Jacob sifted through their things for the tenth time that day, trying to find that shirt he loved so much of their earlier merch selling years. It was a plain and simple white tee with the initials of the band and stars. He loved it enough to go topless today if he didn't find it. Fuck the sub temperatures, he would go on strike with a pitchfork and torch if he had to.

He pulled out a dress Jasmin must have hid from him behind their dresser and smirked. It was drop dead gorgeous on her but she hated it with a passion. Her curls would go up into a bun with some of them dripping down to frame her perfect little face.

His chest swelled at the memory of her glancing up at him bashfully as she first tried it on.

*

"Do you like it?" She'd asked shyly, avoiding every mirror and his eyes like she'd combust if she didn't.

Jacob was speechless and blushing like a fool. "You're so pretty. How did I get so lucky?"

She'd snorted and batted at his chest. "Be serious because I actually loathe this."

He'd twirled her for a full view and his brows tented as her beauty began to give him chest pains. He groaned and wanted to pull her into a hug to have against him and show all the bystanders that she was his bride, but that would obscure the dress from his view. Like an idiot he stammered out, "I-I have nothing else to say if you won't let me adore and treasure you, Mine."

She finally looked up at him fully and a tiny smile lifted her cheeks. "You're blushing."

*

She liked to call him out for that, and here he was blushing again just looking at it without her in it.

Sighing, he set it delicately on the dresser as more clutter behind it caught his attention once more. The endeavor proved successful, he must have tossed it off before they'd gotten busy one evening and it slipped back there.

As he reached for it, his fingers brushed against a cool flat surface. He pulled both up, beaming at his shirt and then frowning at the blank cover of the book he'd found. "What's this then?" He asked nobody.

Backing away to sit on the bed, he flipped through the pages and found it was an actual book, or something like it. Each page was laminated and what looked like journal entries filled them from top to bottom in standard book font.

His first thought reading it was it that was some kind of queer manifesto, it was obviously queer starting with, "Hello, No One! Today I found out I'm probably bisexual."

There were things he read that made him tilt his head and continue on faster or reread. Something about the situations the author wrote about felt familiar, sometimes the characters even reminded him of his partners. The main character had just finished off for the night, and then next chapter stole his heart right out of his body.

"Sometimes I feel like I hate being called a girl. When I don't hate it, it's usually because I can't hear them say it. I know I look like a girl, I've got massive titties and a fat ass. The only thing holding me together is my husband, Jamie. Of all of the partners I've ever had, he makes me feel like I was always meant to be his. He calls me 'Mine' and I feel like a puppy the way I want to beg for his attention and sit on his lap and flirt all day. I wish my dad hadn't instilled that stuff is weakness because my husbands the kindest, most loving man I've ever met in my life. He's THE ONE, with capitals and everything. The other day I zoned out due to good old gender contemplation, and when I came to he was waiting patiently to hug me with that cute little "I'm so worried about you but I don't want you to kick me in the balls" face. I can be kind of a bitch, but Jamie loves me completely. My favorite thing to date isn't when he tells me he loves me by just saying it, I love when he tells me he'll never get sick of my shit. Is it weird we've been together for almost five years (counting the break because it still counts and I want it to, dammit) and whenever he says that I still get butterflies? I think it's weird that my love for him feels like I'm going to need my own personal fainting couch. His boyfriend, Liam, faints sometimes when you catch him off guard. I wanna pinch his cheek and call him a llama but he'd give me a spanking... Suddenly I feel like finding my husband and being snuggled. Bye!"

Jacob's eyes widened and his breathing came out in erratic bursts. The familiar bubble popped into an impending sense of realization. He... remembered that night, it was two weeks and four days ago. She'd walked into the living room and stood in front of the TV before letting out the sweetest sound he'd ever heard, a long complaining whine. When asked what she would like, she just reached for him silently with grabby hands. His heart had burst out of his chest, he loved that after they'd gotten married she would have these moments of intense longing for him that couldn't be satiated by anyone else. He also was pretty sure a lot of the little connections he'd been making were way more obvious than he'd understood. For a guy with a 4.0 gpa he sure missed a lot of information with his ADHD brain. She had to have been talking about Adam, and a trepidatious smirk appeared for a split second. Liam was a good name for him actually.

The humor dispersed and he forced himself to keep reading, annoyed that the page kept slipping off his sweaty fingers.

"Hello, Nobody. I know we talked about how I've been back and forth about femininity and where I belong on the spectrum. Well, today I got my answer.

Today has been the worst day so far, I am so anxious I can't think or breathe or take a piss without my chest aching. I feel lost, I feel so trapped. So much of my life would change if I was, like, actually trans! It's insane! I'm 27 and this is just coming up now?! I feel like I'm faking it, but then again, why the hell would I want to be a man? Sterling, Dimitri, Liam and my husband are all such good men, I love and adore all of them, but it's not like I'd ever want to be a man when I turn on the TV or go out grocery shopping and get harassed until I leave my cart and tell my poor husband a lie about not feeling well. He's so attentive, and I'm so afraid to lose him over this. What's wrong with me? Am I nonbinary? That feels so much better and it freaks me out. I'm stressed 24/7 about it, but the real answer is right in front of me. Maybe I am nonbinary..."

Jacob shut the book quickly; steps were coming from down the hall. The knob turned and he panicked and threw his crumpled shirt over it.

Jasmin walked in and smiled, then gave him a suspicious look. "Are you okay? You look scared." She glanced around to see if anything was broken. "What did you do?"

Jacob felt his Adam's Apple bob as he prepared for whatever was to come. Shakily he moved the shirt off the book and Jasmin gasped in horror. He handed it to her and (like an idiot) he couldn't control the tiny, nervous grin. "I didn't read all of it."

"YOU READ MY JOURNAL?!" She exploded, snatching it and bursting into tears. "How could you?!"

Jacob stood and held his arms up in surrender, sensing a fight brewing. "Jasmin, slow down, okay? It was formatted like a book and was hidden behind the dresser and I wanted to know what it was." He approached her carefully, fighting the urge to protect his hard working baby factory. Her eyes were trained on him, tears falling down her cheeks and dripping off her chin. Now not only was he absolutely certain it was hers, but it was hers and extremely private. The polycule had a strict rule about that, as did they. "I'm so, so sorry, Jazz. I mean it. You know I'd never do something like that on purpose."

She nodded a little but shied away from his touch and clutched the book over her heart. "I feel dirty inside sometimes too, you know," She confessed nearly inaudibly. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Jasmin turned her back on him but that never had, and never would, stop him. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed until she giggled. "I love you, Jasmin. Say it back, you promised."

"I love you, too, Jacob." Her head leaned back to rest against his chest. "I love you."

Despite the heaviness of the moment and his inner turmoil at her misery, he turned her to kiss the life out of her and gripped her chin. "Jazz, do you have things you'd like to tell me?"

She tried to shake her head but he raised his eyebrows and she groaned. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Baby, please, please don't make yourself miserable on purpose," He begged, moving his hand to thread in her hair and the other to lie over her rapidly beating heart. He paused for a moment and glanced at his watch. "Come back to bed, you're racing."

He led her to the bed and laid on his back, tapping his chest. "Lie on me, darling. Pspspsps~."

Jasmin hesitated. "I'm always afraid I'm gonna crush you..."

"NOW!" He laughed, knowing damn well she was just being difficult as payback.

She shuffled over and pouted as she laid half on him, half on the bed. "Compromise?"

He hoisted her up completely onto him and grinned. "Not this time, love. Not when it's about your self image and worth. I'm not going to force you to talk about it, but it's important you know I've been toying with pansexual for a while, and I will never, ever stop loving you. You could cheat on me, shoot me in the balls and blow up my house and I'd still run over torn metal and shards of glass to tell you I love you."

He felt her wiggle up to nuzzle into his neck and when she sniffed he giggled. "You smell so good. I love the cologne you use." She simpered as he rubbed at her back and sighed heavily. "Why pan?"

"Pansexual Panic sounds better," He explained with a chuckle.

She lifted to straddle him and hugged herself. "I'm not trans, I think I'm just second guessing everything lately. I just watched this show, Morel Orel," He brightened but she rolled her eyes. "With an 'E' because it's a name, dummy, and it really fucked me up." He nodded his understanding and relaxed a bit, now wondering a thousand other things. Jasmin observed his sigh and slumped. "How are you not a pancake from my big ass lying on you?"

Jacob tapped her hip and stretched his arms out. "Stand up." She stood and he lifted her easily. "I regularly bench 250 as a warm up, and I've got a comprehensive plan to make my way up to 310 as a coping skill. You're perfect, Jasmin Imani Olfax." He let her arms and legs wrap around him and made his way to the dresser again to sit her on top of it. She blushed and squirmed, knowing he was about to get serious and lay down the law. "Are you second guessing... everything everything?"

She blinked in confusion at the panic on his face just under the mask of stoic and then gasped. "No! No, marrying you was the best thing I ever did ever!"

He sagged in relief. "Ugh. thank the stars. Okay..." Jacob put a hand over her heart and gazed into her eyes. "I love everything you are. I love how beautiful you are, genuinely
it's baffling that someone so pretty and smart wanted to put up with my scrawny goofy ass for the rest of her life but here we are in the future." She giggled and his hand slipped to the back of her neck. Sometimes his body demanded a kiss by making him give her one, and he indulged in the soft sigh of joy she gave when he did. "Jasmin... I fell in love with your heart."

She snorted. "What heart?"

"The one who writes such nonsense as, 'He's THE ONE, with capitals and everything' and that your favorite thing is when I tell you I'll never get sick of your shit." He paused and buried his face in her hair so she wouldn't see him cry. "I'm so happy we're still together."

Jasmin pushed him back to see his face, then wiggled off of the dresser to continue pushing. When he tripped onto the bed she climbed on top of him fully. "I love you, Daddy."

His heart trembled in his chest and he rocked her slightly. "My precious baby. I love you too."

She sat up and stared at him for a moment suspiciously. "What are you doing?"

Jacob had to feign his idiocy for fear of his life. "I don't know what you're on about."

She chewed her lip thoughtfully and leaned down to nuzzle into his chest, nipping at the bare skin hungrily. "You're being weird."

He laughed and gasped at the same time. "Ugh, Mine you have to articulate what you're talking about-t." His darling was starting to make him fill with hunger, he wanted to pin Jasmin and do it right back.

"Call me a nickname, Daddy," She purred, ignoring him entirely. "I like it when you do."

Now he knew damn well she was using her succubus charm to sully his mind with her charms and spells, but he couldn't help himself. He flipped her and stared into her eyes until she looked away. Chuckling, he leaned down to kiss over her cheeks. "Mine, darling, my love, baby, precious, honey, sweetie... hmmm..."

"You're using gender neutral terms." She giggled and pressed her cheek against his lips because she wanted more of his kisses. "You're so sweet. I hate it."

"Is that why you're grinding on me?" He asked with a sultry rumble. "Because you hate me?"

Jasmin pulled up her shirt, once again casting a wicked spell. "I couldn't even if I tried. But I wouldn't say no to hate sex."

He outright laughed and pulled off of her. "Only if you tell me your preferred pronouns. Then I'll fuck you like you owe me money, Little you, and hold you all day."

She blushed and hid her face. "She unless told otherwise?"

"Done. See how easy that was?" He brushed her hands away and licked his lips. "Ugh, wiggle out of your pants while I watch you struggle to get them over your ass and then let me do whatever I want."

"I love you," She blurted a bit too loudly.

Instead of startling him, he brightened over every inch of his face. "Now I wanna make love to you."

"DAMNIT!"