Jacob, he's gone." Jasmin gathered his hands in hers and sniffled. "Come on, at least squeeze my hand." Nothing, not even a twitch. "I'm not mad at you. I love you."

"I think he's having a panic attack," Steven blurted. The rest turned to him and he shuffled anxiously. "I mean... wouldn't you?"

"I guess that's true. How do we fix it?" Anna timidly approached to lift his arm so Connie could get the brace on tight enough. "He's completely limp."

"Then he's probably right," Connie muttered. "Hush." The only sound for a good minute was her pumping it full and slowly letting it back out again. After a moment she frowned and tried again. "Hm. 165/95. He might not have been off about worrying about a stroke."

"You look and sound so much like your mom it's crazy." Connie gave Steven an unamused look that did not change his mind and from this angle he could see down her shirt. He didn't want to think of that any longer, so he refocused his ADHD attention on Jacob. Moving him could and probably would make it worse. He was completely unresponsive so there's no telling if he might freak out and sock someone in the face out of pure fear. They needed to get in his– "I have something we can try?"

Adam crossed his arms. "Sounds more like a question. Can you help him out powers wise?"

Steven tipped his head and grimaced. "It's not very respectful."

Adam got a bit defensive. "How?"

"I can do what I did for you..." There was no right way to propose it, he just had to say it. "I can get directly in his mind and talk to him. He can't ignore me there and he probably can't understand what we're saying out here if the panic attack is bad enough."

Anna looked at Jacob sadly, squeezing his hand to try and stir him again. "What about you? Could it hurt you?"

Steven swallowed. "Potentially."

When no one said anything, Steven motioned for them to leave a spot next to Jacob and tried to fall asleep. "Someone's gotta sing me."

"We don't know any lullabies, Steven," Anna groaned.

"I don't know! Make one up!"

Anna sighed and threw up her hands. "Uhm... Go to sleep–," Immediately Steven started snoring and her jaw dropped. "No fucking way."

"That's was actually the most idiotic thing I've ever witnessed." Alex sat on the other side of Jacob. "Now I guess we wait?"

Connie nodded anxiously. "As long as he doesn't get distracted or lost. It looks different when you're on the other side."

Adam tipped his head to rest on Hazels shoulder. "I remember seeing it, kind of. Steven makes pink light, he kinda pushes at your mind. It's nice cause he's so kind." His eyes got misty and he sniffled. "But I think it damages him a bit for a while."

Steven could hear Connie and Adam telling the others about it, but he could also feel everyone's emotions and whispers of their thoughts. "God, how long have I had this power? Years? A decade?" That was totally feasible, actually, but he pushed through the auras and tried to find Jacob's.

The highest guards there were ended up being Jasmin, Alex and Adam, all of which were making it harder not to get distracted and comfort them.

As he wandered, strong waves of something started pushing him back. He lost his rhythm and lost ground, but then he could feel it as much as he could see what it was. Jagged and burning red waves of what could only be the terror a panic attack supplies in bulk pulsing through the air (air?) around him. He focused his power and glowed, trying to push back at it with his own light.

"Whoa, what the fuck?" Jacob slurred into his thigh.

Connie sighed in relief, her heart rate lessening considerably. "Looks like he made it."

"So, you're telling me that Steven can go Danny Phantom?" Jasmin asked for the seventh time.

Anna chewed her lip nervously. "I don't think we're allowed to say that."

"But is that what you're saying though?"

Connie huffed out a laugh and held her freehand. "Hey, Jacob's gonna be okay."

"Hear that, dumbass? You're going to be fine," Alex said very encouragingly.

Jacob flinched at Steven's words. "Come on, man. It's not that serious."

"Jacob... I've had a total of six mental breakdowns in my life," Steven recounted sternly. "That's more than enough to recognize one."

Jacob was silent for a moment, listening to Alex's dulled voice being the opposite of encouraging and yet, giving him a tiny bit of feeling. "He snuck up on me. This morning I was getting the mail and he was just sitting there. You guys were asleep and then gone when he followed me back inside."

"You wanna know something funny?"

Jacob almost smiled. "Sure."

Steven pushed his hands out to brighten again before he answered. "This is a really nasty panic attack. Anyways... You know of my mom, Rose Quartz. Alien dictator to Earth Rebel. She became me. Whatever, not interesting."

"It's actually super interesting but carry on."

"Unfortunately, there are hundreds of thousands of clones of her and one day like, three of them showed up at my house unannounced and one was identical to Rose." Steven made a face for a second, so quick that he almost missed it but no, his momentary expression of pure traumatized anxiety stuck in his mind.

Jacob lifted his head to look at him head on. "That's so much worse than what I just went through."

Steven stared at him for a moment like he was a complete imbecile. "No, it's really, truly not. I hate when people say that. Trauma isn't comparable, just listen: I tried to eat a meal with them and they were trying to feed me and even my own dad walked in and noped the fuck out. I dealt with it by myself until they picked up on how uncomfortable they made me and... we left on good terms. But sometimes I think about how badly my mom fucked me up. It makes me so angry to imagine what I could've been. You're not alone. I get it."

Jacob quirked a brow. "What are you doing?"

Steven ignored him and pushed harder. His gem was trying to taper back out with the strong emotions of his own but he wouldn't let it. A small grunt of effort and the entire mindscape turned pink.

Jacob let his eyes shut and sighed deeply. The panic attack receded into a gentle nothingness. "You're overpowered."

"Tell me about it. So are you." He could hear the others a bit clearer now. "I would've beat his ass six ways to Wednesday."

Jacob chuckled hoarsely. "No you wouldnt've. You don't have a mean bone in your body."

Steven shrugged and picked at his jeans. "For you? Absolutely."

A sharp pinch to his real body made him wince as Jacob slumped against him. "Can you tell the others I love them and I just need a minute?"

Steven nodded and rested his head on Jacob's. "Of course. I also feel obligated to say this because I suffer so badly from it: don't be embarrassed."

"You're asking a lot of me," Jacob grumbled. "I'll try my hardest not to feel embarrassed and guilty about scaring everyone half to death with a tantrum."

"It wasn't a tantrum. You hit a breaking point. Everyone has one."

Steven found his body and shifted a bit, surprised to find real Jacob with his arm wrapped around him sleeping and one hand in Jasmin's. "He's okay. Tired and horrified, but he loves us."

"Can someone get blankets?" Jasmin asked, refusing to leave him. Anna nodded and she smiled gratefully.

Adam turned on the sink and oven burner. "I'll make tea."

Anna smirked at the doorway and turned to him with a teasing tip of her head. "You don't know how to make tea."

He mumbled something under his breath but refused to repeat it until Anna nuzzled into his neck and whined. "I said I learned how to do shit everyone likes. Connie likes hot cocoa and a heated blanket, for example. Alex likes a heated blanket and iced tea. Hazel likes a back rub and my undivided attention, Steven likes to snuggle, etcetera." He kissed Anna while he waited for it to warm up, thrilled just to have her lips on his. "You like to be babied."

"You're such a good boyfriend," Hazel cooed, dropping a kiss to his head and then when prompted for another, his lips. "You're soft on the inside."

He snorted. "Go make yourself useful and quit standing around being annoying. Go get blankets."

"But Anna's already getting blankets," Hazel complained.

"Go get more blankets."

*

Upon realizing he was waking up, Jacob tried to will himself fall back into the darkness where no flashbacks or embarrassment could get to him. He was blessed not to have many nightmares, but the daytime flashbacks were brutal at times. Unfortunately, his eyes opened of their own fruition and something was off.

"What the–?" He tried to sit up but realized he was very much caged in. His arm was tucked under Stevens and he was... A blush broke through as he realized he'd been snuggled into Stevens chest for god knows how long. Clinging, even. Behind him the distinct feel of his tiny girlfriend spooning him with those thick thighs and her hand resting over his heart. Peeking behind Steven, Connie had her leg between Steven's as she spooned him. "Connie, are you awake?"

She inhaled and sat up like she was possessed. "Yes." She had countless hours of practice waking out of a dead sleep to comfort Steven when he had nightmares.

"Can you help me wake up Jasmin? She sleeps like the dead." He hated how tired he still sounded. As his eyes readjusted he realized it was both dim and light. Had the ceilings always been made of blankets? "Am I in a pillow fort?"

Adam shifted, also caged in from his partners on top and snuggling him into them. He'd had a rough time with Jacob hurting so badly when he couldn't make it better. "Blanket fort. Anna's idea."

"Jasmin, wake up." He nudged her a little and got no response. Annoyingly, his first reaction was to tear up and lay back down. He only did the later, turning over to let Steven pull him close so he could do the same with Jasmin. The feeling of her against him was so comforting and her leggings were the same as Connie's cute little textured ones. His arm around her tightened subconsciously. Of course at the most unfortunate timing she hummed in her sleep and wiggled against him, causing a trained bodily reaction. "Whoops."

Jasmin wiggled against him again, a bit slower this time before she stretched. Her own trained reaction was to wake up when that happened. "Good morning."

"You're awake," He croaked, nearly tearing up again when she turned over and scooted up enough so he could lay on her chest. "I'm sorry."

"I love being your wife." As if that wasn't an out of pocket response in and of itself, she covered his face in kisses. "I love you."

Jacob started to have a very long cry he felt he needed to have about all of this. He cried about everything: from the first time his father raped him to the last, for every night as a child he spent starving and sore because his father wouldn't stop violating his throat. He cried because he had to deal with such conflicting feelings when it came to sex for the rest of his life, that he'd always be afraid of himself for the anger his father planted right at the core of him.

Steven held Connie in his arms, remembering the time when he'd had his Big Moment cry. Jacob's sobs were deeper; his heart broken, torn apart cries were so violent they left them in silence for a good majority of the time.

Jasmin rubbed his head and let him sob into her shoulder tenderly, and raised his lips to hers. She didn't expect him to say anything, his lungs and chest had to be sore from such deep and inescapable pain. He'd cried his heart out, and broken hers in the process. It was so sad but so strong of him to let go. She smiled, realizing that he must've been completely comfortable with his polycule, and with her.

"I want you guys to come to London with me."

Steven finally decided to speak. "We don't have to come with you, Jacob. Don't feel obligated."

Jasmin gave him a blood chilling glare. "Excuse me? We all go or he doesn't. We'll need our kick ass team of anti-hero boyfriends and girlfriends in case shit hits the fan."

Jacob sighed in relief and relaxed against her. "Bloody good, then. She's scheduled to die in a month."

Jasmin stroked his cheek. "What does she have?"

Jacob shrugged. "Everything Cancer, supposedly."