Alex sighed as Connie nudged him out of the way to sit with the boys as the other girls sat in the "interview seats". He thought this was kind of stupid and he'd much rather sit with the girls for this, but he decided to shut up and take it.

It was posed as a party game, since everyone was sufficiently high and a little tipsy but sober enough to think hard.

The topic? Gender shit.

Anna flipped through her cards and smirked. "Okay, boys. Are you ready for your first question?"

"Gender isn't binary," Steven complained, avoiding the stray hands of Hazel. "It's not!"

Jasmin rolled her eyes. "We know, Baby."

That shut him up, he loved that nickname. The hybrid beamed like the sun and smugly settled into his seat.

"So," Connie started, already gagging a little. "As men, you realize you're among the most disgusting creatures on the planet. That doesn't mean you in particular, or does it?" The guys were already mean mugging her so she read it off before they objected. "Have you ever scratched yourself in public?"

Steven scoffed and burst out laughing. "What?! Gross, what the fuck?"

"Uh, ditto." Jacob made a face of absolute disgust. "Just out at the fucking grocery store? In front of Kathy's family? Sick!"

Anna giggled. "That's a terrible joke."

"But I'm not joking though!" Jacob cried. "Just... out in public? Public-public?!"

Connie nodded emphatically. "I've seen people not even try to hide it walking down the street. Just hands down their pants scratching."

"Hold on," Adam interjected, raising his hand that was thankfully not down his pants. "I'm not sure I should be involved in this–,"

"Oh trust me," Anna interrupted him quickly. "You're a fully fledged man." She exchanged a look to the other girls in exasperation.

Adam dropped his head and sighed. "Dammit. I forget I don't get half immunity anymore now that I pass."

Hazel giggled. "You'll live, Cuppy Cake." He knew Adam loathed that nickname, but his angry face was so cute. He kissed it and while he didn't blush, Adams eyes got glassy, a thing Hazel had recently put together was how his brooding boyfriend was holding one back. Honestly, it was even better.

"Next question, do you jiggle or wipe?" Connie dreaded the answer, honestly.

Hazel pressed his lips together. "I-I'm sorry, what?"

Jasmin raised an eyebrow. "After you piss do you–,"

"No, no. I heard you. I'm asking what the fuck?" Hazel tried a few times to speak, but could only sigh in malcontent.

"I think what Hazel is trying to say is I hope to GOD that's not a normal thing," Adam cut in. "I think– oh god. And then these men go to their partners and–," He gagged violently (potentially because he was among the most crossfaded) shaking his head. "Fuck, I mean– Wow."

Steven slumped against the couch. "Hygiene. It's not hard. I don't even know what else to say to that. I personally like to be clean and not walk around smelling like piss and I dunno what else to say to help people understand."

Jacob snorted. "How about 'please stay away from me?' They're everywhere, Steven." He laid his head on Steven's lap. "The Jigglers. They touch our door handles and swim in our pools and make our food and then they don't wash their hands ever."

Adam tugged at his hair as a horrifying realization came to him. "Are... do some men think toilet paper is just for AFAB genitalia?"

Hazel giggled. "You know what that means? It means after they take a–,"

"No! No, no, no, no." Jacob covered his ears and shook his head to erase the end of that sentence. "This is the only instance where ignorance is bliss."

Alex raised his hand. "Okay, at this point I'm pretty sure they think we're fucking with them. Can I ask a question about something I know some men do?"

Jasmin smirked. "Be my guest."

"Daddies!" Alex snapped his fingers and immediately got the four men and their attention. "Do you... use soap in the shower?"

Adam got up and walked halfway across the room. "This is a fucking joke. There's no way that's a thing."

Jacob clutched Steven's thigh so hard he squealed and giggled. "They know water is the least necessary part, don't they? Like... these men probably get rained on and count it as a shower."

"I use water," Hazel paused as everyone in the room stared at him in horror. "–With soap because I'm not a fucking idiot! Imagine walking around smelling like a wet dog."

"How about we don't?" Alex suggested with a laugh. "How about we don't do that thing you just said?"

"Next question!" Anna proclaimed. "Do you wash your privates, or let the water do the work?"

They stared at her in shock. The girls could see their minds processing the question slowly, and every second that ticked by they looked more nauseous.

Steven scoffed multiple times, curling into himself and wailing as it set in how well that would work. "Oh my stars. No! Never! What?! Of course I– Connie's showered with me a million times! That's mandatory!"

Adam paced back and forth before sitting and pulling Jacob's hand into his lap. "First of all, I showered constantly when I was depressed, let alone now. I liked to cry in there."

"We shower every morning," Hazel added. "We shower together every morning and he doesn't do that anymore."

"Not like I did then, no. I cry cause you guys are so hot my eyes water," Adam flirted with a wink. "Just can't help myself getting wet everywhere with all the hotties in here." He smirked at Jacob and pinched his cheek.

"Okay, living for this character development," Alex chuckled. "I shower because of trauma."

"Same!" Jacob agreed cheerfully, trying to break away from being flustered. "I shower because I have crippling trauma that makes me feel disgusting all the time. At least I know factually that I'm not."

Jasmin frowned. "Go to therapy, Jacob."

"My insurance doesn't cover three times a week, Jasmin."

"Hmmm... Instead of cleaning your shit off the toilet, you pee on it?" Connie tapped the papers on her knee, ready to summon her sword and end them all right then.

Steven started laughing so hard it spread to the others. No one could really tell why they were laughing, but Adam's face was getting alarmingly red and he couldn't seem to catch his breath. He managed to wheeze out, "I just want them to be kidding one time!"

Jacob had tears in his eyes by the time he could get anything remotely understandable to come from him. "There's guys out there who don't fear the wrath of their wives and it shows. I understand why everyone hates men."

"It's all so clear." Hazel giggled some more then cleared his throat. "There's gotta be some overlap between them and us, though. I'm just waiting to be embarrassed."

"I'm trying!" Anna uttered. She actually hadn't expected them to be so shocked. From their knowledge and experience, most men did things like that. Yes it was gross, but so was life. "Have you ever rearranged yourself when you thought no one was looking?"

"I've done it to be a tease," Steven supplied, sending Connie his best bedroom eyes. "She keeps staring sometimes like I can't see her. She'll be sipping coffee or having a popsicle and it's like I'm nothing but a sex object."

Connie gasped in horror. "That's not true! You are so much more!"

"It's cute!" He assured with a broad smile.  "And then she blushes really close to how she's blushing now."

Connie rolled her eyes. "Why don't you demonstrate since you're such a cocky fuck about it?" She turned to the girls. "If you met him as a teen you'd be shell shocked at the audacity he has now."

Steven stood a bit clumsily and faked a stretch before palming the crotch of his pants. "Gosh, sorry about that. I've just got such a massive dick it doesn't always fit in my pants right." They burst out laughing and he tried to force himself to stay serious. "Yeah, it's so sad, I know. I really suffer in a daily basis, Connie. God, if only there were some kick ass sword fighter lady to come and help me... adjust." He waggled his eyebrows at her.

Connie groaned as her face flooded with a nearly unbearable amount of heat while they laughed at his ridiculousness. "Steven Quartz Cutie Pie De Mayo-Maheswaren Diamond Universe! No more alcohol for you!"

He wasn't done yet, he choked on a laugh but inched closer. "115 inches at half mast. I could tell you were wondering about it, so I figured I'd just–," Connie stood and he yelped, ducking for cover as he ran back to his seat.

She giggled and shook her head at the rest wheezing with laughter and falling off of things. Hazel had simply tumbled off the arm of the couch and was curled into a ball coughing violently as he tried to compose himself. Anna was actually crying with laughter and kept complaining she was going to pee herself.

Steven pumped his fist and beamed. "Look how she put me in my place! Still can't believe I locked all that down."

"Oh my god, we get it!" Alex teased through a giggle. "You're in love with Connie! We know!"

Steven turned his gaze to him, purposely finding the bare skin his tank gave him view of before his eyes. "I'm in love with you, too."

"Ahem! You guys, pay attention," Jasmin demanded with a shake of her head to dispel her own laughter. Sometimes Steven reminded her so much of Jacob it was hard to tell the difference except for physically. If Steven shape-shifted into Jacob she might not ever find out. At least until Jacob didn't make tea. "Hazel, Jacob, quit laughing cause this is about to make you puke."

Hazel coughed into his hand, "Jealous!"

Jasmin scoffed playfully. "Unlikely, he wakes up out of a dead sleep to fuck me like six times a week," She boasted to Hazel, who laughed.

"Isn't there only seven days in a week?"

Connie rolled her eyes. "Do you need to google that or are you sure?"

Jasmin cleared her throat to stop Hazels pouting. "Are you guys so relaxed about the five second rule that even if a minute has passed, you still eat it?"

"Shit," Steven and Jacob muttered in horror.

Adam groaned, "Oh come on, that's disgusting! You're gonna leave a fucking burger on the floor for an entire minute?!"

Steven scrubbed at his face. "Not an entire minute, that's a whole ass exaggeration! 30 seconds maximum."

Hazels jaw dropped. "30 SECONDS?!"

"Maximum!"

Jacob mumbled something into Steven's ear and Steven pulled him back. "Tell me that's a joke. You're the funny one, please be kidding."

He cringed. "I've set a whole ass burger on the sidewalk during a fist fight. Still ate it."

"How long was it?" Adam asked woefully. "Lie to me."

"Aw, probably... five minutes. Six?" They giggled at Jacob's innocent shrug. "I've never been one to waste food. There was the ground or a trash can, I did what I had to do!"

"I know someone who's done this one," Connie accused with a look at the culprit. "Ignored the use by date."

"It's still good the next day!" Adam protested, Connie seemingly starting an argument they'd already had. "It's fine!"

Connie half laughed, half gasped. "You're off your fucking rocker, kiddo. That milk was congealed and sour!"

Adam tossed up his hands. "How do you know? You didn't even try it!"

"And why would I? It's ex-pired! Meaning no good! All done! Icky milk!" She exclaimed in disbelief. "It was probably so chunky you had to chew before you swallowed."

Anna was clutching at her sides, but pointed to Adam. "We– we're gonna have a talk about that, Daddy. That's gross!"

He collapsed in his seat laughing and strangling the air. "This is ridiculous. I hate it here. Take me home."

"You are home, dumbass. But don't worry," Jacob assured with a gently condescending hand on his shoulder as he pretended to choke up. "Our milk is fresh. You don't have to use cottage cheese for your cereal anymore. You hear that, buddy? You're– you're gonna be okay."

Hazel frowned at him. "Adam, you've gotta stop with that shit. You get the worst stomachaches."

"But I like milk!" He whined dramatically. "It hits different when it's cold!"

"And chunky apparently," Steven mumbled, receiving a playful but sharp swat.

"Another question: Have you ever peed in the shower?" Jasmin asked.

Silence. They looked at each other blankly, then at the girls and then back again.

Hazel couldn't keep a straight face, a cheshire grin spread across his face and he clasped his hands behind his head. "Nope."

Anna sighed heavily. "Not your best ask, Jazz."

"Why?"

"And that concludes game night!" Adam shouted suddenly, clapping his hands loudly. "Boy, am I spent and nauseous! Good game... or whatever, I dunno."

Steven narrowed his eyes over his giggle. "What the hell are you guys doing in the shower?"

Adam choked on a laugh. "Fucking your wife, that's what." Stevens jaw dropped in mock offense and he rose to tower over Adam as menacingly as he possibly could. Adam wasn't concerned one bit, even going as far as to add, "She called me Daddy long before she called you Daddy."

Connie wiggled between the two of them belly laughing. "You are both great Daddies and we are not getting into the I Fucked Your Bitch fake argument again!" Steven reached to grab at Adam, who stuck his tongue out pleasantly.

"Ooo, Steven's gonna get me or something!" Adam's blue eyes shone with mischievous intent as he pretended to cower in fear. "I'm shaking in my boots." He cackled when Steven tried to glower but cracked a smile. "See? You love me so you can't beat my ass. I'm so high I'm near divine."

Time slowed down a bit less than normal for Steven as he sauntered over to Adam from the other direction he'd been coming from, but in a shocking twist Adam's eyes followed in nearly real time though his body was stuck. It surprised the hybrid so much he tripped out of hyper speed and ended up taking them both out. "Your eyes are fast."

Adam groaned in annoyance that he'd been gotten and pulled Steven up. "Better to see you with, my dear." He brought Steven in for a kiss, then realizing Connie was watching, really put his back into it to be as gay as possible. He groaned into it and deepened it until Steven scooted up more and gripped at his shirt, giggling and swooning. Adam only pulled away to smirk up at Connie. "Oh, how the turns have tabled."

Connie shrugged and patted their heads. "Oh, no. I'm fine. I fuck your bitch for breakfast and your husband blows your allowance to buy me new bedsheets when he ruins mine."

Hazel clapped and high fived her. "Damn!"

Jacob wiggled out of Hazels lap and approached Anna with a sly smile. "It's so strange, you guys are sitting here bragging as if you've forgotten the nights you lay awake restless and end up in my bed in the morning."

Anna turned scarlet and dropped her head. "It happened like twice!"

"I'm not keeping score," Jacob murmured gently. "But even Steven knows it's more than that."

Steven pulled his shirt over his head. "Oh no, don't drag me into this."

"And don't get me started about Adam," Jacob went on animatedly. "My god, a British lad can't make a sandwich without getting groped and kissed. It's like I'm crack, everyone wants that instant high."

"Booo!" Alex crowed along with Jasmin. "Boo, you suck, drugs are bad!"

"Get off the stage!" Jasmin cried, throwing a pillow.

Jacob whirled on them and laughed so darkly it was sincerely evil. "And you two? I fall asleep with a smirk every night cause I've been in a V-polycule for years and you guys didn't even know until just now by the looks on your faces!"

Alex shoved at Jasmin and crossed his legs. "Of course I knew. You're the hinge. I'm the best listener. Jasmin's..." He gave her a fake smile. "Well, she's around I suppose."

Jasmin readjusted where her shirt had ridden up and scoffed. "At least I can take it in the ass without whining like a little whore the whole time. I almost broke the door down with a barbed wire bat cause I thought some bitch wanted to meet Jesus before I realized it was just you two dorks."

Steven grinned widely. "Come again?"

"I said I'd bump a bitch off the map for trying to steal my husband away from us," Jasmin reiterated loudly. "Maybe more."

Anna batted her eyes at Jacob. "That means you'll die if you cheat."

"Suddenly," Adam added. "Poof, disappeared."

Jacob swallowed. "First off, if I cheat I'll save you guys the work. I have everything I could want. Secondly, Jazzy just use your gun."

Jasmin was too busy murmuring to Connie before she shot up. "Special interest question! Get into your little couples!"

The boys frowned and Steven shook his head. "There's no such thing as favorites."

Connie stared at him until he grew visibly uncomfortable and shifted. "Do we need to repeat ourselves?"

Adam sighed heavily. "Assign us then."

Jasmin and Anna rolled their eyes so hard they nearly got stuck. Jasmin picked Jacob up and sat him on Adam haphazardly. Anna grabbed Hazels ear, ignoring the string of "Ow! Ow! Ow!" as she pulled him toward Steven.

Alex glared at Jasmin and scooted closer to Jacob. "Touch me and I'll break all of your fingers."

She tossed him a bored look. "Yeah, if they don't disappear up your ass like fingers always seem to do for you. Weak ass bitch, learn to take it like a man and relax those muscles preemptively." Jasmin flashed him a heart that he flipped off with an annoyed laugh.

"Anyways." Anna smoothed her dress and smiled brightly. "Special interest question! Most likely to eat that booty like it's groceries?"

"Listen, we are OCD clean people," Steven protested, turning a lovely shade of red. "I'm just gonna out everybody and get it over with." He grumbled at Hazels low tease in his ear and nudged him, giggling as little as possible. "Stop it. I can't get horny and focus at the same time."

"Don't I know it," Connie sighed amorously. "He gets in a mood and then he's begging for kisses with those soft brown eyes and those soft baby cheeks and ugh."

Jasmin leaned against her and smirked at Jacob, whose eyes were locked with hers. "Jacob just stares at me with absolutely no expression, and then at some point he realizes I'm not a hologram and then all he wants to do is "make love"," She complained. "He's still in his honeymoon phase after a year but it's cute."

Jacob dropped his head onto Alex's lap, pleased when he patted his head. "Alex calls me every name under the sun, and then as soon as I get real close it's "Daddy this" and "Daddy that". He thinks it's ironic but now it's habitual. He likes me a whole hell of a lot, he even says he loves me in his sleep. It's downright precious."

"Hazel just loves his kisses. He's always picking me up for kisses out of nowhere," Anna commented, fiddling with her fingers. "Adam's pretty much down whenever, wherever. He's always telling me he loves me and stuff. They're so cute it's kind of irritating. How are we supposed to compete?"

"We're all right here," Alex protested. "We have ears, which by the way are clean!"

Steven laughed. "At this point, I'd say you girls got lucky with at least us being hygiene freaks comparatively to the other men." He sat up and tossed the boys a look. "But I can do something you can't do~."

Adam chuffed. "Right. Cheat codes."

"No magic involved, baby." Steven stood again, stretched himself out and flexed so hard his button up ripped at the seams, winking at Connie so her blush would deepen.

Jacob shook his head. "Bro, I hate you for that," He chuckled. "You suck so much for that."

"I agree! That's stupid unfair!" Hazel wiggled his fingers for him to come back to cuddling, which he happily accepted with a skip to his step.

He nuzzled into Hazels neck and took a massive whiff of his cologne. "You smell sexy."

Jacob knew Alex was going to say something about it being gay in here, so he pulled him in for a kiss that left him breathless and scratched at his head. "Shhh...–ut the fuck up."

Anna motioned for Jasmin and Connie to sit on the couch too and curled up on their laps. "Don't forget, I kissed these two before I kissed any of you guys."

Jacob startled. "What? But we had our first kiss–,"

"We didn't even start dating until Steven came around," Jasmin interrupted. "We thought it would be fun and maybe we were a little drunk. Lesbian porn."

Jacob sighed wistfully. "Lesbian porn."

The girls started throwing pillows at the boys for their various gross habits until it turned into a pillow fight, which turned into a hot and heavy make out session.

Alex could edit it out later.